The following day was time for Amy and I to go back to the States. Scott gave us both hugs before we climbed into the limo.

"Bauwens," Scott said just before I shut my door. I peeked my head out. "I'm serious--you should take up dancing."

I smile, and it's genuine. "Thanks for the reminder. I think I will."

The plane ride back is rather uneventful. The experience of being in England and hanging out with Scott Davis has apparently finally caught up with Amy, and she spends most of the long flight asleep. I drift in and out, my earbuds a constant, nestled firmly into my ears. At one point I see what movie's they're showing, but it's either nothing good or it's something I've seen a million times, so I go back to napping.

Once we land back in Minnesota, I'm surprised when my phone vibrates in my back pocket. Groggily I reach for it. There was some sort of mix up at the airport, and we had to be in a holding position for an extra two hours.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I mutter, waking up my phone. "I just landed, can't I have two seconds before I'm bothered?"

"Who is it?" Amy asks with a yawn, peeking over my arm.

Beeeeenjamin

Hey! :)

"It's Ben," I say, and even though I'm tired I can't help but smile a bit.

"Tell him hi!" Amy gushes. "He's the best drummer ever."

I chuckle and text back.

Yo. s'up?

My sister says hi and you're her favorite drummer.

Sweet. Tell her hi. What're you up to?

Oh, you know. Doing coke, summoning Satan, sacrificing puppies. The usu.

Haha. -_- What're you actually doing?

"I'm starving," Amy tells me.

"We can grab some food before we head home," I tell her, still looking at my phone.

Just landed. Was in England on a mini-vaca

"Here? At the airport?" Amy pesters.

I pause and look at her. "Actually you're right, bad idea. We'll hit up the first fast food place on the way back."

Must be nice.

It was. I could send you nudes from the trip if you'd like.

Why are you like this? Why are we friends? Why do I subject myself to this shit???

I laugh. Amy peers over my arm again. "What?"

"I'll let you read the convo when I'm done," I tell her.

You know you love me. ;)

Speaking of...when are you coming home?

I stop walking. Amy bumps into me, and we both nearly fall over.

"Oof! Orion! What the fuck?"

I shake my head. "S-sorry..."

Don't know.

Oh. Well, I hope it's soon. I mean, you know, I'm sure Minnesota is dazzling with it's...um...stuff that's super exciting.

I'm scared to |

I watch the cursor blink at me, thumb hovering over the send button. I suck my bottom lip in, but instead of gnawing I just lick it a few times. Closing my eyes briefly, I hit send.

For the rest of the walk to where the SUV is waiting for us, I watch anxiously as Ben types and then stops. Types and then stops. I'm getting sick of watching the three dots do their little dance, so I put my phone away until we're in the car. Instructing the driver to go to the first fast food joint that has a drive-thru, I pull out my phone again.

Why scared?

I sigh and scratch my forehead with my thumb. I hated being up front about stuff. If I was going to do this though--if I was going to seriously try to be better--I had to knock off the bullshit. So I'm honest, and it's painful, and I think I'm gonna have to take my anxiety meds.

Being that close to Jake's. Being alone in my house.

Come stay w/me. :)

Wait--for real?

Yes for real.

You'd do that for me?

-eye roll- Yes, nitwit.

Suddenly I couldn't wait to go home to Vermont.

~

"A fish?"

I roll my eyes at Ben. "Don't ask."

"Hey now," Ben jokes on the threshold. "I said you could stay here. I can't have a freeloader tagging along."

"Let me in already."

But he won't, a big stupid grin on his face. "That wasn't part of the deal, Ori."

"C'mon, I'm carrying a lot of shit here."

"You're holding a fishtank."

I gesture my elbow at all my bags and two guitars sitting on the porch with me. Finally laughing, Ben reaches out. "Here, gimme the goldfish so you can grab your guitars."

Shooting a playful glare, I smile. "Thanks, man."

Ben helps me get everything in and up to the guest room I'll be staying in. He offers to help me unpack, so with a shrug I let him. As I get settled in, him and I make small chat.

Ben fills me in on the ins and outs of his life. A lot of it, unsurprisingly, revolves around his mom. I truly don't mind though. Hearing him talk about the mundane—his mom, and buying groceries, how he's contemplating putting in a huge firepit in the backyard—was really nice. It reminded me when we'd hang out during High School, during somewhat simpler times.

The only difference was Jake was missing. Jake was always there. We had been the Three Musketeers. But now he wasn't, and I couldn't explain how disconcerting that void felt.

Ben must have felt it too. As we ate some sushi for dinner, he dropped the bomb.

"Have you talked to Jake yet?"

"Yes," I answer him brightly, sitting up straight. "I'm fact, we kissed and made up. Literally. We're eloping in Nova Scotia next week—want to be our witness? Sorry, I know it's short notice, so if you decline I completely understand."

Ben frowns at me with a glare. "A simple 'no' would've sufficed."

"Boring."

For a second Ben looks peeved. But then he laughs, shaking his head. "I've missed you. Even when you're being annoying as all get out, I'm happy you're here."

I can't help but smile. "I'm happy I'm here, too."

We fall into a silence that's not exactly uncomfortable, but isn't exactly comfortable, either. As we finish up the sushi, I finally work up the nerve to speak.

"S-so. Jake."

Ben eats a piece of ginger, raising an eyebrow. "What about him?"

I clench my hands into fists and stare at my lap. "Does he—has he shown any interest in—" I pick up my head. "Does he wanna see me?"

Ben's face softens. "He does. Eventually. Although honestly I really want you both to talk with one another."

My eyes fall down. "O-oh."

"This whole, you guys not talking...it's weird. It's weird, and uncomfortable, and I hate it. I'm so torn up that you two aren't speaking. I feel like the universe is off kilter."

I frown. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it was affecting you so deeply."

"You guys are my best friends. Fuck, I see you guys more than I see my own family. And it's killing me that I don't know what is going on with the band. We haven't talked about it since you've been gone, so it's just this big, lingering question mark hanging over my head."

"I'm sorry. What can I say to make you feel better?"

"Talk to Jacob."

I can't help but frown.

"Look, Ori," Ben says, and I lift my head. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. He's pissed. He's still really fucking pissed. And hurt."

Tears sting my eyes so I look at my lap again, fighting the urge to dig my nails into my skin.

"But," Ben continues. "He has shown interest in speaking to you."

"W-when?"

"Unless he saw you come in with me, he doesn't even know you're here yet."

"O-oh."

For a minute there's uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry I fucked up the band," I tell Ben, and I'm shaking, but I'm absolutely not going to cry. I'm done with it, for real. I fold my hands on the table.

"Fuck the band."

Bewildered, my head snaps up and I look at Ben.

He reaches across the table, putting his hand on top of mine and smiling. "We could never play again for all I care. What's important is that you're sitting with me, alive."

I smile, but it's half-hearted. That sentiment, while sweet, didn't change the fact I had some serious ass kissing and groveling to do if I wanted the band to survive. More importantly, I had to do all that if I wanted my best friend back. I was determined to win Jake's friendship back.

If over the years I've learned one thing about myself, it's this: Yes, I might be a bit of a screw up. Yeah, I repeat my mistakes. But if Orion Bauwens has his sights set on something, you better move the fuck out of the way, because he's going to make it happen.