Song: Is It Just Me- Sasha Sloan ft. Charlie Puth

Wait

Sabi nila, kapag naeenjoy mo ang ginagawa mo, mabilis nalang ang takbo ng oras para sa'yo.

That's basically what I felt during my rotation in pediatrics.

Everything still feels like yesterday. I enjoyed working with kids so much that I didn't notice that we're already down to our last week in our pedia rotation.

Maingay ang lecture room dahil kabi-kabila ang kwentuhan naming mga interns. Ang mga kagrupo ko, panay sabi na mamimiss nila ang pedia department. Mababait at magagaling kasi ang mga doctors sa department na ito kaya siguro madami kaming naenjoy.

Everyone's been patient with us especially Lucas. I wonder if he's still the resident in charge for our group? I couldn't imagine if this will be the last day we'll work together.

"Grabe! Mamimiss ko talaga 'tong rotation na 'to. I enjoyed it so much! Plano ko na ngang mag-residency under pediatrics program after ko makakuha ng license, e." Ani Yen.

"Ako medyo nagdadalawang isip pa. Hintayin ko muna ang rotation sa surgery bago ako magdesisyon. 'Yun kasi talaga gusto ko, e." sabi naman ni Nigel.

"Why are we acting like this is our last day of internship?" Carmela pouted. "I still don't want this to end."

"Or maybe you don't want to be apart from me." Pang-aasar ni Alex sakanya.

Carmela rolled her eyes. The side of her lips rose in disgust.

"Ugh! Shut up!"

Natawa ako sa reaksyon niya. They obviously have a love and hate relationship. I feel like Alex feels some kind of way towards her but my best friend... well, she's stubborn and she doesn't want to get attach easily to those people she only considers as "flings".

"But seriously, mamimiss ko talaga 'to! Sobrang hands on pa naman din ni Dr. Kim sa pag-guide sa atin dito sa department na 'to. Sana gano'n rin ibang resident sa ibang department." malungkot na sinabi ni Yen.

Everyone nods their heads in agreement. Napabuntong hininga ako. I'm actually really glad that Lucas was the one assigned to our group. He was so willing help us interns and we learned a lot from him.

Kahit hindi kami gaanong nagpapansinan nitong nakaraang buwan, gusto ko parin magpasalamat sakanya bago matapos 'tong pedia rotation.

The noise inside the lecture room suddenly subsided when two pediatrics residents entered the room. Ang isa doon ay si Lucas.

Mas natahimik naman ang kwarto ng pumasok si Ate Margaux at Ate Brittany. My brows rose.

Ang magkabilang kamay ni Ate Margaux ay nakalagay sa likod niya. She roamed her eyes around and smirked when she noticed how tensed some of us are.

While Ate Brittany have her arms crossed over her chest. She bit the inside of her cheeks as she looks around the room.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-lapit ni Carmela sa akin upang may ibulong.

"Your sister and cousin's aura and energy today made everyone feel intimidated. I've never felt this intimidated in my entire life. Ngayon lang! And it's weird because I never felt intimidated with them during your gatherings. Iba talaga siguro kapag nasa trabaho na 'no?"

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya.

"Of course, they have to act professional. But you know them outside their work. Baliw baliw na 'yan pagkatapos. Lalo na si Ate Margaux." I hissed when I remember my sister's craziness outside her work.

Natigilan din kami agad sa pag-uusap nang magsalita si Lucas.

"Good afternoon, everyone." Bati niya. Tumama ang tingin niya sa akin at siya rin naman 'tong unang umiwas.

I pursed my lips and shrugged my shoulders.

"As we all know, you're already down to your last week of rotation in pedia department. We do hope that you learned a lot from us and we hope that we can still work together once every one of you gets their license."

Some of my co-interns celebrated quietly. Dahil mukhang intimidating daw ang kapatid at pinsan ko, mas piniling manahimik ng iba.

"As a yearly tradition in our department, we will choose two outstanding interns that will be given a chance to assist in a surgical procedure which will be done together with Dr. Ventura and... Dr. Ventura."

I chuckled. Natinginan naman si Ate Margaux at Ate Brittany sa isa't isa.

Hindi na napigilan ng iba sa mga kasama ko ang excitement. Nakakatuwa na mabibigyan ang dalawa sa amin ng ganoong pagkakataon. It will definitely be a thrilling experience since none of us ever assisted in a surgical procedure before.

Sure, we witnessed an on-going surgery during our medical school days, but we've never done such thing! Let alone assist.

It would be hella nervous if I would be the one to get picked.

"In line with this, I will announce today the top and lucky students that will be given a chance to work with us. Just a disclaimer, just because you weren't chosen doesn't mean you didn't do enough. We all appreciated your efforts and hard works during your two months rotation. It's been a pleasure to work with you and I hope that this won't be the last time we'll work on a case together." Lucas smiled a bit.

"Ah, Dr. Kim, you're so cheesy today." Puna ng isa naming co-intern.

"I was asked to."

The room was suddenly filled with chuckles. Kinuha ni Lucas ang isang papel at may binasa doon. The resident that he's with is now speaking.

Pinaalam niya sa amin kung paano ang naging proseso ng pagpili nila para hindi isipin ng iba na biased ang naging desisyon. He also presented to us the case that we're going to be working with and what kind of surgical procedure is going to be performed on a pediatric patient.

Dr. Trinidad, the other pedia resident, is going to work with Ate Brittany on a mother who's going to give birth to a conjoined twin. While Lucas and Ate Margaux are going to work together to operate on a pediatric patient with a congenital heart disease.

"Now, for the results." Lucas started.

Napaayos ako ng upo. Magiging masaya talaga ako para doon sa mapipili. I know we did the best that we could to provide the care that our patients deserve. After all, we're not doing this for the reward. We're doing this to save our patients' lives.

"First student who will be called will be given a chance to work with Dr. Trinidad and Dr. Brittany Ventura. The first lucky pedia intern is..."

I couldn't help but scoff at how they're making this like a TV show announcement or something. Akala mo may mananalo ng 1 million kapag may tinawag, e.

Some of my co-interns made a drum roll sound to make it even more intense. Napangiti ako. Napansin kong gano'n rin ang naging reaksyon ng mga doctors sa harap.

"Dr. Carmela Ann Patricio."

I immediately heard Carmela gasp when her name was called. Ako agad ang una niyang nilingon. Bakas na bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkabigla dahil nanlalaki ang mga mata niya at ang kanyang bibig ay halos sumayad na sa sahig.

"Congrats, Carms!" masaya kong bati sabay yakap sakanya.

"I can't believe it. I was one of the top interns? What?!"

"Of course, you are! You're a great doctor!"

Napangiti siya. I guess the information hasn't sunked in to her yet. Nakatayo na siya at pinapalakpakan naming lahat pero hindi parin mawala sa itsura niya ang pagkabigla.

Kahit madaldal 'yang best friend ko, magaling 'yan!

She was asked to come in front like she's actually going to receive her reward. Parang recognition day lang ah?

"Now for the second intern who will be called will obviously be given a chance to work with Dr. Margaux Ventura and I," Lucas continued.

I sat up straight. I wasn't wishing it to be me because I know there are still interns who deserve that kind of reward as well. No matter what the result will be, I will be really happy to those who were chosen.

Pare-parehas lang kaming nahihirapan at nagdadamayan. Kaya pare-parehas lang din naming deserve na makatanggap ng ganyang klaseng reward.

Kung hindi man ako mapipili ngayon, siguro naman may iba pang pagkakataon sa ibang department.

"The intern who will be working with us is..." I stared intently at Lucas, waiting for him to mention a name. I breathed hard.

Before he opened his mouth, I saw him look into my direction. My mouth parted. At that moment, I already knew who it's going to be. His ghost smile already says it all.

"Dr. Felicity Marie Jane Donovan." He called my name.

Kahit na naramdaman ko na iyon sa paraan ng pagtitig niya kanina, hindi ko parin maiwasang magulat. I saw Carmela jumped in excitement. My co-interns were happy about it, too.

To be honest, I was having doubts at first. Inaamin ko na may parte sa akin na humihiling na sana hindi ako ang mapili dahil ayaw kong isipin ng iba na nabibigyan lang ako ng ganitong oportunidad nang dahil sa pangalan ko.

Ngayon pa't kapatid at pinsan ko ang kasama sa case, iniisip ko na gano'n na siguro ang pakiramdam ng iba. Na mapipili ako dahil Donovan ako. Pinili ako dahil parte ako ng pamilya na may ari ng ospital na ito.

But then, all those thoughts vanished when I saw how genuinely happy my co-interns are for me. None of them are looking bitterly at me even if some of us here are so competitive.

I couldn't help but get a bit emotional about it. Ever since my encounter with that annoying fellow, I started to think little of myself. Iniisip ko na baka 'di naman talaga ako magaling at kaya lang ako nandito dahil Donovan ako.

Na kaya lang ako napupuri dahil sa pangalan ko. Na dahil magaling ang kapatid at pinsan ko, mataas na agad ang tingin at expectations nila sa akin. Na wala ako nang lahat ng ito kung hindi ako Donovan.

That's also the reason why I was so driven to prove myself to everyone who doubted me for the last months. I wanted to show them what I'm capable of. I wanted them to see that I also have something to offer on the table.

I wanted to prove that I am more than just my name.

Unti-unti akong napangiti habang pinapalakpakan ng mga kasamahan. Yen hugged me and encouraged me to go in front now and celebrate my achievement together with my best friend.

I pursed my lips to stop the tears that's threatening to come out of my eye. When I look at Ate Margaux, she immediately gave me a warm smile. I smiled at her in return.

Once I reached the front, Carmela immediately crashed me into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you! I'm so proud of you!" She said repeatedly.

I smiled and hugged her back. "I'm so proud for the both of us."

Hindi parin ako makapaniwala. It might be a little thing for others but this is everything to me. I feel like all those times where I belittled myself has led me to this achievement. It wasn't even the board exams results yet but I already feel so proud of myself.

Nang kumalas si Carmela sa akin, agad akong pumwesto sa gitna ni Ate Margaux at Lucas. I felt my sister squeezed my hand. I turn to her.

"I told you, Fel. You are doing enough."

"Thank you, Ate... for always believing in me."

"Of course."

I wanted to hug her at that moment but of course we have to act professional and set aside our relationship for a while. Tsaka na ang yakap kapag nasa labas na kami ng ospital at wala na kami sa harap ng lahat.

"Let's all give a round of applause to Dr. Patricio and Dr. Donovan for their outstanding performance." Ani Dr. Trinidad.

Walang ano-ano pa'y umugong na ang palakpakan at hiyawan sa buong silid. Everyone was just so happy. I couldn't help but smile as I watch everyone celebrate our achievement.

Sa gitna ng kagulohan at hiyawan, nagulat ako nang maramdaman kong bahagyang yumuko si Lucas sa gilid ko upang may ibulong sa akin.

"Congratulations, Felicity..."

My mouth parted. Naramdaman ko agad ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang dahil doon. Dahan-dahan ko siyang nilingon at bahagyang tiningala.

I smiled at him.

"Thank you..." I whispered.

Buong linggo ata na puro ang case lang namin nila Lucas at Ate Margaux ang nasa isip ko. I've been looking forward to this day where we'll finally do the surgery.

I always check our patient from time to time to make sure that she meets the requirements needed to undergo the procedure. I've been so hands-on with this case like my life depends on it.

Archer Emmanuel Olivarez:

Are you busy?

Kaunting oras nalang ang hinihintay ko para sa surgery na gagawin namin ngayong araw nang makatanggap ako ng mensahe mula kay Archer.

I stopped for a while to type my reply to his message.

Felicity Marie Jane Donovan:

I will be later. May surgical procedure kasi kaming gagawin ngayon araw. Why? Are you at the hospital? Today is Aya's 2nd chemotherapy cycle, right?

Archer Emmanuel Olivarez:

Yes, we just arrived and she's already looking for you.

I pouted. Aw! I really missed his sister, to be honest. I haven't seen her for a month. I missed her cute little voice and the warmth that her presence gives me.

Felicity Marie Jane Donovan:

Really? I'm not sure if I can join her for her treatment since I'm going to be busy assisting in a surgery. Just tell her I said hi!

Agad kong binaba ang telepono ko nang makasalubong ko si Lucas sa hallway. He was fixing his head cap when he saw me.

"Ready?" He asked.

I'm already wearing my scrubs. Naghanda na ko pagkatapos kong tapusin ang ibang charts. Mag-kaiba kami ng direksyon na dadaanan dahil sa tingin ko padiretso na siya ng operating room habang ako naman ay patungong nurses station para ibalik ang mga charts na dala ko.

"Uh... may ibabalik lang muna ako." I showed him the charts.

"Alright. I'll wait for you."

My mouth quickly parted because of his offer. Agad-agad akong umiling at nahihiyang tumawa.

"Nako! 'Wag na! Saglit lang naman, e. 'Di mo na ako kailangan hintayin."

"Saglit lang pala, e. Hintayin na kita."

"Ah... eh..." nagpalinga-linga ako upang mag-isip ng mairarason. "Magtatagal pala ako!"

Lucas' brows rose because of my sudden change of decision. He cocked his head to the side and a playful smirk plastered on his lips.

"You're still avoiding me huh?"

"Huh? 'Di ah! Where did you even get that idea? Kung nilalayuan kita sana 'di na kita kinakausap ngayon."

"Really?" Punong-puno ng pagdududa ang boses niya.

Lumunok ako. Sa totoo lang hindi na ako makapagisip pa ng mabuti dahil alam kong bistado na ako sa ginagawa ko. Napakurap ako at halos lahat na ata ng sulok nitong ospital natingnan ko na maliban sa mga mata niya.

I'm purposely trying to avoid his gaze because I'm afraid to get caught in my own ridiculous act.

Kaya naman nang marinig kong tumunog ang telepono ko para sa isang panibagong mensahe, mabilis ko 'yong binuksan at binasa.

I sighed in relief when I saw that it was another message from Archer.

Gusto kong mag-mura at pasalamatan itong si Archer dahil sobrang timing ng mensahe niya. Nang dahil dito nakahanap ako ng rason para mailigtas ang sarili sa kahihiyan.

"Ah... wait lang pala. May kailangan pala akong gawin. Saglit lang. Mauna ka na."

Hindi ko na hinintay pa ang sasabihin ni Lucas dahil tumalikod na ako at kumaripas na ng lakad patungong nurses' station.

Binaba ko agad ang chart na hawak ko nang makarating ako sa nurse station. Inabot ko iyon sa isang kakilalang nurse. Doon nalang ako ulit nakapagpakawala ng malalim na hininga dahil sigurado akong 'di na ako sinundan ni Lucas.

I only have a few minutes left before the scheduled surgery starts and here I am, breathing hard and catching my breath at the nurses station instead of scrubbing in.

Bukod sa kinakabahan, nahihiya pa ako sa sarili ko dahil sa mga pinaggagawa ko sa harap ni Lucas.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko at binasa muli ang message ni Archer.

Archer Emmanuel Olivarez:

Where are you?

Wala na akong panahon na magtanong pa kung bakit dahil hahaba lang lalo ang usapan namin kaya sinagot ko na rin ang tanong niya. I told him that I'm on my way to the operating room now.

Hindi niya naman siguro alam kung saan iyon nakalocate so siguro 'di niya naman ako pupuntahan diba? Maybe Aya's been looking for me so he asked where I was.

Agad ko namang tinahak ang daan papuntang OR pagkatapos kong ibalik ang mga charts. Habang papalapit na ako sa OR, tsaka ako nakaramdam ng sobrang kaba.

My heart is beating so damn fast that I had to stop in front of the OR's door just because I couldn't bring myself to go inside.

Damn it! Why am I so nervous? It's not as if I'm going to perform the procedure myself. I'm just there to watch and assist Lucas and my sister for goodness sake!

"Keep yourself together, Felicity. You can do this." I pepped talked myself.

I closed my head and breathe slowly. I took a deep breath and let out a heavy amount of air. May pakumpas pa ako ng kamay habang ginagawa iyon.

But then it wasn't effective at all because I still feel so nervous!

Tinalikuran ko ang OR. Sa una'y aakalain na magbaback out ako pero ang totoo lang talaga ay gusto ko lsng makahinga ng maluwag at mawala ang kaba ko.

Kaya naman ay 'di na nakakabigla pa nang gano'n ang inisip ni Lucas nang siya ang bumungad sa akin pagkatalikod ko.

"Where are you going? Are you backing out?"

"What? No! I just want to... breathe... for a moment."

Lucas nods his head once and scoffed.

"I thought you were backing out since you really look nervous."

"Well, it's my first time to assist in a surgery so it's normal."

He shrugged his shoulders mockingly so I glared at him. Totoo naman! 'Di ba siya ganito noong first time niya rin mag-assist sa isang surgery?

We all feel nervous during our first times and it's normal. I know I will still be able to help the both of them with this case despite my nervousness.

But right now, I just need to breathe hard before scrubbing in. Gusto ko lang ihanda ang sarili ko para 'di ako pumalpak.

"So, pasok ka na. Hihinga lang ako." Sabi ko kay Lucas.

His chinky eyes squinted a bit. Halos parang wala na tuloy siyang mata nang dahil sa ginawa niya. I fought the urge to smile because I find it cute.

Ano ba 'yan, Felicity! Kinakabahan ka na nga nakuha mo pang gumanyan!

"No, we'll enter together. Baka mamaya 'di ka sumipot dahil nagback out ka na pala."

I widened my eyes at him. I can't believe him! Ganyan ba ang tingin niyang gagawin ko?

"I won't back out!" I said defensively.

"Why does it look like you will?"

"Kinakabahan nga kasi ako..."

He gave me a face showing that he's refusing to believe me. Bahagya siyang tumawa. He shifted his weight and leveled his eyes on mine. Nilayo ko ng kaunti ang sarili ko sa kanya.

"Really? Felicity Donovan is nervous huh? I'm sure you felt nervous, too, when you drilled a burr hole into a patients head,"

Ngumiwi ako. Why is he opening that up now?

"A lot of people commended you for doing it perfectly." dagdag niya.

"Your point?"

"If you're still able to perform a procedure despite your nervousness and still do it perfectly, then there's a chance that you'll still be able to perform well. Tara na. Mawawala rin 'yan kapag nasa loob na tayo ng OR."

Tamad ko siyang tiningnan. Gustong-gusto ko talagang ngumiti pero pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili.

"Iba ang kaba ko nung oras na 'yon sa kaba ko ngayon. At... swerte lang siguro ako ng mga oras na 'yon... kaya nagawa ko nang tama... 'yon." I tore my eyes away from him.

Ilang linggo na ang nakalipas simula ng pangyayaring 'yon at hanggang ngayon 'di parin namin napapag-usapan iyon nang maayos.

It's also the reason why I've become distant to him because I'm afraid of failing or disappointing him again.

"No. You're just good at what you're doing that's why you did it perfectly." ani Lucas na nakapagpaangat muli ng tingin ko sakanya.

I stared at him. There's no humor in his eyes so I guess he was really serious with that huh?

Hay nako, Lucas. Mas lalo akong kinakabahan sa kakaganyan mo, e.

"Wait lang talaga." sabi ko at nilagpasan na siya.

Wala na kaming oras pa at sa tingin ko naghihintay na rin ni Ate Margaux ang pag-dating namin. I wouldn't be surprised if she's going to give us a suspicious look for being late.

Eto kasing si Lucas, e!

I heard him chuckle. Ramdam ko rin ang pagsunod ng tingin niya sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang palapulsuan ko upang pigilan ako.

"We're late. Breathe while we're scrubbing in."

"But-"

I stopped when I noticed who was also in front of the OR, near the counter. Unti-unting umangat ang kilay ko.

My mouth parted when I saw that it was Archer standing there, watching us. May agad siyang tinago sa likuran niya nang makitang nakatingin na rin ako sakanya. I didn't notice what it was.

Isang maliit na ngiti ang iginawad niya sa akin. Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak ni Lucas sa akin upang mag-tungo sakanya.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" tanong ko nang makalapit sakanya.

Sa halip na ituon na ang tingin sa akin, nanatili ito kay Lucas na siyang nanonood nalang din sa amin ngayon. Saglit lang siyang tumingin sa gawi ni Lucas bago niya ibinaling ang tingin sa akin. I raised a brow.

"Aya's asking me to look for you because she wanted to see you. I'll just tell her that you're busy."

My heart sank when I realized that there is a possibility that I won't see Aya today because of this surgery. If I could just divide myself, I would. I really want to see his sister, but I also want to assist in this surgery.

"Yeah, I'm about to assist in a surgery so I don't know if I'll be able to meet her today. Pakisabi nalang na babawi ako sakanya."

"Sure."

His tone sounded so off. Like it was so cold. It made me uneasy.

"I'm really sorry..." I apologized.

"It's okay. Don't think about it. Go and do your work now. I'll tell Aya that you won't be able to meet her today."

I frowned. I nod and smiled a little at him. He took a step back, already preparing to leave. I bit the inside of my cheek as I look at him stand so coolly. Maybe pilots really had in them to look really cool just by merely standing.

I opened my mouth to speak before Archer can take another step back.

"Oh! And Archer..."

"Yeah?"

"Nice seeing you again." I smiled at him.

His features warmed up a little which made me smile bigger. Tumango siya at tipid na ngumiti.

"Nice seeing you, too. Now go. Your crush seems like he can't wait any longer for you."

I glared at him before I glanced back at Lucas and saw him still standing there with his arms crossed. A ghost smile appeared on Archer's lips when I turn to him again.

I scoffed and shake my head.

"I'll see you around." I said before I waved my goodbye to Archer and made my way back to Lucas.