Pebblefall curled up somewhat contentedly in his nest; although Poolripple was still her usual, snappy self, her mood had been greatly improved by Mistrose's improved conditions as the evening wore on. Her wound was still clearly infected, but she was stable. Stable. That was more than Pebblefall could say for himself, he thought wryly.

Every which way he turned, he seemed to anger one of his mentors, either Poolripple or Ravenpaw. Every time he felt like he was doing something right, he ended up doing it wrong. Deep down, he knew what the problem was. He wasn't meant to be a medicine cat. He didn't have any special talents or special drive that led StarClan to choose him as a medicine cat; no, StarClan forced him into being a medicine cat only out of necessity. And maybe this could work out... If only he'd accept it. If he could accept that he was forever going to live the life of a healer, if he could accept that he wouldn't lead patrols or fight bravely in battles, and if he could accept, above all, that he would never be able to tell Sandwhisker how he felt, then maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to fall into the life a medicine cat with greater ease.

Oh, StarClan... Why can't I just love who I love?

Pebblefall awoke in the same misty place where he had last left Ravenpaw in anger, and shame burned his pelt at the memory. His mentor's black form materialized in front of him, shoulders tense with stress.

"Greetings, Pebblefall." The tom twitched his ears in welcome. "We have much to discuss, and I sense that you have many matters on your mind as well, yes?" Ravenpaw's knowing smile made Pebblefall wonder if the black tom somehow heard his rhetorical question to StarClan. But first, he had more practical matters on his mind.

"Why does this place look so different from StarClan? And why weren't you there to greet me at my ceremony?" Pebblefall asked, slightly hurt at the memory.

"I am, ah, not present on the main grounds of StarClan very often, which regretfully led to me missing your ceremony. As to why this area looks so different from StarClan's center, that's StarClan business."

Pebblefall snorted. Of course he didn't get a proper answer. "Is that why Featherdawn was so uptight the whole time?"

Surprisingly, Ravenpaw's ears drew back as if in annoyance. "Something like that," he said with a shake of his head. "We don't have much time and there is much left to discuss, so forgive me if I don't answer any more of your questions tonight."

Pebblefall cocked his head to the side. Since when was there a time limit on their meetings?

"As we speak, Spottedstar and Poolripple are being informed by StarClan of a quest to locate and retrieve goldenrod. The cat most fit to lead this quest, StarClan has decided, is you."

Pebblefall took a step back in shock. "Me? But I'm an awful medicine cat!"

"Oh, StarClan knows that," Ravenpaw said with a friendly smirk. "But what better way for you to adjust to the idea of being a medicine cat than for you to go on a harrowing quest that requires full use of your warrior skills?"

"As soon as you wake, you are to collect Sandwhisker, without waking or notifying any cat of your leave. Do not bother with prey or with traveling herbs. You can hunt on your way. Make sure you aren't followed."

"Why so secretive?" Pebblefall interrupted. Surely the whole clan should know of their departure?

Ignoring the younger cat, Ravenpaw plowed on with his instructions. "Travel until you reach the Horseplace. There, you will find a group of cats who will be willing enough to let you stay the night. Once there, I will visit you with more instructions." Pebblefall opened his mouth to protest that this was too much, that he needed to consult Poolripple, that he couldn't lead a quest on his own, but Ravenpaw was already fading away.

Pebblefall awoke with a start, the medicine cat den still black with night. He stretched and padded silently out of the den, careful not to wake a softly sleeping Mistrose. The light, or lack thereof, on the horizon indicated that it was still at least an hour until sunrise. Why so early? Pebblefall wondered, although he was wide awake.

He crept into the warrior's den, narrowly avoiding several tails and cursing his and Sandwhisker's old choice of nesting spots, at the very back of the den. Pebblefall nosed Sandwhisker's sleeping form, and the tom looked up with a sleep-muted mew of curiosity. Pebblefall slapped his tail over Sandwhisker's mouth and shook his head, gesturing for the drowsy tom to follow him out of the warriors' den.

Once outside of the den, Pebblefall beckoned for Sandwhisker to follow him into the center of camp, far from any sleeping cats.

"You'd better have a good reason for this..." Sandwhisker muttered through a yawn. He clearly did not feel the same excitement racing through his veins as Pebblefall felt in his.

"StarClan gave us a quest!" Pebblefall shared in a hushed whisper, defaulting to the use of "we" rather than "me"; no need for Sandwhisker to know that he was technically the leader... they were equals, after all.

Sandwhisker's eyes widened, and a modicum of alertness entered his stance. "A quest? From StarClan?" he asked in disbelief, his voice rising.

"Shh... Yes, it's a quest from StarClan, but Ravenpaw said we have to leave right away, without telling anyone or getting traveling herbs!"

Sandwhisker hesitated. "Why the secrecy?"

"I don't know, but Ravenpaw said he'd tell me more tonight. C'mon," Pebblefall said, leading the way towards the camp's exit.

Sandwhisker trotted by his side, still visibly uncertain. In the darkness, Pebblefall couldn't even make out who the voice that stopped them belonged to. This certainly is the perfect night for sneaking out...

"Who's leaving the camp at these hours?" the cat asked.

"It's Pebblefall," the tom answered, drawing his tail over Sandwhisker's mouth, whose form was hopefully not visible at Pebblefall's side; the less the cat knew of their leaving, the better. "I couldn't sleep and I was going to search for goldenrod again," Pebblefall made up on the spot, then cursed himself almost instantly.

"In the dark?"

"Uh... Medicine cats can rely on smell just as much as sight when searching for herbs," Pebblefall invented on the spot. "Although I'll probably stay out until after sunrise, just in case."

"Well... just be careful," the guard seemed to decide.

Pebblefall nodded, forgetting that it was likely too dark for the cat to see his motion, and hurried out of camp as fast as he could without tripping. He knew vaguely that to get to the Horseplace, he'd have to follow the lake the opposite direction that he and Poolripple took to get to the Moonpool, and set off in that direction.

Sandwhisker waited until they were a safe distance away from the camp before unleashing his mirth. "It's pitch black, and your first excuse is that you're going looking for herbs?" he asked, nudging Pebblefall lightly with an amused snort.

"Oh, shut up." Pebblefall smiled, shoving back at his friend with mock anger. "It was the best I could come up with!"

"Oh, really?" Sandwhisker asked with a challenging grin, shoving Pebblefall with enough force to make the smaller tom stumble to the side.

"Yeah, really!" Pebblefall responded with a genuine laugh such that he had not had in days, ramming himself into Sandwhisker's side. The larger tom lost his balance and fell sideways, Pebblefall's weight still on top of him, and the two toms were momentarily a mass of fur and limbs before they disentangled themselves, both breathless and laughing.

"So tell me more about this quest," Sandwhisker asked when they resumed walking.

"Well, Ravenpaw didn't tell me much, but he did say that it's our job to find and bring back goldenrod for Mistrose. He said he'd tell me more tonight when we stop at the Horseplace."

"Why'd we have to leave so secretly, if we're saving Mistrose?" Sandwhisker asked skeptically.

"I don't know," Pebblefall answered truthfully. "But I trust Ravenpaw, and this is what he said to do."

Sandwhisker surprised his friend by not arguing. "Okay."

They plodded along in silence for a short while before Sandwhisker broke it. "So... Quailwing and I almost got into a fight while on patrol the other day."

"No!" Pebblefall gasped. "What happened?"

Sandwhisker related his experience and the conversation soon turned to other topics. Although he still had to be guarded when the topic of Ravenpaw or his motives for being a medicine cat came up, Pebblefall felt his mind and his mouth freeing as they hadn't since he and Sandwhisker were both apprentices. He could tell that Sandwhisker felt it too, because the tom's step got bouncier and he got more and more expressive with his body language as he talked.

Sandwhisker's pelt pressed against his as the first light of sunrise touched the horizon, and with no other cats around to judge or be suspicious, Pebblefall leaned into his companion's touch. This was the happiest, the most free, he had felt for a very long time, perhaps forever. Excluding short adventures he and Sandwhisker had gone on together as apprentices, he had always been surrounded by the presence of his Clanmates. While he loved and valued the comfort that having them near brought, he was only now beginning to realize that there was a part of his personality which hid away in the presence of other cats, and was coming forth now that he and Sandwhisker were alone.

Perhaps happiness wasn't as far off as he had once thought.

Written by annco (who is amazing - Mack)