"Maa," began Shatrughan weakly, touching Kaushalya's arm. Kaushalya immediately looked up from the bed, and her face broke into a relaxed smile around him. It had been exactly a month since Dasharath's passing, and even with days upon end to adapt, she had not. She could not live with the fact that he was not sitting on his throne, listening to his subjects, or walking around, clutching his stomach, or stroking his beard.

And then the absence of Ram, Sita, and Lakshman. Ram was not practicing his archery, he was not at the dining table, nor was he telling off Shatrughan and Lakshman. Sita was not strolling around the palace, working on her knitting, staring at the horizons as if hypnotized by the colors. Lakshman was not out in the courtyard, grumbling at Urmila and Shatrughan's antics, nor was he in the weapons room.

"What do we do?" asked Kaushalya raspily, shaking her head and swallowing. "What do we do? I have seen two of them grow up, I have seen them mature and grow, and to be ripped apart from them-Shatru, how do I live? How do I possibly live? It would be as if you were pulled away from us, you and Bharat or Shrutakirti or Mandavi and -" she buried her head in her hands, and her shoulders shook with silent cries.

Shatrughan shook his head and wrapped an arm around her with a smile. "Maa, don't lament anymore! We're going to the forest! We're going to Chitrakoot to convince them to return back to the kingdom! We're all going, well, except, Urmila bhabhi, she wants to stay back." Shatrughan paused, thinking for a moment, before he turned back to his mother. "Well, what are you doing Maa? Get ready!"

Kaushalya nodded, flicking a tear away from her eye, and Shatrughan raced off to notify everyone else in the palace, from Bharat to Sumant. Finally, he caught up to Mandavi, who quickly called him back. "Shatru, I am worried for Bharat," she whispered urgently. "I am worried how he will react if Ram bhaiyya and Lakshman bhaiyya and Sita didi cannot return today. He is placing all his hopes upon that happening, and you know he'll break down if-"

Shatrughan quickly cut her off. "No, bhabhi! I am sure that they will return! They have to, don't you understand? If they don't, then it would spell out devastation! We won't be able to live fourteen years without the three of them. Bhabhi, don't say such negative things. If anything happens to Bharat bhaiyya, then I myself will take care of him! But bhabhi, let's be optimistic." Mandavi nodded.

"I only wish I could share your optimism, Shatru." She then looked up and smiled at him. "If only the entire kingdom-no, the entire world were as optimistic as you, Shatru, then it would all be a better place. Everything is built off of optimism. Jealousy happens because we cannot think of a better future, as does murder. You must all teach us someday," Shatrughan nodded, pausing for a second, before he rushed off again.

"Come on, everyone! Come on! Come on!" cried Shatrughan from the courtyard below, where their largest chariot was all assembled and ready. "Come on, you slowpokes! Hurry up, Bharat! All the mothers and queens are in the chariot," Kaikeyi looked away. "You must come down!" Bharat's laughter echoed through the empty castle as he grasped Mandavi's arm and pulled her gently towards the chariot where they all sat.

"Go! Go!" cried the ecstatic and impatient Kaushalya, and the charioteer snapped the reins. Seconds before he acted, however, the horses had already started to move, they were too eager to see their king. Laughter was echoing through the courtyard again as Urmila looked down from the balcony, inhaling sharply and quickly, in a harsh manner, before she turned away, disappearing into the shadows.

-----O-----

"The river is so cool and calm, Shatrughan. I wonder how they passed over it without the aid of a boat, wide as it is," Kaushalya mentioned wonderingly as they crossed it with the royal boat, also lugging along the chariot behind it. "It would have been impossible!" The royal boat was embellished with golden charms and made of a shining maple wood, glistening under the golden sunlight.

Bharat chuckled as Shatrughan raised an eyebrow, looking at the fish under the crystal clear water of the Sarayu. "Shatru is too busy daydreaming, Maa, but I don't think they traveled across without a boat, not really." He smiled triumphantly as the brown boat that they had carved in Gurukul caught his eye, hitched to the river bank with a heavy bank. "Genius. But I never would have thought..." he trailed off sadly.

"None of us could have known, Bharat," Sumitra stated sadly. "None of us could have guessed, well, none of us assembled here." She cleared her throat. "It wasn't some intricately orchestrated and well thought out plan, no one can tell the future. Let us just be glad that you built that boat even unknowingly. It helped Ram, Sita, and Lakshman when they needed it, who cares about the purpose?"

The royal boat hit the riverbank with a thud, and all the members got out. The chariot was, once again, lifted out of the river and righted, onto the dirt path. Shatrughan now eyed the vast desert in front of them as they got into the vehicle, but to his utter surprise, the forest seemed closer than first viewed! They neared closer, and closer, till The chariot began to go into the open arms of the trees and inviting the sound of trickling water.

Closer, closer, closer, down the dirt path where they must have walked. Shatrughan could almost see them, in commoner's clothes, walking down the path. They spotted small droplets of blood, and Bharat closed his eyes shut tightly, but even through the invited darkness, he could imagine all the scenarios which could have caused the shed of blood. Could it have been an attack? The sharp pebbles on the ground?

"Come on bhaiyya," Shatrughan whispered, and he and Bharat stepped out of the chariot onto the dirt as the pathway became broader and broader, scattered branches were visible, the red juice of berries. Someone had most definitely come. And then they pushed apart the last branch, and a large cottage came into view. Bharat gasped in surprise, pleasant, and alarm. Then, he heard a rustling of leaves, and first saw eyes. Ice blue.

Narrowed. And then they weren't. They softened, and Bharat stepped back as Kaushalya trembled. There, standing in front of him, was Yuvraj Ram of Kosala in all his glory, and yet not. Where he wore his blue angavastram before, there now was sacred orange. No crowns, no jewels, no jewelry. Nothing. Bharat felt like hiding his face in his hands in shame, but he couldn't bring himself to hide the sight of his long lost brother from his craving eyes.

And then Sita bhabhi. Her jingling anklets made him look up at her arrival. Her eyes seemed alarmed, at first, before they lit up with recognition,and searched the entire carriage. Shrutakirti and Mandavi dashed forward, arms open, and crashed into their sister, weeping openly. All Kaikeyi could do at the sight of her was wince. Pangs of guilt hit her heart mercilessly. The future queen now was only adorned with flowers and simple gold jewelry. All her fault, was it not?

And then lastly, Lakshman escaped from the confines of the forest, blinking from the sunlight reflecting off the gold carriage. His hand was poised at his dagger, jaw squared, even as he seemed to recognize the group, but then they reached to where Sita was standing, with Shrutakirti and Mandavi, all smiles, he finally relaxed with a sigh. He turned towards Ram with a raised eyebrow, and Ram turned back to beam at Bharat and Shatrughan.

"Oh, come here!" he laughed. The four barrelled together in a group hug, and breathed in the air, suddenly so fresh and sweet. Bharat felt tears escaping his eyes, which Ram wiped away quickly before they could become audible. Shatrughan clenched his jaw to try to stop his own weakness, but when he finally surfaced from the hug, the mere sight of the cottage brought tears to his eyes as well. Thatched roof instead of marble. Mud bricks instead of gold. Humble insides instead of grand chambers.

"A palace," he whispered. "You were supposed to be living in a palace. On the golden throne of the grandest palace in the world. And now you get this. This-this-this hut. Cottage, in the middle of the woods." Shatrughan shook his head.

Lakshman pouted. "I like to think my craftsmanship was decent, but if the great and masterful architect prince Shatrughan does not approve, well, I suppose it must be torn down, mustn't it?" Something seemed choked about their banter today, as if they knew something was wrong, both of them. Ram didn't seem to get this feeling, only joking around happily. Till he saw something.

Ram touched the feet of Kaushalya lightly, before his eyes caught the white hem of her sari. He looked up at her, eyes widened, before he turned back to Bharat, biting his lip. "Say, why did you come here so abruptly, Bharat, Shatrughan? Why is my mother wearing the white of mourning women?"

Shatrughan swallowed, eyes fluttering closed as Bharat's smile evaporated off his face. "Bhaiyya-" he began weakly, eyes darting. "Bhaiyya-I-can't-" he paused for a second, as if he didn't want to go on, but Ram's eyes urged him to, though they were hesitant. As if they wanted to hear his words, but didn't at the same time. As if he was ripping off a bandaid. "Papa is no more." Ram still smiled for a second, as if the news took second to register, but when it did, his face crumpled. He seemed to cave into himself as the words rang in his ears. "Papa couldn't stand being separated from you, bhaiyya." Bharat whispered.

"W-What?" Ram hissed, stepping back a step. Then another. Then another. "Papa-Papa-Papa!" Bharat quickly caught him before he fell, before Ram drenched the Earth with his flood of tears. "Papa! Proudest, bravest king of our clan! You can't be dead! Tell me that you are lying Bharat! TELL ME! You must not lie to your brother," Bharat swallowed, but did not reply. Ram went into hysteria. "Why did you leave me? Why do you leave me? I am undutiful! I should have been there during your last days! Instead, I while away my days in the forest! Papa!" Ram shook his head in denial but Bharat nodded wherever he denied, and eventually, his cries stopped.

One tear trailed down Lakshman's cheek, but he did not sob or beg like Ram did. He simply turned towards Sumitra and grasped her hands tightly as Sumitra closed her eyes shut. "Maa..." he trailed off, but Sumitra understood before he even continued. "We cannot return. We must fulfill Papa's wishes." Bharat's head darted up, and his face paled even more. But before he could speak, Kaikeyi did so instead.

"I have sinned. I admit it! I have done you wrong! I shouldn't have asked for it! This is my fault! Dasharath's death is my fault!" she hid her head in her hands as Mandavi rubbed her back soothingly. Finally, she resurfaced. "Return, Ram! Return to your homeland and claim your rightful throne! The person who gave the oath has passed, and if it takes that much, then the person who asked for it will also pass, but you must not fulfill something that is false and sinful! Come back to Ayodhya!"

Bharat turned again to face his brother pleadingly, but nothing seemed to convince Ram, who remained uptight with his jaw clenched. Bharat seemed ready to faint. The vein in his neck was pulsing, throbbing, and everything seemed much clearer now, when it was hazy before. Doom seemed approaching like a thunder cloud. His eyes filled with tears the result of unexpressed emotions. An astounded silence fell upon the group. Finally, Lakshman interrupted softly. "Why don't you all come inside? There is better shade there, the sun is beating down upon all of us today." He snaked an arm around Shatrughan, and they walked into the hut first. The entire royal family stared at the backs of the two twins. Same red hair, same fair skin. One clothed in the orange attire of the sage, the other with jewels and silks and gold.

-----O----

Though it felt that they talked about thousands of things in that hut, some things were left unspoken, though Bharat later wished that he had asked. Sometimes he thought he had not asked because he knew deep down inside. He wished he had asked why Lakshman had dark circles, or why his plate was left untouched. He wished he had asked why Sita's eyes continued searching through their group as if they ached to see someone's face, and how she would continue to look quickly at Lakshman in almost a guilt. He wished he had asked why Ram continued to smile through his misery. He didn't. Those questions were left unasked, and thus they were left unanswered.

They just joked around with each other. Shatrughan commented on the carved wooden seat in the middle of the house, carved just like a grand seat in Ayodhya's palace, decorated with flowers and paints, saying it looked better than the throne in Ayodhya. Bharat talked all about how terrible the food back in Kosala was, and how Sita's cooking was much better, which made Sita blush, and Mandavi slap his arm. Kaikeyi did not speak, but Lakshman, sitting next to her, unnoticed by everyone else, handed her a small carved statue of herself with all four brothers. A wordless apology. A relationship mended.

As they left, heads bowed, Bharat stood in front of Ram, and leaned down, taking his slippers. "I am not the rightful ruler of Kosala, bhaiyya, you are." Bharat whispered, and blinking back tears, he stood up with the simple wooden sandals in his hands. "These shall rest where your feet should have, not I." Bharat reached down and was about to take Ram's blessings when Ram lifted him up and put a large kiss on his temple.

"Stay safe, Bharat." he breathed, squeezing him again before turning to Shatrughan. "You too, Shatru. Take care of everyone, alright?" Shatrughan nodded, and hugged Ram tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks as he bit his lip. He would. He would follow his brother's orders.

Bharat waved, but Shatrughan looked at Lakshman who looked right back at him curiously. "Take care of bhaiyya and bhabhi," he murmured. "I'll take care of the rest of us." He beamed and ran into Lakshman without warning, who stumbled back, before wrapping his arms around him as well.

"You'll do great, Shatru. You'll do better than any of us could have ever done in this situation. You stay there, take care of the kingdom, take care of your family, but don't forget to take care of yourself. When we all return, I wouldn't want to see a bone thin twin, alright? I have an image to maintain!" Shatrughan burst into laughter and nodded as well, stepping back. He did not tell Lakshman to take care of himself as Bharat had done. He knew he wouldn't. Words left unfollowed were useless.

As Shatrughan turned his back on his brother, Lakshman thought of something else. "Oh, Shatru!" he called, and the youngest prince turned back, face dry and sparkling with tear tracks. "Tell Urmila I said "hi", okay?" He had not uttered that name in weeks, and they had not either. "Tell her-tell her that I'm sorry for leaving, and that I hope she's holding up well there and-" he took a deep breath, biting his lip. "-that I have so many things to say to her-but I don't have enough time. Ask her how the painting is going? She always wanted me to have some interest in her art." He swallowed, reconsidering. How could he expect her to hold up? Her sister, her dearest sister, was in the forest! Painting? Why would she be painting? Her father-in-law was passed, and it would be dense for him to think she was immersed in the arts. She probably didn't even really want to hear his words. "Actually, just tell her I said "hello". Nothing more." Shatrughan nodded.

-----O-----

Urmila stared at them returning from the balcony, and calmly stepped down the stairs, welcoming them with a sad smile. None of the three trailed after the family, and Mandavi was comforting Bharat, who was standing there, holding a pair of sandals and staring incomprehensibly at them, as if they were some puzzle that needed to be unpuzzled. The grip he had on them was so tight, that his knuckles were white, as if they were some valuable object. Shatrughan held his head in his hands and hit his forehead, looking like he was trying to remember something.

Kaikeyi was staring at the sky, her eyes clouded with guilt. Sumitra clasped her hands together and Kaushalya seemed much more at peace now that she had seen her son in peace and comfort. As the family stepped off, Shrutakirti patted Shatrughan encouragingly, and he stepped forward, not meeting Urmila's eyes as he shuffled from foot to foot. "Lakshman bhaiyya said hello." He quickly walked away as Urmila stared at the carriage bleakly.

Hello. Somehow, she thought he would say so much more. So many things he would send back with Shatrughan, words that would somehow cure her pain. Sita didi always said that words cured all pain. This one didn't. Ram bhaiyya contradicted her with time heals all wounds. What if time was her wound, what if all the bleeding gashes on her heart was incurable except by the return of her husband?

No words, not even millions of them, not an entire library of books filled with words upon words, could stop the throbbing of her heart, no time, even milleniums passed, could stop her tears from flowing. She knew that he wouldn't come back, so she didn't go to Chitrakoot with everyone else. She didn't distract him. But oh-it would have been worth all of it, all of the pain of being ripped away from him again that she could see his face once more. Once more, to sustain her for fourteen years.

Flashback

"Putri?" asked Sumitra softly as she approached Urmila's bed. She sat down on the edge, and Urmila smiled softly, before giving her a quick, tight hug. "Why aren't you coming with us? I know that they would like to see you. And we would definitely like you to come with us. You would be staying behind in a cold empty palace. No one likes empty palaces, do they?"

Urmila shook her head, not displaying even a single sign of weakness. "I will not be the one to distract him from his duties. And in the same, I will not let him distract me from mine. We each have a job, a duty, a wish, to help around where we are. We cannot allow each other to sway. Maa-I wish to go, but I know that if I see him even once, I'll figure out a way to stay there. I can't do that. No. I shall not go. And we're both the better for it."

Sumitra walked away, blinking back heavy tears from her thick eyelashes. How young children, not even twenty yet, were forced to grow up. Her son, she knew, would be grateful that she didn't come, but somber all the same. Somewhere in her mind, Sumitra wondered what could have happened to him over the past few months. Hopefully not too much.

-----O-----

They sat in front of the fire, just the two of them, in the empty, dark evening. The crackling fire threw embers every which way, a small one, but emanating enough light for Lakshman to see that Shatrughan had tears welled up in his eyes. His heart raced as Lakshman shifted uneasily, not knowing what to do. Finally, he settled for a simple check-in. "Shatru?" he asked softly. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

Shatrughan looked up. "Am I alright? What's wrong? I returned from Kekeya without knowing why at the tense words of my mother only to find my twin brother and elder brother and sister-in-law exiled, father dead," Lakshman let go of a shuddering breath, "-and Bharat in agony over what to do! NO! What could possibly be wrong! What could possibly be wrong..." he trailed off, mumbling things to himself.

"I missed you, back here, you know?" Lakshman whispered, going back to stare at the fire so that he wouldn't meet Shatrughan's eyes. He couldn't bear it. "We all missed you. Your humor really lightened everything up, didn't it? We need some of that hilarity in our lives. Everyone does, don't they?" he looked away with a breath. "You must be making everyone laugh back there with your jolly spirit. I'm happy about that. They'll have something to be glad about, something to remind them of the older times. I am glad that you are always happy, Shatrughan. Our pillar."

Shatrughan looked up, an unaware rage blossoming in him. "Always steady, hanh? Always a pillar? Is that what I'm known for? What if I don't want to be a pillar? What if I have my own emotions, and I need my own support system, but you all are too busy roaming off, following everyone around. Always happy? NO! I always look happy, bhaiyya, but I am NOT. Acting. You always said that I was good at acting, didn't you? It finally came to a use."

"I was not happy when I saw the body of my father through golden oils, preserved in a casket. I was disgusted, not by the corpse, but by Rani Kaikeyi's decisions. ALL of our decisions! But I appeared happy. I was not happy when my mother was always forgotten, ignored. I was filled with a rage, a burning inferno of rage! A queen, treated so? Surely my father could spare some attention to the woman who bore him two sons, not one! But no! My inferno had to be downgraded to a simmering, sizzling stove."

He narrowed his eyes. "You know when I really wasn't happy, bhaiyya? All the times when you ignored me," Lakshman looked up, biting his lip. "ALL THE TIMES! All the times you ignored me! All the times you smacked me off, swatted my attempts at civility away! Why else did you think I bugged you so much? I was a boy, a boy craving attention from his brother, whom he looked up to! All the times, Laksh, when you said that we were nothing alike, when you denied that we were related!"

"You know how much that hurt me? How hurt I was that my own twin brother, the only brother of the womb I had, didn't consider me family enough to admit it publicly? I already felt that I had nothing to my name, and you didn't serve to help my worries! I thought that I wasn't worth it! I thought that you hated me, that you thought of me as an annoying thing stopping you from greatness! I-I thought you didn't love me!" He clutched his head as Lakshman merely stared. Then he looked up sharply. "So no, I'm not alright. No, I am not okay. Something is wrong." he looked away.

Tears spotted Lakshman's eyes. Tears that didn't arrive when he said goodbye to his mother or his wife, when he first saw his brothers arrive again, when he got to hug his mother, when he knew his father was dead, and later too. "I thought that you hated me," he spoke softly. "That I stole away your mother, your father, threatened your position at youngest. I thought you saw me as a threat!"

He glanced away again. "I was jealous. You were always so strong! So in control! You got so much love! You took everything so well! You didn't make decisions nearly as rashly as me! Everything turned out well for you! You were so perfect-Shatru! I didn't associate myself with you because I was afraid I would taint your name or something! I was afraid that I would embarrass you!"

They looked at each other, and saw tears in the other's eyes. Tears, rare for both of them. Another similarity. Shatrughan shifted closer a bit uncertainly, but Lakshman reached over and hugged him tightly, biting back a sob. Shatrughan's eyes widened as his hands hovered over his brother's back. A hug. How many years had it been? How many years? "Don't you love your brother enough to hug him back?" Lakshman asked softly.

Shatrughan shook his head quickly and squeezed back so tightly that Lakshman felt the breath pulled out of his lungs. But he didn't let go. He felt the emotions coursing through Shatrughan's body finally being released. He needed this. Both of them did. "I love you-Shatrughan. I love you, and don't you ever forget that." How many years had it been, Shatrughan wondered, since he had last heard that statement?

Heard? Oh, it had been ages. But felt? Every single second. Every single action. Every single glance. He need not have been worried. Lakshman never spoke. He only acted. And when he acted, he meant it. He should never have thought. The evidence was there all along.

A/N-First detail you all probably noticed was different is that Lakshman did not attack Bharat. Well, technically, here's the thing. He did, but this was from mostly Shatrughan's and Bharat's POV. What I'd like to think is that he was about to throw the dagger, not trusting Bharat, until he noticed Sita and Ram all safe, and relaxed. Bharat and Shatrughan never knew....

Alright. I feel like I have something more to say....YES! Got it! So I just added a bit of Urmila in too. You see, Shatrughan wanted to tell Urmila that Lakshman had said more than he told him to, but then he couldn't remember anything that he had said previously.

Also, the bonus scene with Lakshman and Shatrughan was put there because of my other series of oneshots book thingamajigger, because it kind of relates with the second chapter I think? Maybe not. I don't even know anymore. IDEKA. Sounds like Eureka. Ideka. Eureka.

WE HAVE PASSED 200K WORDS! I have written 200,000 entire words in this giant book. I can't even begin to tell you how accomplished I feel today. Like I'm David Baldacci or something. You know, when I'm done, I think that I'll hire some online company to formally print this into a book! That's how excited I am. EEEEEEEK! Thank you all for following me, voting, reading, and especially commenting! I never thought I would reach this milestone, but here we are! We have reached this milestone! Can you believe it? I can't. The sad thing is, this book will probably end before we reach 300K words, which is very sad indeed. But hey! Still! This is probably my longest work to date, and in the future as well! I mean, the oneshot book certainly couldn't be this long!

I'm wondering what I'll write next, other than the oneshot book. Maybe a story about Sita and her sisters. That actually sounds wonderful. "Devi-Jewel of Mithila". Sounds professional too. Ah well.