The Monster

•••

     I heard birds chirping. That was the first thing I remembered apart from the searing pain in my body. I knew I had to be in Heaven because there were no birds in Landria, at least not after the war. However, I also knew there wasn't supposed to be any pain in Heaven. So, where was I?

"Welcome, Oceana Howl," a deep voice spoke that sent more electricity through me. It was as if the voice was powerful and bound by deep magic that rattled my soul. Although I wasn't familiar with magic, I was familiar with the hum that surrounded the elders. But this magic was different. It wasn't a hum, it was a loud ringing that shook me to the core. It also reminded me of my throbbing head, and I slowly opened my eyes to see where I was.

The last thing I remembered was whispering death to all before the wall of darkness crushed me under its electric weight. I expected instant death or a death that would leave me screaming and lashing out in pain. However, I was still alive. I wondered if they were keeping me alive to sacrifice me later in a demeaning and derogatory way. I accepted death as the elders pushed me through the wall with their magic, why did they have to extend my execution any longer? I could still feel the tears on my cheeks, and I knew only moments had passed since I came through the wall.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw a man standing over me. He looked like an ordinary man except for his clothes. He wasn't wearing what the men in Nortadane wear, but instead he wore armor as if he just walked off a battlefield. However, I could tell this wasn't ordinary armor. It was engraved with silver embellishments all over the chest and legs as if this was a uniform. But he looked like a man.

He had dark hair trimmed around his ears, golden eyes that stared coldly at me, sharp cheekbones, and a mouth pressed in a thin line as if he was annoyed that I was there. Although his words bid me welcome, I could tell the rest of him did not match what he said.

What was even more confusing was how bright it was. Where the sun never shone directly on Nortadane, the sun was glistening and bright above us. I couldn't have crossed the dark wall, for none of this made any sense.

"Allow me to help you up," he offered as he extended his hand. His facial expression was still cold, but I reached out and allowed him to help me to my feet. I was unsteady from the electricity buzzing around me, the pain in my body from the elders restricting me, and my head throbbing from having fallen on it only hours ago. "My name is Sir Chefford, and I will assist you to the House," he told me so casually, that I almost fainted.

My knees buckled under me, but his steady hands helped me up once more.

"Easy there, it's not easy for humans to come through the barrier. Especially humans who haven't had the chance to practice their magic."

I looked up at him—wanting to ask him so many questions—but I quickly glanced away. There was no need to ask questions when I clearly was in another world. This couldn't be the same Landria I grew up in, the same country that told me nothing was beyond the wall of darkness except flesh-eating monsters and darkness. None of this made sense, but I was too fearful to speak.

"I know what the humans say about us," he spoke up after a moment, "they teach one another to fear us, to fear the wall, and to fear what's beyond. However, you should never fear something simply because you're told to. You should only fear what you know to be fearful, otherwise, you waste your fear when it could be replaced with courage. Life here is far different from what you know, Oceana. Yes, we have pillaged and raided your land, but we were once human too. Everything that was yours was ours also. And, yes, we did feast on the bodies of many humans, but those humans wanted to suppress magic, suppress us, and keep Landria in darkness. We are not the darkness that you should fear, but the past Landria the humans uphold and the elders that instill these thoughts in their minds are what you should fear. Here, you will know your enemies, you will know who to trust, and you will see the truth."

Chefford didn't speak anymore after his glory speech, but I was glad. I didn't want to hear lies about the Monsters being something other than monsters. I knew the legends were legends for a reason, and I remembered my father and sister getting dragged down the Path. There was nothing exciting about those memories, nothing happy about what I saw, and there never would be. I didn't care about what a Monster told me, for they were liars. They dwelt in darkness, and I knew the beautiful sunshine around me, the glistening emerald trees around me, the bright pink and yellow and blue flowers around me—it was all a ruse. It was all fake, magic, and a sight they gave me. It wasn't possible for this side of the world to be beautiful, for flowers didn't grow anymore. Trees weren't green anymore, and the sun didn't shine. I was seeing through their magic lense, but I wouldn't let them convince me. Even though the Path was no longer dirt, it turned into a red brick road on this side of the wall, I knew it wasn't real. This was a dream, this was magic, and this was fake.

We continued down the brick road in silence as I gazed around me. Birds were flying through the clear blue sky and the enchanted woods seemed to stretch out in front of us. This world reminded me of a book I once read as a child, a book about a yellow brick road and an Emerald City. However, this wasn't a book, this was my life and it was currently a lie. Although the magic was beautiful, it was deceitful. I'd rather see the real darkness than see a lie. After all, beauty is only beautiful if it is true.

"The House is just up ahead," Chefford informed me, but I didn't believe him. I scanned my whole surroundings, and there wasn't any house nearby. However, when I squinted and looked again, I suddenly could see a very large white house that resembled more of a palace than a home. It sparkled in the sun, and the walls around it resembled marble. I had never seen marble in person apart from pictures in books. But I couldn't think of any other material that would shine and sparkle that much. It almost blinded me, and I had to look away.

"Here, you will meet the one that summoned you. Although all the elders share a higher power, only certain ones can summon humans through the wall. If a human attempts to come through when they weren't summoned, their body will melt at the wall. It's the same thing if you tried to return. If you weren't granted permission, your human form will become a pile of mushy bones, and we would have to clean you up. Magic is very strong here, Oceana, as you can already feel it. But do not fear. The life ahead of you is far more fulfilling than the life behind you." His gaze was still cold, and I didn't believe anything he said except for the parts about turning to mush if I tried to escape. That was the only reason he shared that with me because he knew I would want to escape once my head cleared from pain and shock. I still couldn't speak, but I nodded my head and pretended to understand.

After all, Chefford appeared to be human, but I knew he was a Monster beneath the disguise. I knew everyone on this side of the wall was, but they only looked human by covering my eyes with magic. I knew none of this was real, for it was all too good to be true. It wasn't possible for beauty like this to exist, for the world of Landria to strive, for the sun to shine—it was all too much, and I suddenly grew faint.

"Oceana," Chefford spoke as he held me up, "you need to eat. The magical barrier took too much energy from your mortal body. Come, I'll take you inside. You may meet Lord Dryden later."

I wanted to tell him that I didn't want food, I didn't want to be kept alive any longer just to suffer later, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't form words, so I allowed him to drag me into the house.

I was too tired and weak to admire the decor, but a pretty house was the least of my worries. Instead, I closed my eyes until Chefford lowered me onto a soft chair.

"You may feast. Lord Dryden will be with you momentarily," he bowed before leaving the room and leaving me alone.

For such a large house, the dining area was quite small. The table was only large enough for two to dine at the same time, and I began to grow nervous at the thought that perhaps this was a private dining area. Maybe, this was set up just for me and this lord. However, why would he prepared this for me? Why would he feed me? Was it to fatten me up later so I would taste better?

Before I could form a coherent thought, I feel hot tears trickling out of my eyes. It was so hard not to cry today, but everything seemed to be falling apart. I couldn't imagine my mother's grief as she sat in our cottage, crying over my bed and calling out to me while I sat in this dining area unharmed with a feast before me. It didn't seem fair. Why was I given this when she was given grief?

I just wanted to die. I accepted my fate, but here I was still alive. I wanted it over with. I wanted to enter eternity without any barriers, any magic, and any Monsters. I wanted to be free of Landria, free of this world, and free of this life.

"Just kill me!" I screamed once I finally regained my voice. However, the voice that came out didn't sound like my own. It sounded hoarse, and I began coughing through my tears.

Although I was in a state of shock, panic, and misery, I couldn't deny the grumble of my stomach as I sniffed the air and smelt the sweet smell of salted pork and potatoes. I could smell corn and butter, turkey and cranberry sauce, I could smell fresh bread and cinnamon—and the pain in my head intensified the longer I sat there and denied myself. I never heard that the Monsters' food was poisonous or would turn me into a creature, so I slowly reached out and tore off a turkey leg.

The warmth against my fingers was enough, and I began tearing the meat off the bone with my teeth. I knew I had to resemble a wild animal, but I didn't care. It had been so long since we had fresh meat at home, for all the animals ended up dying. Meat was scarce and hard to come by, even dried meat. However, this meat had never been dried, for I could tell it was hunted recently. Probably before I came through the wall when I was walking around Nortadane and thinking about my life.

The sudden memory of this morning and how many things happened from the time I sneaked out my window until now, made my stomach roll. I dropped the turkey leg onto my plate with a clatter as I clutched my stomach and turned away from the table. Immediately, I began to throw up all over the red velvet carpet. The turkey leg emerged from my stomach quickly, leaving me dry heaving and clutching my abdomen even harder. The pain of loss, sadness, and hunger was excruciating. I knew pain would forever be apart of my life whether my name was drawn or not, but I didn't think that the pain would hurt this much. I'd rather be tore apart by the Monster's claw than enjoying a meal while my mother mourned my death on the other side of the darkness.

"Oceana Howl," a voice drawled, and I quickly wiped my mouth with a napkin before glancing up at the speaker. I should've left the vomit on my face, but Monster or not, I didn't want to embarrass myself even more than I already had. Then again, why did it matter? Monsters didn't care about embarrassment, they only cared about themselves.

When my eyes fall upon the man who just walked in, I could tell almost immediately that it was Lord Dryden. He wasn't wearing armor like Chefford, but instead was wearing an emerald robe with white pants underneath. His robe exposed the top part of his chest, allowing me to see the tan skin beneath. His pants were loose on the legs, but not loose enough that the material made a sound when walking. His hair was red—not like an auburn red, but a fiery red as if it was dyed—and his eyes were the color of the sky outside. So very, very blue.

Ever though he was on the other side of the room, I could tell he was tall. But none of that shocked me. What shocked me was how beautiful he was when I knew he looked nothing like what he displayed. It was the magic again, for Monsters didn't resemble their human forms. Not after they allowed the darkness to overcome them and change them.

"Are you all right?" He asked, and I couldn't do anything but laugh. After the day I had, the lies I heard, and the false display of what lied beyond the dark wall—I laughed. Was I all right? What a stupid question.

"I thought the Monsters were supposed to be smart," I snarled after I found my voice. I suddenly didn't care about this Lord Dryden or what he thought. I was to die anyway, no matter if Chefford told me this life would be better. It wouldn't be because lies were never better than the truth.

I thought I almost caught a smile before it disappeared.

"We are smart, Miss Howl, but that doesn't mean we don't like to imagine something other than what we see," he responded as he leaned against the chair directly across from me on the other side of the table.

"So, you took me from my home, but you'd like to imagine that I'm all right?" I retorted. "That doesn't make any sense." Feeling the pain erupt in my stomach once again, I hunched over slightly trying my best not to show the Monster before me how much pain I was in. I didn't want him to think that I was weak. Not that I cared what he thought, but predators liked their prey weak, and I wasn't about to indulge his fantasy.

"You need to eat," he deadpanned, "eat some food before you faint. It would help your stomach," he stated before pulling out the chair he was leaning on. He sat down across from me and crossed his hands on the table.

"I don't want to eat," I informed him as I quickly glance at the vomit on the floor next to me.

"One of my servants will clean it up. I didn't ask you, Oceana, I told you. This is my home, my land, and you need to eat." His voice was clipped, and I could tell he was annoyed with me. However, I didn't care. I would've taken the pain in my stomach over listening to a Monster anyway.

"When are you going to show me your true form?" I asked in hopes to divert the conversation. "When will I see what this world really looks like? You can't use magic to cover my eyes the whole time. The least I deserve after what I've been put through is honesty."

"Honesty?" He laughed as he reached out and cut off a piece of the salted pork before tearing off a bite with his sharp teeth. I hadn't noticed how his canines were sharp before, but it proved even more that he was one of the Monsters I was taught to fear. "You expect honesty from me, but you don't care about the lies the humans you grew up around told you?" He scoffed as he reached out and scooped some potatoes on his plate.

"Nobody I grew up with lied to me. You know nothing about the humans in Nortadane. All you care about is your magic and power and destroying us."

"Destroying you? Ha! Yes, I'll admit that we wanted to destroy the humans that didn't want us to prosper. The humans that didn't want us to rule or expand our technology. We did murder the humans that didn't want what was best for Landria, but those humans had an agenda. They wanted to take over, to rule the way they wanted, but they didn't have the magic we possessed. We were created by our Mother to rule. Our Mother gave us the power, the elders the power, not the pitiful humans with hearts darker than the border that surrounds your pitiful town." I can hear the anger in his voice from me not believing him, from me questioning our history, but I knew better than to believe a person capable of changing their entire appearance and soul because they conformed to the dark side. I didn't care if our goddess Mother gave the elders pieces of her magic, they were still evil.

"So you assumed that eating people would make it better?" I scoffed at the disgusting thought. "That doesn't make you monsters?"

"I never denied that our ways in the past made us monsters, but that was over one hundred years ago. There was a war, Oceana, a war that your history books failed to teach you about," he said as he pointed his fork at me, before shoving a forkful of potatoes into his mouth.

"Our history books didn't fail, your ways failed, and that's why you no longer have light inside of you. You're all darkness-driven Monsters," I seethed as another wave of pain overcame both my head and stomach.

"Enough of this nonsense. I can see you're going to be about as hard to convince as the last Howl," he grumbled. "Eat, I'm sick of seeing you in pain."

"The last Howl?" I gasped. "Are my sister and Father alive?!" I choked as I absorbed what he just told me.

"You don't want to believe anything I say or listen to me when I want you to eat and feel better, so why would you want to hear anything at all about your family? Won't you just assume I'm lying?" He asked, and I noticed his eyes were twinkling as if he thought this was a game.

"You're sick," I snarled as hot tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

"Your words not mine. And I believe that you're the sick one. Eat, Oceana, you cannot feel better unless you treat your body well."

"Well?" I gasped as the tears poured down my cheeks, "how can I be well when you take me away from my family and you have these legends of eating my people? Then you mention my family and not tell me anything about them? If they are alive tell me! You don't know how much my mother and I grieved," I breathed, stopping myself before I showed too much weakness. The tears were still falling, but I didn't have enough energy to stop them. "How unfair is it, that I get taken from my home," I sniffle, "and everyone here knows my name? But I don't even know yours, or if you're the person that wanted the elders to draw my name."

"I am Lord Dryden, but you can call me Dryden. I don't really enjoy the lord title anyway," he half-laughed, but I knew he wasn't amused. "And I was the one that picked you. I could feel your soul through the wall, I could feel your pain, and I knew you wanted a better life. There wasn't any darkness in you, Oceana, and I knew that you deserved something better."

"Was that before or after you you took away my father and sister?" I asked before I wiped my eyes and took another bite of the turkey leg. As much as I didn't want to listen to the Monster that knew of my loss and dragged me from my mother, my head and stomach hurt too much to fight with him anymore.

"So, I'm only a monster because I wanted a better life for you?" He asked after a moment of silence apart from both of us chewing our food.

"You know nothing about me," I breathed as I set down my eaten turkey leg and wiped my hands and mouth on my napkin. "You can't say you wanted a better life for me when you know nothing about me."

"Magic binds us more than you think, Oceana, and I could feel your magic through the barrier."

"I don't have magic. I've never practiced before. I'm only nineteen."

"That doesn't mean you aren't blessed by our Mother. You'll understand soon enough what I mean if you stop believing that we are the monsters you've heard about."

I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy to continue arguing with someone who fed me lies. Besides, I didn't believe he knew anything about my family. He just wanted to get to my head, but he didn't.

He didn't.

"And this is what I look like, Oceana," he spoke up after a moment. "I don't conform to look like a monster with long arms, horns, and claws. I look like this all of the time. Sometimes, I may look darker when hunting. I may look scarier when I'm casting a deep spell, but I always look like this. The only monstrous feature is my teeth," he bared them to show me, "but we aren't a scary bedtime story. We don't transform into something terrifying."

"So you're beautiful instead?" I almost laughed. "That's even scarier than being scary. It's a lie like everything else here."

"It's not a lie," he sighed as he placed his fork forcefully on the table. "Nothing I've told you was a lie."

I didn't respond. I still didn't believe anything he told me, and I didn't want to continue this conversation. My stomach felt better from the turkey, but my head still pulsed from pain. I needed sleep to overcome my possible concussion, but I wasn't going to ask him for a bedroom. The last thing I needed was for him to think that I was okay with staying here. As bad as Nortadane was, it was far better than living under the rule of a Monster. I wasn't going to do what he wanted, and I hoped he didn't expect me to.

"I can see that you need sleep. I'll show you to your bedroom where you can change and get comfortable. I can't imagine that corset you're wearing now is pleasant," he stated before standing up and pushing his chair in.

"I'm not staying here," I informed him. "You can't make me stay here." I knew that he could make me do anything with magic, but if he wasn't a monster like he claimed, then I couldn't see why he would make me stay.

"I actually can, Oceana, I am an elder, remember?" He challenged me. I noticed his lips moved upward in a smirk, but there was nothing funny about this situation.

"I don't care about your magic. If you're not as monstrous as you say, let me go home." I was trying to barter my way out of this situation, but I knew I was failing. He thought this was a game, that my life amused him, but there was nothing amusing about him taking me away from the only life I knew. I didn't care how nice this country was, for I still believed it was all covered up by magic. How could the wall surrounding Nortadane be so dark, but the world on the other side be so light?

"You want to return to that forsaken town? Where the sun doesn't shine on your skin, where the birds don't chirp, where the trees are all dead? You'd trade this beautiful part of Landria for Nortadane?" He scoffed.

"Yes, I would because I choose my family over this ruse," I breathe softly. I was getting worked up again, but I wasn't going to break down this time. I wouldn't let myself cry again, not after showing him how weak I could be.

"All you have is your mother, right?" He asked casually as if they didn't take away my father and sister.

"Because the Monsters took my sister and Father," I whispered softly. How was he having this conversation so casually? As if he didn't care? But then again, did he? Why would he care about me when he was so willing to whisk me away and take me to this place? He already displayed his insensitivity, so why was I surprised?

"We take humans that we believe deserve a better life, Oceana, we don't take the people from Nortadane to murder or eat them. You don't understand because you're not an elder. You don't have magic coursing through your veins and humming beneath your fingertips. It's different for us, we're not mortal. You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand?" I scoffed. "How pathetic! This is my life, don't I deserve any answers?" I practically shouted.

"You do, but you only deserve them when you'll believe me. Why would I waste my time telling you the truth when you wouldn't believe me? I have to earn your trust, Oceana, before we can truly converse. I can see now that you won't believe anything I say until you see that I'm not lying. However, now it's time you go to bed. I can feel the pain from your head radiating off you in waves."

"Like you care about my pain. You probably want to get me well before you devour me," I muttered.

I could've sworn I saw him smirk.

"There are various ways a woman could be devoured, Oceana, but I promise you I'll never devour you in the way you're imagining." He smiled at me, displaying his sharp teeth, and I suddenly swallowed in response. "Now, it's time for bed. C'mon."

This time I didn't argue. Not after what he just told me. I felt the heat in my cheeks once I realized what he meant, and I didn't know how to respond. So, I remained quiet as I got up from my chair and allowed him to guide me to my room for the evening.

The halls in his home were bright from the various windows, and the floors apart from the dining room were all golden and sparkly as if they were real gold. The walls were marble just like the outside walls were, and there were green vines covering the ceiling. It was a beautiful home, but it felt as fake as he was.

"Your room is right here," he told me as he pushed open a door and let me walk in first. The floor in this room was red velvet like the dining room, but the walls were golden instead of marble. The bed was a queen bed with four large golden posts and an emerald green bedspread with matching pillows. There was a white fur rug near the bed and a dark wood wardrobe in the corner. Apart from the bed and wardrobe, the room was empty.

"There are some clothes in the wardrobe," he informed me as he walked past me to open it up. "A few nightgowns that would be more comfortable to sleep in, and a—"

"Did you do this for my sister too?" I interrupted him. All I could think about was my family and what they experienced coming across the barrier to where the Monsters lived. "Did you give her clothes to wear to bed too?"

"I didn't request your sister's name to be drawn, Oceana, so she never came here," he blinked. "The humans stay with the elder that requests them."

"So she is alive?"

"I'm not sure. If she is, I've never seen her."

"Do you spend lots of time around the other elders or their homes?" I knew I was asking too many questions, but I needed to know. I had to know.

"Only during the solstice where we gather in the city. We don't take humans for our pleasure if that's what you're implying. We take them to show them the truth. We request the humans with good hearts to help build up a better Landria for the future. Humans who desire the world to be what it was before the war. We're trying to build a better world, we're not trying to hurt the humans anymore. Our war is over."

I wasn't sure what to say, so I kept quiet. I wanted to believe that April was alive, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I couldn't bear to go through that loss again, and I just wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to leave so I could cry myself to sleep. I deserved that at least.

"I want to be alone," I requested.

"Okay," he nodded as he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

I had no idea why I was truly there whether it was to help build this better world or not, but I didn't want to be. I wanted to be with my mother, I wanted to be with my father and sister—anywhere but here. It didn't feel right, and I couldn't find it in me to feel blessed in this new world when I felt so alone and unsure about my future.

Collapsing onto the bed, I curled into a ball and cried silently until I fell asleep.