Air: Jensen Ackles is 42 today!!!!

Rainkeeper: Remember the times when our parents were worried about us joining the internet because they didn't want middle aged men stalking us?

Joy: My, how the tables have turned.

Nightflyer: My, how the turntables-

Air: I do not STALK Jensen. 

Air:....I just happen to know what his entire house looks like.

Nightflyer: AIR-

Air: HE DID A READER'S DIGEST THING, OKAY, HE PUT THAT INFORMATION OUT TO THE PUBLIC, IT'S HIS OWN FAULT IF A FANGIRL GETS IN.

Nightflyer: *facetalons*

*players appear*

Winter: I'm filing a restraining order against all of you.

Joy: Don't you need a REASON to have a restraining order?

Winter:....I will pull out the evidence-

Joy: I mean, OBVIOUSLY you all have evidence against me. And possibly Air, for scarring you with Supernatural,

Air: HEY!

Joy: And probably Rainkeeper, Nightflyer, and Seashell too.

Seashell: I could sue Air if I wanted to. She blinded me with a broken coffee mug once.

Air: You deserved that.

Joy: But come on, *pushes Kelp forward* WHAT HAS THIS PURE BEAN EVER DONE TO ANY OF YOU?

Starflight: *flips open ledger*

Starflight: Currently? Aiding and abetting, accessory, I think there's even some voluntary manslaughter-

Nightflyer: *takes ledger*

Nightflyer: Okay, we didn't teach you about the scavenger crime system so that you could use it against us.

Nightflyer: *sets ledger on fire*

Starflight: Tampering and destruction of evidence-

Nightflyer: SHUT UP!

Rainkeeper: SO! How many of you guys like the Sims?

Sunny: *screeches*

Moon: I LOVE THE SIMS!

Kinkajou: I HAVE A WHOLE TOWN JUST FULL OF MY FRIENDS SO THEY CAN LIVE OUT MY FANFICTIONS!

Sunny: ALL OF MY SHIPS ARE IN MY TOWN.

Riptide: The Sims is awesome.

Fatespeaker: OMM ARE WE PLAYING THE SIMS!?!? PLEASE SAY YES!!!

Rainkeeper: Oh yeah, everybody loves the sims, haha.

Rainkeeper: That's why today we'll be playing Bitlife!

Players: Awwwww *utterly disappointed*

Joy: And in my opinion, Bitlife is actually better than the Sims because you don't have to worry about them dying if you don't make them go to the bathroom.

Seashell: For those of you unfamiliar with the game of Bitlife, you are given a randomly generated person and get to make decisions for them that affect their life.

Air: It's really addictive, and there are also achievements and ribbons you can get for living certain types of lives.

Nightflyer: SOMEBODY TELL ME THE SECRET TO GETTING THE FAMILY MAN RIBBON, I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR AGES AND IT'S NOT WORKING AAAHHHHHHHHHH

Qibli: So we get to live the scavenger's life however we want?

Kelp: Yup.

Turtle: Okaaay, let's try it!

*seventeen thousand technical difficulties later, the game has begun*

Joy: So, tell us about your characters.

Clay: I'm a guy named Devin Kelly, from Salt Lake City USA!

Peril: I'm a girl named Jamila Morgan from San Antonio, USA

Tsunami: I'm a girl named Ada Johnson from Leeds, UK

Riptide: I'm a girl named Maria Smith from Swansea UK

Glory: I'm a girl named Romy Beaulieu from Ottawa, Canada

Deathbringer: I'm a guy named Sebastian Johnson from Milton Keynes, UK

Starflight: I'm a girl named Liyana Fareedi from Abbotabad, Pakistan

Fatespeaker: I'm a guy named Rayhan Chakroun from Kuwait City, Kuwait

Sunny: I'm a guy named James Gasser from Scranton, USA

Winter: I'm a guy named Louis Silverstein from Tampa, USA

Qibli: I'm a guy named Bryce Pickler from Edmonton, Canada

Kinkajou: I'm a girl named Laila Keefe from Little Rock, USA

Turtle: I'm a guy named Faizan Safar from Dubai, UAE

Carnelian: I'm a girl named Margie Hathaway from Cattanooga, USA

Amber: I'm a guy named Kyle Romo from Boston, USA

Moon:.....I don't wanna say mine.

Joy: You have to.

Moon: *sighs*

Moon: I'm a guy named Dick Cocker from Djibouti City, Djibouti.

Deathbringer: *bursts out laughing*

Glory: *shoves Deathbringer*

Turtle: Now what?

Joy: Go. Live your dream.

Seashell: *gasps*

Seashell: I KNEW YOU WATCHED DISNEY-

Joy: I ONLY WATCHED IT FOR THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE HORSE WITH A KNIFE AND THE GUY WITH A FRYING PAN. 

Seashell: LIAR.

Kelp: Honestly, Tangled is such an underrated movie, it's amazing.

Riptide: Alright, let's see how I should live- Oh. I've been diagnosed with Stomach cancer. 

Riptide: I guess I'll go to the doctor... That didn't work.

Riptide: Maybe if I go up a year, I'll get over it-

Riptide: Nope.

Riptide: I'm dead now. 

Riptide: HEY, GUESS WHO GOT THE UNLUCKY RIBBON GUYS!

Clay: Let's see.... Devin Kelly.... You're not very good in school, like me! We should take you to the gym to build up your strength.

Clay: "At the gym you met a female named Sandra Michaels..." OH YES! HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND! PERIL MY VIRTUAL SCAVENGER IS IN LOVE!

Peril: That's nice dear.

Clay: How are you doing?

Peril: Oh, I broke a kid's nose at school and am currently in juvie.

Clay: Oh. That sucks.

Peril: Nah, it's not so bad. I've got a lot of Respect.

Tsunami: Alright Ada, let's go clubbing!

Tsunami: Whoops, I'm addicted to cocaine now.

Starflight: SOMEBODY SAID COCAINE?

Tsunami: How's your guy doing Starflight?

Starflight: Oh, little Liyana is doing just fine. She's top of her class at law school, even though her part time job is only paying her A DOLLAR AN HOUR LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

Deathbringer: I'm gonna try to get the Lustful Ribbon, what about you?

Glory: Jailbird, I guess.

Deathbringer: What makes you think that?

Glory: Well I just robbed a bank and killed my boyfriend, so....

Deathbringer: *quietly walks away*

Turtle: Kinkajou, is your goal the 100 baby challenge or to just break the actual game?

Kinkajou: Neither! MY SHIP IS SAILING AND MY SCAVENGER NEEDS MORE CHILDREN.

Turtle: She already has twenty!

Kinkajou: MORE CHILDREN! AND NONE OF THEM WILL BE INCLUDED IN THE WILL!

Turtle: Oh three moons...

Kinkajou: What are you doing?

Turtle: I'm trying to get Faizan out of Dubai, but none of the other countries will let him emigrate. I tried illegally emigrated, but then I got deported.

Kinkajou: Ouch.

Turtle: Yeah, he's got a dog though so it's okay.

Winter: So, Moon, is your character seeing anyone?

Moon: No.

Qibli: What do you mean, no?

Winter: Your name is Dick Cocker, you gotta have some fun with that.

Moon: Actually Dick Cocker had gender reassignment surgery and is now Daphne Cocker and she's a nun with three cats and NO LOVE INTERESTS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Moon: How are you guys doing?

Winter: I'm in jail, and I keep trying to escape, but then I get caught and my sentence is extended.

Moon: What are you in jail for?

Winter: Robbing a train. Qibli?

Qibli: I'm a single Doctor with six children and I steal people's mail on the side.

Qibli: How are you doing?

Amber: Oh, I'm a famous Porn Star, I'm doing some centerfold magazine shoots to raise my Fame score right now.

Carnelian: Why- Why am I not surprised?

Amber: What's your life like?

Carnelian: Currently Margie is 35, happily married to her wife Alice, and they have two adopted sons.

Amber: Huh. That's pretty....tame.

Carnelian: But things are about to get interesting though, cause she had an affair with her coworker and is gonna kill him tomorrow.

Amber: Aren't you worried about going to jail?

Carnelian: Nah, I've got lawyer money.

Carnelian: I'm thinking she's gonna travel a bit after this and kill somebody in every country she can.

Amber:...... You worry me sometimes, Carnie.

Carnelian: I know.

Sunny: Uh oh.

Clay: What happened?

Sunny: James is married Kate, but his ex wife Patty wants to get back together with him, but that just won't do because James has two kids with Kate, and his coworker Janet is pregnant with his kid too, so Kate's already mad at him and probably gonna leave him, and if he's single then Janet will want to get together with him, but that just won't do either because Patty's still in love with him, but James is in love with his High school sweetheart Abigail, but their relationship didn't work out after they had a daughter when they were 15, and Jame's ex boyfriend Richard is also stalking him, so he's got three love interests fighting for his attention when he should be loyal to his wife even though he's in love with a completely different girl who doesn't want him anymore! 

Clay: Wh-what?

Joy: That is some deep soap opera shit.

Air: Sounds like a Days of Our Lives Episode.

Nightflyer: Sounds like a story you'd hear on Reddit.

Tsunami: Damn!

Riptide: What?

Tsunami: I died at 33 from a Heroin overdose. But hey, I got the Rowdy Ribbon!

Clay: Peril, do you think Devin should have another kid?

Peril: How many does he have?

Clay: Six.

Peril: NO.

Clay: But he's such a sweet family man! His wife said he was marvelous!

 Peril: Do whatever you want, Clay.

Clay: Where are you?

Peril: Oh, I just escaped from Jail for the fifth time.

Clay: What were you in jail for?

Peril: Escaping jail after being sentenced to life after killing my mother.

Clay: PERIL!

Peril: What!

Deathbringer: Glory, guess how many lovers I've gotten in the game.

Glory: One.

Deathbringer: Nope! 105. Lustful Ribbon in the bag.

Glory: And how many lovers do you have in real life?

Deathbringer: One.

Glory:...Keep it that way.

Deathbringer: Yes Ma'am.

Tsunami: So how's Liyana doing?

Starflight: She died.

Tsunami: How?

Starflight: Got gunned down with a gatling gun.

Tsunami: WHAT?!!? HOW?!?!

Starflight: *shrugs*

Qibli: Moon, are you sure you don't want a love interest?

Moon:.......I'm gonna buy another cat.

*ages of playing later*

Joy: So! Tell us about your legacies and what it says on your tombstone

Clay: Devin Kelly passed away peacefully in his sleep at the age of 83. His services were attended by his ten loving children, his eleven grandchildren, and his nieces and nephews. Friends smile when remembering how he once called his father intriguing. Fertile Ribbon.

Peril: Jamila Morgan passed away at the age of 70. A glamorous and undisciplined woman, Jamila settles into a life of crime. Friends recount the time she fell on her face after over-indulging on tequila sunrises. Jailbird Ribbon.

Tsunami: Ada Johnson died suddenly at the age of 33 after consuming more heroin than her body could handle. Her funeral was attended by her boyfriend, Russell, and her mother and father. Clubbers at Valley hold a moment of silence as they mourn her loss. Mediocre Ribbon.

Riptide: Maria Smith unfortunately died of complications with stomach cancer at the young age of 3. Unlucky Ribbon.

Glory: Romy Beaulieu died at the age of 105. Her funeral was attended by her two children, Percy and Michelle. Her niece, Vicky, went to the water park instead. Romy fulfilled her lifelong dream of becoming an executive. Friends say she often extolled the virtues of having a clean anus. Rich Ribbon.

Deathbringer: Sebastian Johnson died in his sleep at the age of 76. His services were attended by his wife Phoebe, and his eleven children. Someone at his funeral claims he gave her gonorrhea. Lustful Ribbon

Starflight: Liyana Fareedi died after being gunned down at the age of 37. Her services were attended by her two loving children and her little sister. An asute lady, she went on to graduate from law school. Liyana worked as an accountant for many years. Academic Ribbon. 

Fatespeaker: Rayhan Chakroun died in prison at the age of 67. A truly unruly fellow, Rayhan was put in the can for 32 years for grand theft auto. Friends can't stop laughing when they remember that a blind man caught him stealing a GMC Arcadia. Thief Ribbon.

Sunny:  James Gasser died at the age of 72. His funeral was attended by his five loving children and two granchildren. A handsome young fellow, he studied music in college. 

Winter: Louis Silverstein died at the age of 52. His services were attended by his beloved wife, Lily, and his three loving daughters. An aggressive man, he studied arts in college. Louis spent many years of his life in and out of jail. Wicked Ribbon.

Qibli: Bryce Pickler died at the age of 83. His funeral was attended by his six loving children. His mother went bird watching instead. A studious young man, Bryce studied medicine in college. Scandalous Ribbon. 

Kinkajou: Laila Keefe died after being electrocuted. Her 35 children couldn't be bothered to attend her funeral. Friends say she was traumatized for life after once being attacked with a crucifix. Fertile Ribbon.

Turtle: Faizan Safar passed away at the young age of 28. His services were attended by his three loving children and his dog. His half brother went to a cafe to play cards instead. Mediocre Ribbon.

Carnelian: Margie Hathaway died at the grand old age of 100. Her services were attended by her 4 loving children and six of her seven grandchildren. Hero Ribbon.

Amber: Kyle Romo died at the age of 105. A handsome and clever man, Kyle was hired as a pornographer and put in 35 years at Everest Entertainment. Famous Ribbon.

Air: Woah.

Rainkeeper: Why were so many of you in jail....

Seashell: Thoughts on Bitlife?

Sunny: I love it.

Starflight: I don't want to die of a cocaine overdose- I JUST WANT THE COCAINE.

Fatespeaker: AAAAAANNNNNND back to Rehab with you.

Starflight: NO! 

Fatespeaker: Starflight-

Starflight: NO! IF AMY WINEHOUSE DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THEN I WON'T EITHER!