老死不相往來
Lǎo sǐ bù xiāng wǎnglái
Grow old and die without ever meeting.
Live life without ever having had any dealings with each other.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The fox must have spoken to the prince, because Sanli appeared in my room later that day, looking apologetic.

Sanli sat on the edge of my bed, hands nervously folded before him. He had loose white linen clothes on, the kind that Lu had often worn when he had done calligraphy.

Ink was on Sanli's hands and forehead, and I realized that is what he must have been doing.

"Practicing your brush work little prince?" I asked, from where I stretched out on a pile of cushions on the veranda.

"No. Well yes, in a way but... Ao, I am sorry I have been so absent. I have been looking for a way to remove your seals. I want to keep my promise to you before... before you go. But I have yet to figure out a method... I am sorry."

I almost laughed. I wondered why the prince had not been around. Now I realized. He has been locked in his room, searching for something he will never find.

"There is no method, little prince. You cannot remove Yan's seals. Only the Golden Emperor himself or a more powerful magic can do that." I said, lying back on the cushions.

I felt Sanli's frown. "That is not what you said before."

"I didn't say anything before. I simply let you assume it was possible."

Sanli looked angry. "Well why did you let me assume?"

"It was amusing, to see you so intent on something so out of your reach."

Sanli's eyebrows lowered, jaw clenched... then his anger chilled, faded. It reminded me of Kageyama.

"If you never believed in my plan in the first place, why did you agree to it?" Sanli asked coolly. "Why did you follow me to Zhanghai? To the Valley? Why are you still here now Ao?"

Why, indeed? "You were interesting, and I was bored, and in need of distraction. Eternity can be rather dull."

Sanli's lip curled. "Oh? And now? I suppose you have lost interest in me, and that is why you are leaving?"

"I suppose so."

"You are lying."

I said nothing, staring at the eaves of the veranda above me.

"Why have you given up?" Sanli asked.

"It is you who gave up," I said, twisting to look at him. The pillows slid out from under me as I did, and so I stood. "You were the one who first proposed destroying the gods. What did the little nun say to you at the temple that changed your mind so?"

"Do not speak unkindly of Ming Lang," said Sanli sharply. "And my change of heart had nothing to do with her." Sanli looked away. "I just realized it is better to treasure the time we have with the people who are precious to us, rather than waste it chasing after an impossible thing."

I laughed scornfully. "Well then prince, I believe you have your answer as to why I am leaving. I have nothing to give you, and you have nothing to give me. And so I will remove myself from your life. You will have plenty of time to enjoy with your 'precious people'."

Sanli's frown deepened. Then he did something that surprised the both of us.

He strode across the room to me, bent, placed his shoulder by my waist and wrapped his arms around my legs, and then stood, hoisting me over one shoulder.

"What are you—!"

The prince ignored me, bending once more to grab one of my too-tall shoes from the floor, then fishing the second out of a pile of clothes. Then he moved to the door, ducking low under the frame so my body wouldn't hit the top.

"What are you doing! Put me down!"

My legs kicked the air, my hands hammering against Sanli's back. I could have hit him harder, but I did not really want to hurt him.

Sanli put his own shoes on and then carried me, kicking and yelling, from the building, and then from Wo You Nai. By the entrance, Gakare nodded respectfully, completely unperturbed by my plight.

"Put me down right now prince! Or I will hit to hurt!"

But Sanli did not put me down, and I did not hit to hurt him.

Finally, when we had gone some distance into the woods, Sanli set me down. My bare toes twisted in the smooth, wet leaves of the forest floor.

Sanli bent over, hands on both knees, panting beside me. "Whew, you are heavier than I thought. Perhaps all the drinking has made you heavier."

I snorted indignantly. "Speak for yourself. Your arms have simply weakened."

Sanli chuckled, then placed my too-tall shoes before me, and kneeled to help me into them. I tried to ignore the tenderness of the gesture. "Why did you bring me out here?" I asked curtly.

Sanli turned and started up a track. "Come, I want to take you somewhere."

I briefly considered ignoring him and going back to Wo You Nai. It had stopped raining, but who knows when it would start again, and I was without coat or umbrella, in just my thin silk sleep robe.

But curiosity got the better of me, and I followed the prince.

The track led through the woods, over roots and down into hollows where crystal streams tinkled like the ice had in the wine jug that morning. The going was slippery, after all the rain, but Sanli would always stop to help me over the slick mossy rocks or muddy spots.

Around us the forest was bright green with new foliage. The browns and tans from last year had all disappeared, and now the forest was full of greens and shining wet blacks. And the grey sky above all, seeping through patches of leaves.

Soon the path started to curve up, the trees thinning. The prince and I found ourselves in a beech hanger, the trunks sleek and shining wet. Above, the thin, fresh leaves were translucent, shining green-grey light onto all beneath them. It made me feel as though we were in one of the many dreamlike memories I had of when I had first come to the Valley with Lu.

The earth here was clay like, slippery wet, and near impossible to climb in my smooth too-tall shoes.

"Little prince, wait, I cannot—ahh!" I cried as my shoes stuck in the clay and then slipped, sending me sliding down the incline.

"Gotcha-" Sanli reached out and grabbed one of my frantically waving hands, pulling me to him.

For a moment, pressed to his chest, I savored the closeness, the warmth of another I had missed. He smelt like pine, as always.

Then the prince turned and crouched.

"Get on," he said, indicating his back.

I snorted. "You could barely carry me from Wo You Nai. Now you mean to carry me up this hill?"

"Get on," Sanli said again.

I did.

The prince stood with a grunt and started up hill, steps slow but steady. I enjoyed the forest as it passed. The dew dropping from leaf to leaf to forest floor still provided a steady chorus of sounds. We startled a family of hares, that judged our slow progress with big glassy eyes, before scampering away, sending wet leaves scattering.

We passed a ring of mushrooms, white with bright red caps, speckled with rain dew. They stood in a small ring beneath a tree. Lu had told me once that if you stepped into such a ring and turned three times, chanting the name of the person you wanted to see, they would appear before you. He convinced me to try it once, when drunk. Not surprisingly, it did not work.

I told Sanli the story, and he laughed, hoisting me higher. "Let's try it then, with Ermi, on the way back."

We kept climbing. The trees grew closer together, then further apart. Lu had told me how the forest changed, depending on the type of soil, the amount of sun, the direction of the wind. He had been able to read the trees, like one of his many books.

How I regretted not paying more attention now. I had always listened with only half an ear, considering most of his rambling useless. Now it felt like treasure I had lost, slipped through my grasp into the sea of time, sunk and never to be found again.

Sanli's feet stumbled and he halted, squatting down to catch his breath. I could feel sweat soaking through his white tunic, and his wooden sandals were splattered with mud, his legs above that the same.

"I will walk little prince," I said.

"Almost there," said Sanli, rejecting my offer and standing once more.

He was right. A few swaying steps later, the path leveled out. And then suddenly the undergrowth disappeared and the landscape was spread around us.

It was awe inspiring.

The Valley, Linjing, and the farmlands beyond, all lay before us. The spires and towers of Linjing were minuscule versions of themselves. Houses were like tiny square boxes of color, and the rice terraces carpets of soft green. The Zhang river was a dark grey band running through it all.

I turned, looking to the east. If the horizon was not blocked by grey clouds and sheets of falling rain, I was sure we could have seen to the sea.

"What mountain is this?" I asked, confused. The view had changed, more trees fallen, which led to a broader view. But I recognized the vista.

"It is called Mount Lu, after my ancestor. But they used to call it by another name. I forget which."

I remembered coming here with Lu. We had come often, to drink, and talk. I remembered it well.

"I used to come up here when I was a boy," Sanli explained. He settled on a somewhat dry log, then took off his outer tunic and lay it on the log beside him, motioning for me to sit. "I felt like I didn't deserve what I had been given. Wo You Nai, Sho Sensei's protection, an ability to do magic. And all the comforts and privileges of royalty. A life my mother and I never dreamed of."

I sat beside the prince, elbow touching his own. I enjoyed the sound of his voice.

"Sometimes still I feel I don't deserve the things I have been given. The friendships and acquaintances I've made. But I've learned to be grateful for them."

Here the prince reached out, and took my hand in his. The gesture did not bring the same feelings as when Zakhar had done such a thing. But the prince's hand around my own still filled me with a warmth, a closeness I could not explain.

"I count you among my precious people, Ao," said Sanli, and for once the prince's laughing green eyes were serious. "Meeting you has been one of the great joys of my life. But I do not want to force you to stay, if you are not happy here."

I bit my lip. "I am happy here prince."

"Then why do you want to leave?"

I shifted on the log. I was tempted to tell him the truth. Why did I want to leave? There were so many reasons. Should I tell the prince that the Valley held too many memories of the past, both near and far? Should I tell him I was afraid? Losing Zakhar had reminded me of the pain that came with caring for humans. I did not want to feel that pain again.

Or should I tell him I missed something of myself, and for some reason I thought I would find it out there, roaming the roads of the empire?

"It is in my nature to roam, little prince," was all I said.

Sanli sighed, and squeezed my hand. "Well, if you ever get tired of your roaming, you always have a home with me."

We lapsed into silence, and I turned my eyes back to the view before us. A breath of wind caused the tree above us to send drops of rain dripping from the leaves onto Sanli and I.

"The last time we were atop a mountain, we spoke of secrets. Have you figured mine out yet?" Sanli asked me, smile wide.

I thought of the little prince's sobbing face in the cave. Of the pain he hid from the world. The anger. "I have, prince. Have you guessed mine?"

"Of course. You are a god. The sixth god."

"There are no such things as gods, little prince," I replied.

"Oh? Says who?" Sanli argued with a grin. "If I get on my knees and swear myself to you right now, aren't you a god?"

I laughed at the thought.

It started to rain again. The sound came first, a sound so difficult to describe. Not quite wind, not quite water. The closest comparison I could think of was the hiss of the sea on the sand.

Then the rain fell. It went from a few stray drops falling from the leaves above our heads, to a steady shower. The tree above sheltered us from the worst of the rain, but soon the top of my head and my shoulders were soaked.

"Come Ao, let's go back," Sanli said.

In response I stood and walked out into the rain.

"Ao!"

The Valley and Linjing spread out before me. I reached out, as though I could grasp at that rich green landscape. Then my eyes swept the Valley, all the way up to the northern end, where the pagoda of the temple stood waiting out the rain like a patient elder.

I searched below. I found gaps in the thick green sea of trees, and knew those must be where courtyards stood. I found the gap nearest us, and knew that must be Wo You Nai.

I breathed in deep, smelling the wet smells of the rain and the forest around us.

Then I closed my eyes. I tilted my face back, letting rain fall on my cheeks, on my throat, on my soft eyelids.

Beneath the bare sky, I spread my arms.

"Ao?"

I opened my eyes and lowered my arms.

Sanli stood before me, now fully soaked. His white shirt hung from his shoulders, and I could see the curve of his chest and arms so well I could have traced every muscle.

I imagined my own thin robe was equally revealing. I remembered dimly, trying to attract the prince's attention once using such a strategy. It seemed foolish now.

Sanli's eyes were only for my face. He searched it, though I did not know what he was looking for.

Then he got to one knee, and took my hand in his own, as though about to swear an oath.

He is serious, I realized.

I thought of Zakhar, saying the words of the final prayer as he faded from this world.

I bit my lip, hard, to keep the tears at bay.

"You should not swear yourself to me prince," I told him, voice hoarse. "I will not bring you happiness."

Sanli smiled up at me, the grey light above reflecting in his eyes. "Sho Sensei always says I want what isn't good for me."

Then Sanli closed his eyes, and pressed my hand to his forehead.

"Just as day gives way to night and night gives back to day,
Just as the sea eats sky and sky showers sea with rain,
I give my whole self freely,
And all I have to you.
Everything I have, everything I am, everything of my heart is yours."

The words ended, and all around us was the sound of rain pattering to the ground.

Then Sanli stood beside me, and together we looked down at the landscape until the clouds grew thick around the mountain, hiding it from sight.

"I am glad I met you prince." I said. And I am glad I met the kitsune. And the princess. And Zakhar.

"I am glad I met you too Ao."

*~*~*~*~*~*