Standing at the edge of the deck, I lurch forward like I'm going to jump into the water. I change my mind at the last second. The others have been splashing around for a few minutes but I haven't worked up enough nerve to actually get into the lake. Charlie flips over from floating around on his back.

"Not waterproof?" he asks. 

"I am." 

"Afraid you're going to melt?"

I roll my eyes. 

He absently chews on the inside of his cheek, waving his arms in the water to keep him floating. "Can't swim?" 

When I was younger and my brother lived with our family, we visited the pool every other day of summer. By the time we were back in school, we were three shades darker and ready for the olympics. While I dipped my toes in slowly, squealing at the icy temperature, Brendan would dive straight in. He'd come back up with all his teeth showing and it'd be a miracle he didn't swallow half the pool. He'd tell me the water was fine but I'd remain frozen until he'd finally climb out of the pool to jump in with me. He'd take my hand, we'd count to three, and we'd dive in together. 

It was a yearly tradition up until he got old enough to start planning his escape from our parents. Needless to say, he didn't come back for me. 

"I can swim just fine." 

With a few heavy strokes, Charlie swims over to the deck and climbs up. He's dripping all over. 

"Then swim!" He shoves me into the water and jumps in after me. 

I come back up and glare at him. The water isn't as cold as I thought it would be. In fact, it's refreshing in the midst of the sticky weather. I splash at Charlie in retaliation. 

"I forgot to say - nice bikini." 

"Lame joke." Since Neverland runs on clothing donated from the small outside help we have, all I have to swim in is an oversized t-shirt and shorts. 

"No, really. I think the look will catch on." He smirks while saying it which makes me twitchy. I wish he would put on a shirt or something. We all get it. He works out. He's fit. No need to flaunt it. 

I glance around for Aaron. He's competing against Logan to see who can hold their breath underwater longest. I spot him just in time to see his brown head of hair go under. 

"Guys!" 

Willow plops down on the deck with her legs hanging off. Shawn is in tow and for the first time I've seen him, he doesn't have his hood on his head. Under his buzzcut is a line of pink inflamed skin that runs from the center of his head to the beginning of his neck. I had thought the hood was a style preference but he was hiding his scar. I wonder if it was Nakpuna' fault he had them. Did the researchers cut into his head? 

I shook the thought away. 

"Have you two ever played a game of chicken fight?" 

Charlie's eyebrows shoot up. "You mean shoulder wars?" 

"I see you're very passionate about the game," Willow replies. 

"Dove and I against you and my number one fan." He winks at Shawn who seems tempted to stick out his tongue in response. 

"It's on!" Willow shouts as Shawn drops into the water. Willow climbs onto his shoulders with a fierce expression as Charlie dives under so I can hop on his. 

"Feel free to get in a few punches on Dovie," Shawn says, his lips betraying him as they curve into a smile. "And maybe a kick or two on the bozo who's holding her up." 

"Trash talking are we?" 

"Let's show them what we got." Charlie bounces me on his shoulders while making shooting noises like we're a machine gun. I laugh, thinking about how silly it was that I thought he'd hate me for forcing him to come here. 

Charlie could never hate me. Whatever tension I've been feeling between us is probably all in my head. 

Willow holds up her arms, beckoning me over as if we're in a karate movie. I hold up my fists.  

"You have the form of a senial old man," Shawn says to me. "You're supposed to hold your fists up to protect your face." 

"Well, excuse me, but I don't go around picking fights with everyone so I'm unpracticed." 

"Prepared for this?" Willow grabs onto my arms and starts pushing with all her strength. I teeter a bit but keep my balance with Charlie's hands securing my legs. Everytime I lose my balance, he steps back to even it out. We toss Willow into the water what feels like a hundred times. I wish I could take all the credit for our wins but Charlie's the real MVP. He never lets me fall. 

The sun is directly above us in the sky when we come out of the water for lunch. Without trying, we all form a circle sitting on the deck with our sandwiches. Puddles of water form underneath us from the drip of our clothing and our hair. 

"You're going to drive me crazy by eating the crusts off your sandwich first, aren't you?" Charlie asks, staring at me with contempt. The habit is something I've been doing since I was three. 

"I think the crust is meant to be enjoyed separately." 

"Let me help you with that then." He leans forward, chomping down on the end of my bread. 

"Hey!" I swat at him as he chews a mouthful. "No fair! We have to make it even!" 

He shields his sandwich with his body as I try to steal a bite from it. When I poke his sides, he holds it above his head so I can't reach. He only allows me to take a bite when I start pouting. 

"You know, I never got to apologize to you," I say, lowering my voice so the others won't hear. 

"It's okay." He swallows another piece of his sandwich. "I find your quirks to be endearing." 

I shake my head. "I'm not talking about sandwich crust. Your life has flipped upside down since I told you about the research facility. I kind of shattered your world." 

His face scrunches up as he dusts his hands of crumbs. "That's not your fault. It's like what Luka said, this is all on Nakpuna and whoever works with him." 

"I understand that but I feel bad. You've sacrificed a lot for me." 

"That is what you do when you care for someone. Right?" He narrows his eyes at me, making me squirm. I'm suddenly aware that my hair is sticking to the sides of my face and I toss the stringy clump back. 

I smile - not my over the top one that stretches from ear to ear but a small, subtle one that's just as genuine. "Right." 

It occurs to me I might have been overlooking how much Charlie has been showing he cares. Sure, with such a grand gesture as staging a rescue for me, I could acknowledge he cares but what I have missed while I was desperately waiting for him to give me some verbal declaration? The countless times he'd surprise me by picking me up from places, the coffee always waiting for me at the diner, a spot next to home plate saved for me at every one of his baseball games since we met - all constant examples of him keeping me at the front of his thoughts. 

But he cares for me platonically. Platonically being the key word. 

The bruise on his cheek looks so much worse in the daylight. I try not to but I can't stop staring at it. "Are you gonna tell me what happened to your face?" 

"Sure but tell me what happened to yours first." 

"I thought you said I looked good." 

His face remains apathetic. "You do. What happened?" 

I get that twitchy feeling again. I do a sweep of the area and can't find Aaron. He must have gone back to the castle for something. 

"Charlie, answer the question. What's with the bruise!" He's gotten nastier injuries from baseball and I never made a big deal out of them. It's just that now I worry it wasn't something as tame that caused this injury. 

He turns his head from me and towards the lush greenery beyond us. Against the deep greens of the forest, with lines of sunlight running diagonally across his skin, he looks more alive than ever. He glows. I wonder if this is what happened to me. Does Neverland make me glow? 

"Don't worry about it." 

"Too late." 

He sighs, knowing I won't let it go. "My uncle caught me on the ship." 

I gape at him. "He hit you?" 

He doesn't answer or look me in the eyes. My insides twist. I pray with everything in me that this was the first and only time that happened. I don't know if Charlie would tell if it wasn't. 

"What were you on the ship for?" 

"I couldn't stop thinking about how there were others in there. I wanted to see for myself." He pops each of his knuckles and I can see rage bubble under the surface of his skin.

I get goosebumps thinking of Charlie on the ship. I saw only a fraction of what it was and left with nightmares about it. A place so devoid of light, a place where you can scream and no one will come to help you, a place that has the power to make the world forget you ever existed. One could conjure up the nasty scent of salt, rust and bleach if they thought about the ship too deeply. 

"What did you see?" 

"Nothing good." He gives a bitter laugh devoid of any humour. "I saw Aaron's sister. I know why they have her locked up so tightly." 

Tina. 

"Dovie!" Jimmy shouts from across the circle. He points his thumb to Jaden who's seated beside him. Aiden's next to them, laughing but I'm not sure why. "Jaden said to ask you if you could tell us another story before bed tonight!" 

"No, I didn't!" 

Aiden stops laughing long enough to refute that. "Yes, you did." 

"You babies want to hear bedtime stories?" Shawn snickers and Willow slaps his arm. 

I look at Charlie. There's no way we'll be able to continue to have our conversation with so many listening ears. 

"Jimmy," I say, "Do you want me to tell you guys a story tonight?" 

"Sure."  

"Then I'll tell you one and if the others happen to be listening . . ." 

"I swear I never said that," Jaden says, his dark skin tinting with a scarlet blush.  

"Can you make it one with sword fighting? Jaden likes sword fighting." Jimmy gives his friend an innocent thumbs up and Jaden face palms.  Aiden falls over laughing. 

"You'd think it'd be a bit too early for any stories involving swords. You know, since Shawn almost killed Dovie by chasing her up a tree. No offense." Logan scratches his mop of blond hair and angles his stare at me. "How did Aaron get you down?" 

"Yeah, I never understood how that worked. Did he happen to have a ladder hidden up his - ? " 

"Don't cuss, Shawn," Willow warns. 

Zeke rolls his eyes, overhearing as he crosses the circle to grab a juice pouch. "We all know swear words." 

"Wait, you got stuck in a tree?" Charlie gawks at me. "Because Shawn was chasing you with a sword?" 

"It's really not an interesting story . . ." They don't even know half of it. 

"Tell the story, Shawn," Zeke says before taking an eager sip of his Capri Sun. 

Aaron waltzes out from behind the trees. He motions with his head for me to follow him as he disappears again. I excuse myself from the group as Shawn recounts the tree ordeal. His voice goes sour when he mentions José was there. 

I follow Aaron on a short trek through the forest. Soon after, he stops by a boulder covered in moss. It's not quite our meeting tree but close enough. Maybe that spot wouldn't be appropriate considering the conversation I just escaped. 

Over the last few days, I have finally developed the ability to relax around Aaron. He continues to give me butterflies, that hasn't changed, but my brain doesn't get fuzzy when he's around anymore - which is useful for carrying on conversations. Despite this, I'm twitchy now. I feel guilty but I don't know why. It's hard to think straight. 

"This may seem random but - did you know I like to bite the crust off my sandwiches before I eat them?" My face grows hot as Aaron gives me a strange look. 

"I did not. It's a charming fun fact though." He leans back against the boulder with his arms crossed in front of him. "Where'd that come from?" 

I’ve only been on this island for a short time and though they have felt long and packed, I don’t really recall Aaron and I ever taking the time to sit down and get to know each other. I have a general idea of his past and what his personality is like but other than that I’m at a loss. I could chalk that up to time but it feels weird that we hold hands so casually when I don’t really know him. 

"I guess I was wondering how much you know about me.”

“I know all the things that really matter - like you’re great with the kids, have a beautiful smile, smell nice, you’re pretty . . .”  He trails off, leaning in to kiss me. I turn my face and let his lips fall on my cheek. 

“Where have you been all day?” 

Aaron’s amused expression falls and a sulky one replaces it. He steps back from me. “I went back to check on Luka and hung out with him for a while. I ended up telling him about your plan to go back on the Jolly Roger.” 

“Oh.” I wanted to be the one to tell him and the others but I push away that sting of betrayal. “What did he think?” 

I almost miss it but he rolls his eyes. I press my lips together. He has no idea who he’s messing with when it comes to rolling his eyes at me. 

“He thought it was smart. He thought it was brave of you to volunteer yourself.” 

“You see!” This is why I knew my best bet was to tell the group about my idea. It’s the plan that makes the most sense but Aaron’s too stubborn to admit that. “Luka’s reasonable. If he thinks it’s a good idea you should trust him.” 

“I’m not reasonable?” 

I backtrack. 

“That’s not what I meant. He’s objective. He doesn’t have as much clouding his judgment.” 

“No, I understand what you mean completely,” he scoffs. We’re silent for a lengthy minute. I’m not sure how things went so bad so quickly but I get the sense it’s my fault. Aaron lifts his head. “You still want to be the one to go back?” 

“I don't want to go back. I need to." For something to do with my hands, I wring out the ends of my shirt. Water drips down onto the dirt and creates a puddle of mud. I stare at it instead of him. "You make it seem like I'm doing this to spite you when I'm not." 

"But you don't need to go! That's the part I don't understand. I'm willing to go. I've been willing to go for the longest time -" 

"Do you actually think you have a better chance at success by going yourself? When they'll figure out you can fly? When you've been gone for years and suddenly come back?" 

My knuckles pale around the fabric of my shirt. I want him to understand this and I want him to understand me. 

"Do you actually think you can handle going back? Last I checked, you threw yourself off a stack of cargo and got yourself a permanent limp! You're the hero that's going to save us all?" 

I take a shuddering breath, dropping the end of my shirt back against my skin. Tears blur my vision and my skin burns hot. 

"How could you say that?" 

His eyebrows fall out of their drawn position. "Wait, I didn't mean that." 

"That's how you see me? That's why you don't want me to go?" He reaches for me and I realize I've been backing away this whole time. "I thought maybe you were trying to protect me but you think I'm what? Stupid? Crazy?" 

"Dovie, I promise I didn't mean that -" 

I jerk away from his touch. 

"It was a moment of desperation. I just didn't want to hurt anymore. I wanted my parents and Nakpuna to be as angry as I was. No, I wasn't thinking straight but you wouldn't be either! I didn't actually want to get hurt!" 

"I'm sorry. I'm scared that something will happen to you if you go back onto the ship. I don't want to lose you," Aaron says. He seems genuinely distraught but it's not easy to forget his words. "I said that out of fear but it was wrong. I'm sorry." 

I take a breath, fire running underneath my skin and seeping into my bones.

"Nakpuna has hurt me deeply. You don't know what he or my parents have put me through so you don't get to tell me if how I reacted was reasonable or not."

“I can’t stop you and I can’t say no to what all the others want.” He sticks his hands into the pockets of his trunks and strides in the direction of the lake. “I guess the first step is to announce it to the others.” 

“Wait!” I chase after him and grab his arm to get him to stop. The blades of grass bend over my bare feet as a humid breeze blazes by. “You want to tell them right now?” 

He spins around. The muscles in his arm are wound up tight. “Why not? If you think your plan is so great, what's the problem?” 

“Because they are grappling with the loss of José and today was supposed to take their minds off of it!” 

“Fine! You’ll tell them tomorrow. Good luck.” His tone is the sternest I’ve ever heard. It’s devoid of the usual weightlessness and cuts through the air like a dagger. When he stomps off, I feel hollow. I sway like the grass in the wind. 

I walk back to the deck in a trance. I take a seat next to Charlie again, Aaron nowhere to be seen. Charlie's laughing with Shawn - which is shocking to say the least. He glances back at me. 

“You okay?” 

Going back on the Jolly Roger means taking Charlie back with me. I would have to hope he'd be safe since Nakpuna will have me back under his thumb. Charlie can go back to being the nephew his uncle never wanted and he could keep his distance from the ship and me to avoid any further problems. 

Aaron's words ring loud in my head, whether he meant them or not. He knows this isn't easy for me and yet he's punishing me by acting cold and distant. He wanted so badly for me to keep my promise and never leave him alone but here he is abandoning me after one disagreement. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” I answer.

Back to square one. Fake a smile. Do what needs to be done. 

Rinse and repeat.

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