dex couldn't quite imagine what juline's reaction would be if something had happened to him like what had happened to the vackers. she would probably have become far more overprotective, staying & smothering. not that he'd be able to blame her for it.

della's reaction appeared to be letting biana do whatever she wanted. cue another party at the vackers'.

this one was different, though. where last time it had been crazy & carefree, now it was severe & solemn. biana had changed, since the protesting. she was the same elf, but she'd grown up some. formerly frolicking in frilly festivities, now she flourished in firm frocks that, though fashioned to fit her frugal frame, favored the feeling that she was fully formed. it was awe-inspiring, & scary. dex would be lying if he claimed he wasn't terrified of her.

dex couldn't even remember what they all talked about. the awkwardness was palpable, & so was the fact that biana didn't care in the slightest. sophie wandered away somewhere along the line, but dex tried not to think about it, tried not to look at the door to see if she'd even come back.

she did, but dex didn't find out by staring obsessively at the door. no, he found out because biana had been talking to him, & her expression faltered, her eyes flickering to someone behind dex. when he turned, there she was. sophie, holding an inexplicably morose expression.

one sec, biana muttered vaguely, & then she was marching up to sophie. dex watched, frozen, as she yelled at her, as sophie looked away & blinked back tears. you bitch! he saw biana shout. you backstabbing slut! what is wrong with you?

dex let out a shaky breath, trying to tune out the noise. that could have been him. he could have snuck away at biana's party to kiss fitz & gotten caught, screamed at by the sister who fitz let carry more shit than any girl should have to, ever. maybe in an alternate universe he was.

linh stood up, suddenly, & walked purposefully over to biana. she spoke in a dulcet tone, & dex could see the words hitting biana. she stared at linh, bit her lip, nodded. then she stormed back to everyone else, leaving sophie standing, dazed, by linh.

listen up! biana yelled. it's rant time! & i'll go first! she put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes in the direction of sophie. my brother? yeah. he's a dick. he hasn't talked to me since i came out. not one fucking word. he started eating meals at a different time & everything? our bedrooms are next to one anothers'. that's dedication. a harsh laugh forced its way out of her. everyone give it up for fitzroy avery vacker, the lost cities' most dedicated homophobe!

silence. something in dex's gut twisted. maybe there was a world where biana was raging at him right now. but maybe there was also a world where fitz hadn't felt like his sexuality was something he had to hide, where he came out to all of these people or at least told biana he accepted her. what was the difference between that-world fitz & this one? they were still the same person, somewhere inside.

& then, for a moment, he felt unbearingly sad. sad for the fitz who could have been. sad that biana didn't have to be angry right now. she could have been happy. she could have felt safe, in that little moment of her life he never should have seen to begin with.

dex stood up abruptly, ignoring biana's scorching eyes on him. i have to go, he blurted, turning quickly. whatever happened next, he didn't want to see if biana hated him. she would hate him if she knew who he was. what he had done, what he had forgiven, just so he had an excuse to kiss the boy he liked.

he passed linh, standing in front of the door, as he exited the room. she offered him a small smile.

where was sophie? hadn't linh been talking to her?

a moment later, he had his answer. as the door swung shut behind him, he saw a flash of blonde around the corner. sophie?

a clattering of footsteps, & she was gone.

dex swore, breaking into a run. the hell? wait for me, soph!

they both knew she could easily beat him, but apparently some part of her wanted her cousin to catch up, because she stopped, winded, in a narrow corridor dex didn't think he'd ever seen before. briefly, he marveled on how huge everglen was—but that wasn't the point right now. the point was that he barely knew sophie anymore, & she seemed upset, & some part of him wanted to help. & their situation was far more similar than anyone but him & maybe fitz realized.

what's wrong?

sophie sunk to the ground, burying her head in her hands & letting out a small sob. why are you even here?

why did people keep lashing out at him? it was beyond exhausting. look, sophie, i came to see if you're okay. but i'm not gonna stay if you're gonna be mean. you're not the only one going through stuff right now.

sorry. she let out a long sigh, choked with tears. i keep messing up. everyone hates me now.

i don't hate you.

the words were out of his mouth before he even thought about them. did he hate her? he was pretty angry, yeah, but he didn't think he could hate her. so it was true. that was good. he was sick of lying.

you should. she looked up at him, & there was a vulnerability in her brown eyes he hadn't seen for a long time. biana wasn't very subtle about the fact that i quote-unquote 'sided with the enemy'. & even before all this, i can't remember the last time we really hung out. her hand reached up automatically to tug out an eyelash, & dex could see her pained hesitation before slowly bringing it down. how many times do i have to learn i'm horrible at focusing on lots of different things at once? & no one likes me now. not even fitz.

the words on the tip of his tongue—though truth be told, dex wasn't quite sure what they were—died with that last sentence. wait. what happened with fitz?

she shook her head. i don't know. it could all be in my head. everyone loves telling me i'm oblivious to social cues. but it feels like...

dex took her moment of hesitation to sit down next to her, resting on the wall & looking around the empty hallway, wondering where this other, alternate sophie who actually confided in him & acknowledged her countless faults had come from. yeah?

like i'm some sort of obligation. even when we're together, his mind is somewhere else. i thought he liked me. he buys me presents. he said he trusts me. but he's hiding something. &... i don't know. do you think he's, maybe, um. cheating? cause i kind of think he is. this time she didn't resist the urge to tug away an eyelash. & i should never have gotten back together with him, i think. her words sped up here, flowing faster, hesitation halting. i thought i could just be a part of both worlds, because i know you guys all hate him but i swear he's not this awful one-dimensional villain everyone makes him out to be. of course biana & linh &, i don't know. you all have a right to be mad. but i thought i could convince him? i brought it up a few times. i don't understand what prompted all these... these views he has.

if dex had been fully listening, he would probably have called her out for bullshit. 'these views' were clearly bigoted, & it didn't even sound like she had protested all that much. but his mind was stuck a few sentences earlier, & his stomach was filled with sludge. do you think he's cheating?

he was. he was. & it was with dex. & he was just like sophie, he was worse, because he tolerated it just like she did, & he knew fitz was dating sophie, & he barely thought about how she would feel, & he resented her & he was a horrible hypocrite. & he was sitting here & she was hurting & it was partly because of him & he had to tell her but he couldn't. he wasn't going to out fitz. no matter what the elf had done, he didn't deserve that.

so he listened. it was the least he could do.

i'm not homophobic. but i didn't think fitz was either, not really. i knew he was awful to them but i thought there was some logical reason. & now i'm not so sure. & i could be misreading everything with him, cause i barely trust myself. & now everyone hates me, & i deserve it...

her voice trailed off, leaving dex with a million thoughts swirling around his mind & an increasing pressure to say the right thing, whatever that was. um. his voice was small, even to his own ears. i think you should tell them that. that you feel so bad about all of this, i guess. i know biana's abrasive & honestly kind of terrifying, but maybe you could talk to linh? & she could talk to tam, &... i don't know. you clearly feel bad, & i mean. i guess that's a first step? & as for fitz...

there were too many endings of that sentence for dex to possibly comprehend. & as for fitz, you'll never be right for him. & as for fitz, give up & find a straight guy. or a bi guy. or a pan guy. or any guy who's not that guy. & as for fitz, back off. & as for fitz, sever your ties before you get hurt. & as for fitz, give up on him. believe me, this is coming from someone who's trying to do the same thing.

but he didn't say any of that. instead, he stayed silent.

sophie stood up. don't worry about fitz, dex. none of this mess i've made is your problem.

guilt danced in his stomach. he tried his hardest to ignore it.

sorry for unloading on you. i think... i don't know what i think. i might apologize, to linh at least. that's a good idea. & as for fitz...

now it was her turn to contemplate endings. dex could hardly imagine what they were. & as for fitz, i'll break up with him. & as for fitz, i'll put more blind faith in him. & as for fitz, i'll ask him again why he does this, & again i'll get a lie.

whatever she had been thinking, she just finished, i'll handle it. a small, unhappy smile. thanks, dex. we really should hang out more.

& she was gone.

a/n: yEAH I KNOW IT'S BEEN OVER A MONTH. do i have any explanation? not really lmao. i've been falling out of the kotlc fandom, & kinda had no motivation, so honestly? expect more long waits between updates. & for the record: update requests make me triggered as fricc. do not comment "update". do not comment "please update". do not comment "update please". i don't care how good your intentions are. i'm still going to go off on you.

i'm almost done with 'they can have my legacy'!!! thank you guys for reading even though it's been forever. :)))) i hope you stick around! what do you think will happen in the next two chapters? don't forget to vote & comment! (please comment. i love comments.) have a great day, & whatever amount of time until i update this again xx