*Flashback 1 year ago*

Kevin and I were just standing at the side block, eating our ice cream cones under the cloudy afternoon while talking out and about, when two puppies ran towards us! One jumped into Kevin's arms, knocking the ice cream out of his hand and almost fell down from the impact.

His caramel ice cream...wasted. It hurts my heart.

The other kept barking at me, probably shouting death threats at me if it could speak human. But since it was a puppy, I couldn't care less about it and ignored its presence as I continued eating my ice cream. 

The athlete on the other hand was having a wonderful time with the puppy licking his face, laughter never seem to stop pouring out his lips. His laughs were always so rich with life, it was almost impossible to hear him laugh dull and strained.

A woman, about her 50's, came rushing to us breathless and sweating. She explained that it was her puppy's first time to be out in the open and ran out as soon as the doors were open, and the rest was history. 

Kevin managed to calm down his puppy's excitement quickly and cradled it in his arms. He gave the puppy to the woman, while I dropkicked the one who has been pestering me- nah I'm just joking, it was barking at me non stop, how am I suppose to grab it first thing anyway?

I don't like dogs and neither do them. So that makes me question how Kevin was such a pro at dogs; he's always know how to handle them and how they instantly liked the moment they see him, the puppy's reaction was the pure proof of it.

When the woman had her two fluff clouds with feet back and disappeared from sight, I glanced at Kevin and asked, "How are you so good with dogs? And how do dogs like you in an instant? I can't even say get one to stop barking at me!"

He turns to me and smiles sheepishly, fixing his long messy hair from the puppy's mess by pulling the small elastic band out and bit it between his teeth. Even if his hair was a jumble mess, he never looked hotter than before. Not to mention that bite around the hair band...it's sending bundles of feelings in my nerves.

"My dad owns an animal shelter just a few blocks away, and I usually help with the dogs there. The cats hate my presence to cooperate." he spoke through the teeth as he combs his hair with his hand, his voice still as smooth and alluring as he was.

"Really? I don't see why would the cats not like someone like you."

He takes the elastic band out from his mouth and tied his hair into a ponytail. "Maybe it all goes down to personality? I'm more of an outgoing friendly guy and you know how cats are. They're kinda...like you."

How could Kevin compare me with cats? I cocked my head in confusion. "Kinda like me? How?"

"Well, you're...shy, quiet, easy to frustrate, full of mood swings...yet you're likeable, understanding, and cute."

Ahh, that's understanda-wait did he just...admit I was 'cute'?!

No...NO DAMN WAY! I couldn't comprehend the fact, him, basically the definition of handsome and damn hot(or at least to me), is calling someone like me CUTE?! No that's not possible. I look like a walking recent dead corpse with a beating heart!

"Cute?!" I gawked, pointing at myself furiously in case he was referring to someone else, we are after all, on a sidewalk. 

But he only nods with a side smile. His brown eyes danced with...adoration and honesty? No that's not it. I'm just horrible reading emotions. But then he goes to say,

"Yeah, you're really cute. Don't you agree?" 

...He really thinks I'm cute?! Genuinely and not just pulling my arm!? That's ridiculous! ...Should I trust him? It's just Kevin after all...

My heart started racing for its life, and my throat has gone dry. I gulped my saliva before clearing my throat to speak.

"No...no I don't." 

The usual delight in his eyes has darkened with sadness...I felt a pang of guilt. He hated the reply I gave. Ugh! Why do I screw everything up? I should've said 'yes' and it'd be over and the light behind his eyes wouldn't have left.

He was about to say something when a rumble was heard from the sky, judging from how cloudy the sky was this morning until now, I think we knew this was coming. Then moments later, rain came splashing down. I shrieked and panicked when it hit us like a sudden shower from above, while the athlete just grinned at the sky as if he was basking the rain. 

My eyes spotted see a canopy nearby, instinctively I grabbed Kevin's arm and ran under the roof  with me tugging him along.

The rain only grew stronger each second passed, it seems like we're not getting it out of this any time soon. At least we have something to cover from the pouring sky shower. 

I glanced down on the ice cream cone I had on my other hand, and it has turned soggy from the raindrops. I felt a mini heart break when the cone stared back at me dull and dreadfully.

"Look at my ice cream cone, it's all sad and inedible now." An aching moan escaped me from the emotional pain building up from my cone, and bowed down at my shirt, I was drenched from top to bottom. Another reason to be upset. "Not to mention I'm soaking wet...ugh, I hate this..."

Then stifling laughter were heard from the guy next to me. I turn to him and pouted, but then smiled when the brightness have been brought back to his eyes. The athlete was as soaked as I was, probably even more. 

The water dripping from his bangs dripped down the athlete's neck, down to the shoulders, and down to the beautiful toned body he had...and lower to-

STOP IT! Do not go further, do not go any further!

Anyway, he was still laughing and had his hand on his face to cover his laugh.

"What's so funny?" 

The hand moves away, showing a perverted smirk on his face. Kevin, please don't look at me like that while your clothes are clinging in all the right places on your body. "I don't know, I'm torn; one, what you just said can be taken out of context."

My body grew stiff and blushed from the realization. "Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant the rain!"

"Exactly the point two, you're definitely like a cat. Cats hate rain, remember?"

Oh... I huffed and whirled away from him, arms crossed(and still holding the sad cone). "And what about you? Don't you hate the rain?"

"I like the rain. Me and my brothers would use to run out in the rain, dance around like lunatics, and scream like sissies when thunder rumbled! Good times..."

Turning my head back to him. He was smiling at himself and eyes dazed, probably lost in his good childhood memories.

I envy him. While I do have good memories from my childhood, it was drowned down by the bad ones. Where there is good there is a lot of bad, after all. 

"Then why are you still under this canopy with me instead of out there dancing like a happy puppy?" Asking while gesturing mockingly at the heavy fall of rain in front of us. If he intends on going out there, then get me some popcorn.

"That was ages ago, and plus, I'd rather get bored watching the rain here with you than leaving you alone." The athlete suddenly steps closer to me and pulls me into a side hug, our arms are literally pressing on each other and the friction of the wetness from the rain isn't helping my ease my conscious.

Still, through my raging hormones, this was actually really nice. Being hugged by someone you love is the best feeling in the world, even if they didn't know. It's nice to be with him, and what he said made my stomach flip and my heart jumping though beats. 

What have I done to deserve him? I'm not worthy to be anything to someone like Kevin Hail, and yet...here I am.

"Thanks, Kevin..."

====

During our trip to the mall, the girls bought lots of cleaning supplies, newspapers, and other pet products while I carried all of their purchased items. 

I think the only reason they wanted me to come with them was so they could have someone to deal with all of their purchased bags, luckily most of it were really light stuff....

Keyword: most. They decided to buy two pet carriers that were on 70% off and boy were they heavy as hell! After all the shopping for the animal shelter, we ate in a restaurant and went groceries for a little more while. 

It was surprisingly nice to go on grocery shopping that didn't end up mother screaming at dad about the whiskey he slid into the shopping cart on the way home and getting publicly shamed for grabbing a candy toy for once. 

While Melanie is in the meat section, Juliette and I went to search for make ups. And my goodness, there were many make up products she had put into the basket I was holding for her. 

"Do you really need this much make up?" I asked her, which made the goth grin at me and pull a black lipstick out of the basket and shows it up to my eye level. "Of course. This brand doesn't come here often, it's literally made by one of the best make up companies; it's cheap, it has great quality, and it's every make up freak like myself for themselves!" she points the obvious company make up logo on the lipstick's cap. My eyes rolled at her.

"If you're like this, then I can't imagine the spree you do finding your art materials."

"Nah, I'm more collected when it comes to finding paint and brushes."

"How so?"

"I keep my old make up brushes and take advantage of the make ups I don't use anymore to my artworks. My recent painting in the living room is partially made of lipsticks."

I stood speechless for a moment. As I recall, her most recent painting was from last month, hanged beside their living room TV. The painting was a spilled bottle of red wine, really simple but with the amount of 'red wine' she painted, it makes sense why they were so dark. "...Why would you do that?"

"Acrylic paint is more expensive than make up, and that's a fact. Plus, a professional artist should know how to make great art despite limited tools. Tools don't define your work as a whole after all!"

"Wow...that's some great wisdom, Jules. You're the most creative goth I've ever met."

Juliette grins at me, puts the lipstick back into the basket, and spins back to the shelves of make up products in front of us. As I stood there, waiting for her to finish up, she suddenly muttered something.

"My mother...wouldn't approve of this. Me being a vampire goth."

"You're a vampire goth?" I asked, surprised. She turns to me with a raised eyebrow and a hand on her hips. "What, you think I was a Lolita? This black dress don't scream Lolita, Jack. And haven't you noticed these fake fangs I've been wearing all these time?"

She opens her mouth to reveal her sharp fangs, her free hand point at them. I only shake my head. "No, I mean, you kinda give me more of a romantic or witch vibe."

She steps back, closing her mouth and her hand moved down to stroke her chin thoughtfully. "Well...you're not exactly wrong. Being a vampire goth is just a romantic goth with extra steps."

"I think goths are really nice looking, why would your mom not like you being you?"

Jules was silent for a long minute, she appeared to be troubled when I asked. Eyebrows furrowed, head bowed down, and tapping her foot rapidly. Finally then, she replied.

"I...don't remember much of my youth, all my memories are very hazy when it comes to my family...I don't remember what my mother looked like, but I do remember her screaming at me for putting dark make up, she always had this idea that girls should be pure white, while boys should be muscular Casanovas. I don't get her."

She...doesn't remember? Oh well, she's an orphan. She must've forgotten. And damn, her mom is such a close minded woman...much like MY mother!

"Huh...sounds a lot like my mother. Once my little sister, Lucile, wanted to buy a black dress, and she grounded her for 2 weeks. It was just a simple black dress with frills and not the revealing type so you would say she overreacted. She said girls should never wear black or red and boys should never pink or pastel colors."

"Our moms are mental."

"Tell me about it. But I'm sure your family is a lot better than mine. Do you have any siblings?"

She's scratching her head now, rumbling something I couldn't hear, but her tone was full of frustration, as if she's having a hard time recalling events...

"Hmm...I don't remember, really. Though I felt like I had one or two younger siblings, I don't remember if they were girls, or boys, both, or twins...but I remember that I really loved them and spoiled them rotten..."

REALLY JULITTE?! Forgetting a family member or two is one thing, but forgetting your siblings, especially since you said it yourself that you loved them, is like forgetting your name! "How could you not remember your own loved ones? Did you hit your head or something?!"

"It was a long time ago, okay? And it had so many painful memories..." she paused, looked away and squeezed her eyes shut as she was in pain...then reopened them and sighed deeply.

Oops...did I went too far?

Before I could apologize, she shook her head and composed herself, smiling weakly at me. "...Anyway, wherever they are, I hope they're alright."

The pain in her eyes was still there and it made me regret what I said and fall into another pit of shame and regret. Trying my best to make her feel less miserable, I made a joke...a very horrible one. I said, "I'm sure they are, if I was one of your siblings, I would be careful not to hit my head like you did."

I felt my whole body face palm and began the mental shaming torture inside me. Before I could crawl into my skin, Juliette...actually took my horrible joke well and responded without seeing me less a person!

"I. did. not. hit. my. head!" she pushes, emphasizing each word. Deciding to go along with it, I smirked and joked further, gaining slight more confidence as the mental shame in my head had slowly die down.

"Yeah right. That's something someone who had hit their head multiple times would say."

Then she threw a hit onto my head. 

"Ow!"

"How's that for a hit?"

Rubbing my head, I decided to taunt her and groaned out, "Whatever, a little girl could do better." even if the truth was...that hit really hurt!

"Excuse me?! I do 500 push-ups a day!"

"On the wall doesn't count, Jules." -- famous last words.

The moment those words left me, Juliette started attempt to throw more hits to my head. Laughing, I drop the basket and started running away from her, which she then chased me through dozens of aisles until we ran out of breath and returned back to the make ups.

When we came back to Melanie, she said she saw us running around laughing and screaming like children. And for a moment, we looked like siblings fooling in the groceries. Juliette took a good long gaze at me before jokingly replied with, 'Let's dress him up as another vampire and that'll happen.'

You know, if Jules ended up actually being related to me, then she'd be the first relative I'd actually like! Most of my cousins are prideful assholes, my uncles are liar cheaters, and my aunts are downright gold digging gossipers. 

It'd be a nice change to have someone not awful in the family, and plus, Jules really made me feel like I was not worthless and validated the days I've spent time with her; something I never felt around my family.

But unfortunately, we weren't related. I don't know anyone in the family who has given up their daughter for adoption. 

Still, a guy could dream to have an awesome older cousin/aunt. The ultimate plot twist would be if she was my older sister all along! But that won't bother me, having a cool older sister like her would be an absolute blessing.

By the time we were done and reached the parking lot, the sun has already set. The whole day, never did I once came home. I wondered if my family missed me...probably not. 

They never worry for me, and why should my Hanahaki make any difference? 

"Argh...these carriers will be the end of my back!" I huffed out, finally put the two heavy pet bags onto the back of the CUV. 

Melanie laughed at my suffering and patted my back. "But at least your back has been put to good use! The dogs in the shelter will forever remember your sacrifice." We put everything in the trunk, got into the car and drove home. 

Because it was almost evening, there was traffic and it had us stuck for an hour. At one point during the ride, Melanie said to me, "You know...you could join me to the animal shelter, if you want that is. The staff would love a helping hand, and you'd get to work with the kitties and the doggies!"

I loved the idea so much, it has been years since I've had taken care another cat after Frankenstein. And it would be a good memory to remember once I die, but... 

"I'd love to...but I shouldn't."

"Why not?" 

Why would someone need my help? I might just make unnecessary problems at the shelter since I don't know anything about helping, whenever I help with something, it always ends up someone getting hurt.  

"...nothing, just nothing." I shrugged it off.

This time, Melanie wasn't backing down; she wanted to know what was wrong either out of pure concern or nosiness. "No, that's not just nothing. What's holding you back, Jack? I can see you really wanna volunteer." But I tried to deflect trying to put any details.

"It doesn't matter."

"Jack...it matters if it's bothering you."

"...it does?"

"Yes, of course. It's clearly holding you back and you don't like it. What's wrong?"

She's lying. She never cared for me and it's not valid, she just wanna snoop around other people's feelings. "You...you're lying. Please don't act like you care."

"Wha- I care, Jack. What's wrong, really?" she started to sound really worried at that point. But I knew better.

"It doesn't matter. My feelings doesn't matter..."

"...Jack, who told you that?" Juliette spoke up after hearing our conversation. She shushed her girlfriend from speaking to hear my answer. She sounded dead serious like mom would whenever I was in trouble, but unlike mother, there was no threat or venom in her vocals. 

It was strange to hear a female adult asking me something very firmly without any hint of intentions to scream at my face.

But still, I never really opened up my feelings with anyone besides Kevin, Frankenstein, and...anyway, I simply said, "no one."

There was silence until heard a sigh from the goth. "...Okay, Jack. If that's what you say..."

====

By the time they dropped me home, it was almost 7 PM. We had to go back to their house so I could to change back into my crumpled clothes, I wasn't gonna wear their subtext-buttsex shirt back to my parents!

The lights from my  house's front yard were open; normally they would've been turned off...I wondered what was wrong. When the car stopped in front of the house's gate, I went out of the car and grabbed my groceries.  

Walking up to the driver's window to say goodbye, the girls were smiling at me. "So this it guys. Thanks for...putting up on me, Jules, Melanie. I actually had a good time today...with you know...to shop with stable people for once. It was nice..."

The smiles on their face disappeared and was replaced with concern and confusion. "'Stable people'? What do you mean by that?" The same worrying tone in Juliette's voice from before came back.

"Nothing. And uh... it was a great distraction from yesterday, so thanks for that too." 

The worrisome expression never left her, it only creased further with my reply. 

Melanie's head came into view again. "No problem, Jack! Make sure not to dwell from the break-up much and take care of yourself, alright? Even dying people should stay healthy because we're all technically dying people, you're just dying earlier than both of us!" 

Okay, but why did Melanie keep acting like it was a relationship break up? What exactly did Juliette say to her?

"Melanie!" Juliette nudged and scolded her partner from her comment, which made me snicker. Those two...I never thought adults would still act like children, I guess we're all technically just grown up kids. 

Although I never saw my own parents act like children, maturity probably took a toll on them more than others.

The house's front door was suddenly slammed open and the sounds of the gates unlocking were heard. The gate opened and mother appeared in her most hideous form; she looked as if her anti-aging potion had ran out and she transformed into a crooked zombie hag in robes. 

"You! Where the fuck have you been, huh?! Do you know how fucking worried we are, you little shit?! You weren't in your room when we woke up and you just disappeared the whole goddamn day without a note or a text!"

YEEESH WOMAN! Language!

My eyes widened at the sudden outburst. "I...didn't have my phone with me. And I thought you wouldn't care since..."

"Explain why your clothes are wrinkled! Did you waste your day looking like that?!" Mother's eyes scanned me from bottom to top. I didn't look exactly proper to be truthful...Okay, maybe I should've went home wearing their housemate's shirt, I feel like that would've had a better explanation. 

Mother finally noticed the car in front of us and locked eyes with Juliette. "why is she doing here?" she questioned lowly, and it's pretty clear the two women were glaring daggers at each other. I remembered their first introduction was...anything but wonderful.

 After quite a long silence of hatred staring, mother said, "Get in the house. Now." in the lowest tone I heard her spoke.

With my groceries in my arms, my legs hesitantly lead me inside the house...where Lucile and father was sitting in the living room, my sister was staring down her feet while dad had the deadliest look ever on him. My throat went dry and nervous shoot its way up my nerves. 

"Uh...hi?" 

"You know what time is it, Jack?" father asked. I glanced at the living room's clock then back to him. "It's... 7 PM."

"Exactly. You weren't here the whole day and your usual time limit is 5 PM. Where the hell were you?"

'What does it matter to you? I'm literally one age away from being a legal adult and you never once complain or noticed me gone when I slept in Kevin's place for 4 days!' is what I wanted to say, but I could only squeak out a quiet, "why were you worried?"

Father didn't respond, his gaze moved to the window where mother was confronting Juliette who had stepped out of the car with Melanie in the driver's seat. 

He changed the subject by pointing out the groceries and dismissed me to the kitchen. Lucile followed suit. 

When I was almost done putting the things I've bought to their places, I finally noticed my sister and, she looked as if she just stopped crying. "What's wrong, Lucile?" 

She didn't reply, she just stared at the floor silently. I bent down to my knees and pulled her closer. "Hey, what's the matter?"

"I-It's just...this morning, you weren't here. W-we thought you just went for an early jog but y-you didn't come back. We thought it was too late since your weeks have...we thought you..." she stated in her sobs. 

Was it the reason? If so, why would it matter if I died on the streets? Wouldn't that make our parents' work easier if I was roadkill? And why was she sad for my soon death? 

"Come on, Lucile. We all know it's going to happen soon, so don't cry for me. Aren't you glad that you'll be the only child soon?" my response only made Lucile cry louder. 

I didn't understand why, she always wished she would've liked it if she was the only child of our parents. Why wasn't she brimming with joy like she was supposed to?

"No. I don't want you to leave...don't leave us!" she cried, bringing herself into my arms and clinging onto me like a wounded soldier desperately trying to stay alive. 

I've never seen her like this, she was the typical selfish and stubborn spoiled rotten brat that wouldn't shed a tear for anyone except for herself...the fact she was crying because I was dying was surreal. 

"Lucile, you know it's not my choice." I sighed, pulled her away from me to meet her in the eyes while wiping her tears with my sleeve. Even if it was my choice, I wouldn't choose saving myself because there's nothing to save. "You need to come to terms I'm dying." 

"No! I don't want to!" she shoved herself out of my grasp. 'It's not like you have another option.' I thought to myself as I stood up. 

"Why did you have to fall in love?! Why did your hormones have to act?! None of this would've happened if you just..." she topped herself as bigger tears were created. 

She bowed her head to the floor and stomped her foot before facing back up to me and shouted, "I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE NEVER MY BROTHER!" and ran upstairs to her room.

We all know she didn't mean it, she's known to be super dramatic. And if she did, then it would be a lot easier for her to cope when I was gone. 

But the fact our parents waited for me all this time worry was beyond bizarre; why at that moment did they show concern? There were so many times they never show any worry for me. Did I really have to die so I could bring the fear out of them?

Unbelievable!

They never did love me, they just saw me as some kind of tool, once Lucile was born and she succeed in everything they hoped for her, they just ditched me into a hole. They probably never loved Lucile too, they loved the achievements she brought to them. 

In the end, it'll be just Lucile and I who loved them with all of our hearts; and they only love us partially. Damn unconditional family love, why does it have to be unrequited in our part?

I could feel dandelions blooming inside me...

My hands instinctively grabbed the same vodka bottle I drank days ago; after tasting it for the first time, I realized it isn't what every teenage horror book said it would be and it left me with immeasurable disappointment to not want to drink it again. Plus, it was said alcohol will only make the flowers worse the next session. 

But the Hanahaki was beginning to act and I didn't want to choke out any flowers that night, the alcohol seemed to kill the flowers the last time I drank for a few hours, so I drank a shot...or five. 

It might be more than I should've had, but it was enough to let me breath the entire night. 

2 hours has passed and Jules and her girlfriend had already went home and as for mother and father...they were arguing downstairs as per usual while I prepared for sleep. 

Juliette must have said something that hit mother's nerves, she started tearing up and stomped off towards where father was the minute she saw me. 

Before going to bed, I was thinking about Melanie's offer of volunteering to the shelter she was going to soon.

I know I said I didn't know how to help with stuff like this and I would just cause problems...but my sister knew these helping things like the back of her hand, she used to love helping people as a kid and she still did, just not much since she was growing and our parents had to assert their dominance and power over her just like they did to me.

Why was I coming back to Lucile? Because I felt bad when she went off crying herself to sleep and wanted to spend some time with her; I shouldn't have said the things I said to her hours ago, she was only 12, it's natural she couldn't comprehend the thought of losing a family member. 

I was a mess, the least I could for her was to make time for her.

I dialed Juliette's number; she gave me her phone number the day we met in case I become high again unprepared and she'd come get me but good thing my second trip was somewhere safer. (the lake hehe)

The call was picked up after a few seconds. "This is Juliette Mahoutsukai, who's calling this evening?" the voice in the other line spoke.

"Uh...hey, Jules."

"Oh, Jack. Hey. What's up?"

"I...just wanna asking regarding of volunteering for the shelter..."

"Oh yeah, that. Listen, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Mel likes to persuade people into-"

"No...I mean...I've been thinking about it, and I think I wanna help."

"...really?"

"Yeah, you know...since my days are numbered so why not do something helpful for once? Can I bring my sister along though? She knows these stuff better than I do."

"As long as she promise not to scare away the animals, I think the shelter will be glad to accept her help."

"Great...so when is Melanie going?"

"Two days from now. You still got time to back out if you're having second thoughts."

"Nah, I don't think I will."

"Just saying." I hear a chuckle from the other line. We had been friends for only a few days, and she already picked up my hesitant and doubting nature. Was I really that readable? 

Since I was calling her, I figured I'd ask her what happened 2 hours ago.

"Hey, by the way, what happened during your talk with my mother? You two were arguing for almost half an hour, what did you say to her?"

There was an uncomfortable pause before a deep breath was heard.

"I...only said the things that needed to be say."

'things that that needed to be say'?! What the hell did that mean?

"Kid...you know I was adopted right? It's okay; Melanie came clean and told me that she told you about it."

I flinched a bit before laughing nervously. "Oh...yeah. I'm sorry if it was some information that I shouldn't suppose to know."

"...usually it is, but we're similar in a way." Juliette's voice had gone slighter deeper and more serious, it held more emotions than usual. 

"'Similar'? Jules, I don't get what you're trying to say."

There was another round of silence before she spoke.

"You see, Jack...I've experienced the similar pain you're bearing. Not in the exact way, but I know how it feels and how it affects you."

Wha...was she crying? There was a faint sob and an audible shakiness when she continued.

"You don't deserve it. Your family has no right to wound you like that..."

"What...do you mean?"

No reply.

"Jules? Juliette? You still there?"

"...It's getting late. Get some sleep, okay? Goodnight."

"Huh? Oh...okay, goodnight to you too."

The call ended. 

I stared down at my cellphone with emotions mixed. What the hell did she mean by 'I've experienced the similar pain you're bearing'? What happened to her exactly?

Realizing what time it already was, I set my phone away and hit the hay.