The words escaped me. I was doomed. I had nowhere to run. I had another 10 hours to sit by him and accept my feelings. I did miss him, but somewhere along the way, I forgot to think about it. After we split up, I had to resolve a lot of decisions by taking him out of the equation. It was hard to even dream at first, but as time went by, I recovered through other distractions I created for myself. I made sure to never have extra time that would let me think about him. Life happened.

But I never missed checking on him once in a while. I was too eager to check who had viewed my stories or if he had posted something new. He had been a ghost for a long time, and seeing him right next to me brings back a lot of memories from the past - good and bad.

"I know it's awkward," he acknowledged. He placed his hands on mine genty. His touch felt like home - familiar and warm. I had yearned for this touch, and it felt special. Nobody ever made me feel the way he did. He was special to me. He was my first, my last, and my only. But the ring, on the other hand, reminded me that I was not his 'only'. I quickly pulled my hands away.

I was tempted to ask him about the ring on his finger. I wanted to know the girl he finally settled with. I wanted to know if it was a love match or a marriage of convenience. I wanted to know how he managed to move on from us. We were not perfect for each other, but we were good. We were the couple that turned heads in college. We were the couple that made the other couples jealous. I couldn't imagine doing any of the things I did with him with anyone else. It was only him.

He was irresistible back then. He has changed since then. Now, he has a thicker beard and faint lines across his forehead, but that glint of spark in his eyes has remained unchanged. It felt magical to be feeling the same things that I had experienced all those years ago when I first met him. No wonder the coincidence; I met him on the train along with a bunch of other friends from college. We instantly connected, and there was no stopping after that. It was love at first sight.

"Who is she?" The words came carefully out of me, trying not to seem very selfish, but maybe they did. I was selfish, and I wanted to know.

"Her name is Swetha. We met in London; she's a family friend," he said, showing a picture of them standing together holding Leo - his dog.

At that moment, I truly felt something in my stomach. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I was okay with not talking to him or being with him all this time, and ever since life happened, I worried less. But seeing him with another woman in his arms pained me. I couldn't accept it, but I nodded anyway.

"Leo looks big."

"Yes, he is. He's got two kids now."

I kept staring at the picture and only wished he could understand what I was feeling. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how he moved on from me so quickly to fall in love with someone else or get ready to be married.

"I don't love her" , he said sharply. My heart skipped for a moment as I realized what he just said. Was I imagining things, or did he develop new powers to listen to my head, or was I thinking loudly? I didn't know what was true anymore, but I knew what I heard. I shot a look at him and pleaded to know more with my eyes.

"After you left, I tried getting over you. It was too hard to find love all over again. Something didn't just feel right. On the other side, my parents were getting very impatient, and that's how I met her. She seemed nice, our tastes matched; she liked me, and everything fell into place. I figured that having a family and some responsibility over my head would morally force me to forget you", he shrugged.

"Morally force you? You were supposed to really move on." I spoke softly, unable to keep eye contact. "You know we were not right for each other. We would have ended up hurting each other."

"You hurt me anyway. Can't you see? Staying away is just as painful."

"I know. It was hard. And we broke up so long ago. If we had not met today, you would be thinking about your fiancee, and I would have remained happily single. Let's not dig up the past."

"I know. You're right," he said, reaching for his drink and gulping it. "We just got lucky today, and none of our egos would have ever reached out to each other otherwise. But doesn't it look like fate brought us together this one last time?"

"Fate, huh?" I whispered under my breath. "What else did fate tell you?"

"To resolve our feelings. To spend this one last time like we did in the past", he said, reaching out to touch my hands again.

"What do you mean?", I pulled my hands away.

"I know this is bizarre. We broke up over a text, Anu, and I never got the closure I deserved. Maybe I would never get closure. But for the sake of our old friendship, can we keep the hostility away and pretend to be nice to each other?"

"Uhh... I don't know. Maybe..." I pondered for a few seconds. "Okay fine. But will you promise not to trigger me?"

"Of course not,", he grinned and clapped his hands together in joy.

I could see a smile return to his face once again. Oh, how much did I miss that smile? He turned to me and offered his hand. "Friends?"

"Fine". I took his hands and smiled.

"Now tell me why you are still single", he asked.

I had no answer to that question. Every man I met after that was either stupid, immature, or unfunny, or maybe I was expecting too much. I wanted perfection or nothing. Noel was the only one I could compare to, but he left me questioning my choices. Though my standards were low, the rest of the pile was just as hopeless. But I couldn't tell him any of this. I wasn't going to make him feel any better. He would probably take it as a compliment.

"I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn't have time for serious relationships. Now, I'm just uninterested." I paused. "But if the right person appears magically in front of me, then maybe I would consider."

He moved his arms like a magician in circles, muttering meaningless words, and ended with "Abracadabra! I'm here," and we laughed. It did feel like the old days.

"Jokes apart. What are you waiting for, Anu?"

"Have you had a feeling in your gut when you meet someone new and you know they are the one for you?"

He nodded in agreement.

"I've been waiting to feel that way. But I've slowly lost hope. It seems like growing old takes away our innocence and the ability to feel something for someone. You know, I barely get excited about things anymore."

"That can't be true," he said, shaking his head.

"I can't feel things anymore, Noel. The same stuff that excited me a few years ago just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's like I'm slowly turning mechanical."

"I get you. Even when we surround ourselves with hundreds of people, there is always something missing - something empty. It often scares me that I'd end up living the rest of my life with that emptiness."

"You're not alone. Maybe that's how adulthood feels."

"Maybe," I agreed.

"People don't talk anymore, and we seem to always be on the run. I haven't had a heartfelt conversation in years."

"Agreed. Do you remember all those nights we spent talking for hours about how our lives would be? We spoke about moving in together, landing our dream jobs together, and getting more dogs. Look at where we are now. We're not the same anymore."

"How would I forget? Those were simpler times. We had nothing to worry about", he exhaled. "Do you ever regret any of it?"

"Regret? No!" I blurted. "I don't regret the time we spent together or breaking up. Whatever happened makes us who we are, isn't it?"

"Yes, but have you ever thought how different we would be if something had been different? What if we had never met?"

"I've never thought about it that way, and I don't want to, Noel. I don't want this to feel like a mistake. This way, I'm sane."

"Hmm", he nodded. I couldn't understand what he was thinking or where these questions were coming from. But I was sure that we were feeling the same things. We never expected this day to come, and now that it has, everything is overwhelming. There was so much that happened in each other's lives that we knew nothing about, and mere hours weren't ever going to be enough. There was an eagerness in his voice, but his eyes looked somewhat cold, as if he wanted to stop - it looked as if he was resisting something primal.

"Do you have regrets, Noel?"

"Umm yea, I do. I've tried not to think about it,t but every time I meet someone new, I go back to us. I don't know what would have happened if we had stuck on for a little longer, but I just knew I would love you. I know we fought and hurt each other, but we were also best friends. I could tell you anything, and I thought I'd have you with me forever."

I didn't know what to say or where this was going, but he was right. We were close, and I was stupid to even think I'd find someone like him. Oh, actually, better than him. I wanted someone better - someone who would treat me with respect and dignity. With him, there was love, but there was also toxicity, which we let grow. I was falling into the same patterns again and I realized that I had to grow out of them. I simply wanted a space where I could be myself - happy, satisfied, and in peace.

"You moved on anyway. Now you have Swetha", I said. It hurt to tell the truth, but it was the truth. All that he said was only fantasy. A beautiful dream that young Noel and Anu made up. But, we were not them anymore, and time has moved on even if we haven't. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore, but I knew he was hurt too. I thought he would say something to me - taunt me, tease me, or at least get angry at me—but he was quiet. He was dissolved by the truth.

Was he really sad? 

Should these ex-lovers get back together already?

Let me know your thoughts...

NEW EPISODES EVERY SATURDAY