(No Control - 31. I Should Have Kissed You)

"Are you Harry Styles?!" the girl asks, jumping out of her seat and coming over to us.

Bless her, she's only about 13 or 14.

"Yeah, hi," I smile at her, and she gives this sort of high pitched squeal.

"Oh my God! Could I have a picture with you?"

I hope Jess doesn't mind, but she's just watching and smiling. I guess it helps that she's a fan herself?

"Um, sure," I agree, and pose for a couple of pictures with her.

"Is she your girlfriend?" she asks, eyeing Jess with interest.

Oh no, this is all I need. Why can't a guy and a girl just be friends?

"She's my friend," I respond.

"Wow, I'm like sooo jealous!" she says to Jess, and they grin at each other. "Thanks!" she says, as she gets up and skips off.

"Cute," Jess observes.

"You're cuter," I flirt, and give her a wink for good measure.

"I thought we agreed no winking," she says, and I watch her face turn pink.

When did we agree on that?

"I never agreed to that," I say with a smirk.

Jess shakes her head at me, and then does a double take and frowns.

"You've got something on your face," she says, staring at my lips.

If I wasn't so mortified at her words I would find it hot that she's looking at my mouth.

"Where?" I ask.

Seriously, this can not be fucking happening.

"There," she says, which is no help at all as I can't see my own face.

I wipe my lips and look at her uncertainly, but she shakes her head.

"It's still there."

She leans forward - is she about to wipe food off my mouth? I feel like a two-year-old that needs one of those plastic hook-shaped bibs.

She's staring into my eyes. Her hand reaches over to me, and my stomach flutters at this familiarity. But instead of wiping my face, she slowly and seductively runs her finger over my bottom lip.

What the fuck.

I feel myself take a deep breath as I watch her bite her own lip. She knows exactly what she's doing. Fucking hell it's hot. And it's a cheap shot.

"Below the belt," I murmur.

Then she licks her lips - my dick twitches at this - and leans closer to me and whispers, "I tried that the first night, but you said it was wayyy too good, remember?"

My heart skips a beat and I swallow hard as I realise she's referring to the blow job she tried to give me the night we met. The memory of that floods through me and I feel myself getting hard. I have to look away from her gaze before my mouth runs away with me.

"Jesus Christ," I breathe.

"Two can play that game, Harry Styles," she says.

One-Nil to her.

"This is what I mean about keeping me on my toes," I tell her, my heart still beating fast.

"Well I can't let you have all the fun, can I? Don't start what you can't finish."

She drops her gaze to my pants and I fucking hope she can't tell I have a raging boner.

I shake my head at her audacity and grin stupidly.

I'm trying to think up something funny to say to gain the upper hand again, when a new voice breaks my thoughts.

"Oh my God, it really is, it's Harry Styles!"

Three girls are walking over to us, and I'm almost glad of the interruption to break the tension.

"Harry we love you!" one of them squeals.

"Please can we have a picture with you?!

"Are you with the others?"

"Will you sign my phone case?"

I pose for some pictures and ask them how their day has been, and what they're doing at the weekend. I can see people looking through the windows of Costa, pointing at me, and one or two start aiming their phones towards me. This is going to be all over Twitter is a matter of seconds.

The girls thank me and take turns to hug me, and then I turn back to Jess who has been watching and waiting patiently. It's 5.50pm. I'm going to have to head off before the world gets wind of where I am.

"I reckon we've got about five minutes before we get mobbed," I say to Jess. "And my car is due any minute."

"I should probably get going too," she says.

We stand up, and I feel I still haven't explained myself properly about everything, thanks to our flirting, and then the interruptions.

"Jess - I meant what I said, about not using you," I say seriously.

"What if I was just using you?" she asks defiantly, looking straight at me, but there's a smile behind her eyes.

"I don't think you were."

I'm willing to bet everything I own that I'm right.

"What makes you so sure?" she asks, pushing a wisp of hair out of her eyes.

"You've made every effort to keep us quiet. And you came to meet me today."

She's probably one of the most genuine people I've met. I meet a lot of fakes in my line of work.

She shrugs and smiles at me, and turns to walk to the door leading to the street outside, that is now swarming with people making their way home.

I want to keep in touch with her. I want to see her again when I'm back. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and ask.

Here goes.

"I'll be back in a month or so," I start to say. "Maybe we..."

But she interrupts me.

"Harry, stop."

Why? She doesn't even know what I'm going to say.

I open the door for her and we walk onto the pavement and turn left, in the direction of her office building and the tube station.

"Look, you're going on tour and you're going to have the pick of any girl you want," she says. "Don't leave me hanging on a promise that will probably never happen."

I'm not the sort of guy who has a different girl every night. And I'm not going to ask her to wait for me or anything soft like that. I just want to let her know I'm interested and I want to see her when I'm back.

"I'm not..," I start to explain, but she interrupts me again.

"You're 21, free and single. Go and enjoy it."

This feels like a brush off. Ouch.

"I'd just like us to at least stay friends," I attempt, lamely. "I don't want this to be the last time I ever see you. You're not just some random hook up."

"We had fun, Harry. Let's just leave it at that," she says. "No pressure, no hassle."

I don't understand why she's saying this when fifteen minutes ago she was telling me I make her heart pound and her knees weak. I'm so fucking thrown by this.

Up ahead I can see Paul waiting in the car, pulled over in a bus stop. He's going to get a ticket if he's not careful.

As he sees me he gets out of the car and opens the back door for me. Jess and I walk over to the car and I see them smile at each other, and I remember his comment earlier about how she is one of the few girls to acknowledge him.

My mum would approve of this.

"Ready?" Paul says.

I feel like there is so much still to say, but now is not the time nor the place. I'm trying to avoid the stares from the people standing around staring at us, but it's hard when they're so blatant about it. Sometimes I feel like picking a random person to stare at unashamedly and see how they like it.

"Almost, just one minute," I say to Paul.

"I have to go," Jess says to me. "I'm seeing Callie tonight."

She doesn't seem too fazed by the stares, and I feel a pang as I wonder how this would have played out, had I not been leaving to go on tour; had I not been famous.

I really, really want to kiss her goodbye, but I know even a hug will be all over Twitter before I have even got in the car. I look down at her, and I feel my stomach roll over slowly as our eyes lock and she gives me a soft smile. Fuck, if I succumb to temptation Karen will castrate me. But I can't leave without some sort of mark of our encounter, to remind me that I haven't dreamed the whole thing.

I look away from her eyes and the spell is broken. Struck with a flash of  brilliance, I pull my phone out, lean towards her and take a selfie. To anyone watching, I'm taking a picture with a fan (this might help to protect her from the media shitstorm while I'm not here). I put my phone away, satisfied that I at least have a picture of her to look back on.

"I'll text you," I tell her.

"Ok," she says casually. "Have a safe flight."

Well at least she didn't tell me not to text her.

I nod and slide into the back seat of the car and shut the door. Just as she begins to turn away I wink at her, and can't help but grin as she shakes her head and laughs.

"OK, Heathrow here we come," Paul says as he puts the car into gear and pulls away from the kerb into the evening traffic. I watch as Jess turns away and walks off, and just as I start to turn my head away I catch her looking back briefly, before putting her hands in her pockets and her head down, and walking off.

"How did it go?" Paul asks.

"OK, I think," I answer. "She's really nice."

"She seems into you," he says thoughtfully.

"Really? Why do you say that?" I ask, leaning forward with interest.

"Just the way she was looking at you. It wasn't with the usual hysterical adoration like you see in the fans, and it wasn't with steely calculation like you see in the hangers-on. It was something else. I can't put my finger on it."

"A trace of innocence," I answer immediately.

"That's deep," he smiles. "But yes, I'll give you that one."

I smile to myself, pull my phone out of my pocket and examine the picture I took of us. For once I don't look like a creep like I normally do in selfies - it's actually a really good picture. Jess looks stunning. She has the most amazing eyes. And that dimple in her cheek is seriously cute. And those lips....

I wish I could have kissed her. Would she have kissed me back?

I attach the picture to a new text, and send it to Jess. I want to text her something else, but I don't know what to say. All I can think about is kissing her. I should have kissed her.

I should have kissed you x , I type, and recklessly press send before I can change my mind. I know it's massively corny, and in reality I know I could never have just kissed her on the street in public with random people watching and filming. But hopefully it sort of sounds romantic and it might just make her see I am interested.

I put my phone away and sit back in my seat, leaning my head against the head rest.

I'm looking forward to getting back on tour again. I just hope this next leg is uneventful.

I hope Zayn's feeling better. I hope Louis is OK after his split from Eleanor. And I hope I can finally move on from Nadine. I would just like a peaceful few weeks with my friends.

Is that too much to ask?

----****----

So Harry is off on tour! The next ten or so chapters will follow Harry and the band on their Asian leg of OTRA. I may not be able to update every day but I'll do my best and aim for at least a few times a week :)