44. Circumstances

The first thing Taehyung sees as soon as he exited his room, is the sight of non other than his ex-boyfriend, cooking what smelled like pancakes, in his own kitchen.

Now don't get Taehyung wrong,

In any other circumstances, he would've jumped on the opportunity and taken advantage of the fact someone as handsome as jeon jungkook was making him breakfast in his own house. But, he also needs to remember the fact that this is jungkook he is observing at the moment, his ex-boyfriend.

In uneasy steps, he made his way towards the kitchen. He can already hear jungkook humming a familiar tone, his raspy morning voice sending chills down his spine. He used to love waking up to this scenario.

What amazed him the most is the fact jungkook is here. In his house. What was he doing here? Last night's events seemed like an inconvenient blur. For a moment he panics, wondering if he did the sinful deed of sleeping with your ex when you're drunk. But something inside him, tells him there is no way jungkook or him would've let this happen, even when drunk.

The sound of his tip-toes against the cold floor must've took Jungkook in surprise. He raised his head, stopping his movement for a split second, before he smiled a soft smile and looked back at the pancake mix.

"Oh, you're finally up." Jungkook spoke gently.

Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes. Was he seeing well? Did he not realize this is Taehyung's house? Maybe Taehyung got back in time?

"I would've said good-morning, but it's practically noon already." Jungkook chuckled. "I remembered you love pancakes for brunch, so I made you some. Sit down, it's almost ready."

Though Taehyung definitely didn't think of sitting down at the moment. He stared at Jungkook, the confusion written all over his face.

"Jungkook... What's...? What's all of this?" Taehyung tilted his head in confusion.

Jungkook glanced at him for a moment. "I told you, I'm making you pancakes—"

"No-- not that." Taehyung gave a sneaking gaze to the pancakes. They looked tempting. No, he needs to focus. "What are you doing here?"

Jungkook seemed like he tried to repress this moment from approaching. He sighed heavily as he put down the spatula and looked at Taehyung with longing gaze.

"You don't remember what happened last night?" Jungkook asked, his voice hoarse.

The way he said it made Taehyung gulp slowly. Whatever it was must not mean anything good. So Taehyung shook his head hesitantly, waiting for Jungkook to explain.

Jungkook turned to fully look at him, looking around as if searching after the right words to say.

"We were both at the same party." He started.

Taehyung figured that out a while ago.

"I didn't drink, didn't feel like it, not after—" he paused, looking at Taehyung with slightly embarrassed reaction, knowing they both remember what happened the last time Jungkook got drunk.

"So at some point I exited the house, just to take in some fresh air, it was getting almost suffocating inside there." He chuckled lightly. Taehyung nodded in understanding. "That's when I saw you, stumbling around, you were... pretty out of it." Jungkook licked his lips, seeing the shameful look on Taehyung's face. If only Jungkook knew the only reason for Taehyung's drunkness that night was to drink his sorrows and forget about him.

"I was worried, you didn't look like you were in your right mind. Then some guy came over towards you, probably trying to take advantage of the fact you weren't aware of anything around you. I.... I wasn't... I wasn't about to let it happen, Tae. I wasn't about to let someone else treat you like that. Not when I'm there, watching."

Taehyung watched him with gloomy eyes. Jungkook's words hit him like a knife in his chest, like something was stopping him from breathing correctly.

"So I walked over and, well, took you away from him. He was an asshole, saying 'I saw him first' like you were some kind of a property. It pissed me the fuck off, Taehyung, cause no one is allowed to speak about you like that, Taehyung. You're not a property." Jungkook shook his head, his jaw clenching shut in anger, his hand crawling into a fist to try and calm himself down only thinking about those events from last night. Taehyung didn't say a word, perhaps he was too shocked, or maybe just fascinated by Jungkook's possessive words.

"I asked you where jimin and Yoongi were, I knew you came with them, but you didn't answer, you were really out of it, Tae." Jungkook pursed his lips. "The only choice I had is to take you home by myself. And I swear, Taehyung, I fucking swear to you I didn't do a thing. I wouldn't, I would never betray your trust, even if I'm sure you don't trust me at all, I know you trust me about this, I would never take advantage of you when you're barely conscious." He spoke gently.

Taehyung nodded, quicker than he should, he might not fully trust Jungkook, kind of hesitated by being next to him alone, but when it comes to this he knew Jungkook would never use him while he's drunk, he wasn't that cruel.

"So I gave you water, you didn't want to eat, and took you to bed. I'm sorry that I had to take off your clothes to make it comfortable for you, I swear—"

"—jungkook, I know, it's okay." Taehyung smiled a pressed, assuring smile at him.

Jungkook nodded, thankful. "You passed out almost immediately. I wasn't about to leave you like this alone, so I stayed the night. I slept on the couch." He glanced away from Taehyung's curious eyes, taking a deep sigh. He hoped Taehyung wasn't mad, he knows ex-boyfriends shouldn't take care of each other like that, especially not when Taehyung is mad at him and probably hates him. But he also couldn't stand aside and watch Taehyung not getting help while being at that situation.

"Jungkook, I—" Taehyung searched after words to say. "I..."

"I'm sorry for bothering you Taehyung, I promise it was in the most platonic way—" and mayhaps it wasn't really, "—I can go, if you want to."

"Jungkook."

"Fuck. I fucked up. I know, I'm so sorry." Jungkook groaned, slumping his head on his hands while shaking his head.

"Jungkook."

"I should go, I should leave, you despise me and I just keep bothering you..."

"Jungkook, can you shut the fuck up already?"

Jungkook took his head away from his hands, staring at Taehyung with wide eyes, surprised by his tone. He watched as Taehyung stepper closer, a shy and hesitated expression on his face as he looked anywhere but at Jungkook's face.

Eventually he did lock his eyes with Jungkook's, biting his lips doubtfully. "Jungkook, I'm so fucking thankful for everything that you did to me, I really am."

"Tae..."

"No, listen." Taehyung cut him off. "I don't... I don't want to think what would've happened if you weren't there when this guy came to me, or when I almost passed out in the middle of the party." He almost grimaced just thinking about it. "Thank you, Jungkook. You really didn't have to do it, yet you did, and I'm very thankful for that."

Jungkook almost hitched on his breath as he watched Taehyung uncertainty wrapping his arms around his neck, taking him in a soft embrace.

Jungkook almost fell down crying at that moment. Fuck, he did miss Taehyung with every ounce of his body. Feeling Taehyung's warmth against his body, how perfectly he fitted in Jungkook's arms as he wrapped them around his slim waist, returning the embrace. Taehyung belonged there, there was no doubt about it. He leaned his head against the top of Taehyung's head, smelling the familiar scent of Taehyung's apples shampoo that he missed so much.

He didn't want to let go of this moment, he didn't want to ever let Taehyung leave his arms ever again. Now he knows, he knows it was a mistake to ever let Taehyung slip through his fingers, to watch his strained with tears cheeks as he grabbed his bag and left Jungkook, to insult him so childishly on twitter even though he knew Taehyung was hurting because of him. He was the cause of this and he cannot regret it any less than he does now.

He wants to say it as soon as Taehyung separated himself from his body, taking the warmth and the familiar comfort Jungkook missed so much. He sees the tint of blush on Taehyung's cheeks, probably embarrassed by the forward act of affection. He wants to tell him he doesn't need to feel embarrassed, that Jungkook will take him in for another one and many more if he just wants to.

But it's all becomes an unfairly wasted dream when Taehyung takes a step back, wiping his eyes from the upcoming tears.

"Thank you, Jungkook. I just hope you know it doesn't change what we are at the moment... what we are... I can't change it." Taehyung speaks in a low voice.

Jungkook tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?" Fear is growing inside Jungkook, fear of being rejected by Taehyung even though he wanted to prove to him that he changed, that he deserve another chance.

"We're no longer together Jungkook, and I would like for us to keep it that way."

The words crash down on Jungkook like a heavy load. He can't say he didn't expect it, he had a fear of this coming. What did he expect, for Taehyung to quickly forgive him and get back to him like nothing ever happened? Like Jungkook didn't ruin everything that was between them?

He still wanted to try, he wasn't about to give up.

"Taehyung, I—"

"No, jungkook, please. Hearing it will only hurt me even more." Taehyung shook his head, tears are already steaming down his porcelain face.

Jungkook pursed his lips, feeling his own eyes getting watery.

"Taehyung, I need you."

"No, jungkook, stop. Stop it."

"Taehyung—"

"Stop! I-I don't want to hear it. It's over, Jungkook. Whatever was between us is over. I can't... I can't let myself get hurt again, I won't stand it again."

"I would never hurt you." Jungkook urged.

"You don't know that." Taehyung let out a fake chuckle. "Just like you didn't know when we first started dating, yet you did it anyway."

"Taehyung, fuck, I—"

"Please, Jungkook. Don't." Taehyung pleaded.

Jungkook opened his mouth, but closed it a moment later. He knew whatever he'll say won't justify the fact he ruined their relationship, that he hurt Taehyung, and that's final. He can't make Taehyung be with him again, just like he can't promise he won't ever hurt him again. The only thing he can do, is try and fix this.

"Can we... can we at least stay friends? I don't want to be a stranger, Taehyung. I don't want to finish it like this."

Taehyung swallowed heavily. "F-Friends?"

"Yes, friends. Or, not even friends, just... just something that can prove I can still see you." Jungkook stared at him hopefully.

Taehyung stared back, wondering whether he should accept that or chop out every connection he has with Jungkook.

"I promise, I won't involve my feelings. It will be friendly at least. I just want to know I can see you from time to time and smile at you, and know you'll smile back at me." Jungkook explained.

Taehyung bit his lips, hesitation was clear on his face but that's not like he can stand Jungkook's pleading eyes and bunny smile.

"I guess... friends is okay." Taehyung whispered lightly.

"Yes? Friends?" Perhaps Jungkook was too excited hearing it from Taehyung.

"Friends." Taehyung nodded. "But jungkook, I can't assure you I will forgive you that easily. It'll take time. And I will need my space."

"I will wait, I will. I won't make it uncomfortable, I promise. No feelings whatsoever." Jungkook was quick to assure. "I will try to fix this, Taehyung. To redeem myself for you, to be a better friend if I'm not going to be a better lover."

Taehyung might regret it, Taehyung might risk his heart getting broken again after finally letting it heal. But with Jungkook standing in front of him now, hopeful eyes sparkling with happiness, he can't say he's not grateful for the suggestion as well.

He just hopes neither of them will let their hidden feelings return to the surface again.