Chapter 59

(No Control - 59. Alive)

I stare at my phone for a minute, but disappointingly she doesn't text me back. I'm just about to settle down and attempt to get some sleep when I hear a loud creak from the hallway, then loud footsteps stomp past my bedroom to the bathroom, before the door shuts and the sound of the extractor fan can be heard.

What's going on?

I lift my head from the pillow, listening. The footsteps sounded too heavy to be Jess, but I have a funny feeling about this. After a minute I hear the toilet flush, and then the tap running, and then footsteps stomp back along the corridor and I hear a door shut noisily.

I'm certain that was Jess's bedroom door. Why is she banging around? Is she cross? With me, perhaps? Should I not have teased her about my hard-on, knowing we can't do anything?

Damn, this hard-on will not go away. It's persistent, to say the least.

I lie in the darkness, and suddenly I feel the atmosphere in the room change, and I hear the faintest click of my bedroom door shutting.

"Jess?" I whisper, so quietly I barely hear it myself, and I am rewarded by her slipping under the covers next to me and brushing her lips against mine.

I roll over so I am lying on top of her and we kiss passionately for a minute before my boner reaches maximum capacity again and I have to pull away.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I came to talk about the economic crisis in Greece," she retorts, and I smirk. I love it when she sasses me with my own words.

"Really?" I tease. "I was expecting a discussion about the faulty traffic lights on the A14."

Take that.

"I would have thought the teen pregnancy rate would be more your thing," she fires back, "considering you practically impregnate women every time you speak with that voice of yours."

I roll my eyes, even though she can't see me in the darkness. Why do people say that about my voice? I think I sound slow and stupid most of the time.

"So are you going to kiss me or what?" she asks, her lips barely an inch from mine.

"Jess," I beg, closing my eyes. "You know where that leads."

Please don't do this to me.

I don't know how long I can keep rejecting her before I give in.

"Exactly," she whispers, firmly, and she pushes me off her gently, her hands lingering on my chest for longer than necessary.

"Baby, we can't," I murmur, hearing the desperation in my voice.

"Why not?" she breathes, rolling on top of me and opening her legs so she is sitting astride me.

She leans down and brushes her lips gently against my neck, and my dick reacts with a sharp jerk.

"I promised... your... brother..," I pant.

"Stop trying to be fucking noble, Harry," she whispers as her lips leave kisses behind my ear, and she grinds her hips from side to side, pressing on my erection. I sigh and squeeze her waist. I'm so turned on, this would actually make me come.

"I'm not," I protest. "Stop, Jess..." She isn't stopping. "Stop," I repeat firmly.

"Why?" she asks, pulling away and looking at me with a hurt expression.

"I wouldn't feel comfortable," I try to explain. "Your dad made it clear we were to sleep in separate rooms. And your brother..." I imagine his face if he walked in to find Jess riding me hard and fast. "Well, let's just say I value my own teeth."

She lays down on my chest and gives a deep sigh.

"Why did you text me that... that stuff then?" she asks, and I can tell she's pouting.

I feel bad for leading her on.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I was just so turned on by your tweet... I got carried away. I shouldn't have."

I stroke her back softly and she moans, which makes my dick twitch again.

"Shhh," I scold, as quietly as I can, and give her waist another squeeze. "If your dad catches us I'm dead."

"I know," murmurs into my chest. "God, I'm so hot, Harry. You have no idea."

Oh fucking hell, this is taking everything I have.

"I do," I groan. "Stop saying things like that. You're making it harder."

She giggles, and I smirk and smack her bum gently.

"Harder to say no!" I protest, but she seems to have taken this as an invitation to touch me, and gently palms my boner through my boxers.

I let out a sigh without even realising, and she leans forward and kisses me, her hand rubbing me gently.

"Seems like you were right first time," she murmurs cheekily.

I am literally on the edge of being led astray here. I deserve a fucking medal for my willpower.

"Jess," I whisper hoarsely, in a warning tone, and I have to push her chest gently to get her to sit up, which unfortunately results in my hand brushing against her breast. It feels so soft and delicate beneath my hand.

We could be so quiet... no one would ever know...

"I'm not going to fucking beg, Harry," she says frustratedly.

I'm battling with myself now. I've got to do the right thing. I've got to be the sensible one here.

I tear my gaze away from hers and close my eyes. I don't want her to think I don't want her.

"It's not that I don't want to, believe me," I protest. "I really, really want to."

I forget how well she knows me, and how well she can play me when she wants to, because she's picked up on the weakness in my voice and now she's leaning forward to me again.

"I can be really quiet," she whispers in possibly the most seductive tone EVER.

I don't move, but lie stock still as she plants gentle kisses along my jawline, all the way up to my ear where she breathes softly, "I'm really wet, Harry."

Fuck the medal. Let's just fuck.

"Fucking hell, Jess," I gasp, and pull her face down to mine and kiss her hard. I can feel her triumphant smile because she's got her own way but I don't fucking care anymore. I just want to bury myself deep inside her and release this frustration.

She presses down on my erection again and I moan in pleasure.

"You know exactly how to get what you want, don't you," I pant as her tongue slips in my mouth.

"Don't tell me you've only just figured that out," she teases, pulling away from me for a second to grin at me, and slipping her hand into my boxers to touch me properly.

Fuck, I've missed this so much.

I slide my hands up her top and take her breasts in my hands, rubbing her nipples gently and she moans into my kiss. I pull her top over her head so I can touch her properly, and I find myself ridiculously turned on by how hard her nipples are.

Her moans are getting louder, and I remember with a jolt that we need to be quiet.

"Shhh," I breathe.

"Sorry," she whispers back.

She tugs at my boxers and I lift my hips so she can pull them down a bit, and then her hand wraps around my length and moves up and down.

Did I mention it's been fucking ages since I've had any action other than my own hand?

"Mmmm... bloody hell - you need to stop that," I warn, as I feel myself starting to get close.

"Have you got a condom?" she asks.

This brings me up short. Fuck. No, I haven't.

"No - have you?"

"No," she says, and neither of us says anything for a moment. "You're joking, right?" she says, uncertainly.

This can't be fucking happening.

"I'm really not," I tell her. "I wasn't exactly planning on anything like this this weekend. I hoped at best I might get in touch with you and get you to agree to talk to me. I didn't think it would end up with you sitting on me whispering dirty words in my ear."

"Well more fool you," she retorts. "You underestimate your own powers of persuasion."

I love how this is getting blamed on me.

"Errr, I think you're the one with the powers of persuasion," I say, with a grin. "I was determined not to succumb to anything like this under your parents' roof."

"I don't fucking believe this," she moans, laying her head on my chest miserably.

"It's fine," I reassure her, caressing the soft skin of her back. "We'll just do... other stuff."

I can put my tongue to good use, like I imagined before.

"No," she says firmly. "I need you... all of you... I need to feel you, Harry."

There's something different in her tone that makes my heart pound. She needs me.

She slides off my lap and pulls her top back on.

"Wait here," she instructs.

Well, what else would I do with my boxers pulled down to my thighs and my erection waving around?

"What are you doing?" I ask, pushing myself up on to my elbow. "Jess - what if your dad hears you?"

"I'll be really quiet," she says with the briefest of smiles, and then disappears out of the bedroom door.

To give her her due, I don't hear a sound for about five minutes. I'm actually starting to think she either fell asleep somewhere by accident, or she went back to bed and didn't tell me.

What if she went back to bed to finish herself off without me?

Jesus fucking Christ - why did I think about that? My boner is back again with a vengeance.

I've all but given up hope when I hear the click of the door again and she slides back into my bed.

"What took you so l..." I trail off as I catch sight of the condom packet in her hand. "Where did you get that?!" I whisper in astonishment.

"Shhh! Calvin's jeans pocket," she says with a sly grin, and I stare at her with my mouth open.

"Jesus... you like to live on the edge don't you?"

"He won't miss it," she says casually. "Now shhh. Where were we?"

Yessss, we're back on again.

"You were on top of me," I grin, and she straddles me again.

"Better?" she says with a smirk.

I pull her top off and let it drop to the floor.

"Better now," I declare.

As she slides her shorts off the mattress creaks noisily.

"I'm getting a bit nervous about this creaky mattress," I whisper, but she's preoccupied with putting the condom on me and dismisses my comment.

"It's really noisy though," I protest again, and let out a moan as she slips me inside her and slides down my length.

"Shhh, you're noisier!" she points out, and lets out a little sigh. "Oh God, I've missed you, Harry."

My dick spasms at the sound of her moaning my name.

"I've missed you too, baby," I whisper.

The mattress is creaking again. In this silent house it could be enough to wake the dead. Or Jess's dad.

"Fuck," she swears as it lets out a loud squeak.

"Go slow," I tell her.

She lifts up an inch and it creaks.

"Keep still and let me move instead," I suggest.

She obeys, and I hold onto her waist and push up inside her, but as I come back down again the mattress groans.

"Damn it," I mutter. It's like the universe is conspiring against us.

"Sit on the edge of the bed," she says, so we move so I'm sitting up on the edge of the mattress and she lowers herself onto me. We manage a couple of thrusts before the mattress protests again, and she lets her head drop forward into the crook of my neck.

"Lay down," I whisper, and she moves onto her back and opens her legs so I can bury myself inside her.

She sighs softly, and lifts her legs up around my waist as I start moving gently. Finally, the mattress has given up and lets us make love like this, slowly and gently. Her hands stroke my hair away from my face and I can't stop kissing her. No matter how close I get to her, and how much of my body is touching hers, it still isn't enough.

"I'm really close Harry," she whispers into my mouth after a few minutes, and this confession brings me right to the edge. I can't believe I've lasted this long, to be honest. Especially with all the build up.

I pick up the pace and she digs her nails into my bum cheeks. It's a gentle pain but it intensifies the feeling in my groin. She lets out a soft whimper, but it's loud in the quiet house so I press my mouth to hers to swallow the noise. A second later I feel her insides clenching my dick and I let out a moan of my own as I start to come.

She arches her back, lifting it off the bed to press her body against mine, and I pant with every thrust as I push deep into her, craving this closeness, needing her to love me like I love her.

"I love you," I start to say, as I drop my head onto her shoulder, but she talks over me and I stop mid-sentence.

"Your bum's really squidgy," she teases.

I nearly gasp in shock at what I nearly said, and what she actually said.

I stare at her and she stares back.

"What?" we say in unison, and it comes out far too loud.

"Shhh!" I scold.

Her eyes are wide and I can feel her heart pounding.

"What were you going to say then?" she asks.

I was going to tell her I love her. Why the fuck was I going to say that?

I like her a lot, but I'm not in love with her.

She just said I have a squidgy bum.

I do not have a squidgy bum. It's pert and toned.

"Did you just say I have a squidgy bum?" I ask in disbelief.

"No!" she replies indignantly, and then hesitates. "Well, yes, but... what were you going to say?!"

There is no way on this earth I am repeating that right now.

"My bum isn't squidgy!" I protest.

"It is," she argues. "It's very squidgy. I've thought this for a while now."

"Wha... why are you thinking things like that?" I ask, pulling away from her another few inches. "That's not manly!"

"I guess not," she says, her lips twitching, "but it's the truth."

I roll off her and turn away while I slip the condom off and tie a knot in the end of it. I haven't got anywhere to put it so I wrap it in a dirty sock and shove it in a separate pocket of my holdall.

"I don't know how I feel about this," I tell her.

"You do," she grins as I lay on my back again and she curls into me, resting her head on my shoulder. "You hate it. I shouldn't have told you, sorry."

I don't actually hate it. I actually love that she's had private thoughts about my bum that she hasn't shared with anyone. At least, I hope she hasn't shared them. Do girls share stuff like this with their friends? I hope not.

"It's fine," I tell her, shyly, and close my eyes with a silly smile on my face as she sets the alarm on her phone.

"I'll need to get back in my bed before my parents wake up," she explains in a whisper. "Sorry I get treated like a child."

"Don't be silly," I murmur softly, feeling sleep closing in on me now I am sated. "I think I'd be the same with my kids."

There is a scraping sound and then a bang from downstairs.

My eyes fly open again and I turn my head to look at Jess. She's wearing the same fearful, wide-eyed expression as me, which means she's thinking the same as me: Calvin is home.

I barely breathe as I hear him tramp up the stairs, along the corridor and then there is a pause and a slight rustle from across the hall.

Is he checking on Jess? If he is, any second now he's going to realise she isn't in her bed and come raging in here.

I have beads of sweat on my forehead.

"Damn right," Calvin declares, and then his bedroom door bangs shut.

"Bloody hell, I'm sweating," I whisper shakily.

"Me too," Jess replies, in the same nervous tone. "Make sure I get up when my alarm goes off in the morning. I don't want to be busted at the last minute."

I nod and pull her closer to me, and play with her hair as she drifts off to sleep. I let my mind wander back to my near-confession a few minutes earlier.

I feel terrified at what I nearly said to her. I can't be in love with her yet, it's too soon. I don't want to say it before I mean it; it's not fair on either of us.

I can't deny I have strong feelings for her, but is it love? I thought I was in love with Nadine, but now I know that was just lust. It was nothing compared to this. It was nothing compared to the way I feel about Jess. But does that mean that what I'm feeling now is love? Surely I'd know if it was; I wouldn't be second-guessing myself. I would just know.

I don't want to say it if I'm not sure. I need to take this slowly, and be sure before I start throwing the L-word around. I don't want to hurt her again.

No, I'm going to take my time to ponder this one, before I go charging in like a bull in a china shop. And I really don't want to make a fool out of myself again. Better all round if I just wait.




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