unkept

Shaking, Julian sat, so she did too.

After a long while of them not able to do more than stare at his mark, he started rubbing at it. Lightly at first and then with effort.

Jess caught his hand. "That will not help, babe."

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know. The whole damn thing blows my mind. It hurts like a fuck but doesn't last long. Feels like getting branded from the inside out." She took a deep breath. "This is all my fault. We shouldn't have come back. It was bad enough when it was just me but now__."

"Bull crap." He tucked his wrist away so they would both stop staring at it. "I'm tired of you accepting everything as your fault. You didn't do this to me, and we had to come back. We always planned on coming back one day."

"We always planned on leaving again too, but how in the hell are we going to do that now?"

"Because you're going to figure out how to fix this when you figure out how to fix yours. This changes nothing."

It didn't feel like that. It felt like something huge and scary just happened. Chewing on her bottom lip, she nodded. She could see his panic, and he definitely had every right to panic. She'd let him have this time. It had been a long time, but she'd be strong for him for a change.

"You're right. Even more reason for me to get my ass in high gear and figure this shit out."

"If anyone can, you can."

"Damn straight. I suck at science and chemistry and all that shit, but... well I suck at all things school but I'm a freaking queen. I'll order the smartest people in the universe to find the answers. If that doesn't work, then I'll find some smarter fucking aliens. If I can go from being a normal girl to a queen who can blink her fat ass around the globe, then I can find the answers we need."

He smiled sadly. "It's not so big now, babe. All your sweet curves and squashy spots are gone."

"They'll be back if Aunt Sarah keeps cooking like she has been. I might get some extra ones."

He hugged her to his side. "I thought I'd made it very clear to the universe that it's you and me. I only want you."

"You have me. Always will. Nothing can change that."

"No one was even around. We don't even know who it is. I haven't hung out with anyone on my list."

Yea this person wouldn't be on his list.

Seeing her eyes widen and the slight shrug of her shoulder, his own eyes widened. "You know who it is?"

"I have my suspicions." She admitted.

"Don't tell me. I don't even need to know. It will be better not to know since I don't plan on keeping this thing."

"Since when have I've ever been able to keep a secret from you?"

"True." He shrugged. "You're right, but don't tell me yet. This is enough shit piled up for the day."

He wasn't lying.

She looked around. Everything looked the same way it had the last time she'd been here. Flowers and weeds more than knee high. If they laid back, no one would see them for miles.

She watched the yellow wildflower next to her. No wind this time, but the weather was perfection. Just the right climate control. The sun was shining brightly, but she couldn't feel the heat of it on her.

A reminder of just how much the world has changed.

Maybe not all for the worst. After living outside of the barriers without a change of clothes and a blanket, you learned to appreciate the weather being cozy.

No sun cancer. No cancer at all. They had a cure for most of the human ailments that everyone used to fear. No obesity or bad hearts.

They could fight the aliens coming. If humans had been left on their own, things would be pretty fucking awful about right now.

No Julian, Mel, or Aunt Sarah. No sweet little demon child that had Michael's eyes.

The hell of the last few months would be nothing compared to what her life would be like then.

She stilled owed these toilet lickers a hell of a lot.

And as perfect as Julian's little farm story sounded, she would rather have the house and the family right here, with all the food and drink they wanted. She enjoyed taking baths and brushing her teeth daily.

The world was different in here, but it was different out there too.

Lying back, she pictured Kellum standing above her. His eyes lit in wonder.

Not that long ago the memory would have drowned her in pain. Physical and emotional.

This time it was only emotionally.

That helped. It was easier to pretend your heart wasn't cracked down the middle when your chest wasn't aflame.

She looked at Julian. "It will always be you and me, but it's okay if you want this too. This could be your something special."

"You're my something special."

"True." She tugged him to lie next to her. "I'm freaking amazing but... maybe this could be your heart stopping, heartbeat soaring, kind of special. You deserve that kind of special and if you're only against this because of me, then I'm going to be pissed."

"That's a joke, right? You can't think yours is all bullshit and then think mine can be real. Either the shit is real or it's not." He laced his fingers through hers. His eyes on their joined hands. "Are you having some doubts now that you have to be around him again? I know you still have feelings; I know you still hurt, but do you think you could give him another chance after everything that's happened?"

"Whatever was there is gone. It doesn't matter what it was, it just matters that it's gone." So gone and broken. Just like his vow to never leave her.

It wouldn't matter if he was standing right here, right now, the guy who fell for her was gone.

"Is it real or not, Jess?"

"It can't be real. It fucking sucked, but Kell and I could live a part. He has his memories back so he should have his feelings, but he doesn't. I imprinted on Jai. Could I have done that if all this mate shit was real? No way. A mate who traveled across space to find me? I was smart enough to know it was hogwash when I first met him, I just forgot that because of some dreamy wow eyes. Forgetting won't happen again. I'd rather what's real and what's right in front of me. You. No games, no guessing. You're the one person I know I can trust. The one person I know will always love me and never leave me. That's pretty fucking special."

His smile was full of love and tenderness. "Fucking yes. Who needs a dumb alien girl who doesn't know the first thing about me? One who won't know how to throw me down and have her wicked way with me? I'll take a red-blooded, take what she wants, fine ass human any day over a cold fish alien."

Jess grinned. "You haven't had sex in a while."

"It's freaking sad, how long. It might be affecting my thinking. Either way, you get the point."

"I'm right there with you."

Kell wasn't a cold fish. He wasn't, now he was.

Jess climbed into Julian's lap and wrapped her legs around his waist. "We might not be able to do anything, but I can damn sure make sure you have something to think about when you're in the shower."

There was already heat in his eyes.

"Done deal, babe." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Does that feel like a man who wants some unknown chick with a weird ass tattoo?"

Jess sobered. "You have to be careful. It's best if the nosy ass ones don't know about this. Keep it covered up and stay away from___."

He growled and fell back in the grass. "You killed it. Which is just as well. Until you're no longer hands off, I need to do a lot of thinking about my grandmother."

She was grossed out, and it showed.

Laughing, he pulled her down beside him. "Remember that time we came home, and she was wearing that red lingerie thing with the black garter thing?" He grimaced. "That thought kills everything."

Jess nearly choked on her laughter. "It wasn't a garter. It was a whip."

He made gagging sounds. "My God, stab my eyes out because I can still see it."

"Me too. She wasn't even embarrassed."

He made more gagging sounds that sounded very real.

"I mean it, Julian. You have to be careful."

"I will. I guess you can tell me who she is so I can stay away from her."