POST-CREDITS SCENE:
LATE NIGHT CONFESIONS

BIRNIN ZANA, WAKANDA.
2016, DECEMBER 28.

Behind the large glass window overlooking the balcony of their private living room, Ramonda observed the form of her daughter standing against the railing, surely lost in thought. The Queen Mother knew how difficult it was for the young princess to open up and share her thoughts, but the melancholy sparkle she was pitifully trying to hide had drawn her attention.

"Can I join you?" she asked as she closed the bay window slightly, approaching Sade who had not turned around when she arrived.

"You're already here."

Her daughter's answer simply made her shake her head, a small smile stretching her lips. Standing next to her, she watched for a moment as their capital city stretched beautifully before their eyes, lit up with a thousand lights, before turning to the young woman at her side. Despite the fact that she had never asked her directly, and had never made it clear that she somehow knew, Ramonda had come to understand that Sade was seeing someone.

"You haven't been to the beach since you got back," she tried once, returning her attention to the scenery in front of her. "Yet this is the place that allows you to be with yourself, isn't it?"

The young princess looked away slightly from the bracelet she could see her touching all the time before answering in an almost inaudible voice. "I wanted to get away from my work for a bit after what happened, that's all."

If there was one thing her daughter didn't know how to do, it was lie when she was feeling down. In addition to the bracelet that never left her wrist, she noticed the faint glint of a necklace that she assumed was from the same person given the similarity of the stones. She clung to it desperately as if it were a lifeline, further intriguing her mother who tried a new approach.

"I was talking about the beach itself, not your cabin, Dede."

Tensing slightly, Sade frowned slightly before looking up at her mother.

"That's a beautiful bracelet you have there." she added, feeling the internal battle her daughter was fighting through her eyes, waiting for some sign from her that she was right.

It didn't take long for that to happen as she saw her hiding the jewel under her sleeve, still holding one end of the thin string that held it closed.

"Sade." she called out to her again, seeing her stubbornly keeping her gaze ahead. "I know you don't go to the beach just to work and clear your head. Unless you're having fun on an archaeological dig, I'm sure you were given that bracelet and necklace you're so fond of."

The speed with which her attention was drawn to her made her chuckle softly as she gently stroked her cheek.

"No, I didn't follow you. But I remember very well the faces I used to make when I went to meet your father in secret."

"It's nothing." she replied simply as she looked away again, feeling her eyes moisten against her will.

There was no point in lying to herself. She missed him. Terribly.

"Come sit with me."

Sighing slightly, she joined her mother on a small bench behind them, still refusing to look her in the eye.

"I'm not forcing you to tell me who they are. And I wouldn't spy on you to find out either. But I can see that something has happened that makes you feel bad."

The young princess blinked several times as she felt the tears trying to force through the barrier she was desperately trying to hold up. She already felt bad about what had happened, and the theft of her research had only reinforced a sense of guilt that had always clung to her.

"I- He had a difficult childhood. I mean, not in the sense that he was abused physically and psychologically, but... but his people had to leave the only place they've ever known because they were persecuted. So he grew up in a place that was not the place of his ancestors. And... and when he had to come back there to bury his mother, he saw things that he shouldn't have that left a lasting mark on him."

Ramonda nodded softly as she listened to the young princess, pushing in the corner of her mind that the man she spoke of was surely not from Wakanda and had free access to their borders. She trusted her to keep their country safe despite this apparent transgression.

"Because of that, he doesn't particularly like huma- people who aren't his people. Apparently, he saw me two years before we actually met, and to be honest, I couldn't even see myself seeing him again. But... but we started meeting on the beach to talk about anything and everything. Everything was going well."

The sleeve she'd put back on had rolled up again, revealing once more the bracelet she'd been fiddling with. She wasn't even doing it on purpose, it had almost become a habit she didn't notice anymore.

"And what about it? What happened to make you feel this way?"

Sade bit her lip as she lowered her head slightly, feeling a solitary tear escape her eye as her mother's hand gently stroked her back.

"I screwed up... as usual." she blurted out in a whisper, her eyes starting to quickly fog up. "There's physical attraction between us, I can't lie about that. But... I don't want this. That's all I've been looking for since I started dating, but for once I felt something else. The thing is... I never know what's going in his head on this matter. We can spend the most sweet moment one day and the next one he will act as if nothing happened. At this point, it was more than one elephant in the room."

"Have you tried-"

"Understanding him? Yes I did. I... I guess I did. I know with everything that happened to him he wouldn't be the most open person in the world. But..."

"You needed reassurance." completed Ramonda, making her nod through her sniffles.

She'd given up trying not to cry, there was no point. The young princess had spent enough time with guys to know that the first thing they were attracted to was clearly not her personality.

She didn't want this anymore.

"I know... I know I have insecurities. And it wasn't your fault, Mama. But I know I've always felt like I'd never be a priority for anyone. T'Challa needed you, obviously, because he was the one called to the throne. Shuri was the last one, she needed affection too, especially since she wasn't exactly sociable at the time."

Sade paused, feeling her throat knot up. It was the first time she had opened up about this, and the pain was horribly tugging. It was as if she were venturing to voluntarily remove the scab from wounds that had taken a long time to close, tearing away the work of a body that had tried to compensate for the pain of a weakened mind.

She was not pointing the finger at anyone else for her condition, it was useless. Perhaps their father, who had surely made a difference among his children despite himself. And the time he had lost with his eldest daughter, which he had tried to make up for, had caught up with him.

"But I needed attention too," she said simply, wiping her eyes, squeezing the hand her mother had placed in hers. "I needed to know that I could be a priority, even for myself. I guess... I'm scared that he'll eventually see what an imposter I am and leave. But also that he may never see me as a priority. I... I know it's selfish of me to ask that when his main concern will always be his people. But I can't... I can't help it."

The Queen Mother lowered her eyes slightly at her statement, feeling a little guilty despite her telling her not to worry about it. Sade couldn't blame anyone, she alone decided to keep her mouth shut in order to take care of others, because deep down she was always afraid that people would leave her if she talked about her problems ― that she would become a burden that people would seek to get rid of at the first opportunity.

"Last time he left me a simple note on my bed with a sentence implying that he'd fallen in love with me, but why didn't he ever say it to my face?" she asked between sniffles, her face flooded with tears. "Maybe if he'd just written normally I wouldn't have gotten so upset, but he didn't even say it directly. I genuinely thought it was some kind of joke at first, before he asked me why I was reacting like that after reading what he had written. Plus it was the day T'Challa was fighting N'Jadaka, I was in no mood to understand anything. I talked down to him, and I felt bad about it. I wanted us to be able to talk about what was going on with an open heart, but he wouldn't answer me."

At that moment, the young princess remembered the anger that inhabited her a few months ago, now having melted like snow in the sun in a torrent of regret and sadness.

"At first I thought something bad had happened, so I went to his place, and not just once. Each time I was told he wasn't there. Eventually I realised that he was the one refusing to see me."

Am I that annoying for a god to not want to see me again? she asked herself sarcastically, letting out a bitter laugh that made her mother frown.

"I wanted to... I wanted to fix this. Because not seeing him hurt me. But he refused to see me to avoid talking about it. So the day he appeared out of nowhere to ask me simply "When were you going to tell me you were leaving?" when I tried in every way I could to talk to him... I just... snapped. All that fear, insecurity, misunderstanding, along with everything that had happened after Baba's death... made me say things that I regret... a lot. I don't regret telling him how I felt, but it definitely wasn't the best way to do so."

If she could tear out her heart to avoid feeling this unrelenting pain, she would have done so, without hesitation. It would have made no difference to the hole that was already there, a hole she had finished digging herself.

The Queen Mother continued to caress Sade's back, occasionally running her hand over her soaked cheeks. She could see her younger self again, when T'Chaka's royal problems seemed so unimportant to her, and his communication difficulties made her lose her temper.

She had to make her realise that actions were often a substitute for words. Sure, one could find comfort in words, but actions always spoke louder.

"What do you like about him?" she finally asked, seeing the look of incomprehension on her face.

Frowning slightly, the young princess looked for a moment at her fidgeting fingers as she considered what to say.

"Apart from his good looks, I like the fact that he always finds time to come and see me. I also like the fact that he listens to me without interrupting and seems genuinely interested in what I'm saying, even if he doesn't necessarily understand. Hm... I love his hugs?" she said with the shadow of a slight smile on her lips that made Ramonda smile at her daughter's sudden shyness. "I also love the fact that he lets me show him things without even a second thought, even if it's the worst idea ever. Bast knows how catastrophic my ideas always are." she laughed lightly with the Queen Mother who nodded in agreement.

"Is that it?"

Sade looked at her for a moment, seeming to think again before shaking her head.

"I love his smile, even if he doesn't. It makes him look even more pretty, and... and it makes me happy to see him happy. But I think I love his eyes most of all. They're super expressive, and... and... make me feel like there's nothing around us anymore... like I'm the only one."

At the end of her sentence, the young woman widened her eyes slightly as she looked up at her mother, who simply smiled.

"Seems to me that he did a good job of showing you how important you are to him. And like you said, you both have communication problems. Give him time to think about it, and in the meantime, you can just be there for him, to let him know he's not alone."

Nodding softly, Sade's smile however faltered, her eyes returning to their now accustomed melancholy.

"I don't think he'll want to talk to me again."

Ramonda simply smiled as she stroked her cheek again, wiping away the tears that had taken up residence on her calmer face.

"I doubt that, my sweet girl. If it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. Whatever happens."

© ADONYSIAC ― IZIA™