17. chapter seventeen
—sweet&bitter.

I ALLOWED A SIGH to escape my mouth as the girls continued to gossip while I laid in bed. I had just been woken up from my midday nap and I was grumpy, but they knew well enough that I wouldn't miss out on the chisme even if it was taking away from my sleep.

"Could you two at least try to keep it down?" I pull the covers over my head with a dramatic groan. My mood had been off. They noticed it as soon as they walked inside my room and saw that I was laying in bed. By the way they were only quiet for at least a second, I knew that they were trying to come up with something to cheer me up.

"Are you sure you want us to whisper about the fact that Belly and Jeremy completely made out in the pool the other night?" Taylor began, only the covers practically flew across the room and I quickly sat up from my bed. She knew exactly what she was doing by saying that.

"You what?" I turned to look at Belly, completely stunned. Why didn't she bring this up sooner?

"And she thinks that—"

Belly shoved Taylor, giving her a look.

"Thinks what?" I glare at both of them. Almost all of it clicked inside my head at that moment. "Does it have anything to do with you and my brother having some deep conversation at the deck one July night? Or was I just under some delusional spell?"

Belly's eyes grew wide, while Taylor looked completely amused.

"You can't hide a thing from me, Bells." I winked at her before I laid back down with my hands behind my head for support. "You don't have to hide a single thing from me, babe. I'll always love you even if you are totally head over heels for my brother."

Both Belly and Taylor said at the same time:

"I am not head over heels for Josh!"

"She is not head over heels for your brother!"

"Bells, you just called him Josh. You're practically in love with him." I let out a laugh, knowing that both of them were going to be annoyed. The look on their faces was priceless though.

"Josh is just so different now."

I tried not to gag thinking about how she was talking about my little brother. "Can we give him another name? What about Grayson?"

"Fine," Belly said, smiling. "He's just so different now than he's been in past years. Yeah, he picks on me— hasn't he always done that? I've just recently come to the conclusion that he might not actually be a total dick. I think that he pretends to be one so that he doesn't go around disappointing people."

We were all silent for a second, taking in what Belly had said about Grayson. She was right; it broke my heart just thinking about it. I was his sister and I didn't even know that about him. I had managed to push him away so much that I don't even know him anymore. Maybe I never did.

"Don't tell me Grayson has been treating you differently this year," I said, trying to focus on Belly and not my thoughts. "Because if he has, I will beat his ass for being an—"

"Actually." Belly didn't continue. She just left us hanging.

"Actually, what?" Both me and Taylor said.

"You never mentioned this to me." Taylor shot her a glare from the other side of the room.

"Or me." I added.

"Well, you weren't here last year," Belly paused, giving me a reassuring smile. She didn't want me to feel like I was at fault for not being here. "I didn't think that you'd want to hear stupid Cousins drama when there seemed to be more important things going on in your life."

"Belly, this isn't stupid drama. You're not stupid Cousins drama. You're important to me. It wouldn't matter if you were interrupting the most important thing ever, would want to hear about what's going on in your life, especially if it's important to you." I gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. I wanted her to feel and hear a little of how important she was to me. For some reason, I thought the squeeze was enough to capture that for her.

She turned towards me and returned my gesture with a hug. "You don't understand how much that means to me."

"Oh, I know." I held onto her tight, afraid that she was going to slip away from me. We're growing up and I'm not sure if the next time we see each other is going to be the same. It worried me a little, but I knew that there was nothing strong enough to tear us apart. At least I wasn't going to let it. "So, tell me more about Grayson."

"Well, one night we were home alone because everyone else was doing their own thing. Gray offered to make me a banana split after I had mentioned I wasn't feeling too good." Belly paused, smiling at the memory. "We shared it and we watched my favorite movie on his laptop. It was that night that I realized that he was capable of being sweet."

I couldn't help but swoon at the thought. My brother was a romantic. Who would've thought?

"Not sweet enough apparently because he crashed your first date." Taylor said, fighting the demons in her head telling her that Grayson was the boy for her best friend. "You two can't possibly believe that he's competent enough to make you happy, can you? He's broken, Belly. He's got his own things to figure out before he can truly be with you."

"Taylor, as much as I love your protective best friend act, don't talk about him like that. You've got no idea what the boy has gone through." I say, ready to defend him at any cost. "I get it, Jere is the healthy one, the better choice, but Jo is very much competent. He's growing and he's learning because he's a teenager, yet he'd be capable of treating Belly with tenderness and love. He's a sweetheart at heart. He protects the people he loves and he'd protect her. Just like Belly would protect him. He might seem like he's not capable, but he'd become capable... for Belly, if that's what she wants."

There is a knock at the door, making all of us go quiet. "Are you girls ready? I'm gonna take you over."

"Oh, can I drive," Belly asked.

Laurel does a dramatic gasp before she says, "no," walking out of my bedroom.

"Look, we really don't have to talk about this right now. This is not why you came," Belly said to Taylor.

"This is exactly why I came."

"I'm just glad you're here so we can win this tournament." Belly tried changing the subject again, but she failed. Taylor wasn't going to let this go. I'm not either.

"We would've been just fine without her." I shrugged, quickly putting on a pair of shoes. Taylor and I gave each other a quick glance before we smiled. I got up from my bed then I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

"No. You're glad I'm here because I'm about to get you both on Team Jeremiah which I'm the very enthusiastic CEO of, so..."

I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head at the same time.

"Also, why have you been in bed all day?" Belly brought up, between our laughs. We all grew quiet. They waited for my response. "Does it have anything to do with the boy you've been texting? Aka Leo Griffin."

"It has nothing to do with him." I rolled my eyes, playfully, but not really. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now.

"Does it have to do with a certain boy," Belly asked, with a smirk. Did she know something I didn't? If so, she was given the wrong impression. She couldn't know, right? I haven't told her myself, so who did? I didn't matter anyway, we didn't work. We would've never worked. I don't know why I thought that we could've.

"GIRLS," Laurel yelled from downstairs.

"We're not done talking about this," Taylor said, pointing her finger at me.

Susannah was talking over a microphone, introducing the event when suddenly I felt a presence next to me. I didn't feel like acknowledging him just yet. I wanted to pay attention to his mother. The crease of her smile and the way her hands tried to cover her eyes from the sun.

It wasn't until he spoke that he finally grabbed my attention. "I spoke to Leo yesterday..." he paused, almost like he was waiting for a reaction. I didn't give him one. "He was on his way up from the beach. He didn't look so happy to see me. Does he hate me or something?"

"I'm not sure, did you ask him?"

"Of course I didn't ask him." He chuckled like it was genuinely funny.

I tried to maintain my focus on Susannah, but I felt him getting closer. "Then why do you expect me to just know? I'm not his keeper."

"He said something along the lines of, you don't deserve her."

"And why are you telling me this?" My arms were crossed over my chest, to keep them from shaking from my nerves. "I'm not exactly interested in the little fights you get in when I'm not around."

He didn't answer my question. He simply just said, "what I don't understand is why your little boyfriend feels threatened by me. You and I are just friends, nothing more than that. He does know that, right?"

"Quit shoving it in my face, would you?" I said, irritated and hurt. I still haven't looked him in the eye yet, I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't be able to recover from it. I'm not sure I ever recovered from his rejection. I don't think I ever will. "And he's not my boyfriend. Why do you care anyway? Leo is harmless, just ignore him."

"Why do I care?" He repeated, almost angry.

"We're friends, right? As your friend, I'm asking you to forget about Leo and his insecurities. Forget what he said because his words don't seem to matter. Not anymore anyway."

I walked away and stood beside Jo.

"Are you alright," he asked, worried in his tone.

"I don't think I am," I whispered, looking up at him. I was close to tears. Everything seemed to be piling up. When did he get so tall? When did I decide that pushing him away was a good idea? Why was Conrad being cruel? We really could've used each other to cope with all of our griefs even if they were different things. We lived underneath the same roof. I could've learned how to be open with him.

"What? What happened?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it does." He pulled me in and hugged me.

"I'm sorry," I said, suddenly.

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"For everything." I didn't have to elaborate; he knew exactly what I was talking about. It hurt even more that I didn't have to explain it further.

"I don't blame you," he started. "If I had gone through what you have, I think that I would've done the same thing. Actually, I think I would've been horrible to you. You might've not been amazing, but at least you tried the best you could and I'm glad you did."

"But you said I was a terrible sister."

"I was hurt. All I wanted to do, it sounds bitter but, I wanted to hurt you too." We finally let go, but at the same time it didn't feel like we did. At this moment, we were closer than we have ever been. It was a relief. He was finally my brother again. "I'm sorry, too, I was angry and said something I shouldn't have. It might not seem like I can understand your situation, but I will try my hardest to. I want to be there for you. I don't want us to keep pushing each other away like it's normal. Because it's not. It's not normal."

"I know," I nodded. "It kind of seems like I let us count it as normal. I let this become normal."

"Then, let it be you who changes it." Josh looked so hopeful. I was too, but something in me told me that I was going to let him down. So I practically yelled at myself that I was never going to do anything that could possibly hurt him. It shouldn't be such a burden, which obviously it wasn't. I could possibly tell him the wrong thing, but I could easily apologize. This is good.

"I will."

At first, Belly and Taylor were playing amazingly. They won each and every match. They had the potential of winning it all, but Taylor landed wrong and hurt her foot. After that, Jeremiah subbed in for her. It seemed to be going well for Belly, but unfortunately it didn't last long. Jeremiah missed about a thousand balls that were right in front of him. Clearly this upset Belly because in a matter of seconds, she asked for a timeout.

This had me on my toes, waiting to see who she was going to choose to replace Jere. She pointed in my direction, but she wasn't pointing at me. She pointed towards Jo. I felt myself smile. I was smiling so hard that I felt my cheeks begin to burn.

"Don't fuck up," I laughed. He shoved me playfully before he made it to the sand. He put on the jersey, gave Jere one small nod before he was in the sand, beside Belly. They simply looked at each other and they knew what positions they were going to play. I must've messed up about a million chapters because this was nothing like them. Right now, they seemed like they knew the ins and outs of the palm of each other's hands, nothing like they had been at the beginning of this summer or like any other summer. Had they really connected last summer? Had their bickering this summer been an act? Were they afraid to admit their feelings for each other? Was Jeremiah coming between them?

A trillion questions raced through my mind; I couldn't help but feel happy for both of them.

It was almost as they read each other's minds because each of their throws and hits seemed to be in sync. They each bled one tone and when they were together it turned into one beautiful harmony. No one could get over the beauty of it. I couldn't get over it.

I glanced at Conrad, wanting to give him a look of I told you so, but he was distracted. He had a smile plastered on his face. It almost looked genuine. More like, it was. He looked infatuated with her. Her beauty. Who wouldn't? She was beautiful.

I turned away, looking at the game instead, yet my mind was utterly consumed by their closeness. I wanted to be there, supporting Belly and Jo, but my mind raced to conclusions. Was she the reason why he hadn't kissed me?

A voice from behind me said, "are you enjoying the game?"

It was Leo. When I finally turned towards him, he tried to hide the hurt behind his stare, but he was an easy read. Every one of his feelings seemed to be written across his face. He was the exact opposite of Conrad when it came to things like feelings.

I couldn't help but smile at him. Not that it was much, or that it would change anything between us. He could tell, we both could.

"Well, Jo is playing with Belly and they are absolutely killing every team they are up against." I looked back at my brother with Belly, proud of them. It was impossible not to glance back at Conrad and Nicole when they were right across from where I was standing, but I didn't let my curiosity get the best of me. I continued to watch the game.

"I talked to him, you know?" Leo took a long pause, but did not continue his sentence.

"To who?" I acted clueless.

"You know who." Leo paused again, his Adam's apple moving because he swallowed whatever nerves this conversation was making him feel. Whatever he was going to say, I watched as he contemplated telling me about it. "I was coming up from the beach, he asked me about us. I had this burning sensation to just punch him in the face for being so damn oblivious. I didn't, obviously, or else he would have gotten a black eye..." he paused again. "I didn't say anything to him for a long time. I had to think about what I was going to say to him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to lie straight to his face, or if I wanted to help him out. But, all I knew in that moment was that you were clearly hurting because of him, so I decided that I wanted to help you out. I told him that we weren't together and that we never were in the first place. We were just friends catching up and that you had no intentions of getting in a relationship with me. I told him that he needed to stop hurting you because you don't deserve that. I even told him that he should go for it, but I walk here to catch the last couple of matches, and I see him flirting with some other girl?" Leo looked furious, shaking his head.

"I don't know what you think you saw between me and Conrad, Leo, but I don't think we are ever going to be together. Him and I are better off as friends."

"Yeah, even I don't believe that, Sonny," he said. "I think you're both just scared."

"Well, it doesn't really matter what you believe. He doesn't feel the same way." I let out a breath. I wasn't sure how I felt about that statement. I wanted to keep telling myself that we would never work out, but deep inside I knew that I could be wrong. Or at least I wanted to be wrong. He's an important person in my life. If I ruined what we had, I don't think I could survive it. I value him and our friendship too much to ruin it. To ruin us.

He has said it himself. We're just friends.

"Then why has he been looking in our direction this entire time."

My head turned in his direction, my neck hurting by the quick act. When our eyes met, my heart fluttered. I couldn't quite read his expression too well, but he looked jealous. Suddenly, I became infused with an anger I couldn't quite control.

"You're fucking with me," I muttered.

"I told you." Leo smirked. I almost punched it off his face.

"He has no right!" I looked at Leo, he was stunned by my reaction. He clearly didn't expect me to react this way. "He told me we were friends and now he can't keep his eyes off of us?"

"That wasn't the reason—"

"I couldn't care less why you told me what you told me. He still has zero right to be jealous, especially when he..." hurt the parts of me that he helped repair. He doesn't have a clue of what he's done to me. For me. He was there when no else was. This entire time, I told myself that he was my moms best friend's son. My best friend. Who was I kidding? He's nothing like Belly, Tori, and Ava, not even like Kenny. He was different. He has always been different. From the way my breath seemed to calm by his closeness, his simple presence allowed my mind to wander and not stick to the world before me. He made sure to cheer me on even if I didn't think I could do it.

Then I remember that he was there for me when I was freaking out right before I had to dance in front of all my friends and family at my quince. He was there. He had found me in a small room and he comforted me until I was ready...

THREE YEARS AGO

From the moment I had walked into this room, I knew that it had the most perfect view. The leaves were turning orange now, some fading into a deep red color. My tia Tere worked for a family that owned a huge barn. They had converted the barn into a very fancy venue. They said that they don't rent it out anymore because a lot of the renters used to damage the barn and now they only use it for their big family gatherings. My aunt knew well enough that she was going to bribe them with a lifetime's worth of tamales in order for them to let us rent it for my quince. Ever since I was little, I knew that this was the place. It was beautiful, especially during this time of year.

It was dark out now, but since we were in the more countryside of Vermont, the stars were out and I couldn't take my eyes off of the sky. It was a full moon too. I don't think there was ever a moment in my life that I hated air pollution so much, until now. I wanted to be able to see this every night.

As much as the stars were taking my mind off of having to do my waltz in front of hundreds of my friends and family, the knock on the door was what made it real.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." I responded, hating the fact that it would only be twenty more minutes until I needed to start the waltz. For some reason, I was freaking out. I don't usually get nervous during a presentation or a speech. This felt different. More vulnerable.

Conrad walked in. He wore a tux. His tie matched the color of my dress even if he wasn't a chambelán. I wanted him to wear one anyway.

"Why aren't you out there?" He asked.

"I needed a break."

"Everyone's asking about you. Alva is..." He didn't finish his sentence, knowing that it wasn't going to help my case or his.

"How did you know I was in here anyway?"

"You told me you have loved this place since you were little. You always mentioned the view, so I assumed that there had to be one specific place that had the best view, so I looked everywhere for it, and obviously you were right about the view because... wow."

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I looked out the window again.

"Yes," he took a long breath. As I was turning back to look at him, I realized that his stare was on me. He never once looked out the window.

"How's my mom out there?" I changed the subject.

"She and your dad haven't caused major chaos, so I count that as a win in anyone's book." He smiled jokingly. Only he didn't know that I wasn't going to find it funny. I wanted to find it funny, but this was the first gathering we had... together. Not in some parking lot. They were in a room, interacting with one another, acting as if this was normal for them. I was waiting for the ticking time bomb to go off. My mom wasn't good at holding her mouth shut, so it wouldn't be long before she said something that would ruin this entire quince for everyone. But knowing my dad, he would take her hurtful words in order for me to continue enjoying my party.

Conrad noticed the change in my mood. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I didn't know--"

"You couldn't have known." I sent him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure my mom will survive a night with him around. I think this is good. They haven't been in the same room since..." I paused, trying to think about the last time they had talked to each other face to face. I came up with nothing. The simple thought made my stomach turn. My dad did everything in his power to keep their relationship healthy, but my mom clearly didn't care enough to at least try. Even while planning this party, my mom excluded him. They sent each other text messages, but never talked in real time. It was always either text messages or through me. I have always hated being the middleman. "I actually can't think of the last time they were in the same room together. That's bad, isn't it?" A soft laugh escaped my mouth, trying to distract him from the sadness in my voice.

"We can't control our parents. They kind of do their own thing. No matter how hard we wish that they stop being who they are, they will never change," Conrad said, almost like he knew exactly how I was feeling. It comforted me in a way, knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling that way.

"I used to..." my voice faded as I thought long and hard about what I was going to say. I have never told anyone this before. "When I was a lot younger, I used to pray to God about my parents. I used to tell them how much I wanted them to at least get along... or for my mom to try to get along with him. Because all of my life, my dad has never said anything bad about her, yet my mom bashes him at any chance she gets. I used to pray because I hated seeing my dad alone. He has no family here besides me. I don't see him as much as I would like. I used to burden myself with the image of my dad eating by himself during thanksgiving and Christmas."

"Sonny..."

"It used to put me into some bad places, but now that I'm older, I can finally ask if I can go to his house instead of spending it with them." I smile again. "It's horrible. I hate every part of having to choose, but I'd rather have my mom resent me during the holidays than resent myself for leaving him all alone. I'm selfish, aren't I?"

"Sonny, you're the least selfish person I know." Conrad made sure that I was looking at him. "No one I know worries or even thinks about all the things that you worry about. You have the biggest heart."

"I'm beginning to think that having to do a waltz isn't the real reason I'm hiding."

"Yeah, well to even think about having to do waltz, makes me want to hide in a closet and never come out."

We both laugh for a couple seconds. "Thank you, Conrad."

"For what?"

"For always saying the right things."

PRESENT

Leo and I stood in silence. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say to him. I could thank him for telling me about his conversation with Conrad, but it wouldn't change things between me and Conrad. He still stood across from me with Nicole. It didn't change anything at all.

"Leo... I'm sorry." I paused and turned to look at him."I would do anything to feel something for you, really, but it's like he's always owned some piece of my heart even if I hadn't realized it. I really tried giving you a chance, but every time I spent time with you, I thought about him. It's not fair to you, but I just wanted to tell you that I really tried."

"Sonny, you don't need to apologize. The heart wants what it wants." I thought it was a frown that took over his lips, but it was a smile.

"Just so you know, I've always found you charming, especially when we were fifteen."

"Damn. So you're telling me that moving to France made my charm go away?"

"Maybe." I said, jokingly. He knew I was only kidding. I'm still holding out hope on being friends, but it was up to him. If he doesn't want that, then I wasn't going to force it on him.

"What's the score? I haven't been paying attention." We both laugh again and then I look at the scoreboard.

"Belly and Jo are one point ahead. The score is currently 20 to 19." I watch as Josh gets ready to serve the ball. "This might be the last serve of the day. If they score this, then Belly and Josh win the game and the tournament."

We both stood silently as we watched Jo finally serve the ball. The ball makes it over the net and Steven hits it to Belly's side. She hits it towards Josh and then he hits it towards Belly, giving her the chance to spike it over the net. And they scored.

After giving them both a hug, we all mingled for a couple seconds before me and the girls started our way to the car. "How's your ankle?"

"Yeah, how is your ankle, Taylor," I teased.

Taylor put her hands up in surrender and said, "CEO of Jelly, remember?"

"It didn't quite work, did it?" She rolled her eyes and looked away in mock-annoyance.

"Belly! Hey, Belly!"

We all stopped and turned towards the voice calling out Belly's name. "Hey Nicole. Uh, you remember my friends Taylor and Sonny?"

"Yeah, hi." We smiled back at her. "Um, so my dad's boat just came up from Anguilla. Um, so what do you guys think about a pizza and rosé in a few hours? Just something fun to end the day. And you two are more than welcome to come, too."

"Will Kayla be there?"

"You mean Shayla." She chuckled. "And, no, she has plans with Liam and all those people."

"Since you mentioned the party, I already have plans with my friends Kenny and Cecilia, I can't back out of that because I promised to go to that party with them. Thank you for the invite, though, I would've loved to go," I said, giving her a sweet smile for good measure.

"Oh, it's no problem."

"What! You have to come," Taylor said. I only shrugged. "Well, Belly and I will be there."

"Okay."

AUTHORS NOTE:
don't know how i feel about this but i have news... i have officially finished writing act one!! i will be posting a chapter a week (there's two more chapters after this one). i'm thinking every friday??

anyway, i hate myself for it taking so long to finish writing this. i promise it won't be the same for act two!!

-ria <33