RealLDNiles- Genesis 2.0

Title: 5/5 

I love the title of this book and the double meaning it has to most people.The word "Genesis" has both a Biblical and a scientific meaning to it for many readers, and both fit the plot and theme of your story. Though the title is short and leans a bit toward "I bet this is sci-fi", it sums up the story perfectly and carries the multiple levels of meaning with some wit. I'm wondering why you chose to enter this story in Paranormal rather than Science Fiction, where there is generally less competition and your story would shine in originality, but I think I need to read it for an answer to my question. Regardless, your choice to change the title from your first one is a wise move.

Blurb: 10/10 

This is one of the most appealing blurbs of the twenty I judged for this contest. I don't need to go over the elements of "what makes a good blurb" or "what constitutes a clean blurb" in this critique because it's obvious to me that you know. You're smart about what you include or don't include. In addition to hitting all the marks a blurb needs to hit, you strike the perfect balance of using descriptive language to enhance the appeal without weighing the blurb down. This would have gotten a perfect score from me if not for the grammar and punctuation errors. Because the word count of a blurb (how many times can I say "blurb" in one paragraph?) is so limited, every misplaced comma and sentence fragment becomes extremely obvious. Since getting your title, cover, and blurb through the door of a contest or publisher's door is typically the first step, I'd urge you to make the grammar and sentence construction flawless!

Cover: 4/5 

The cover of this book isn't aesthetically my cup of tea, but I tend to not judge on that. The greater concern is that the cover is blurry and/or not crisp enough in every size because of the image used. Also, because of the lighting effects used on the cover, the bright white lettering tends to fall into the background. The tagline/subtitle "The End Became The Beginning" is actually quite good, from both a literary and a marketing perspective. It's unfortunate that it's difficult to read on the cover itself. Ultimately, I think lighting effects and font colour/choice can help redeem this cover-- but as it is, it's just not as crisp and clear as it needs to be to capture the eye. I'd pick up this book from the shelf to see what it was about, but the cover might make me put it back down again.

Plot: 19/20

This is one of the more inventive and creative plots I've had the honour to read in this contest, and your creativity and originality shine through in this work. There are, of course, many paranormal and dystopian novels with the premise of humans being at the bottom of the food chain. In many supernatural worlds, this is typically the case. However, you put your very own spin on that idea, combining scientific, mythological and Biblical prophecies about how the end of the world might occur. The plot sets up an epic story with a lot of action and a lot of potential character conflict, and in fairness, I'd need to read more than five chapters to determine whether or not it delivers. It's a compelling read, and one that has a good deal of originality behind it, more so than more books on Wattpad. There's almost a fantastical nature to the dark world in which this story takes place, yet enough realism to lend the belief this could indeed be our world. This goes to say volumes about the world-building in this story, and the suspension of disbelief a reader is willing to give you.

Characterisation: 18/20

I am one of those rare people who find first person stories to be limiting in terms of characterisation and character development. It stands to reason that first person is the best way to have an uncensored account of the main character, and yet it's not necessarily always the best way to form an emotional connection between the reader and the character. I can imagine this story told in 3rd-limited, and carrying a greater impact due to the POV change.

As it is right now, the characterisation is there, but it's disjointed. It begins with some rhapsodising and communicating the pertinent information about what had happened to the world--but then switches back to an interior monologue. About halfway through the first chapter, the MC finally describes herself but it's in a thoroughly bland and disinteresting way. The flaw of this book is that the protagonist, as described through her own eyes, is not endearing, interesting, or anything but "meh" for the first few chapters. Readers must feel a spark, a connection to a character, and this one is not easy to bond with. Again, I think this is a POV problem. Since she is constantly narrating, the interesting facets about her or her emotional state of being are either overlooked or buried within more factual text that seems important to know about the plot.

While the plot shines, the ability for the reader to connect with the character suffers greatly. I personally wouldn't have made that tradeoff. By Chapter Three, there are points where the story almost becomes a stream-of-consciousness narrative because so much is internal monologue. Like most people (if realistically portrayed), the MC doesn't always think in a linear pattern, which also keeps an emotional distance between her and the reader.

Some judges will love this story and commend it for all the positives it has working for it, and that should totally be the case. Others will judge it harshly and use words like "infodumping" to explain how the MC relates to the reader. The addition of more dialogue, more interactions with other characters, and more of the phrase I hate the most---"showing, not telling"-- will help you overcome some of these pitfalls. When your first few chapters are dense and you open with large blocks of the story being told via a character's thoughts, you're fighting an uphill battle to hold the reader's attention. Take it from someone who knows. ;)

In my opinion, had this been written more actively and descriptively via a 3rd-limited point of view, the ability to paint pictures of the characters and for the reader to experience emotion via the main character's journey. Since you opted for first-person POV, you have to work a bit harder to stay out of the character's head and not provide long blocks of narrative between conversation and and action. I don't mind a slow-burning book, but the emotional connection to the MC isn't optional. For me, it didn't get there, at least in the first few chapters.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10 

The creativity and originality in this story is something that makes it shine and stand out above the competition. You clearly have a vivid imagination and though it suffers from the flaw of being intellectually instead of emotionally appealing, I think that calls back to POV and/or development of the MC more than anything else. (see above.) The market is flooded with many "end of the world" stories, but yours is intelligent and layered with meaning. In order for it to live up to the vision you have for it though, the character work and emotional impact of the story needs to be in line with the strength of the plot. Once you get it there, this will be a far more compelling reading. Whether this book is a particular reader's cup of tea or not, I think everyone can agree it is creative, original, intelligent, and makes use of advanced concepts such as symbolism.

Spelling/Grammar: 13/15 

The phrasing and writing style in this book surprised me a bit. I've read your work before, and I've never known you to be a "colloquial" writer before. Yet, whether it's because of the age of the MC or the characterisation discussed above, it is very colloquial in tone and feels as if it's written for a younger audience than I would expect a story like this one to be geared toward. The grammar is fairly solid, but even the revised chapters are in need of some revision and editing. You use semicolons when a period would suit you, commas are strewn about in search of their proper homes, and there are lonely sentence fragments that have gotten lost along the way. I'd avoid starting sentences with weak words that are usually not needed, words like "But", "So", "Or", etc. When I see this, I know it's usually an invitation to an incomplete sentence.

Another thing to be wary of, especially because you have a book in which the plot and action are extremely important, is keeping your action--active. One of the pitfalls of first person is how easy it is to slip into passive voice, and you do it with a good deal of frequency. Even if it's just in your character's mind, you've got to build tension and keep it moving.

Enjoyability: 4/5 

I think this is one of the stories in this category where "Your Mileage May Vary" is an extreme part of how your book will be received. I can picture this book being the type that will win an award one day, and come in dead last the very next day. Different people will take different things away from your book. While that's true for every single book, I think it's true for this one more than others. I wanted to enjoy this book more than I did. The reason it didn't meet my expectations was that I expected an intense, plot-based, immersive tale that also had a memorable main character. However, instead of putting the burden of carrying the story forward on the well-developed plot, it was placed on the less well-developed MC--and she simply isn't yet up to the task. My lack of connection with the person almost exclusively narrating the story was a deal-breaker. Yet, I firmly acknowledge not every reader requires emotional immersion in a story, and a reader half my age may very likely find your MC more relatable. I personally found this a bit of a tedious read, but I don't judge based on my personal tates. The score reflects the fact that I know different types of people will receive this story very differently.

Literary Devices: 4/5 

You are very much a natural descriptive writer, although one who needs a bit of practise in when that attribute is used most effectively. Although I think there were some things that held you back a bit, you made a very strong attempt at world-building and character description. While the writing style feels somewhat unnatural, the literary devices used fit the tone and the context. You have skills in descriptive writing, and your use of traditional literary devices are not all forced. I think you could employ this more often to raise the level of sophistication inherent in the tone of this particular work and tone down the colloquialism that seems to clash with the idea of a very dystopian world.

Descriptive Writing: 4/5 

The art of descriptive writing is far more than the ability to use the most suitable words to illustrate this to the audience. Sometimes, it's knowing when less is more, and the overly descriptive nature of your narrator makes the exposition feel tedious. Other times, it's knowing when you have to add details to draw the reader into the world you're building. You pass up a lot of good opportunities to employ descriptive writing techniques and instead opt for what can read like infodumping, For instance, when the MC finally describes her appearance, it's very fact-based rather than making the reader "sense" her. Since you're telling the tale in 1st person, it's a bit more of a challenge in that people do not usually think to themselves descriptively--and this is the hurdle you have to overcome. You have to combine your descriptive writing talents with a young, colloquial, 1st person narrator and do it well enough to gain your reader's immersion. You've taken on a huge challenge, and I think you manage it so much better than most--but it's not quite there yet.

I have total faith that this will be an extraordinary story. I've already personally come in second to it more than once, so people see the gifted writing and nuanced plot that is this story. Unfortunately, your need your main character to be strong enough to carry the amount of story you're putting on her and establish a connection with the reader. My main criticism is that I want to know what happens in the story, but I don't really care about the main character. You need to somehow have her connect in a way that's as strong as the plot you've developed. It's a big task, but I know you're up to it! ;) Great work. :)

Total: 91/100