Guys I am literally so sorry I missed yesterday. A lot happened, and I just didn't have enough time to get it finished.

Anyway, enjoy a little vulnerable Alastor.

I haven't had time to draw, but I love this song and I feel like it goes well with the chapter, too.

Love you all, toodles👋🏻

Alastor's POV

I am disgusted with myself.

I am weak.

I am a coward.

I am unfit to be anything to her, let alone a proper husband...let alone a father.

Her question remained inside my head long after I left her there alone...long after I retreated, I could hear her voice...

You'll love them, won't you?

My love...I want to...I want to comfort you...I want to tell you it will all be okay...

I want nothing more than to see you smile.

But I'm scared.

Never before have I felt a fear like this. It feels like something is crushing my lungs, I can hardly breathe...

Why would she choose to nurture something that she physically cannot...what will this do to her...

I don't understand...

My teeth grit hard as I clutched the countertop, trying to force these tears to stop falling from my eyes.

You just left her there, you useless bastard...you just left her standing there all alone when all she wanted was a little comfort, what is wrong with you!

You'll still love me...won't you?

More tears fell down my face, and I tried to even my shaking breaths.

Of course I'll still love you...of course I will.

I will love you until the end of time.

And the baby...our baby...

Edith said...it would most likely not survive...

I saw the heartbreak in your eyes the moment she said that...I saw the breath leave your lungs, and I saw you shatter.

Why burden yourself with such a promise...the promise of loss...?

I'm terrified...utterly terrified to love something so fragile.

It absolutely destroyed me inside to watch her eyes fill with tears at my silence...but I didn't have an answer to give to her.

She wants to know if I will love a ghost...I want to...

I want to be happy...I want to celebrate...

For a fleeting moment, I saw the happiness in her eyes...the excitement. The way she immediately cradled her own stomach, holding a baby that has barely even grown.

She loved it from the moment she learned it existed...

But if our baby doesn't make it...I don't want to see her cry. I don't want her to feel the pain, I don't want her to have her hopes obliterated by one single empty promise.

Fumbling over to the kitchen drawer, I yanked it open and shoved my hand inside, looking around.

After finding what I needed, I sat at the table. My shoulders shook with quiet sobs as I stared down at the smiling face of my mother, captured and still inside a tiny photograph.

"Mother..." I whispered through shaking breaths, "please help me...what do I do, mama..."

Her picture simply smiled at me, and a teardrop landed on her face.

I wiped the water away and hung my head.

What would mother tell me to do...

There is a solution to every problem, my love...don't let your pride sway your reasoning.

Those were her last words to me.

That same night...I killed her.

What if I lose control again...what if I kill them both...my baby...my Fawn...

What if I'm just like him.

I buried my head into my hands and took two fistfuls of my hair.

You sound just like your daddy...

Edith...how could you say that to me...

More tears dripped off my lashes.

Am I just like him?

Have I become just like him?

I'm just trying to protect her...I only want to protect the one person I've come to love more than anything.

If I could guarantee our baby's health...I would do it in a heartbeat.

But I can't do that for her.

And I just feel so damn useless because of it.

**

Fawn's POV

My back was against the headboard as I sat alone in this dark room.

There was a heavy feeling weighing down my eyelids, begging me to shut them and get some rest.

But I can't.

Even if I wanted to...I can't sleep without him beside me.

I've been up here for hours, waiting for him to come and lay with me.

Or talk to me...

More than anything, I wish he would just talk to me instead of bottling up his feelings. He's unsure, that much I can clearly see, but maybe if he would just tell me why then we could work something out.

I sniffled softly, trying to clear up my nose. It's been stuffy ever since I started crying earlier, and even still after I've stopped.

The house feels eerily quiet...I never heard Alastor leave, though, so I can only assume he's still here.

Maybe I should go check on him...he's obviously not going to come to me, so maybe I should make the first step.

We're going to have to talk about it sooner or later.

Slowly I drew my legs out from under the covers, sliding myself off the mattress.

His nightclothes hung off of me loosely, still far too big for my body but...it just wouldn't be the same if I slept in anything else.

I made my way out of the bedroom, trudging down the hallway towards the steps.

Maybe he's asleep...it's highly unlikely, but it's just so quiet— wait.

My brows furrowed as a very faint noise could be heard somewhere in the house. The further down the steps I crept, the more I could make out what sounded like...

Crying...

The kitchen light was on, so that's where my feet began to take me. Cautiously, I peeked into the room.

I was shocked to see Alastor sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Next to him was a nearly finished bottle of whiskey, and his shoulders were bouncing slightly with each sob that racked his body.

It was obvious he was suppressing the amount of noise he was making.

"Alastor..." I spoke softly, stepping further into the kitchen.

He shook his head, burying his face further into his hands as if he were hiding from me.

The soft frown on my face deepened and my eyes grew softer as I walked over to him.

Gently, I brought my hand up and laid it on his head. He tensed under my touch, and even stayed that way when I begun to run my fingers through his hair.

"Please, my love," he whimpered, "go back to sleep...I'm sorry I woke you, just...pretend this was a dream, I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." he repeated, shaking his head back and forth.

"Back to sleep?" I started as a question, then chuckled softly, "Alastor, I haven't been to sleep..."

He sniffled and wiped his face before looking up at me with furrowed eyebrows, "why, darling? You need your sleep..." he murmured, barely meeting my eyes.

I reached down and took his face into my hands, forcing him to look at me. His teary eyes met mine, wide and...scared.

He looks terrified.

"You know I have trouble sleeping without you..." I whispered softly, "now will you please tell me why you're so upset, sweetheart..."

More tears gathered at his bottom lashes and his lip quivered before they spilled over his cheeks.

"I-I'm so sorry...I-I'm s-so sorry..." he said, and then I gasped softly when he grabbed me and pulled me forward.

His arms went around my waist and he buried his face into my chest, breaking into another fit of sobs.

My eyes were wide with surprise for a second, then slowly they relaxed with my body, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

I let my eyes close, burying my nose into the top of his head before placing a gentle kiss against his crown.

His arms tightened around me, almost like he was preparing for me to turn around and run away.

For a very long moment, that's all we did.

I let him hold me as he cried into my chest. There was a faint smell of alcohol coming off of him, but that's understandable considering the nearly empty whiskey bottle.

My eyes fell to something else on the table...a little photograph, it seems.

A woman...his mother.

He finally started to quiet down, giving me the opportunity to ask him again why he was so upset.

Except, he spoke before I could.

Pulling his head up, he moved his arms down and scooped up both of my hands.

"I'm so sorry...I know you probably think I'm such a coward, and an asshole...f-for just leaving you there all alone...and letting you go to bed alone...I'm so sorry..." he shook his head and brought my hands up to his face.

"I'm just so afraid..." he whimpered softly.

I broke free from his grasp only to cup his cheeks again and pull his gaze up to meet mine.

A small smile lifted onto my lips as I wiped his tears away, caressing his poor burning face with my fingers like he's done for me so many times before.

I shook my head, "I don't think you're a coward...what are you so scared of, baby?" I asked him with a gentle tone.

"I-I just..." he started, and then shut his eyes, causing more tears to trickle down his cheeks, "I want this to go well...I want that so badly...I wish I could grant you and our baby perfect health, my love...but I can't, and that's terrifying..."

He drew in a shuddering breath, "I just don't want you do get hurt...o-or heartbroken...and I'm scared of...b-becoming a father..."

My eyes widened slightly, and I watched as he began to sob harder. He wrapped his hands around my wrists, holding my hands to his face.

"What if I'm just like him!" He cried, "what if I hurt you or our baby! What if I lose control again! What if—!"

My lips connected with his. It was the only thing I could think of that would shut him up effectively.

I could feel him shaking. His heavy breaths heaved through his body, until slowly they calmed.

The grip he held on my wrists loosened, and he kissed me back.

When I pulled back, my eyes opened up to meet his wide ones.

"Shhh..." I hushed him softly.

I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner that you were just scared...I'm so sorry all I was worried about was myself...I'm so sorry I let you sit alone down here with these awful thoughts...

"I'm here now..." I whispered, "and you're ok..."

He breathed in a small hiccup and sniffled.

My head shook back and forth and I gave him a smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about...the Alastor I know would never hurt me. You've never lost control with me...and you never will."

The tears just kept falling from his eyes. I've never seen him cry...not like this.

"You don't know that...you don't know what I've done," he sobbed, "the people I've killed, the ones I h-hurt...the ones that loved me. I wanted him dead so badly I was blinded by my own pride and killed her, too!"

He shut his eyes tightly and whimpered, "mama..." he sobbed.

The smile on my face fell, and my eyes rounded.

Two parents...found dead by their son...After he returned home from work...

Or maybe...he found them right where he left them.

Shoving my shock to the side, I quickly fixed my expression, hushing him once more.

"Oh, Al...look up here at me," I requested, and hesitantly, he did.

"Y-you think I'm a monster...I am a monster."

My heart broke when he said that so sadly...

Again I smiled, "a monster?" I questioned.

Then I hummed, and tilted my head. He sniffled and looked up at me.

After I had successfully gained his full attention, I shook my head.

"I don't see a monster...I mean, I don't know about you...but, I'd run and scream if I saw a monster," I giggled and shrugged, "do you want to know what I do see?"

He blinked slowly, and sniffled.

I used my thumbs to firmly wipe away the remaining tears in his eyes.

"I see...the man I love," I said softly, and then leaned down to place another tender kiss against his lips, "and the man I am proud to call the father of our child."

"But I kill people," he retorted.

"You kill men that remind you of your father..." I shot back, my expression softening, "I think I understand that now...you want to get back at him for everything he did to you, whatever that may be...and you serve justice through the only way you see fit. I'm not saying I support this hobby you do. I don't support you killing people. But I also will not condemn you for trying to protect other people from the evil you see in the world."

"B-but I trick people...I lock up their souls and use them...I'm selfish...I'm cruel...I don't deserve this love you're giving me, please stop..." he begged me, and I hardened my stare.

"Alastor, knock it off. Asking me to stop loving you is like asking the world to stop turning. It's impossible, so will you give it a rest already? Nothing you say to me will ever change how I feel. I don't care what you've done, I don't care who you think you are. I thought I came into your world completely by chance, I thought it was just a mistake. If that's true, why did I run into the radio station that evening? Why did you happen to be there at that exact moment? Why didn't you kill me, Alastor?"

His eyes widened and his breath caught.

"We were not a mistake..." I said quietly, and then slid my hands into his, and once again I brought them down to my stomach.

This time, he went easily. He didn't pull against me, or fight.

His eyes fell to where I was taking his hands. Gently, he pressed his palms against my belly.

"And neither is this baby..."

He kept his eyes on my stomach, his expression relaxed but slightly in awe.

I chuckled, "unexpected? Yea...it was unexpected...but not accidental. Just like how me being here with you is not accidental..."

The feeling of his thumbs brushing against my stomach made me giggle softly.

He lifted his eyes to look up at me, and I smiled down at him.

"You're nothing like that man...I don't have to have met him to know that much."

"H-how can you be so sure...?" He asked me quietly.

I put my hands over his, "because you wouldn't be nearly this upset and worried about us if you were."

He was silent, but his pupils expanded slightly.

"You're going to be a great daddy..." I whispered, and leaned down to kiss him again.

Then I gasped when he stood up quickly and lifted me off my feet. He was hugging me as he kissed me deeply, taking me completely by surprise.

The air whirled around my head as he spun me.

Finally, he pulled back and set me down...giving me that one in a million smile.

After a moment of eye contact, my soft smile rose into a more excited one.

"Can we finally be excited now?" I asked him with a cheeky smile.

He chuckled, nodding, "yes, my love...I apologize for my reaction earlier, and thank you so much for...everything that just happened. I should've been excited with you from the very beginning..."

I squealed happily and hopped slightly, "yay! I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant!" I celebrated happily, to which Alastor chuckled again.

Then I was wrapped up into another tight hug, and lifted off the ground.

"I love you so much..." he whispered into my hair.

I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his shoulder.

"I love you, too."

**

A/N: y'all, please forgive me if this is fucking shit. I've been trying for a solid two days to write this chapter, and I really hope I portrayed it properly and in a coherent manner.