As it turned out, Adalgis had known about the condition for a few days before Fernand's return. The meeting was planned for the end of the week but the letter from my father moved it up. All hundred of us were gathered at the town square, between the elders' homes and the buildings we used as storage, closer to the forest and the mountain. Adalgis, Standing on a makeshift podium at the edge of the square, read the letter delivered by the empirical soldier, stating the terms of our surrender. We could take it, or we could fight. We all knew the choice was really between life and death. Even the letter stated as much. "Surrender or die."

That, along with my father's description of the front lines, made it clear what we were up against. So, the whole town gathered to discuss the issue. Several villages around us had already surrendered, and some decided to fight. Those who wanted to stand up sent letters to Raven's Rest, from where Fernand brought them to us. We were the last village before the mountains that separated Ushan, our small kingdom, from Amlada.

The letters informed us that these towns would send their elderly toward us, hoping that together all of them, with our help, could make it over the mountain pass. All of the letters were read out loud before the discussion started. It was loud and chaotic, but the consensus was unanimous. We would fight.
"I don't like the idea. If we give in, we might all survive." I murmured to myself.

"That's not true!" the ten-year-old currently running around stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. Everyone looked at us for a second before continuing.

"You know that's not how we think, Avice. Lissy is just a bit tired after last night" Drustan answered quietly, giving me a pointed look.

"My mom says dad is a really brave person for fighting" She looked at me.

"I know." I sighed and focused my mind back on the speech. I didn't have the heart to tell the girl her dad wasn't among us anymore. It wasn't fair.

"We have to make sure our grounds are ready." the elder said, turning my mind away from my bubbling anger. "The crops have to be either hidden or taken away. The houses need to be reinforced, and we should at least attempt to build a wall." He paused, looking toward me. "Is there any way we can get you used to magic fast?"

"I don't know."

"I may have a way," my mother said. "But I can't guarantee success."

"Try it. We need as much advantage as we can get." My mom nodded, and he continued, while I tried to contain my dislike of the plan. I still thought we shouldn't fight. If not surrender we could have all tried to escape.

"The last thing we need to discuss is how the elderly and children will escape to Amlada."

This piqued my interest as Avice and her brother bumped into me. They had no idea but this was their chance to live a peaceful life. This was the only thing I gave thanks for in this chaotic situation. I just wished we all could go with them.

"We need a plan B." A woman to my right said. "A path that even the elderly can take because Amlada hasn't allowed anyone beyond their border for the past decade."

The discussion went on for a long time. No one wanted to rush into this decision without having all the details worked out. Plus we had to take into account the arriving villagers, and how many there would be traveling. So we talked about the escape, the wall that we could build in a week, and other matters. Nobody seemed to mind the one thing that was bothering me. Everyone who would stay was dead. My mother and I didn't give enough of an advantage to win. All we could do was prolong their life. And that didn't sit right with me. Not their death, but especially not mine.

When the plan was fully discussed, everyone left to start preparing their own homes. The Sun was already on its way toward the ground, but at least we had a comprehensive plan of defense. Some people stayed behind to put together the working groups for the next day, while everyone headed away from the mountain, except me and my family.

"So, how can I get my strength back?" There was no fighting this, so I may as well get through it fast.

"The quartz flower." I stopped in the middle of the road and stared at my mom. "I have a few left from yesterday. Maybe they will be enough." she didn't stop, although I knew she noticed my reaction.

I shook my head and caught up to her. "So how can this flower help?"

"The same way it neutralizes the deadliest poison."

"What?"

"Magic." We arrived home and my mom started preparing the leftover petals from yesterday.

"The best weapon of the Empire is flooding someone with such amounts of it, so that it could kill the strongest of us, not to mention a mere human. The quartz flower can make anyone more resistant."

"Makes sense"

She made the same potion she made for Fernand. I watched as she pulled her hand through the air, somehow following the slight shimmer perfectly, and transferring it to the tea. I teared up as the potion was done, but quickly shook off my grief. I had no time to dwell on the past. While I fought my tears my mom infused magic into the brew in a way only she could.

Sometimes, I was jealous of her being a transporter. Their abilities were the rarest but also the most useful. My healing abilities had some similarities with hers, but I couldn't make teas and potions like her, and I couldn't remove magic from the environment. Not as fully as she could. Not yet anyway, and as things were looking, that day would never come.

When she was done, she instructed me to get to my room and sit down. She had been continuously removing most of the magic from my environment so I wouldn't be hurt by the sudden rush of it. But apparently, for the tea to work, she needed to stop. When I was safely on my bed, she set the cup on the nightstand and brought a chair to sit down.

I could feel the moment she dropped the barrier and let magic encircle me again. My heart beat faster and with each beat, it ached. My eyes went numb for a second, and small black dots appeared in my vision, blurring everything around me. My ear rang slightly, although not too loud to block sounds out. It was not quite as bad as the day before, but it was still uncomfortable to let all of it wash over me. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw to wait out the pain that was slowly spreading in my body. My mother was at the ready beside me, but the pain was already dulling slightly. Or at least it was more bearable, so I opened my eyes and took the cup of tea.

My hands trembled, and I spilled some, but I managed to steady the cup enough to drink from it. I laid down after I finished the cup, and settled for the wait. My mother started working around the house. I wanted to help, but she instructed me to stay in my room before all this. That and moving made the pain worse, so I obeyed. Since it was a tea, it needed time to be absorbed. It took about fifteen minutes for the effects to kick in, but the full effects were going to take longer.

After what felt like hours of not only pain but silence, I finally felt as if the pain started decreasing way faster than it did before. For the "medicine" to fully affect me, I needed to rest for at least two hours, and with the pain letting up, my exhaustion was catching up. I tried to stay awake until my mother came back again, but I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough. I vaguely felt my mom putting a blanket on me, but after that, I was dragged away to the realm of dreams.

I woke up the next day feeling better than I had in months. The air around me shimmered just like it did before, but I was less distracted by it, and the slight aches throughout my body were completely gone. My mother ordered me to sit down and channel magic through my body. I could feel it, but it didn't hurt me. I could even pick up slight traces of where it's been. My mother then went on to do a physical check-up, checking my reflexes, if I had a fever and some other things that were related. When she was satisfied she sent me out to help my brother collect the herbs we didn't grow in the village before we went to train.

When the herb collection, the cooking, and the cleaning were all done, we left Drustan with the building committee and in charge of the healing shack. We packed up for our journey and headed out to the forest. It had been months since my mother took me here last. The last time I was here, I ended up hurting myself more than ever before or since. There was an accident and I learned too late why magic wasn't used to fix death.

As we walked toward the clearing, the heat and pressure gradually built up in my body, taking my mind off the past and onto the present. I felt completely fine. In fact, I was better than fine which shouldn't have been possible until I reached full maturity, even if I didn't set my abilities back. Whenever I came here to train before, I felt exhausted. But this time, I was energized. Although the day was still young, and I had done no training whatsoever for the past 3 years. The clearing we approached wasn't for any human without the gift of the Goddess. Something passed down through generations, that we still didn't fully understand. My mother had the gift and so did both me and my brother. He however lost it in the same incident that set my development back.

When we finally arrived, my mind was preoccupied with the memories of what happened that day. My mom seemed to notice and put a hand on my shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know. Sorry. Let's do this." I shook my head and refocused as much as I could.

"We will start with the basic grabbing and redirecting exercises." my mom reluctantly continued. "If you can still do it, and I think your body can take it, we'll move to some combat options." I nodded and started the task.

I collected a handful of magic and moved it around in my body. It was weird at first, but I wasn't hurt by it, so I proceeded to shift the substance and guide it out of my body toward my mother. The pure chaos of the airborne molecules was something I remembered and had to work with to guide my own mixture of magic. Going with the flow was a key element of handling magic. I led it toward my mother while trying to ignore my increasing heart rate. She caught it and took over, before I fully reached her, which made me sigh in relief. Her ability to tell where magic had been and what kind of damage it caused still amazed me. I would most likely be able to do it once I learned the ins and outs of it all, but for now, I needed to start with the basics.

She nodded, and I knelt down for the next task. I tore a flower from the ground and set it aside. I stared at the stem for a few seconds, knowing what I should be doing but too afraid to do so. When I felt my mom shift closer to me I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Gently moving the magic around the stem, I slowly pushed it inside, letting it do what magic did best. Give life. Although I had to make sure to steer clear of the actual injury. Just like fire, it could be both really helpful and the cause of a disaster. That's why it was so important to learn how to use it. That's why I ended up hurting myself last time. I drove my nails into the dirt beside me as I watched the stem closing up. The flower didn't grow back, but it healed enough that a new bud would appear in a couple of days. That's one thing magic couldn't do. Revive dead things. Not because it was out of the realm of possibility but because the amount needed would hurt the person for the rest of their life. That was the main reason I didn't want people to fight. Even if I could save their lives, I may end up hurting them.

"Now that we see magic won't hurt you, we should move on to where we left off." I looked up at her. "I want you to release a shockwave focused on that tree."

I stood up and looked at the already slightly damaged tree. Generations of Channelers came here to train, because of the high concentration of magic in the clearing. The tree was healed by all of them, but it took heavy damage in the past decades if not longer. I took a deep breath and collected some of the magic from around me. I've done this a couple of times before, although only once succeeded. And that was a day before when I did it out of anger. As my heart rate increased, my own body started to create a similar substance, which mixed in with the stuff I pulled from the outside. I focused on the tree in front of me and pushed against the constant, chaotic flow of air. I waited one second, two seconds, and I felt as the magic dispersed.

"You need to have force behind it. The flow of magic will go against you on this. So you need to be stronger." my mom instructed.

I tried again. The previous portion of magic was gone, so I gathered more and let my body create more. I had to be able to do this. I had to save my family, and the thought of that made me feel stronger. Focusing on that feeling, I pushed out magic, imagining my brother was in danger. It worked. However, the blast went all over the place, eventually drifting away with the swirling flow of air once again. But I realized something, as my heart slowed its pounding.

Using this discovery, I focused on trying to figure out the ratio I used two days ago in my anger. Using more of my own magic I tried to hit the tree again. However, the push backfired, and I ended up blasting myself. I committed to memory that it bounced off of the bark but not me and went to try to find a middle ground. I knew I was a bit too cautious but I had to be. I couldn't risk ending up on the same page I did when I last practiced this technique. The whole experience was almost like mixing chemicals. I've only seen that once, but the merchant explained how one tiny miscalculation could lead to catastrophe. So, finding the perfect balance for what you want to achieve is extremely important. Now I understood what he meant.

It was easier said than done, though. My mother kept saying things, but ultimately it came down to me. There was no way she could have told me the balance because it was different for everyone. I tried all day. The end result was, more often than not, in me ending up on my butt for one reason or another. As I moved through different ratios, though carefully increasing and decreasing the amounts of different magic, the blasts started to land. Some with more force, some with less, and some didn't find their target. By the time I finally managed to hit the tree three times in a row with consistent strength, I was exhausted. That's when my mother called it a night, and we headed back to our home. I didn't notice the changes until the next day. Even eating seemed like too much work, but the moment the food touched my lips I devoured it like I hadn't eaten in days. After that, I basically passed out and slept without dreams.

***

The next day, I woke up feeling like I wanted to die. One of the side effects of training I'd forgotten over the years. I had to go out with Drustan once again, while my mother made food for the day. Drustan knew the location of several herbs that were going to be useful.

"How did it go?" He asked as we walked home.

"About as well as before..." I looked down, swallowing back a few tears.

"So you landed on your butt a lot" my brother must have noticed my mood.

"Yeah," I smiled. We dropped the conversation and continued toward our home.

When it was time to set out again, we said goodbye to Drustan and the rest of the builders. Avice wanted to come with us, but I sent her back to her mom. She was a channeler, but her little body would have been way too exposed where we were going. In 2 years she could start training, although now that looked like wishful thinking. I tried to shake that from my head. She'd be one of the few who actually had a chance at survival.

When we arrived I did some healing and redirecting as warm-up exercises. After that, I worked on my aim and consistency. I still needed to remember the ratio of magic and on the second day of my training, that's what I tried to practice. I was only about fifty percent accurate by the end of the day and as I wore myself out I made more and more mistakes. That night I slept like a sack of potatoes again.

The lack of time forced my mother to start adding in other lessons on the third day. I had to get the hang of attacking with simple shockwaves, as well as detecting magic in others and hiding my own by scrambling the substance my body made. I also needed to be able to switch from attack to defense to healing at a moment's notice. Going from attack to defense was easier, since shields used a similar technique to a shockwave, by compressing the magic of the air and keeping it in place with a thin layer of human-generated magic. Going from attack to healing though, was a steep curve. In the first few days, I ended up further damaging the flowers and trees I was supposed to heal. By day five, I could pretty much command the force, trajectory, and damage of my blasts, as well as neutralize someone else's. I could make shields that lasted for at least a minute about six out of ten times, and I could also go from attack to healing to defense pretty quickly, more than seven times out of ten.

"Raphaelle, I need to ask a favor of you," Adalgis said when we arrived back home.

"Yes? Did something go wrong?"

"No. Or rather, we can't confirm. The first group of elderly travelers should have arrived today." that didn't sound good. Although even for someone my age the road could be dangerous so we couldn't know what happened that they were late.

"The delay has us worried we may have to send out our group early. We can't wait forever" Adalgis continued. "Could you ride out to Raven's rest and see if they had arrived there?"

"What about the sick? If we are attacked I'm the only one with good enough healing knowledge to keep us alive."

"We need your son at the construction of the wall, his knowledge of the healing arts is helping the group avoid injuries."

I didn't like where this was going. Everyone in town had a place they were assigned to. Everyone except me. "What about Elisaria? I have trained her enough that she will be able to navigate the road and help the traveling groups if needed" my mom echoed my thoughts.

"Great idea. She leaves tomorrow at dawn." with that, Adalgis went on his way, and I was ushered inside to rest. None of this was going how I imagined things to be a week ago