I laid in my bed all day that Sunday, I couldn't think, my mind was completely blank. I was under my sheets, hiding from the light and reading when I heard rocks against my window. My mum wasn't home, and she definitely wouldn't use my window, I sighed knowing it was Stu. 

 "Hi St-" I said, before getting hit with a rock on my chest. "Stu. Thank you," I said throwing it down at him. "What's up?" 

"Can I come up?" He called up to me. 

 "And the front door wasn't available because...?" 

 "Because Lennon is watching it like a hawk for some reason," Stu said making me forget how to breath for a second. "So, can I come up?"

"Yeah." I said, sitting criss-cross as Stu made the same way up that I had last night, falling off the bed and landing on the floor with a thud. "Wow, such a charmer."

"Talkin' 'bout charmers! Annie's great, we danced and talked and I walked 'er 'ome." He said winking at me. 

"Ooh? A walk 'ome. I bet guys who walk girls home get great rewards!" I said sarcastically 

"Talkin' about walks 'ome. Where did you 'ed off too last night? I hope you didn't walk by yerself." Stu said, using his worried parent voice. I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing he'd ask this question. 

"I, uh," I said trying to think of a lie, like I would have if it was Annie, or someone else, but this is Stu. My bestfriend. He'd know if I was lying, so there was no use in even trying. "John walked me 'ome actually. He scared me and pulled me into an alley. And I almost burned him thinking he was a rapists. And then we went into Strawberry Fields together." I said monotone, looking away from him. I didn't even act like I was telling him anything important, I read it like how you'd read a dictionary. 

"Cut that monotone shit out. Kat, ye know you were yellin' at me almost an hour earlier for agreein' to be in 'is band. Then yer walkin' 'ome with you. What's up with that?" 

"Oh. I didn't even tell you the best part yet Stu. He said he was sorry, recited a quote for Invisible Man my beloved book, which he basically stole. Then told me he was sorry again. And then kissed me. Such a charmer, really, I don't know how he isn't tied down." I said calmly, but I could feel tears start to prick in my eyes.

 "Kat wh-" He began but I cut him off getting off the bed and storming around, no longer happy with monotones, I wanted, no, needed to run and scream. 

 "Ye know! Cause after about seven years of hating someone.. It's pretty fucking normal for them to show up, say they're sorry, recite a quote about character-development. Fucking kiss you, your cheeks and yer neck. After you admitted you were scared of exactly every guy, except for your best friend. And call you beautiful. And think I can just accept it. And think that I'm the crazy one for running away?! That I'm stupid for still being upset!!!" I said, falling back on my bed and crying into Stu's lap. 

"John was yer first kiss love, that's got to mean something." He whisper, playing with my hair. 

"And he was also my first friend and my first enemy. Why doesn't he just take everything away from me. You know what he 'ad the nerve to say to me? He fuckin' said that he was a freak too. Like I was happy to feel like a freak and ugly and horrible. And the one who made me feel like those things told me that I was the exact opposite. God."

"Must've been one hell of a kiss for you to be acting like this. Do you want me to ask about it? He kinda directed me to come talk to you before rehearsal."

"Tell 'im I hate his bloody face.." I said sighing. "Never mind."

 "So cancel that message? I told you Kat, I'm bad with lies." Stu said winking at me. "Do you want me to talk to 'im in private."

"Tell 'im" I said sitting up. "To meet me in my backyard after rehearsal. When does it end?"

 "At eight," Stu said checking his watch. "Shit! I'm late. Bye love!" he said kissing my cheek and pushing my window open, jumping down to the ground, stumbling from the two story drop and running out of my backyard. I laughed at him and shut the window doors.

I brushed my hair and put on something a bit presentable, but I felt this weird jitteryness in me. I wanted to see John, but I didn't. And I was on my third cigarette, by the time I saw John jump the fence. I waved my hand so he could see me. I hand brought blankets and pillows out, and it was close by the trees so no one could see us, unless the took the way John did.

"I'm surprised you wanted to see me, with last night and all." John rushed out sitting down in front of me.

"I was drunk. And sorry." I said, which made him come closer to me, right beside of me in fact

"Ye know I meant everythin' I 'ad said Kat, yer too precious to be treated like anythin' other than that. And I regret doin' it so much. You don't even understand." John told me, wiping away a stray tear. I looked up at him, tracing his features with my eyes, the hook in his nose and his thin lips and everything about him.

"You can't be with me. We both know that."

"And yet I'm 'ere with ye know. No one can stop the way you feel, and no one can tell me those feelin's are wrong love. Maybe, you don't want to be with me." 

"I don't understand, how feelings about someone can change so quickly. I mean, you practically hated me for nine years." I said sadly, John just shook is head at me.

"Feelings and opinions always change... When they're not yer own. I told you, I did it because I was trying to protect myself and you... The both of us. They would only make fun of you, love and they did." John said tapping my knee.

"You did?" I asked, looking at my bare feet, John pulled my chin up so I would look at him as he nodded his head, smiling at me.

"Do you trust me?" John asked calmly, looking me straight in the eyes. I kept my gaze locked with his, maybe he could somehow read my thoughts. I nodded my head, before he placed his calloused finger tips on my cheek and kissing me gently. "You trust me?"

"Yes," I muttered against his lips before he kissed me again. John pushed me down softly, kissing me lips repeatedly. "Just, not that much." 

*** 

"I think that's the starry plow!" I said to John, looking up at the sky with my head on his chest, we kissed and had been talking for awhile, enough time for it to get dark and the stars to come out of hiding. 

"The what?" John asked chuckling at me. 

"The Big Dipper I mean, my dad used to call it the starry plow. Right there, do you see the seven stars?"  

"Yeah, I do. They're almost as beautiful as you." John said, kissing the top of my head. "When will yer mum be 'ome?" 

"She won't. Not till I leave for school." I told him. 

 "Good." 

 "Why?"

 "I told Mimi I'd be at Paul's tonight, we could spend the night out 'ere. Watchin' the stars, talkin'. Makin' up for lost time you know? It'll be gear. If that's alright with you?" John said, with a genuinely happy smile on his face. 

"Okay." I said, kissing him, breathing in his sent of cigarettes, must, leather, and cheap cologne. It was not only the reassuring smell of a man, but of John Lennon. And I was glad it was night time and I was laying down, because John just made my knees go weak and a permanent blush capture my face. 

 "Okay." He said, kissing me back.