Name: Whitefrost

Clan: ThunderClan

Gender: She-Cat

Appearance: Whitefrost is, shockingly, a white she-cat. She has a slender build, and a small bone structure. Her longhair masks her true size, but also disguises her slightly toned muscles. Her soft, fluffy appearance subjects to bullying from several of her peers. She is also named in honor of her unusual, frosty blue eyes. (I like this. When I think of Whitefrost, I think of a persian cat.)

Personality: Stubborn and armed with a great use of satire in her narration. Throughout her story, it is noted that she is a very observant and maternal figure for those close that are close to her. Her sense of loyalty and morality is incorruptible. However, despite her virtues, she does have some vices. She is completely hardheaded, and while she tries to let logical and rationality rule, she ends up breaking the rules in pursuit of her passions. In this way, she is selfish. She's also a bit too prideful for her own good. (So she is observant, maternal, loyal, moral, she breaks rules, and she is somewhat selfish. Not bad, but I don't think she should be considered selfish...maybe she's one of those characters that has her moments when she finally gets her way.)

Relatives: Ivyflower, her mother, is a lilac tabby she-cat and a role model for her throughout her life. Harestep, her sister, is her anchor. Sparrowheart, her other sister, puts her back in check when her passion blinds her. Her father died shortly after she was born. (I guess a cat can be lilac, it just seems odd to me...and I think Harestep is cannon. I wish you had told me her father's name.)

Mate: Max. After his death, Eveningsky.

Kits: Bravespirit and his three deceased unnamed sisters. She also births his half-siblings, Birdsong and Hawkwing. 

Other: This is a revised version of my first OC. She is an average warrior, although her one standout flaw is her "super-sniffer", or her impeccable and overdeveloped sense of smell. She also has a soft spot for her sister, Harestep, because she's the most fragile out of the three siblings, and is perhaps a bit too motherly when interacting with her.

Backstory: Skimming over what is not important, I'll begin when she saves her sister from dying from greencough a few moons after they were apprenticed. The ThunderClan cats thought the long, warm greenleaf was a blessing, until its supply of catmint was destroyed by bugs. Whitepaw and her other sister, Sparrowpaw, teamed together to steal the WindClan supply of the remedy. Whilst they are doing this, Whitepaw sees a red tabby tom in the distance. Harepaw is cured, but her lung capacity was greatly decreased by her illness and she never completely recovers. Skim by another few moons, Whitepaw becomes Whitefrost. The day after she's apprenticed, one of her closest friends, Oliveflower, is killed in cold blood. To clear her head and get the space she needs to properly mourn this tragedy, Whitefrost heads deep into the woods that night. There she once again sees the red tabby. It turns out the red tabby is a tom named Max, a barn cat that lives in horseplace. His curiosity peaked when he saw Whitefrost and the now Sparrowheart stealing the catmint, and so he decided to investigate the clan cats. Long story short, the cliched kittypet and warrior romance begins. She finds out she's pregnant with his kits, and her sisters figure the father is her old flame, a former bully named Eveningsky. A few weeks before she is due to give birth, she decides to visit Max one last time before she's confined to the nursery den. This time, she is followed by Eveningsky's brother, Nightsong, Nightsong's former mentor, Badgerblaze, and the medicine cat, Oliveflower's murderer, Meadowstream. The three antagonists are finally revealed as they attack Max as Whitefrost's punishment for breaking the warrior code. Badgerblaze delivers the killing blow. He also wounds Whitefrost's belly, making her give birth early and killing three of her kits. They threaten her remaining kits life should she ever tell what happened. She later mates Eveningsky and mothers his kits, Birdsong and Hawkwing. (I wish that you hadn't skimmed. Your story is okay, but it's missing a little something...)

Points taken: 0

Results: 100%

Although I didn't see any major problems with your story, I wish you had added something to make it pop. I definitely think that you should keep the characters and their names and attitudes, but maybe add something a little...different.