Ugh, I really just miss home 

QOTD: Most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

AOTD: Starting my period in the middle of a soccer game...wearing ALL white. Yeah, worst day ever lol

There's a scene in one of my favorite movies, Aquamarine. Upon calling the one she "loves", when he answers the phone she lets out an excited scream, and hurls the phone out of the window. That's me.

"What can I do for you on this fine evening?"

His dark voice sent a tremor down my spine. He always seemed so confident, as if he had the whole world figured out. 

I suddenly realized I had no clue what to do next. What was there to even say? Why am I doing this? Why did I think this was such a good idea? Oh my God, I want to throw my phone just like how she does in the movie.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked, trying my best to sound like I was the one who had him figured out.

"Anything, if its for you."

My face began to heat up, and I had to put the phone down to my side, take a breath, and put it back once more to keep my composure. My guard was up, no matter what power he thought he had over me. I was over the cute-talk.

"We need to talk."

"I can pick you up at 6 tonight," He said, but it didn't seem like a suggestion.

I frowned. "Actually, you can pick me up at 5 tomorrow. I have stuff to do after we hang out."

"Hangout?" He chuckled through the phone, making me scowl. "Or we can just do it another time, after all I'm sure you're busy with being in charge of over 100 people and probably have lots to do and so little time to do it," I retorted. He sighed, surely noticing I wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Yes, I can pick you up at 5."

I held the phone tighter and bit my lip.

"Good. And we'll go to coffee, the one around the corner from the library," I added. A public setting would be perfect for our encounter. No funny business, no distractions. I would need a clear head in this process. I couldn't afford emotions anymore for they'd once cost me my dignity. I wouldn't dare allow such a thing to happen again.

I hung up promptly after the call, slightly congratulating myself for taking control of the situation. 

That night, I had gone to bed, my sleep plagued with dreams.

"Aren't you excited honey? I thought you might like the school. Everyone here seems so nice." Mom sipped her coffee and gazed out of the window. The restaurant was fancy,  and that meant we had something to celebrate.

"I guess so," I said with a sigh, playing around with my milkshake. I thought I'd be more thrilled to have this chocolatey goodness in my mouth since it'd been so long since I'd had one. I glance up at my mom who only stars out the window, as if all the sudden the world has promised her something.

And now, I stirred the thick shake with nonchalance.

"Why don't you eat up? This is a new beginning for us darling," She said, combing her fingers through her bouncy blonde hair that I never inherited. Her eyes had begun to sparkle again, and although I tried my best, a spark of hope flickered inside me too.

The dream then vanished like a puff of smoke in the air, and I was taken to a different reality with  no say in the matter.

My nightmares were like mosquitos. They sunk their teeth into me, and wouldn't let go until they had satisfied their thirst. Then when they had finished, I had been marked to remember the dream.

I dreamed that I was wearing a beautiful gown. It was black, silk, and hugged my body perfectly. The dress was embellished with lace. Black roses created intricate designs along the bust and the sides. The spaghetti straps were tight on my shoulders, and the rest cascaded down to the floor, past my ankles, creating a black pool of silk. 

When I looked up, I saw hundreds of people of all ages and genders staring me down. I could only make out the thick amount of space between them, creating two groups. I recognized the large brown wolf standing before me in one dream, and the silver one standing before his group. The wolves from the vision given to me by Reese. 

Their eyes were so intense, that I found myself at a loss for words. Suddenly, their eyes trailed past me. Confused, I turned around, and nearly lost my balance. My feet were not balanced, and something sticky had enveloped them. I looked at my dress, and it was damp with red. I looked down in horror, and noticed the mass amounts of bodies I stood on top of. With exhilaration, I turned to glance behind me, and the people disappeared, as well as the two wolves. 

Suddenly, someone yanked me back and I fell into a black abyss.

With a start, I awoke with sweat dripping down my forehead. I took a deep breath to calm myself down, but I felt like I hadn't had air in my duration of the dream. I sat up, and rubbed my temples, trying to gather myself. I glanced at my phone, and noticed it was 6 in the morning. I let out a sigh, got up and made my way to the shower. 

I turned the silver knob, and drew myself a bath. As it filled up, I lit a candle I had bought from a cheap store, put some music on, and sank into the tub. The hot water soothed me considerably, as well as my music.

I leaned my head back and studied the light above me. I had so many questions swarming inside that I didn't know where to start. It seemed that once I had answers, I had more questions. Reese and Moira had explained some things, and so did Demetri. I still didn't understand their ways, or culture. I felt like a child again, coming into the world for the first time, like taking off my glasses to what I thought was real.

Holding my breath, I sank into the water, and drowned out the noise of my phone.

That day, I got ready with angst. I looked in the mirror, towel wrapped around my body with water dripping from my hair. I would need to get dolled up I decided. I was going to get ready and be confident. Of course I wouldn't try too hard.

I put on some foundation and concealer, followed by filling in my eyebrows with a light powder so it didn't seem like I was too made up. Adding mascara, I paused, thinking of my lips. I frowned. As much as I liked makeup, lipstick was such a hassle. Eating and drinking would make me look like a clown if it should smear - which it normally did. I decided against it.

I left the bathroom and went to my closet. I wanted something simple, not too flashy, that made me feel and look sexy as well as confident.

While although it does look like I've gotten myself ready for a man, which I won't deny a part of it is true, I'm getting ready for myself . A strong and confident woman is able to do what she wants, without needing to explain herself. So long as she doesn't put down others, or herself, then who the hell cares, right? At least that's what I was telling myself.

I settled for some white ripped jeans, brown leather boots and a flannel to keep myself warm, for I noticed the air around me was getting colder. This made me think of the Great Battle. Did this weather mean that it was just around the corner? How fast would I have to make a choice before then? Was I already running out of time? I pictured the vision Reese gave me. Wolves whirring past one another in the snow, blood pooling coating the powdered ground.

I shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts. The more I thought about it, the more worrisome I became. I had enough to worry about, and choosing to pick a side of supernatural beings to defend was just not on my priority list at the moment.

So far, I needed to focus on Demetri. There were a few different things that could go wrong with tonight. 

For one, we could end up in a screaming fight. I was still so angry with him, and no doubt he was probably frustrated with me. I would understand if I was him, the frustration at least. From a new point of view, I could see he wanted me to understand. Hell, I wanted to also. But so much has happened, I don't know if I could just forgive and forget. That also begged the question, was I in the right to make that choice? We hadn't known each other long, but I couldn't help but put everything that has happened between us into consideration.

Then, there's also the possibility that I can't deny him. I'll give into him the moment he looks at me, at least, that's my fear. He has such an odd effect on me. But I can't think that way anymore. Because I know I have an effect on him. I have to use that to my advantage. It's not his game anymore, it's mine.

I glanced at the clock. It was already 3 in the afternoon. I began to panic a little, thinking I had more time. After brushing my hair, I grabbed my phone and headed out.

I went to the book store first, noticing Jess at the front desk. It'd been a while since I'd seen the old man here. When I walked in, the door dinged and the golden retriever propped himself up to greet me with familiarity. I smiled and bent down to pet him.

Jess said nothing, just kept her nose in the air, keeping her eyes plastered onto her phone. Her presence annoyed me but I kept to myself and walked to the isle where it held fiction and fantasy.

"So, you know what you are now?" 

I stopped in my tracks and turned to see Jess staring at me with a raised eyebrow. 

"What are you talking-"

"Don't play stupid with me, Venus. Or do you prefer Guardian?" 

Her voice was so venomous and almost angry. Her sharp green eyes tore into me and I knew right then and there that her ferocity made her what Demetri and Landon were. A beast, a wolf.

I said nothing, which caused her to sigh.

"It's too bad that the powers were wasted on you. A mere human. The most Guardians have some Magyk, but you have nothing. So what makes you so special?" She began to walk towards me, arms crossed. I stood my ground and clenched my fists. I had just fought with Moira the other day, quite literally. Was Jess asking for another fight?

"What's it to you?" I asked, just as bitterly.

"I'm from the Silver pack. Brooke is my best friend, and her dad is my Alpha. I owe them my life." I watched her as she looked at me to the ground

"I'm adopted. My family wasn't ready to have someone like me as a daughter, my dad knocked up my mom at 15 and ran off. Luckily, my aunt took me in and raised me but with change, I am now under Richard's care. But since his absence, I've been taken into the Silver family. A serious honor if you ask me."

I wasn't sure why she was telling me this, after all from what I could tell she definitely doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual anyways. Her eyes hardened once more before becoming a glare.

"If you pick Demetri, my pack will perish, everything I love and have worked so hard for. I will not be tossed around again, from family to family."

Her warning was so clear and alarming, that I almost sensed a vulnerability. I understood. She wanted to protect her pack and her family that she has within it.

"I wish there was some way to fix this, Jess. I do."

"There is. I know what Landon promised you, Brooke told me." 

I took a step back, and felt a knot form in my stomach. 

"I know you don't want to be in this quarrel, and you're too weak to make a choice. So why don't you just leave? It'd be a lot better for you, and everyone around you. I know you don't want to be the reason that over 100 die, unless that is secretly something you want."

"Of course it's not! I didn't ask for this-"

"Then go! Leave! Everyone would be better off without you! You're putting people through angst with you not picking a side. Brooke can't even sit still anymore, always scared about what you're going to do next, worrying for her father and her future pack since she's the only successor."

I stayed silent, not sure what to say.

"If you do something that puts Brooke in a dangerous situation, I'll kill you." 

I looked up to see Jess staring at me with fire in her eyes. I didn't doubt for one second that she could kill me. Or that she wanted to if it came to that. My eyes softened at her. "I don't want to harm anyone, Jess." I said before continuing through the aisle.

I recognized the protection in Jess's eyes when it came to Brooke. She was only trying to protect Brooke and the Silver pack. My head was beginning to hurt, and my eyes were unknowingly beginning to water. I swallowed the lump in my throat and searched for the book I wanted. 

I noticed one book with a silver spine. "Anatomy and Explanation of Supernatural Beings". The title was corny, but seemed like what I needed. When I reached for it, my hand began to tingle and warm up. I picked up the book, it was warm. I tried not to think on it too much or else I would go crazy.

I flipped open to the index, finding what I wanted. I walked out, passing the dog and Jess.

"Think about the deal Venus. Time is running out."

I kept my back turned to Jess, and walked  out.

I decided to go to the coffee place early and read. Jess's eyes were imprinted into my brain. She would die for her pack, that much was clear, but she was scared. Scared for those around her.

I sat down, not bothering to order yet since I had some time before Demetri got here.

I opened the book, sitting outside on the metal chair. I fingered through the pages until I got to the chapter I wanted.

Werewolves

I huffed, hating the word because I felt like I was in a series of Twilight. I knew reading out of a book wasn't the best idea to understand, but the town is so full of secrets, and perhaps the library is all well considering that's where Reese took us.

I shook my head and read. 

The first werewolf, though undiscovered, can be connected to being birthed from Mother Nature. It's existence, though accidental, lives as both man and wolf in one soul. The soul has a connection to the beast and the humanity it shares. As urban legend has it, the wolf is known to be a descendent of the moon. And when a man from Earth fell in love with the Moon Goddess, they both created something in the existence of their love. The werewolf. A man who could stay as he is on Earth, walking on land without those around him knowing his secret. And at night, a wolf where his connection to the moon is strongest. 

I pictured a person and a beautiful woman who I deemed as the Moon Goddess. I couldn't picture this person turning into a giant wolf.

The werewolf can survive both on its own and with a pack. When in groups, there must be a chosen superior, known as the Alpha. Often male, this Alpha will lead the pack. The others in the pack follow after him in both wolf and human shape. Members are normally born into the pack through parents who have previously been involved. Some Alpha's will accept loners into the pack if they are sure the newcomer will not disturb or wreak havoc on the pack and its order.

There is always a successor in a pack. In most circumstances, it is the second of the Alpha, often referred to as a Beta or a Second. In some cases, the Alpha's next of kin will take the place after him/her. Each pack is run differently but similar. Many packs range from 10-400. The smaller ones often travel, not staying in one place too long. These werewolves prefer to live life as beast more than human. 

Leaving the pack can be a tricky ordeal. Members can be kicked out, exiled, or may leave on their own terms. Loyalty ranks above all else, and if a member is believed to be apart of mutiny or betrayal of their pack and/or Alpha, exile is a possibility. Though rare, it will be done for the good of the pack. Some ask to leave, in modern times like now, so they can explore the world as human. If this happens, ties can be either severed or kept. Some who are apart of a pack lives states away from their Alpha, but should he or she call on them they must reply to this answer immediately and plan to see what they are needed for.

I remembered being told that many members of a pack didn't even live in town. Surprised, I glanced down at the silver book and wondered how much of this stuff was actually true. I continued to read, as if in a trance. 

The Alpha is often of pure bloodline, and is believed to have prophetic dreams sent from the Moon Goddess, who's true name remains a mystery. Only a few know her a name, but they are not a werewolf (See page 98 for more) 

However, females who granted position as an Alpha are commonly called Luna. If the Alpha male mates with a female during his reign, she is normally referred to as his Luna, ruling the pack at his side. Usually the male is dominant in most cases-

I scoffed, of course he is.

But there are many packs with only a Luna as the sole leader. A female Alpha, or Luna, is known to have a greater connection to the Moon Goddess, and receives more power than the Alpha. This may be because she is female as well as the Goddess is, or so we believe Her to be. No one can know for sure, because no one has seen Her in their dreams, most can only hear an angelic voice in their dreams.

The mating process differs in many societies and packs. This is because each pack has a different view on how the other is to be treated. One thing is for sure. When it comes to the mating process, werewolves mate for life and are known to have someone created for them. While they are of their own mind, once the two find each other they will mate for life and be devoted to one another. 

In many packs, some may mark the female. The Marking is when the male leaves a bite mark on the female, and she does so to him as well. This is a sign that no one can touch or consider this person someone they can court. While dating is something normal in the werewolf community, it is frowned upon if someone has been marked. As if being unfaithful.

In other cases, the two form a blood bond that ties them as one. Many packs have different rituals for these things as well. 

I remembered being told about blood bonds as a means of picking a pack - did that mean my allegiance to a pack was a marriage? My stomach began to churn at the thought and I nearly felt sick. I pictured myself beside Landon and Demetri, in a suffocating wedding dress. I could hurl at the thought of getting married to one of them, right now.

I thumbed through the next couple pages, seeing if anything else seemed interesting. I paused at one page and felt my breath get knocked out of me.

Guardians, The Moon Goddess's Descendent

I didn't know if I could bring myself to read this right now, but my curiosity was burning inside me. I kept my finger on the page, but closed the book to get a better look at it. It was silver and the title was in white with a crescent moon underneath. My hand had felt warm when I grabbed it at the library.  I then realized, the author's name was Richard Harrison. 

The old man wrote this book? Even he too had his secrets I suppose. What did he know of this stuff? Was he a werewolf? Did he belong to a pack? I remember Landon so rudely demanding that he be let into some part of the library, and Richard refusing. If what I had read was correct, and he was apart of his pack, Richard should have conceded. Yet he didn't.

Was I meant to have it? Was I being insane for even thinking that thought? I had no idea what was crazy or insane anymore. 

I opened the page back up and forced myself to eat up the information.

The Guardian is the direct descendent of the Moon Goddess herself, rather than man and Goddess together which is where the werewolf came.

The Guardian is known to always be female, or so records prove, and have certain abilities that others do not possess. While their Magyk stems from the moon, some are not aware of their powers until the moment beckons.

The Guardians are sent to settle quarrels between neighboring packs. Two Alphas in one region can cause problems. Think of batteries. Putting the two positive sides together do not work, they repel. Two Alphas will not work together because of their constant need to be in control of their surrounding area. This need comes from who they are as Alphas and cannot be helped.

Gaurdians settle disputes by lending their power to a pack as if to give them a boost to defeating the other in combat. Sometimes a combat can be a fight to the death with Alphas or the entire pack can come to their side and fight along side them. Not all members need be present, like children or elders. The terms on which the battle is to be fought are settled by the Alphas and their Seconds in a meeting that is shadowed by either one who keeps the peace before the Guardian arises or a member of their government, the Council (see page 233).

There are cases in which two Guardians arise in the same area and may make an allegiance to a pack. If the two pick different sides, then-

"You're early." I jumped out of my chair, the book flying up into the air then hitting the pavement. 

Demetri stood there with a raised eyebrow.

"Jesus, you just came out of nowhere," I said, putting a hand on my chest. My heart was racing as I fought to catch my breath.

He bent down, picking up the book. He wore a dark grey tee with dark denim jeans and some kind of black biker boots. The shirt hugged his arms, allowing me to take notice that he was fit. 

"Thanks," I said, grabbing the book from him. My hand felt warm again with it in my grasp, but he didn't let go.

"Interesting book you have there," He said.

"Yes, it is." I didn't know what to make of it quite yet, but the situation was beginning to become more real. Landon's deal is running out of time, and so am I for when the Great Battle occurs.

"So, you wanted to meet me. What do you want to talk about?" He asked, sitting across from me with his arms crossed, a bit tight so his muscles expanded. I took my eyes off them and cleared my head.

"What are we Demetri? What am I to you?" The question came out before I could control it. I realized I sounded clingy and demanding all at once, and wished I had thought before I spoke. 

"I feel like you know the answer to that question already." His eyes glued themselves to the book on the table and I felt my stomach churn.

"Even if I do understand what we might be, I'm doing things my way from now on. And...and if I'm important in any way to you, aside from being a Guardian, then I need to know. If you want me here only for what I have to offer you or Landon, then I need to know right now. No lies, no secrets, just the truth. It won't upset me in any way what the truth is, just as long as I know you're telling me the truth."

He seemed shocked at my upfront demand, but let out a smile.

"Why don't you let me show you? They say actions speak louder than words."

I bite my lip, unsure of how to respond to this. I don't know that I want to be shown. When we're with another, in a private setting, I can't control myself around him. 

"I know you're still confused, trying to figure everything out," He continued, sighing, "but I want you to know that I'm here. I want to tell you that you can take your time to trust me, but unfortunately time is something we don't have here."

"I want to trust you," I said, staring at the ground, "but I don't know how to. I don't know what your intentions are. How do I know you aren't acting this way because of what you want from me?" I asked, feeling my throat close up.  I'm not sure why I'm so bothered by this.

"I wish I could take away your uncertainty, but it's warranted. Do you have anywhere to be after this?" He asked. 

"What?"

"On the phone, you said you have plans after this," He said with that famous eyebrow raise. Oh crap, I forgot I said that.

"I'm sure I can push them back. Depends though. What do you want?" I asked, still trying to hold my front.

"Come with me." 

I saw him get up and he held his hand out. I studied it, then him. For once, he was wearing a smile that reminded me of a dream. It was so charming and almost sincere. I'd rarely seen him smile much, but when he did I found myself swimming in it.

Without much thought, I grabbed his hand and we left the coffee place. We walked down the street a little, without exchanging any words.

I noticed we were at the diner. Adjacent to it were the Pines. 

"Really? The forest? That's where you're taking me?" I asked, not sure if I'm ready for this wave of reality. 

"Yes. I want you to see some things, open your eyes to who my kind are, what we see, our culture."

I say nothing but tremble as we get close to the woods. The Pines was where that Taylor girl went missing. I'm not sure if I have the courage to go inside of these woods, considering my nightmares. But when Demetri clasps my hand in his, the fear almost vanishes. I stare up at him, and allow him to walk onto the leaves first, and I follow although I'm afraid.

The forest is a new world from the diner behind us. It's a lush dark green, with brown all over. Large trees tower above us.

"Come on," he says, taking the lead. I have the book in my other hand as he takes us deeper into the woods.

"It's not as scary as the town makes it to be," Demetri says as we pass a fallen log.

"A girl disappeared in these woods. Taylor is her name I think." 

"I know. She's apart of my pack." He says this as if he's angry, and as I look up at him, I see a sense of loss surrounding him. I almost feel jealous of how strongly he feels, but then realize she was one of his members to look after.

"What happened to her?"

He sighed. "Well," he stepped over a large plant, helping me as well. "She got into a scramble with one of Landon's pack members. The two were stopped by a peacekeeper, but it was too late for Taylor. Her body had suffered too much damage."

"So she's dead?" I asked, and felt tears well in my eyes again.

"Yes. She's dead." The words barely made it past his teeth, but they did nonetheless.

"I'm sorry," is all I could say. 

"Me too."

He looks at me as he says this, with fierceness in his eyes that make me think his words are aimed at me instead of his fallen member. I feel stupid and idiotic for feeling that way.

We walk in silence, and I take in the surroundings. As we go farther into the forest, the trees get thicker and more plentiful. As well as the shrubbery and fallen leaves. I take note of how many cover the ground. As leaves fall and leave their trees barren, it reminds me of winter, and how close the battle is. 

I run into something hard, recognizing the warmth. I backed up to see Demetri standing above me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes me back a little.

"What are we doing here?" I asked. He says nothing and takes off his shirt, which pleases and confuses me. I then see all the scars on his abdomen and chest, and I dare not imagine how they got there.

"Um, what are you doing?" I ask as he throws the shirt to the ground. 

"I want to trust you too. So I'm going to show you who I am, all of me." He says this with confidence, but takes a deep breath or two, before something happens. 

"Don't scream," He says with a sly grin, and then it happens.

I don't dare blink, because if I did then I'd miss it. In a minute, steam rises from his body and it begins to contort into a different shape within milliseconds. My heart is pounding and I didn't realize my hand at my mouth to stop from both screaming and gaping. As he throws the rest of his head back, it's replaced with fur, a muzzle, pointed ears.

I'm not looking at a man anymore, but a wolf. Demetri. 

He's all black, yellow glowering eyes, and incredible height like that of a horse. He stands tall, and I notice his paws are enormous, and imagine what those are like when against a foe. So big they could bash your head in. 

I can't believe my eyes, but I can't look away. He takes a step towards me and I falter back. An ear flicks and he then sits on his haunches like a dog and blinks.

"D-Demetri?" The words come out as a whisper, scared that if I speak too loud someone will actually hear me talking to a large wolf. 

The wolf dips its head.  I walk towards it with shaky legs, still in disbelief. I reach a trembling hand out and touch his head. The fur is like silk, but thick at the same time. I run my hand through it, enjoying the feel. I come closer, and study him. When he sits he's still a little taller than me. 

"I can't believe this," is all I say, dropping the book and walking to him. 

I look in his eyes, standing on my toes to get to his level. They're sincere, and I see my reflection. His eyes are enormous, for a wolf that is, but I get lost in them. He touches his black nose to mine and it's cold and wet that I startle, but let out a small chuckle at this.

"This is real," I say to no one in particular. The wolf, no, Demetri, lets out a noise in his throat. It's that same guttural noise I've heard before. It almost scares me, but it also intrigues me. As I stare at him in this form, I feel wondrous, and I want to know more. 

I can't help but picture the vision, but instead I see him being torn to shreds and image makes my body ache. And I realize I don't want to witness him in this battle.

I can't help but fall to the ground, feeling defeated. 

"I don't want to pick. I don't want anyone to get hurt." And I want to cry again. I feel fur on my cheek, and Demetri's large head is pressed against my cheek. This makes me laugh somehow despite my sadness. 

-

Demetri turns himself back into a man, and I don't look to see the transformation. While it's so interesting to watch, it also disturbs me to see his body change as it does. It looks painful but he doesn't say anything about it.

"So, that's me," He says, from behind me. I turn around and he's got his shirt in his hand, showing me his bare chest. I gulp and walk up to him. "These scars... "

He frowns. "Skirmishes. Happens."

I frown like he does, and shake the image of how he got these, and the idea that he might get more in the future. He notices my unease, and lifts my chin with his thumb. His eyes pierce through mine.

"Don't be upset. If the battle does happen, my pack and I are trained to handle our own." 

That's what Landon said. 

I think of the deal, and if I should tell Demetri. I decide now isn't the time. 

"I don't want to choose. There has to be another way out of this. Can't you two just, just work something out? There has to be a simple answer."

Demetri's eyes harden as Jess's did. These people, no, werewolves, were intense, and you could feel it.

"We've tried. He was unable to keep the peace with the terms we've set."

I look at the ground, wondering why everything has to be so complicated and why the simplest answer cannot be used.

"I wish you did not have to choose, but that is our way unfortunately. We've tried to change, but fate simply won't have it." As he explains, he puts his hands on my shoulders.

I want to just scream at our situation. Mine, my situation.

"What if I pick Landon?" I test him, looking up at him.

"I'll just have to live with the choice you make, as will you." His words seem cautionary and I don't like it.

I look at him, still without a shirt, and see his scars. He's showing me his vulnerability. 

"Sit down with me," I say before coming to the ground and crossing my legs. He does so too, not asking why and places his hands behind him and sprawling his legs out.

"Trust goes two ways." I said before biting my lip.

He waits for me to speak.

"I'm sure you might already know, but I didn't always live here. I came here when I was 16  and Marge offered me a job at the diner. But before that I lived in Chicago. I don't know where, mostly my mom's friend's couches, or hotels. We were never in one place for too long. I still don't exactly know why but I think she owed someone money or something like that.

We didn't have much but each other and of course as a little kid you don't really care because you don't even fully understand the situation. But I started to get fed up as a teenager. I wanted a normal life where we had a house, and where I could have friends. 

We finally got to a spot in life where we could settle down for a little bit. My mom seemed calmer, and excited for this new life we were about to have. I was enrolled in another school, but this one was nice, and so were the kids. I had finally gotten a good taste of life. We were finally living, not just surviving. We had rented a nice apartment where I got to have my own room, and we ate out often. Our relationship was bettering itself since I had been so rebellious before we settled."

I paused, remembering the way my mom smiled when she came home from her job at the post office. Not the best job, but a job nonetheless. A new beginning.  I glanced at Demetri, who kept his eyes me. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze, but continued anyway.

"Well I had begun to make friends, a boy in particular who at the time had struck my interest. He was very nice, and I thought that I was in love at 15. I never told my mom about him, secretly because I was always afraid we'd revert back to always moving place to place. I didn't want to get my hopes up. 

"Well, after we'd gotten really close, me and the boy, I was so excited to tell my mom. It was something I'd heard that some daughters hid from their parents, but I wanted our new life to start off with a closer relationship. But when I'd come home from his house that day, our apartment was empty. She had packed everything in my room. I was so angry, we fought until our voices were gone. I refused to leave. I had just gotten what I wanted. A normal life."

I think of the time where her eyes nearly bulged out of her skull in anger. I refused to leave the apartment, and my new school where I was finally beginning to fit in. I wasn't so weird to these kids even though I transferred halfway through the semester. They were so nice to me that even now, when I imagine leaving them, my heart begins to ache.

"I ran out of the house, like a dramatic teenager," I force a dry laugh. "And told him to meet me somewhere. He did of course, and I told him about my mom, and the life we used to have. He said he would help me get away from her, but I also felt I couldn't abandon my mom. As we walked through the streets, we noticed someone following us. A mugger or something.

"All the sudden this person tackles me to the ground and I just remember their hands around my throat. The guy I'm with knocks him over, and as I regain myself, I hear a gunshot and that's when I realized I have to escape this city, this state. The man yells into my ear, screaming for my mom and asking where she is. I say nothing and he leaves me there."

I remember that night so well that it replays in my mind. I was so horrified. The first boy I ever liked, killed in an alleyway. Blood seeped through his clothes from where he was shot. I blink to forget, the image is still there.

Demetri grabs my hand in reassurance. 

"The man forgot his gun so I took it. When I went home that night, I couldn't even cry because I was so shocked. I'd left his body there. Just left it there, without any explanation as to what happened to it. I crumbled in my mom's arms and told her what happened. She was cold as ice, and still tried to get us to leave. I was so angry, so filled with hate for her. Everything that had happened was her fault. I didn't realize what I was doing, but before I knew it, the gun went off and she fell to the ground."

I don't realize the words are coming out of my mouth, but they are, and I can't stop them.

"I only shot her in the leg, and in my horror at what I'd done, I ran away. I called the ambulance and sent them to the apartment, but I never looked back. Now I'm here. That's who I am and now you know everything."

I feel almost numb. I never told anyone about Chicago. But I felt for some reason I needed to tell Demetri. Maybe I was hoping it would scare him away, that I was too much baggage. Maybe I wanted him accept every part of me for some unknown reason. 

Before I realize it, Demetri has me in his arms, in his embrace. I feel weak, and a tear glides down my cheek and burrow my face into his shoulder. I can't even wrap my arms around him because I'm too ashamed to move. 

He rubs my back and holds me as I sit in my memories, my horrible, terrible memories. I shot my mother, someone killed my first crush in front of me. And he's the first to know other than my mother, and whoever else she's told - wherever she is. That's why I came to this small, remote town. One day, she might find me, but I'll worry about that when that day comes, if it comes.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"Me too."

He backs away and I realize how broken I made myself to be. I wiped my tear.

"I don't want to see you fighting."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty good at it," He says with a gentle smile. 

"I don't want anymore fighting. I've been fighting my whole life. For my safety, my freedom, my sanity even. I don't know if I have much fight left in me Demetri." I feel like pathetic, but being strong has become so hard.

He holds my hand and gives it a squeeze. I notice his eyes are inches from mine. They're so blue now and my reflection is in them. I know Demetri lied to me before, but I can't stray from those eyes. It's as if I'm not capable.

"I don't want to lose you like how I lost them. I don't want to lose my friends," I finally say, trying not to seem so sorrowful. My voice is strong, but I feel so weak so close to him, and after just sharing my background.

"You won't."

"You can't be sure."

He's closer now.

"I told you, I'm here."

Our noses are touching.

"I'm not going anywhere," He breathes, glancing at my lips.

My heart is thudding against my chest.

"I can't trust that," I reply.

His lips are screaming for mine, I can feel it. 

"Are you scared of me?" He asks, his breath fanning my face.

"For you," I reply in a whisper.

He lets out a small sigh, and pulls back.

"I won't kiss you. I won't take advantage of you while you're in this state." At his loss I want scream, "No, take advantage of me!"

But he's right. I'm emotional, and I need time to digest. But like he said, we don't have time.

"Are you free tomorrow?" He asks. 

"I have work, " I breathe out. "I'm off at 7 pm though."

"How about a date, just us, to forget the world and its problems," He says, his voice light and dark and the same time. I wonder how that's even possible.

"Okay."

"Okay," He says with a light hearted smile. I feel so at ease when he smiles like that, like the world really doesn't have problems. I forget that people may die in the future, and that I've just opened myself up to him.

I forget who I am for a second, and place a kiss on his cheek. I recoil afterwards, embarrassed. Why the hell did I just do that? I feel cheesy for doing that and I hope the ground swallows me up.

He looks shocked, but doesn't seem to mind. He stands up, as do I, and we make our way back.

HOLY FUCCCC WHY DID I MAKE THIS CHAPTER SO LONG?!

OH WELL

sorry if it is toooo long. I couldn't help it. I just got so swept up in these two characters I had to continue it. I've been writing for like 3ish hours Jesus why am I so unproductive in college lol I was gonna work out so that way I don't get the freshman 15 thing going on

I really would LOVE comments about your thoughts on the chapter! Please vote as well (: