Rats POV

When I was little growing up with my parents and cousins.... Tomboy uncles would remark and aunt's would tut-tut. Comments about my clothing, drumming, speech I wasn't the feminine lady that they wanted me to be, I didn't particular want to be either.

So close to Abe growing up I had an idol to look up to. Nothing wrong with that Abe is a decent, loving, generous guy but he is a guy and I wasn't. I took on the mannerisms of a boy and, to survive being a girl drummer, acted tough too. My parents unwavering support of me meant I wasn't hassled or bullied or demeaned into being feminine, they obviously had faith in me though, never in a hundred years did I think I would find love or have a child.

And yet here I am today with a baby, 2 step sons and a man that makes me happy to be alive.

I have wavered in my own belief of my abilities to be all of these things, especially mother to Faith, but with everyone's help I have surfaced and kept my head above the rough waters of the first few months and I think I can really be everything they want, because I want it too.

The mirror calls me back over I need to check and re-check my hair a band of flowers sits atop my head, makeup on- ugh and one pretty dress. I twirl around and catch the girl that stares back laughing happily at me. I am so worried that I will forget my words or trip down stairs. Perhaps I better not drink or eat I'm sure to get food and red stains all over me! The mirror is next to the enormous bay window and I can't help but peek out, the back garden is swarming with guests, I don't think I know them all but I don't mind.

I can feel the nervousness oozing out of all my pores, my stomach in knots for all the minutes that I have to wait and it curls and tenses for all the time that I will be in the spotlight. 

I will focus on John no one else and if he is a mess well I guess we both will be!