*Flashback 1 year ago*

"What do you wanna be when you grow up, Jack?" Hannah asked me, making me look up from my sub sandwich. Me and the twins decided to share a cafeteria table; they were sitting on the left side while I sat alone on the other. Hannah's attention is on me, and Pax was drinking their lemonade silently with their full focus at something -- probably a new 'case' for Detective Pax.

I swallow the food in my mouth before answering her...actually, more like rumbling a reply because I didn't really give her a straight answer. I didn't have a clue why she would wanna know, maybe it's because I never told them what was my ambition. Her twin wants to be a homicide detective and she wants to become a criminal lawyer; quite a pair, no?

"You mean if we finish high school and get into college?" My next respond was more of babbling. "Hmm...I don't know...I never thought of that. I guess when I grow up, I want to be...nothing at all?" I chuckle at the slipped reference, although she probably think it was just an unsure answer. 

Pax gave me a small smirk before returning back to their target. Hannah pouts and flick a french fry to my face. Ow. I lightly rub the spot the french fry hit.

"Come on, Azaleas! There must something you've always dreamed of becoming!" she's whining like Lucile now, it only made me chuckle again at the mental comparison; she and Lucile does have some traits that made both similar. Oh well, there's no escape on this. 

"Alright...alright..." I started going through my memory lane that I tried so hard to forget. Then there was that memory, so old yet so clear; 5 year old me trying to imitate a cartoon character's voice. That's when it all started...my childhood and now-sunken career dream. 

"...I guess I wanted to become a voice actor , ever since I was little. So during my junior high years, I spent my whole days focused on acting, practicing my voice, and theater drama, saving money to getting into my dream college someday..." the dream of wanting to give my voice to character was so stupid. Cringing my fingers picked up the fry that has been thrown at me and started piercing the body with my nails.

"Hey that's awesome!" Hannah exclaimed with surprise and awe. "What happened then? What made you give up?" I didn't give her an answer after a couple beats of silence.

"...I grew up." -- that's the only thing that came out of me. But that was a lie and she probably knew it; she's not as attentive as her twin, but she knows a lie when she hears one. 

I still want to be a voice actor...but who would really wanna hire someone like me? My voice is too deep in an unsettling way for the smooth and masculine voice a typical male character needs, and my voice cracks whenever I try to high pitch so there is no hope on the female characters. My voice is too scary to voice cute animals and too soft to voice monsters. 

Even if I tried all my best, I just don't have what it takes; I'm obviously not made to be voicing characters, so what's the point?

"That's sad...still though, it's cool that you have acting skills. Could you imitate a character's voice for me?" Hannah's blue sea eyes sparkles, pleading...I swear those blue eyes the twins inherited will be the absolute end of me. 

"Sure, I know a decent amount."  I shrugged blankly while thinking, 'Just don't expect me to be good at it.' 

"Who do you want me to impersonate?"

"Hmm..." she pauses to consider for a minute, before snapping her fingers. "Aha! I know! I want you to impersonate..."

~~~~

It was another Saturday, and Hannah invited me to their house so we could do paint our nails. I tried to refuse her invitation because my parents would notice and punish me for being 'unmanly', but she said we could have our nails for the whole day and scrape it off before I go home.

It sounded stupid idea, but I liked it. So here we are, in her bright yellow room and on the floor, painting various colors on each nail just for the sake of having fun. My nails had rainbows for colors and hers were blue- sorry, vibrant cyan, sakura pink, and hospital white.  

Hannah and her dictionary of colors is too advanced for me. I see red, she sees warm cherry. I see blue, she sees Crayola cerulean. To be fair, Pax does have their own advance as well. Each of them has their own unique perspective it's driving me crazy to keep up. 

I was about to paint her other hand when the phone rang downstairs. Since their parents were out and Pax was somewhere doing errands, we were the only ones in the house. So without a choice, she went down to answer it with me along.

She answers the phone, twirling the cord around her colorless hand. "This is Hannah Quinn speaking."

Then after a few seconds of pausing, she grew rigid and suddenly panics through her voice. "Oh you wanna speak to my father, sir? I-I'll put him on the line!"  her voice was high pitched from the fright and covers the phone, her other hand with the paint wildly to my direction.

"Jack, Jack!" she scream-whisper to me, pulling me closer to her quickly.

"What?" I whisper back to her.

"It's the principle! He's calling for my dad!"

"But he isn't here."

"Exactly! Please help me!"

What!? But what was I supposed to do?! "Wha-What can I do?!"

"Pretend you're my dad- try to sound like him, anything! Just help me here, the principle won't take his absence as an answer!"

She wants to impersonate as their FATHER?! Ahh shit on hell above me. Negativity and insecure thoughts started filling my brain, comments like 'you will mess it up', 'you won't make a good impression', 'don't! you'll only embarrass yourself!' echoed deep within me.

"But Hannah..." 

Before it could take a blow on me, Hannah abruptly shoves the phone to my hands, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Please Jack!" while she was still whispering, her tone was begging at this point; her blue eyes shined with pleas and desperation, and they started to water. 

Was she going to cry?! I stared into her stunned and gave up in defeat. Sighing, I decided to 'screw it' and fought my inner doubts, it's not like I'm doing it for myself anyway, it's for my friend.

I recall how their father sounded; low and deep, a touch of nasal voice, and formality. Deepening my voice and lifting my soft palate, my hand raises the phone and spoke.

"Hello? Yes, this is their f-father..." the word 'father' was basically forced out of me. I will never recover from this.

"Huh? Oh yes...yes I see...no, I don't recall them bringing something like that home...Your guess is as good as mine, I'm afraid...right, I'll have a word with my children. Thank you for informing me regarding this issue."

...What the hell did I just hear?

When the call ended, I slowly turned to Hannah. She was staring at me the whole time with expectation.

Eyelids drooped down with disappointment, I deadpanned my voice back to my normal tone. "Did you and Pax...steal a gavel from a teacher?"

Hannah had a face of surprise before her giggling taken over her, she then composed herself with a goofy grin after a minute of giggles. "Why would someone bring a gavel to a high school anyway? And correction; we borrowed it without permission. But don't worry, we're going to bring it back, we promise!"

I rolled my eyes and let myself smile. "You better. Stealing isn't a good look for a lawyer in the making."

"That dream is still not set in stone. But anyway, your impression of dad was impressive!"

"Really? I thought I sounded too low."

"Nah, you sounded great! The principle has talked to our dad before, he'd know."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Hannah sounded so genuine, and I really wanted to believe her...but I couldn't. The compliment doesn't sink into me. "...Thanks Hannah, I guess..." my words were muttered and I could only keep my gaze downwards to the floor.

There was lines of evil laughing from the lady. I raised my head up again to see her freakishly grinning at me, like some mad scientist preparing to dissect their victim alive.

I flinched from her expression. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"I can just imagine the things I can get away with you by my side! I can convince the school to let me skip P.E days, I can scare off boys who'll try to prey on me online, and put you on phone with literally anyone I can imagine!"

"...Isn't it illegal to impersonate someone for the long run?"

Her evil smile faded away when the fact stated right on her face. She pouted and crossed her arms followed by a frustrated groan. "Oh right...ughhh...why does the law have to be a wet blanket?"

I laughed at her childish behavior for a moment. "You know what's not a wet blanket? Continuing painting your nails. Now shall we?" I pointed upstairs. And in an instant, we race back to her room followed by childlike giggles.

At the end of the day, we ended up polishing our toe nails as well and I only scraped off the ones on my hands. Good thing no one in the house takes another look at other's feet, or they'd notice.

====

Date: 2012 April 26 - 21 days remaining

Hannah's perspective

'These dresses...don't feel good anymore.'

Frustratingly, I undress myself and slipped into another one again...and again...and again. A creased pile of vibrant colored dresses had begin forming on the corner of my laguna yellow bed sheets, where I threw them. 

I look over my mirror stand and see...a girl wearing a frilly dress that ends on her kneecaps with golden yellow ribbons that matches her blonde ponytails like the sun match a field of sunflowers. The radiant shine of sunlight from my window made the girl looked like an angel from heaven...but she's not me. That girl reflecting back at me...is not me.

It's not like the dresses in my closet have worn out or doesn't fit me anymore...it's just...it's for girls. And...for some reason, that thought makes me uncomfortable. 

Why though? I was fine with it for over sixteen years, why now the dread and uneasiness feeling whenever I look into my wardrobe, and see all the outfits made specifically for girls, accessories targeted for girls, makeup created for girls? 

I locked the wardrobe after hanging the clothes back and hid the key, it's not like I'll be opening it for another couple of days; last five days when we investigated Jack was just an exception.

I stared at the borrowed clothes from Pax, neatly folded and lying on my ivory colored study desk awaiting. With a self-disappointment sigh, I forced myself to put that outfit on as my last resort with a burgundy baseball hat along, tucking my golden locks inside the hat. 

I suppose the plan is to just keep borrowing clothes from my twin until this...feeling around my own dies down and I'll be wearing them normally soon...I hope. 

Pax is waiting for me downstairs, today we're going to investigate about Jack's mysterious flip persona, his sudden drop out and the glittering dandelion petal Pax found...again. 

We've tried analyzing further but it always leads to none, and the last few days was Family Week, meaning we had to visit a cousin out town for a family tradition, so we didn't get a chance to progress on our mission. Now we're back in town, this our chance to make it up. Today, we're really going to find something!

"Han! You done or do you need another hour to get ready because I can assure you, my level of patience can most definitely take me until midnight!" That's their voice muffled downstairs being sarcastic; besides our dad, they're the most impatient little craphead in the family. Groaning, I yelled back, "Hold your horses, I'm coming down!"

I focus back at the mirror and see myself wearing an old gray baggy sweater that made my breasts invisible and the black loose pants hid my curves; the baseball hat I wore made my hair disappear so I appeared more or less...as a teenage guy. 

And...that thought...makes me...excited? It feels satisfying and right...Why don't I feel awkward at the thought of me as the opposite gender like a normal girl would? That's outrageous!...but still, I-

"HANNAH, I CAN REALLY WAIT TILL MIDNIGHT!"

Ughh, Pax, I really wanna punch you right now! "QUIET DOWN, I'M COMING!" And off I go grumbling.

Downstairs, Pax stood at the door wearing their usual earthy green clothes. The nature hue was their favorite color, they fancied the color green so much they made our parents recolor their bedroom walls into seafoam green at their sixteenth birthday. 

They say the paint helps them think properly and calls them down whenever they were stressed...which was very often, especially now with Jack as our case. They were easily distracted during our time at Family Week, they didn't bother socializing much with our cousins. All they wanted was to go home and carry on with their research...

Those two, really...we've been friends with the guy for only a year yet they're already as close as two peas in a pod. I really admire their friendship and Pax's devotion...

Pax sees me and sizes my outfit. "I didn't expect such simple clothes to take a full hour. Oh well, let's go, we've lost enough time already!" without another glance towards me, they opened the front door and head out first. 

Such impatience.

====At the library====

Dozen rows of bookshelves surround our sight as the noise from the outside left us the moment we entered the library; instead comforting silence with occasional page flips from other library readers filled our ears. 

It was fairly dim; only the sunlight from the windows at the center above the library brought light, and to the corners were lights from the lamps the readers were using. All of the bookshelves were vintage brown and the paintings on every ceiling were glistening in gold; this building has been standing since the day our proud town was found yet it still manages to look brand new due to the extreme care and maintenance it gets every other week --  just another day in the old Valendale's library. 

"Okay, Han." Pax pulls me closer by the arm and whispers, "You get all the medical books about the respiratory system and maybe some botany books while you're at it, and I'll try to search all the possibility in the internet." 

My eyebrows raised as high as they could. Really?! They're going to sit in front of a computer while I roam around the building trying to find all the books they need that's probably going to take me more than an hour?

"You're going to do the easy part while I do the hard part!?" I whispered loudly back in disbelief which caused Pax to jerk my arm forward in order to shush me. I pause to lower my voice and added, "Why don't we just search in the internet anyway? It's way faster."

"Because the internet doesn't have and know everything in this moment of time. Chances are, not everything we need to know will be there so one of us has gotta get the books." my twin explains as low as possible for the librarian not to hear us but it sounds like they're screeching through their tone. 

Their reason makes logical sense, but still! Do you know how heavy the medical study books are here? And the botany ones are placed in the darkest corner of the library?! NOoooOoooo!!

After a minute of whisper arguing, Pax stops and rubbed their temples, obviously beaten at this moment. "Fine. Fine. what about this Han; you do the internet search, I'll grab the books. Does that make you happy?" 

I win! HAH!

We shook hands in agreement and proceed to our tasks.

"No cat videos on the job."

"Alright, alright." 

They said didn't say anything about dog videos though...ngehehehe...

====A few hours later====

"Nothing...nothing in all these medical books have covered up a single disease that has 'coughing petals' as one of the symptoms. It...doesn't make sense..." Pax closes another med book and lays their head on the hard, wooden library table. A tired sigh escape their lips, their fingers gently fondling the blood stained petal they found, it was still glowing and healthy even after days. 

My poor twin...

Pax is known to take things seriously, when they have an assignment they need to do, they do it with every ounce of their strength. And now the sight of my sibling, putting all their effort and determination for their researches...ended up exhausted and empty handed once again...it pains my heart.

"Found anything on the internet?" they raise their head a little to see my progress. I bow my head and shake my head, feeling even more guilty than before. "No...nothing. I'm sorry..." 

My twin just gives me a weak smile before laying their head back down. "It's fine, Han, don't worry...but God, we need a break before diving back into this."

I hum in agreement before turning back to the old 90's computer in front of me. Despite the outdated technology in front of me, it held strong during my website searches. 

Technically, I did found something, but not in the way my twin wanted; For the last few hours, I read a handful of articles about "Transgender". And the meaning of "Transgender"...kinda clicked inside me. I didn't know why but it does for some reason. 

I've been a girl for my whole life and I had no problems with that...so why, for the past months and weeks, do I feel disconnected and uncomfortable about it...?

Spinning myself back to my twin, their head was still on the table. Pax had been openly non-binary since we were fifteen...I wonder if they've felt like this during the whole process of realization. 

Should I ask them...? They might not wanna talk about it, or they might see through me...but...

"Pax?"

"Yeah...?"

"When did you realize you were...well...not exactly a boy?"

They slowly raise their head from the table with an eyebrow risen. "We never talked about that before, why are you bringing it up now?" They ask me with curiosity. 

"Nothing special. Just curious." I think I answered a little too fast. Gee, so much for acting innocent, but I can't take it back now that it's done. There was a ponder of silence before my twin straighten themselves on their chair in a better position and start their story:

"Well...it all started when we were thirteen and I suddenly panicked going to the men's restroom as if I just entered the wrong stall. It was our aunt Bertha's birthday and we were eating at Pizza Hut and I had to go to the bathroom."

Hey I remember that! We were forced to drink so many lemonade because someone didn't realize dad has already bought us a huge glass of four seasons. Good times, hehe!

"During my autopilot self journey to the toilet, my mind snapped out of my trance and realized I was standing in the men's. So I ran out screaming before I could remember that I was a boy too. Now this story could've been brushed off as comical for being too occupied, but the fact I forgot that I was a male at that moment, says a lot to me. Since then I let myself explore my identity; spending time with boys and girls, trying out masculine and feminine activities and appearances, and acting like different genders. Everything was confusing and messy...at one point, I thought I was transgender -- I assume you know what that means?"

...Yep, they know. They KNOW! My mind is on code red alert, the words: 'This is the end! My twin is onto me! I knew I shouldn't have asked!' starting running through me on repeat, and each loop grew louder and louder.  "U-uh...yeah, I guess I have heard of that word somewhere..." I mutter shyly, squirming in my seat wishing I could just melt into the chair. Become one with the chair, be the chair!

Fortunately, Pax resumed without a faze on their reaction. A shaky breath of relief escaped me. Okay, now be separate with the chair.

"So anyways, since you know what that means, I had been feeling that way for months; It was terribly an inexplicable experience for me, nothing during those times were easy. When we became high school Freshmans, it had all finally straightened out and I finally came to the conclusion that I am neither; I don't feel a specific gender and I don't feel like a need of a gender identity or label, I know who I am, I'm me and I don't need to emphasize gender for me. But of course, as far as certificates go, I don't mind being labeled as a boy during daily basis and people can use male pronouns on me. Heck, even some mistaken me as a girl and it was fine too. But...if I want to get close to someone, I want them to respect who I am..." their voice trails off, lost in thought by the time they finished. 

Wow...I'm speechless... Pax really went through all that... They're such an inspiration!

"Pax...that's inspiring." I gape in awe and amazement, I can't believe my twin dealt with all the confusion, identity crisis, the self-doubts...

They recovered from their trance and smirk at me. "Thank you, Han. Although..." 

Oh no, based how their voice swing through their tone, I know where this is going now. 

"I want to know why you've had the sudden curiosity to ask me such question..." 

"Huh? Oh- uh- it's just uhh..." desperately try to change the subject, but my mind has betrayed me at the wrong time by blanking out, leaving me in a bumbling mess of words.

Pax was now standing in front of me without a hint of disgust or disappointment on their face; I know they've already figured out at this point, they're quick to catch up on things, so to see their expression as blank...surprises me. 

"Han, if you ever find yourself being in the same situation as I am...don't be afraid to talk about it with. I won't judge you, your feelings are valid." 

My eyes stared at my twin flabbergasted. My feelings are...valid?

"...you won't disown me as your twin? You'll still love me regardless?"

"Of course, Hannah. My love for you is unconditional; I don't care if you're a horse, a glass of wine or a Disney villain. You'll always be my sibling." 

I let out a chuckle from their comment, Pax and their odd way to comfort a person...with a teary yet genuine smile on my face, I rise up from my seat and pull them in a tight hug.

This hug feels more personal than any other hugs we had, because I just told the closest person in my life a secret burdening me for months. Not only did I feel a heavy weight lifting off me, I felt safe and delighted to know that Pax has my back and I have theirs no matter what, and nothing or no one is going to change that.

Then my twin froze during our hold.

"Pax?" I release them and found them staring into space. Oh boy, I wonder what the great detective Pax is thinking now. 

After moments in lost thought, they gazed back at me with full attention. "When you told Jack about Kevin's new founded love, how did he react?"

Wide eye confused, blinking a few times while processing the question that was asked out of the blue. 

"He...uhh...oh, I remember he looked as if someone just told him his sister died and ran away."

My sibling stared at me with an unreadable expression; a mixture of fear and dread and a bit of rage but seemingly deadpan at the same time. "I think we've been reading the wrong books and analyzing the situation in the wrong angle all this time, let's head to the romance section."

====

"I can't believe it...I could not believe this." 

After pulling out some romance books in the romance section, Pax has found a medical book about love with the title: "Love CAN Kill You!" 

It was no bigger than an average library book, but the design and texture out of all the other romance books made it stick out like a sore thumb; It had a really hard rosey red cover with shiny golden linings on the text and as the design while the others were either a mix of bloody pink and white or angsty dark and purple. 

It also appeared to be slight burned off...?  Half of its pages seemed to have burned holes for some reason...and the book explained the exact things that matched the description we were looking for:

----

Hanahaki Disease -- this disease originally developed from Japan, hence the name: The term hanahaki comes from the Japanese words hana (花), which means "flower", and hakimasu (吐きます), which means "to throw up". The victim coughs up the flower petals when they suffer from one sided 'love' and slowly the entire flower and when reached the last stage, suffocation.

It started during the mid Edo Period (between 1603 and 1867) when a witch had fallen deeply in love with a lonely lord, who was in love with another maiden who didn't reciprocate the feelings. The lord begged the witch to enchant him a spell that would show the maiden how much she meant to him in order for her to feel the same -- and with jealousy brainwashing the witch, she made a spell that would grow in his lungs and make him cough out the maiden's favourite flowers. 

Three months time has passed and the maiden continues to show no romantic interest or pity to the dying lord, he in result, suffocated to death as the disease has infected his entire lungs. The witch, realizes the only light of her life died because of her foolish mistake. Her spell backfires when she started coughing out the lord's favourite flowers, and died three days after. The Hanahaki Disease begin spreading globally no longer after its creator passed away. 

Everyday, an estimate number from 6,000 to 40,000 dies from this disease, and 54% of the deaths lived for only 2 weeks with the illness. During the 1900's, the French created a global medicine that could extend the victim's lifespan, but it would lose its ability to slow down the disease once it has been overpowered by...

The next part was burned. 'Overpowered by' what?...

Many say the flowers differ depending by the victim's love's favourite flower(s) -- this statement is only somewhat true as it sometimes depend on...

The next paragraph was burned off too! This is...ughh! 

Many doctors and experts concluded there are only 2 cures for Hanahaki: the first is to have their 'love' be 'reciprocated' and the other is to have the flowers removed by surgery -- this is entirely false. There are actually 4 cures for Hanahaki Disease. 

----

Before we could read further, the bottom page was burned off.

Great. Just great...the person who burned this book really doesn't wanna share the information! Whoever you are, you're a big platypus and I hate you! 

And really? Witches? ...okay, it makes a little sense because Hanahaki sounds a tad like a fantasy sickness. Puking out flowers? How is that possible? How would a human body made of flesh would generate flowers? And do those flowers have seeds and pollen?

Oh my God...this mean Jack has this and is...currently suffering from petal blockage in his pipes!

It all makes sense now! He'd often chatter how he's in love with someone we both knew, and how he's always shy and smiling whenever Kevin was around! And when we saw him five days ago, he ran away from us when we switched the topic to the Senior and his new girlfriend! IT ALL MAKES SENSE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 

I can't believe it...why didn't he tell us? Did he...not want us to know?

I could just imagine our friend suffering every day and night, thinking every minute and every hour passes was ticking closer and closer to his death. Every second passes is a reminder that he's going to die soon, and he couldn't do anything else to save his life because...his crush will never be able to return his feelings, so he just accepts his terrible fate. 

His hopes, his dreams, his potential, his whole life...snapped away in an instant...all for some high school love? I get that we're still only teenagers, but...is it worth it in the end? Anyway, it was not his choice to get the disease or to fall for Kevin...

Oh...

If this is left untreated...

...we're going to lose him from Hanahaki.

Before I could register it myself, hot tears were trickling down my face...I was already crying. I must've been crying for minutes now considered how dry my cheeks felt and my face was beginning to heat up...

Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I gaze next to my twin...they're trying as hard as to keep a cool composure, but it was obviously that they're losing themselves; hands buried deep in their blonde hair strands, color subtly faded away from their face, leaning their elbows on the table, heavy and shaky breathings left their lips, and their eyes were open wide in terror as they kept skimming through the pages once again to make sure they read every word correctly.

"I can't believe this...I refuse to believe this...this is just some coincidence..." their voice was quiet, breathless, and full of worry, they continue to mumble the same words to convince themselves this information isn't real, everything is just coincidental, and Jack is fine.

But no matter how you wanna believe something, reality is different. And we both know that.

Our friend is not fine and he's going to die...