What is the best kind of government?

Needless to say, Public Policy didn't go well that day. We had to take a test, and when I read the first question, I couldn't figure out the answer. I read the question over and over again, but there must have been a typo. Something was terribly wrong with the question.

Which of the following is NOT a reason for the proliferation of interest groups in the United States?

A. social diversity

B. governmental fragmentation

C. limited government

D. the weakness of political parties

All of a sudden, I realized what was wrong. I raised my hand, and Professor Higgins rushed over to me. "What is it, Ryan?" she asked, clearly exasperated already.

"I think there's an error in the question," I said to my professor. "None of those answers are reasons for the proliferation of interest groups in the United States, because interest groups aren't real."

"What are you talking about?" Professor Higgins asked.

"More accurately, they might be real, but they might not be," I explained. "There's no way to prove that interest groups are real, or that there are many of them, as opposed to only a few. Have you ever heard of epistemological solipsism, Professor?"

"Ryan, I don't have time for this, and neither do you," Professor Higgins said. "Just take your test." She walked away, leaving me alone to stare at my test without truly understanding a single word on that page. I didn't know what to do, so I selected the first answer and moved on.

The rest of the test didn't go any better, and when my grades were posted online later that day, I saw that I was failing Public Policy. It was clear that I had a problem on my hands. I had never failed a class before, and I wasn't about to start now. I needed to get help, but I had no idea who could help me. Professor Higgins wasn't exactly sympathetic, and I wasn't friends with anyone in that class. Studying on my own hadn't done me any good in Public Policy. What was I supposed to do?

I was still pondering that question on Tuesday, when I headed to the Pendragon Center once again for a Guyliner Club meeting. I found the rest of the Guyliner Club sitting in a circle, gossiping about their classes and the Greek Friendship Society, among other things.

"Hey Ryan," Pete said as I sat down next to him.

"Hi Pete," I replied.

"I was just telling Laura, Gerard, and Frank about my statistics class," Pete said. "It's my favorite class this semester, mostly because there's this really hot guy who sits in front of me. He's the nicest person I know, he has this amazing soul voice, and did I mention that he's adorable?"

"Pete, we get it," Laura said. "You think that this guy in your stats class is hot. What's his name?"

"Oh right, I forgot to tell you that," Pete said. "His name is Patrick. Isn't that such a cute name?"

"It's kind of cute," Frank admitted. "I don't think anything can beat Gerard though."

"Thanks Frank," Gerard said. "You're the best."

"Do any of you guys happen to know him?" Pete asked.

"No," Laura said.

"I don't think so," Frank said.

"I recognize the name," Gerard said. "Maybe he was at a Greek Friendship Society party once? I don't remember all that well."

"Wait, are you talking about Patrick Stump?" I asked. I hadn't exactly been paying attention to Pete's gushing. Then again, I wasn't the only member of the Guyliner Club who wasn't listening.

"Yes," Pete said. "Do you know him?"

"Patrick is my roommate," I said.

"Really?" Pete said, grinning. "Isn't he so cute?"

"That's subjective, Pete," I said. "I don't find him attractive, but you obviously do. You two could make a great couple though." I wasn't sure if Patrick was interested in Pete in that way, but it was nice seeing Pete this happy. I hadn't seen him smile like he was smiling at that moment since the night he supposedly ate forty three pizzas.

"I think so too, but I don't think he likes me," Pete said.

"He said that he liked you just the other day," I said. "He might just like you as a friend, but that's a start."

Pete smiled again and said, "Maybe there is hope for me then."

"How about this?" I said. "I think I might be able to set you two up."

"That would be awesome, Ryan," Pete said as he reached over to give me a hug. "Thank you so much."

"No problem," I said.

"Ryan, what have you been doing lately?" Frank asked.

"Brendon Urie, obviously," Gerard said. "Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to, Frank."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I failed a test in Public Policy yesterday."

"That's unfortunate, but if you study, I'm sure you can get your grades up," Frank said. "I almost failed my first psychology course, and now I'm majoring in psych."

"I actually took Public Policy when I was a freshman," Pete said. "That class was kind of hard, if I remember correctly. Maybe I'm confusing it with Comparative Politics."

"I took it too," Laura said. "I can tutor you if you'd like."

"Can you please tutor me, Laura?" I said. "I really need help in Public Policy."

"Of course," Laura said. "When do you want to meet?"

"Can we do it after the meeting is over?" I asked.

"Sure, why not?" Laura said. "I don't have anything after the Guyliner Club meeting."

"Thanks, Laura," I said.

The meeting continued onwards, but all I could think about was Public Policy. At that point, I would do anything to get my grade above an F. Mom would be so mad at me if she saw that grade on my college transcript. I had to do something to improve it, and studying with Laura seemed like a good solution.

After the meeting, Laura and I walked to Willoughby Library. The two of us found a table on the second floor, and Laura found a review book for the class. "What unit are you on?" she asked me.

"We're still in Unit One," I told Laura. She shrugged and flipped to the appropriate chapter in the review book. "Look at that," she said. "This book even has multiple choice and fill in the blank questions to help you study. Let's start with those."

"Alright," I said. "What's the first question?" Laura grinned and rolled up her sleeves, revealing her tattoos, including a few that weren't there during first semester. "Did you tattoo your entire arm black?"

"Yes," Laura said. "It's punk rock. Now, let's actually get some studying done." She opened the book and began to read the first question. "Which of the following is not a reason for the proliferation of interest groups in the United States?"

"That was on the test yesterday, Laura," I interrupted.

"Do you know the answer?" Laura asked.

"The correct answer wasn't on the test," I said. "It's none of the above, because interest groups might not exist."

Laura rolled her eyes and said, "Let's just hypothetically say that interest groups do exist and they are numerous. Why might that be?"

"Humans have an innate need to speak their mind and be heard by others, and the proliferation of interest groups could be used as evidence for that theory," I suggested.

"That's most likely true, but that's not one of the answers," Laura said.

"I don't know what the answer is then," I said.

"Fine, let's move on," Laura said. "Which Supreme Court case established the Miranda rights?"

"Laura, how would you define a right?" I asked.

"Ryan, the answer is literally in the question," Laura said.

"I can't answer the question until I am certain that the Miranda rights are truly rights," I said.

"Does it matter?" Laura asked.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Rights can be defined in many ways, but if the Miranda rights are not rights, then I cannot be certain of the truthfulness of the entire question. Perhaps it is a trick question."

"It's not a trick question," Laura said.

"You said that rather suspiciously," I said.

"Ryan, it's not a trick question," Laura said. "Just give me an answer, and I'll tell you if it's right or not."

"I believe that this is a trick question," I said. "The Miranda rights were set up by a law, not a court case."

"That's completely wrong," Laura said. "Miranda v. Arizona established the Miranda rights. Have you been paying any attention in Public Policy?"

"I've been paying attention," I insisted.

"Whatever you say, Ryan," Laura said as she flipped through the review book. "Here, I found an easy question. What type of government does the United States have?"

"Is this a multiple choice question?" I asked.

"No," Laura said. "You can do this, Ryan. You've lived in America for your whole life. I think that you know what type of government it has."

"Why am I expected to know that?" I asked.

"I already explained that," Laura said, but I disregarded her. Laura's explanation is sufficient.

"Many, if not most, Americans are completely lacking in political knowledge and knowledge of current events, so why am I expected to know something like this?" I asked. "Not knowing it would merely make me average."

"Do I need to repeat the question, Ryan?" Laura asked.

"No, I think I get it," I said. "I just don't understand why you are expecting me to know this."

"Then give me an answer," Laura said.

"The United States should be ruled by a benevolent philosopher king, because he or she would be most concerned with wisdom instead of war or gaining power," I said.

Laura glared at me and then said, "I asked what type of government the United States has, not what type of government it should have."

"Isn't it better to ask what government there should be instead of what government there is?" I said.

"You need to have a solid understanding of how governments work and what's already out there before you start debating on what type of government should exist," Laura said. "That's why I majored in Political Science in the first place. There is so much in the world that needs to be changed, but I need to understand how all of it works before I start looking for a revolution."

"I still think that having a philosopher king would solve all of our problems," I said.

"That's where you're wrong," Laura said. "It's never good to have that much power concentrated in a single person, especially someone who would spend more time wondering how to govern best than actually governing."

"It's best to spend more time and come to the correct answer than to rush to an incorrect answer," I argued.

"Unless you're taking a timed test or ruling a country," Laura said.

"A philosopher king would rule the United States wisely," I said.

"I'm done with you," Laura said as she threw the review book onto the table. "Normally, I'm respectful of different political beliefs, but you are insane. I can't help you in this class."

It had only been a few hours since Laura had agreed to be my Public Policy tutor, and already, she was gone, and I was in need of a different tutor. It was a shame. I thought that Laura might be sympathetic to my troubles.

That night, I asked Pete if he could tutor me in Public Policy, and thankfully, he said yes. The two of us met in Beauregard Library the next day to work on my Public Policy homework and hopefully raise my grade in the process.

When Pete showed up, he was dressed entirely in black, complete with eyeliner. "Pete, is there any way that you could possibly look more emo?" I asked him.

Pete smiled and said, "I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color."

Despite his incessant chatter about emo bands, llamas, and my roommate, Pete turned out to be a decent tutor. He listened to me when I talked about philosopher kings, and he attempted to help me understand the topics presented in class. By the end of the week, my grade was up to a D. It wasn't even close to a stellar grade, but I wasn't failing anymore.

If I even got the chance, I would put my ideal government into place, but for now, I was satisfied with just passing Public Policy.