Dear Goosepaw (Diary),

HI!!!! Oh, why does my Clan think I’m so crazy? I’m their medicine cat and they don’t respect me?!?!?!?! IT’S NOT MY FAULT FEATHERWHISKER PLANTS CATMINT INTO MY PREY SO HE CAN RECEIVE PROPHECIES AND OMENS! Annoyed or what? Oh, and that stupid Sunstar. SUNSTAR. THAT STUPID – what? Oh, yeah. THAT SUNSTAR THINKS I SHOULD NOT BE A MEDICINE CAT BUT I’M LIKE, “NO, YOU SHOULDN’T BE A LEADER! WHERE’S PINESTAR WHEN YOU NEED HIM?”. THEN HE’S ALL LIKE, SHADOWCLAN, AND DECIDES TO CALL ME CRAZY. CAN’T A GOOSEFEATHER JUST HAVE A NORMAL MEDICINE DUTY?!!?!?!!??!?!?!

Grr. Oh, and my niece Bluefur thinks I’m so crazy too. And then Moonflower the moon flower thinks I’m so stupid I shouldn’t be a medicine cat. I WILL NOT BE AN ELDER, MISSY! Oh, and I stole Sunstar’s dresses – yes, dresses – and walked around with them wearing Poppydawn’s lipstick and Snowfur’s high heels. Did I mention I stole Stormtail’s pink purse? So I walked around the camp – BAM! I see Tigerkit and I get called crazy. Leopardfoot thinks I’m a she-cat now. I AM A TOM, IDIOT!!!!

I just realised I’m going to end up taking up the whole of my diary for this. Ugh, why does Sunstar give me such a small diary? I CALL THIS THE DIARY OF A GOOSEFEATHER! Wait, that sounds familiar. . . Oh, whatever, they can get their own diary name. I’M SPECIAL WITH A CAPITAL RICE CRISPIES BECAUSE I CAN WRITE! WHOO, GO ME, GO ME! Oh well, I’ll end up eating some cat mint soon. Is – is it possible for a medicine cat to eat cat mint? I don’t know. . . Maybe I’ll ask – HJAKSJDKSJDAKSDJFKSDJGKDJFKSJDF. I WEAR SUNSTAR’S DRESSES, I WEAR SUNSTAR’S DRESSES, I GET CALLED CRAZY BUT I’M NOT! MOONFLOWER IS MARRIED TO A SHE-CAT CALLED STORMTAIL AND THISTLECLAW IS A FAIL! FEATHERWHISKER AND SUNSTAR CAN GO JOIN STARCLAN WHILE I SIT UP AND PARTY ALL NIGHT WITH CRAZINESS BY MYSELF! ALLLLLL BY MYSELF BUT I’M A LONER! NO, I AM A ROGUE MEDICINE CAT. HALFTAIL LOST HIS TAIL ‘CAUSE I BIT IT! NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAWN NYAWN NYAWN I’M NYAWN BLUEFUR’S UNCLE. HAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sunstar: *Standing next to Goosefeather* Goosefeather. . . Goosefeather, YOU WORE MY DRESSES?! YOU’RE SO CRAZY TO WEAR MY DRESSES!

Goosefeather: o_o *Stuffs catmint into mouth* HEY, HOW YOU DOIN’? SORRY I DON’T KNOW YOU. WHY DON’T YOU JUST, RUN, AND DIE, SO I CAN EAT CATMINT? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY, THERE’S SOME GREY CHEESE! *Points at Featherwhisker, who is lying on his nest looking annoyed with his paws over his ears* *Points to Sunstar* HEEEY, CAN I EAT YOU? YOU LOOK REALLY NICE. ARE YOU THAT LAWN MOWER I ORDERED SO I CAN CUT ALL THE GRASS? FEATHERWAIL, STOP WAILING BECAUSE YOU’RE GREY CHEESE NOT A WHALE!

Sunstar and Featherwhisker: O_e

Goosefeather: *Looks normal and scratches ear* Who are you?

Moonflower: *Comes down from StarClan* I KNEW IT! GOOSEFEATHER IS REALLY A DOG DISGUISED AS A CAT! NO WONDER HE’S SO CRAZY! HE’S JUST A CRAZY DOG, HAHAHA! *Hops back to StarClan*

Bluefur: *Thinks: We need a new medicine cat.*