Lionel's Point of View

Lily closed herself off after that meeting. Her eyes grew distant, as she tried to bottle everything up that had started pouring out of her... but she stilled looked pained as I helped her into the carriage. Every time I checked on her on the way back to Castle Tepet she would glance to me but then look away into the distance. From the looks I shared with Magdalin, it didn't seem like she got any further with Lily.

The biggest consolation was that she still seemed to be here and not inside a waking dream.

When we arrived at Castle Tepet she excused herself and locked herself away for the rest of the day.

I had vaguely figured this would happen, as she did something similar after I triggered her waking dream back at the academy. Still... I wish she would rely on us rather than hide herself away.

—-*—-

"Ah, you're here," my mother says with a faint smile while tugging the blanket further over her shoulders and enjoys the heat of the fireplace.

"You should be heading to bed. It isn't good to read when it is so dark," I say, somewhat worried for her, and if she's doing well after... everything that has happened. I step up to her chair and gently place my hands on her shoulders.

"Should I help you to bed?"

I myself had been burning the midnight oil when mother called me, so I figured she might have called me to pull me away from work and from worry.

She places one of her hands on mine.

"No... but, it has been a while since Lily went down to the basement after she requested access to look for something to drink, saying the servants likely wouldn't know. Could you go check up on her?"

My mind goes blank.

"You let her have free access to the alcohol?" I try to reconfirm. I'm surprised that Lily actually came out of her room to talk with someone... if this counts as that.

"...Yes. She looked like she needed an excuse to-" my beloved mother then puts a finger to her own lips.

"Well, you'll see. Now off you go."

Her eyes gleam happily as she stares at me, eagerly waiting for me to go...

"You should still head to bed," I remind her carefully before stepping back.

"I'll go check up on her and then head to bed after. Goodnight, sweet dreams."

—-*—-

I head down to the basement and give a light shudder as I take the final flight of stairs down into the cold basement, which currently keeps all of the castle's food and alcohol cooled down.

If Lily has been down here for a while, then I imagine she must be quite cold by now, so I brought an extra blanket just in case.

We have a fair amount of room dedicated to alcohol, and likely more than you imagine. When one of our knights get married we bring the alcohol as part of tradition, but it's not just them. For all the local commoners in the area, when they get married we present them with a large barrel of beer for the party as our congratulations, so a lot of beer passes through our hands. Of course, at times it ends up being other things than the beer, but this is the standard.

I peek in through the door of the first room, which contains exactly this. Barrels of beer. As you'd expect, she isn't there, so I head into the wine room next to it. This holds the glass bottles and wine kegs we need for nobility, but I don't immediately see her. This room has rows of room dividers made to contain the bottles, and if she's looking for something specific then searching through here would take a while.

I head down the rows one by one, until Lily's figure actually appears between two rows. She's only wearing an underdress with a long shawl over her, and she's staring at the labeling of one of the bottles with furrowed brows and a bitter expression in the faint light of a tiny candle about to run out.

She looks to the light of the oil lamp lantern I'm holding and narrows her eyes as she gets used to the light.

She looks exhausted. The skin under her eyes looks black and poofy, and the grasp holding the shawl closed seems half hearted.

"Anything you're looking for?"

She'd figure out the reason I'm here fast enough anyway.

She looks away from me again and instead looks down.

"Wild wheat wine..." she mutters out.

"Ah that." ...she really was going for the hard alcohol.

"It's near the whiskey."

I hold out a hand, and find hers place itself in mine... I always believed she would never want to be escorted if she could help it, but I guess her mind is also elsewhere right now.

I guide her to another room filled with barrels, and put the lantern down on the table there along with the blanket slung over my shoulder, and then bring two of the test glasses from a cabinet as we stop in front of one of the bigger barrels.

"It's the only one we have, but people generally don't drink it. One of the people in the village of hot blood is experimenting with it and asked us for our thoughts."

I'm not sure why she picked this... but by the way her eyes round at the sight of the barrel, I imagine that it tastes like something she liked.

I hand her one of the glasses and then go to another barrel, this one with whiskey, and pour a glass as well. By the time I'm done she has already found one of the makeshift chairs by the table where I put the lantern and is sipping the water wheat wine.

"How is it?"

I sit down on the other chair on the other side of the table and watch her quietly.

"...it's good."

Lily replies quietly, watching me back. What should I do? Ask her, or try to bring her thoughts onto something else?... it's not like redirecting her has ever worked well.

"...how are you holding up?"

Lily looks down at the alcohol, remaining quiet in thought for a while without answering.

"...I'm tired."

That much is obvious, Lily. I frown for a moment, but let it go. I don't really want to return to 'waiting until she tells me' for last time I tried she never even considered talking to anyone about it.

I take a sip of the whiskey, and then see Lily stand up... and go for another glass.

"Lily... that alcohol is quite strong," I warn her.

"I know."

...staying to keep an eye on her was probably a good idea.

She soon sits down again, mindlessly swirling her drink.

"Lionel... why didn't you stop me when I got up?"

She doesn't look at me, but takes another sip. She looks impatient.

"You didn't look as though you were going to kill him... and to be honest, if you hadn't done something then I might."

"Why?"

I look at her quietly. Because he was talking bad about you while being ignorant of how things actually work, and you looked hurt by it.

"He was being an idiot. He got reincarnated into a game where everything was opposite of what it seemed, so you'd think he had learned his lesson."

SLAM.

I jolt.

"That's right! What is so cool about putting people in debt, giving them addictions, humiliating people and making them fight each other?!"

I stare down at the glass she smacked down against the table, and then to her eyes now staring at me directly, filled with frustration and glossy with tears reflecting the lantern light.

The alcohol just hit her, didn't it?

"I honestly wouldn't know... if it's well known the clan in like that, then why do they get pardoned by the king?"

She gives a look of vivid disgust.

"Because the evidence always conveniently disappears or dies in an accident!"

She actually stomps her foot... and then her expression goes grim.

"But if what that idiot said is true, then the emperor is actually covering over them... not only that, he would have signed off on that..."

Killing intent starts to spread from her again.

"He... the emperor would have signed off... on their deaths."

Then she goes pale. I put a hand on hers, partly holding it, but also keeping her from flinging the glass across the room as a horrible truth begins to hit her.

"Not necessarily, Lily. If their job is keeping the other clans in check, then who is keeping them in check? If it's not a big elaborate thing they had to get away with, then they might have done it for their own good."

Of course, just because I offer up on alternative reason, that doesn't mean it's true, but in that moment she looked like someone that needed a branch reached out to her to keep her from sinking.

She looks distantly up at me.

"Yes... that... that's true. It's not like the emperor would kill someone devoted and proud to protect him..."

When I found out that this world is that of a game... I hated it. I know that tragedies are written and enjoyed, and the pain in stories can teach us to avoid bad choices of our own. If it was a story to teach these lessons, then I would likely have endured our fates more easily.

However, the game gave no lesson, and the only reason my mother and brothers would have died was to give me a personality to suit someone's fantasies...

A sniffle escapes from Lily.

Her glass is on the table, once again empty, and her face is buried in her hands as she curls over and she begins to cry her heart out in a way she would never show in front of anyone.

Even from the time we were kids she would lock herself away and even directly try to scare us off whenever she could no longer hold in her feelings... even after I held her through her waking nightmare she pulled away immediately as though she tried to run away... but now she's pouring her heart out.

I put the glass of whiskey down and stand up.

I'll admit, I'm glad I went with her and decided to stay with her. The thought of leaving her alone in a dark, cold basement to cry is heartbreaking. I move my chair next to hers... then hesitate for a moment, before sliding an arm around her body and pull her to my chest.

A bit to my surprise she doesn't struggle, but lets me hold her like this. I pull the blanket from the table and unfold it with a hand as I slide it over her, both to heat her... but also to let her hide inside it, since her room always has those heavy curtains drawn closed when she hides away. Finally I put my arm back around her, putting her shoulder and head to my chest.

Lily always had a presence far larger than the size than the light body shaking in my arms right now... when we were kids it almost seemed like she was invincible, and even as we grew up I believed without doubt that she would be able to control Alstair and minimize the cruelty going on behind the scenes. If it was this stubborn girl then she probably could have done it.

I gently caress her shoulder through the blanket and watch over her letting out everything she's kept pent up ever since that disturbing meeting.

"It's alright, Lily, you can let everything out," I tell her softly.

"You can grieve all you need. I'll be here beside you."

Her crying gets harder as she collapses in my arms any any tenseness in her body fades.

"Oi-wa..." she mutters out a name quietly, but doesn't follow up.

It's probably one of the names of her subordinates. I think back on her words as she scolded Landon. I... am not familiar with what hell is, but from the context I suppose it is a bad place. Perhaps not that different a place from the crazed ghosts of the Plymfell swamplands?

"Ken-chan.."

I watch over her as she cries out and mutters out name after name. Every time she says another name she falls apart again in my arms.

---*---

Lily finally starts calming down a bit. I bet she's quite dehydrated after crying, especially since she's quite drunk too.

"We should go get something to drink, Lily," I say softly, but as though to disagree she shakes her head and slides down against my body down to my lap. Using me as a pillow. I can't help but to give a vague smile.

"Okay."

I lean back in the chair and this time put a hand on her head, gently caressing her through the blanket she is still hiding under. With my other hand I grab the glass of whiskey and take a sip. Enjoying the heat of the alcohol in the cold basement.

"Lily... what were you like as a child? Not as Lily but as..." what was the name they said again?

Rei...?

"Naive."

She replies. Her voice is hoarse.

Of course I smile.

"Weren't we all a bit naive?"

She huffs.

"No. You were pretty much all terrifying... except for William and Soleil. Your instincts were way too on spot. Gil actually spent an entire party trying to feed poison to me for some unknown reason, Alstair was only easy to get to do what I wanted as long as it had to do with his trauma and you, you were the worst of them. Constantly angry, way too sensitive to poison and when faced directly with something you were quite good at seeing through the formalities. Not to mention your guts. You were white with fear when I killed that maid, and less than a minute later you were trying to rip my dress open."

"...whether or not you were one of the scariest and most confusing things I'd never seen didn't matter. You saved my brothers. All three of them. That was enough," I respond. Purposely ignoring the way she worded me checking up on her injuries.

"Exactly. I didn't expect that from you, or your brothers. You all bounced back so quickly."

I guess I can't argue with that... we grew up with knights getting injured and dying by castle Tepet every year, so I think we were tougher than the other noble kids.

"What about you?"

I ask again.

"...I grew up in a very isolated village, sending prayers to the ancestors every day. It was such a pure place somehow. Quiet and pure. Elegant in a way very different from the balls here. It was a very poor way to live compared to the life as a noble here. I started admiring those from my families helping the clan out with wars, and became quite... competitive in that direction. I got filled with a naive desire to go beyond the small village where I grew up and see what was ultimately called a warrior's romance. I would soak up their stories like a thirsty plant and gaze at them with shining eyes."

She rolls over, now looking up at me with those blue eyes alight with what seems to be unexpectedly happy memories.

"I wish I could have seen that," I reply, letting the hand that had caressed her hair before brush the stray strands of hair from her face.

She just grins.

"You would have gotten tossed around daily and lost races against me constantly," she boasts confidently though her cheeks are still wet.

She glances away from me for a few moments, and... when she looks back once more there's hesitance in her eyes.

"Lionel..."

She hesitates for a little while before she finally asks:

"Do you... really adore me?"

I put the wiskey glass down and can't help but to look away.

Wasn't that much obvious when you made that joke asking me to wash your back and I froze up? It should have been even more obvious after.

This girl.

I look back down to her.

Instead of answering at first I shift and put an arm under her, while leaning over her to get an arm under her legs, and without warning lift her up into my arms. I awkwardly grab the lantern with the hand of the arm I have under her legs and then nestle Lily into my arms.

I finally look into her eyes that are now far closer and give her a smile.

"Of course. However, if you want a proper confession from me, then ask when you're no longer drunk," I tease her lightly... but... I've never seen the utterly shocked expression on her face that appeared when I said those words. Her jaw just dropped in disbelief, of course making me even more conscious of what I'd just said.

I started walking out the door and up the stairs to leave the basement... but Lily... no matter how you look at it she broke down. Looking down but trying to steal glances when I wasn't looking... I feel my own cheeks heat up as well because of this, a bit embarrassed with the way she's looking at me. Is it really that weird that I would adore her? Is it weird I would find parts of her stubbornness endearing?

I got her to her room without any of us saying anything else, and put her down on her bed... and as I did, the lantern lit up her brightly blushing face from the neck to the ears... I freeze up.

This... is an unexpected weakness.

Isn't this beyond a weakness? What happened to the fierce Lily, stubborn Lily or the mocking Lily? What is this cute behaviour?!

I kneel down by her bed, letting my eyes eat up the image of her curling up on the bed while shyly trying to look away from me, but the blush being all to clear from here. Her lips press together as she sends me a glance. Just a glance, but she hurriedly looks away again as our eyes meet... I want to hug her... I shake off the feeling, and the weird tension spreading through my body. I move a hand to scratch my neck and glance away... only to find my own ears burning warm. I look back to her... and in a moment of boldness I place a kiss on her forehead.

"Goodnight, Lily."

Suddenly my voice seems hoarse too.

"Eh?! Wha? G-g-go good...night" she stutters out uncharacteristically, looking up just for a moment while covering where I kissed her forehead as I pull back and end up hurrying out of Lily's room, before I end up trying to make her look at me, just to see the expression she was making clearly.