Q U E N T I N

The night it happened, Quentin was enjoying a quality 'me-time'.

Which meant that he needed his room to be dark, his lotion to be green-tea scented, and his hands to be absolutely clean.

Ah, the joy of having your own house.

He was having a great time. He had never made it a habit to clean anything. His mother had been a clean-freak and whenever he had been compelled to brush something, everything was already squeaky and shiny.

This time, though, he had his own home, and he had his own leather collection.

And he always loved cleaning his leather collection with his favorite green-tea lotion.

He never told this to anyone. It was too embarrassing. For a football player like him, it was also a good move to have an exagerrated image of masculinity. It was not right for them to cook or sew or, God help him, take pleasure in any activity that indicated any kind of femininity.

But oh, Quentin loved his place to be clean and orderly and neat. So, every Friday night, after a full day of grueling on the field with his 'bros', Quentin would have a quiet time just for himself in his apartment. To clean his leather collection without being judged.

And it had always been the one thing that kept his sanity. When he had started to realize that his exgirlfriend Audra had been a psycho bitch, he had bought a few leather accessories and cleaned them vigorously thrice a week. It had dulled his temper and given him a much-needed sense of order.

Tonight, though, was different.

It was three in the morning, and Quentin was smiling at his new leather strap for his new watch.

And that was when he felt it.

The feeling came like a meteor, and it hit Quentin internally. Quentin gasped in the dark, and then he cursed because he almost dropped his beloved strap. The sensation that had hit him was fleeting, but nevertheless powerful.

Instantly, Quentin knew.

Fuck, he thought, my sister had just had sex.

He took a shower, because the notion that had just hit him scared him shitless, and then he cleaned his leather collection once more, and by the time he finished, the whole room smelled like green-tea and soap.

Fuck, he thought again, I hope it's not with that bastard Ryder.

But instinctively... he knew.

He knew.

Sometimes he hated this 'sibling telephathy' shit.

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2.31: the management of feeling

"So you two got back together."

I tilted my head as Bella's words sunk deep inside my ear canals. I tried to decipher what she was trying to say behindthose words (something that neurotypical people do that I still couldn't quite catch on).

"Can you repeat the words, only with a more definite punctuation? I have a hard time deciding how to answer."

"Likewise, sister," Bella sipped at her tea, which from the smell of it, had been mixed with some kind of alcohol. It was how she got through mornings without breaking down. "I'm still deciding whether I'm using a question mark or an exclamation mark."

I thought about it. "I'd choose a question mark, because it'll make you seem less like a know-it-all."

"Sassy," Bella sipped more of her tea/alcohol. "I hate it when you're sassy. I hate it more when you're sassy and the inside my head is ringing because I can't think of a good comeback."

Bella had just come back home at four o'clock last night, making a huge entrance with her yelling and galloping and of course, a lot of grunting and moaning sounds as she engaged in (presumed0 sexual activities with the guy she had came home with. Come five AM, the guy had gone home and the rest of the morning had gone by without a single second of silence because Bella had been snoring like an elephant.

"I'm going to kick her out," Ryder had hissed as he tried his best to sleep.

Me, on the other hand, had given up any wink of sleep tonight because all the momentums that had happened. I just stared at the ceiling happily, just realizing how pretty the world truly was. "You said that for the 23rd time already this month."

"I'm really going to do it," Ryder's voice was dangerously low, "if she doesn't stop snoring."

So I had gone to Bella's room, which was fortunately had been unlocked, and then I pinched the bridge of her nose until her snoring stopped.

When I had came back, Ryder had dozed off.

I smiled at the memory of that; it was not everyday I could get to watch two of my most favorite people sleep. Bella hadn't been a peaceful sleeper. She would kick and moan and talk and occasionally, she would try to hug you when she sensed that you were near.

Ryder, on the other hand, was a very still sleeper. If not for the slight rising of his chest, you would have thought that he was dead. He almost didn't move, and he didn't make a single sound when he slept. His face, though, looked different.

He looked like the other version of a boy he could have been.

Each people would have a set of expressions that were ingrained to their faces. Some people always make hard expressions: furrowed brows, scrunched mouth, tight jaw. They couldn't help it. It was just how their normal resting face. Ryder's resting face was pleasant to see (in fact, I couldn't find a single moment when his face wasn't an art to look at), but he never looked content. If my natural resting face was 'Clueless', then Ryder's permanent expression was 'Brood Darkly'.

He was a brooder. He could brood harder than anyone, including Jon Snow. He would sit still and look at television and I would have visions of him thinking about some far-away love that he lost or something. He had that kind of face.

But when he slept, I got a glimpse of a six year old happy Ryder.

There was no crease on his face, his brows were relaxed, his mouth slightly parted and his expression was so peaceful.

Peace was a luxury that Ryder Black never got to have.

"It's 10AM," Ryder's brooding face materialized from his room. "So why am I smelling alcohol?"

"Because it's the only thing that's keeping me from smacking you in the face," Bella drawled. "Look at you, it's 10AM in the morning and your face already looks like you're in eternal pain. Can't you ease up on the brooding look?"

If Ryder were offended with any of Bella's assessment, then he didn't show it. He rolled his eyes, pulled a milk carton from the refrigerator and then drank it straight. (I would not touch that milk. Confirmed.) "Whatever, Bells. I'm on a high right now, nothing that you can say can bring me down."

"Is that how you look when you're happy?"

"Look again," Ryder said, and then glared at Bella.

Bella gave her childhood friend a once-over, and then she bounced out from her chair. "Oh wow. You really are happy. Your murderous aura is completely gone."

"He has a murderous aura?" I asked.

"All the time," Bella said. "Especially if Alex is around."

"He's not a person worth of concern anymore," Ryder snorted. Somewhat haughtily I might add.

"Anyway, how did last night go?" Bella asked.

The way she asked it, so casually, as if she was asking a friend if they liked their omelet, was a bit jarring, but in some way it provided me a little bit of comfort. But while I managed a smile out of politeness, the rest of Ryder's milk spilled on the floor.

"You seem like you'd be a little weird in bed," Bella pointed at me. "But Ryder, tsk, you little baby whale, I never expected you to be so loud."

At this point, I was amazed that Ryder still managed to go on living, considering how much he coughed and choked on his milk. His whole face was red up until his ears, and while his mouth was moving, no single sound came out.

"I like that he's loud. It makes me feel appreciated. I read a psychological trick that one way to make a person get better at their job is to make them feel appreciated. So I think he's doing a good job at making me want to do a good job."

Bella sniggered. "Of doing what?"

"Coitus."

Bella and Ryder exploded. Bella into laughter, and Ryder into a series of gurgling and coughing and then more choking. I almost called for an ambulance because I feared for his life.

-

Ryder snuck into my room five seconds after Bella stepped out of the apartment.

"That was fast," I commented. "Seriously. I'm impressed at how good your reflexes are."

He completely ignored my compliments. "So are you really fine with this?"

"This?"

"This. Us. Conversing casually. Living together," he looked away. "Sleeping together."

I often read romance books in which the heroine described a sudden tingling sensations on weird parts of her body, and I thought I might be experiencing that. I didn't know what changed, but after last night, nothing changed while in the same time, everything did. Ryder looked even better right now, and it took all of my concentrations to be able to focus on something else. Anything else, aside from how close we had been last night.

"We've been... I think we've been sleeping together before," I said. "You know, before-"

"I meant the other 'sleeping', April."

"Ah..."

As the memories flooded my mind once more, I buried my face inside my hands. I never thought that someone like me could experience something so different, something so overwhelming. It felt a bit like playing DOTA2, only there were only 2 of you and you had no enemies. But when both of you were done, there was only either extreme exhilaration or utter frustration. I was glad that my first experience had been the former.

"Does that," Ryder coughed. The chocolate of his eyes glinted hopefully. "Does that mean that we're back together?"

I gulped.

"You did say that you love me," he reminded me. "I still remember the full dialogue. I can recite it to you."

"No, no, please don't! It's torture enough for me to say it. I don't think I can bear hearing it again."

"Does that mean I'm not going to hear 'I love you' coming out from you on a daily basis?"

"I was hoping that I can say it once and it'll last a lifetime?"

He sighed in exasperation, but then when he lifted his head, he was smiling at me. "That's going to be tough."

"It's just..." I waved my hands because all of a sudden my body was filled with endless energy out of nowhere and I needed to expend it. "I'm just... overwhelmed. Not good. Feelings."

He stepped closer.

"Overflowing..." I still stuttered.

Another step closer to me.

"Explode," I said, as I felt him lift me off the floor.

For a moment I was floored (see what I did there?) and slightly panicked because the experience of 'flying' could scare me into pooping involuntarily and I hoped that I wouldn't poop while Ryder was trying to do a romantic gesture.

He kissed my neck, and once again, I lost all the knowledge of my extensive research about all alternate universes of Harry Potter.

"This is not-" I tried to conjure words into my mouth, but I didn't seem to find much success. "You're not being fair."

"I'm kissing you and you seem to like what my hand is doing to you," he chuckled into my neck. "I'd say that I'm being fair."

"No, no," I tried to wriggle free, but how could I when I instantly developed a liking towards anything that he did to me? He kissed me a new way, and I became a fan of that. He touched me a certain way, and I became enamored. I swore I started to feel like a little fangirl who would happily accept a half-chewed gum that her K-pop bias offered to her.

"I'm... I'm different from before," I said.

"You're getting better at refraining yourself from going all Yoda."

"It's not just that," I finally managed to step down, and then, after a lot of exhaling and inhaling and self-medication by reciting all the lyrics to the soundtrack of Big Fish, I finally started to regain a bit of my sense. "I was miserable. And I think it changes me a little bit."

Ryder only looked at me.

"I'm... you know. I don't know why in the Valhalla you liked me before, but I don't think you will like me as much as you liked the old me."

"And why would you think that?"

"Because..." I gulped and swallowed painfully. "I can't offer you anything except accepting you... all of you, stupidly and fiercely. But that's that. I don't know if I have any more to give other than my full stupidity." And then I said in a small voice. "You said to me that you liked me because I saw you as a blank canvas. But now you're not blank anymore, Ryder. Our history is not perfect anymore. I'm not perfect, and you're also not perfect. I can't pretend that you never have wronged me, nor can I forget about it."

Both of us knew what the 'blank canvas' meant to us as a couple, and I saw a hint of smile playing on Ryder's lips.

"But I'm don't want to be a blank canvas anymore, April," he said. "I know hurt you. And these last years I also went through a lot of shit. I survived it all. And somehow, I managed to get back to you again. I'm not just a misunderstood boy who wants to be fixed. I'm here and I want you because I think- I know my life will be much better when I'm with you."

I stayed silent.

He was still continuing. "If you have to know. I never managed to sleep right or eat right or even have a normal relationship with anyone since four years ago. I didn't feel like a person. I didn't feel like I lived. I'm just existing. And what kept me going was one tiny sliver of hope that one day I might see you again. Maybe even become your friend."

"A friend?" I asked, biting my bottom lip in fear. "Am I being friendzoned?"

He shook his head. "But that was before I actually saw you on that blogger's house."

"Vlogger," I corrected.

"Whatever. I saw you, and all those feelings that I buried came back. I just... all I could think about, after that, was how to get another chance to be with you. To right my wrongs. To be the one person who makes you happy." He moved closer and reached for me, but I dodged it.

"If you touch me, I'm afraid my opinion will be biased," I said. "You have a really good kissing technique, you know?"

He nodded sheepishly. "I know."

"Did you kiss a lot of girls after That Thing?"

"Never."

"Then-"

"Maybe it's just four year's worth of pent-up desire," he said, but that was the last thing he said, because he was already busy using his mouth into doing something else to me.

And I was right. I became extremely biased. Because, despite my brain screaming at me to not give in easily, I couldn't help kissing him back.

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thank you so much for reading :) any comments and votes will be appreciated !

i'm sure that i should write more author's note because that's what i do, i talk about everything on my author's note page, but these days i'm just so tired and it's my first time managing someone else aside from me and it's such taxing work...

hope you like the chapter! anyway, since we're coming to an end of this story, what would you like to see more?

1. high-risk drama (gossip girls fans, you know what this mean)

2. cute fluffy moments 

3. more insight to the other characters