To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Help!
Okay, so I just got a letter from George and he's on a lengthy rant about my liking rap. I don't know why he didn't just send me an email, and he's kind of harsh. Can you tell me the meaning of it?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
Dear, maccaisbacca,
You shouldn't be bothered by your friend "George" sending you letters bashing you for liking a type of music. Just be like a duck and let it roll off. Perhaps you should have a face-to-face conversation with him about this instead of hiding behind ink and parchment. I hope you two get this settled.
Sincerely, John Lennon

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
John, I was being serious. -_-

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
I was being serious too, Paul! That is some good advice. I'm also thinking of starting a newspaper column called, "Dear John." Did you like my approach?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
I'm not going all the way to George's house to talk to him about something silly. And the duck part was kind of overkill. I didn't take it seriously when you said that. Your advice methods need work.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
Noted. Send me a snippet of his letter so I can see how bad it is.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
Okay. *clears throat* "Really, Paul, really? Who do you think you are, anyway? Some teenybopper who wears his pants all the down to his ankles with his boxer shorts hanging out? Rap is computerized and doesn't involve any talent whatsoever. It isn't wordplay. It isn't an art. It is pure rubbish." That was the first paragraph of a three page rant.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
Uh, wow. Hold on a second, Paul, I need to find the perfect emoji for this.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
You just created a virtual wildfire, John.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
I know, and I'm proud of it. Paul, just let it go. Be a duck!

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: Help!
Okay. I'm going to go listen to "Let it Be."

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: No Reply
Ringo, I sent Paul a three-page long rant about his liking rap music and he hasn't replied. I was expecting a complete blowup, but he hasn't said anything.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: No Reply
Why are you disappointed he didn't say anything? Did you want him to blow up?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: No Reply
Yes, yes I did, but he didn't say anything. Now what am I going to do for entertainment?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: No Reply
Watch FoodNetwork?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re Subject: No Reply
Good enough.

This is kind of a lazy effort, but here it is! Sorry if it's crummy.