(her dresses are at the end of the chapter:)

The camera lights flash through the windows when we arrive at the venue. Someone out the front opens the car door and ushers us out. The man holding the door helps Porsha, then Alex and finally myself. I straighten out my dress and hook my arm through Alex's. We start walking down the red carpet towards the main section with the crowd, photographers and pin up boards to have our photos in front.

We spend a couple of seconds as a group before breaking up. Porsha seems happy enough to walk further down to have her photo taken while Alex stays trained to my side. He wraps one arm around my waist as we smile at the cameras in front of us.

The screaming is louder and more people are focused on taking photos of me. I feel so naked with half a mask, but liberated at the same time. After a few minutes, Alex and I start walking down with Porsha. We get inside the main building and one of the attendants directs us to our seats deeper inside the building.

Our seats are close to the front – so close we're in front of the stage with a good view of where the hosts will be. We take our seat and get comfortable.

"Are you nervous?" asks Porsha.

"No, are you?" I ask.

"A little bit." She turns her attention to her buzzing phone. There's tons of messages popping up in regards to her appearance on the red carpet already. There's a glowing smile on her face which makes me even more excited for her. I'm glad I could provide this opportunity for someone.

Just as I get comfortable, I see Ava running across the room towards me, a worried look consuming her face.

"Sienna," she whisper shouts.

"Ava?" I ask.

The room is starting to fill up, but no filming has taken place just yet. Ava arrives in front of me and has a half smile and mask of worry sprawled across her face.

"Please don't kill me," is the first thing to come out of her mouth.

"What did you do?" I ask.

"They need someone to fill in and I got you the spot."

I didn't know whether to be furious or happy with Ava, I just know I have a burst of feeling in my stomach.

"I'm not prepared for that, what am I supposed to wear?" Panic starts to fill my insides, "what am I supposed to sing?" Too many doubts come to mind. I can't just do something like that without preparing myself for it.

"I will organise everything," she says, "just be prepared to perform after you receive your award." That information doesn't make me feel any more prepared than what I should be.

"I'm freaking out."

"You'll be fine, baby, you've always given an amazing performance," coos Alex with support.

"I wouldn't have signed you up unless I thought you could do it. This is an amazing opportunity, so settle yourself and start thinking about the song you're going to sing." Just like that, Ava huffed and stormed off to do what she does best: organise.

In one big hit, I feel nervous. I didn't want any more people to come inside the building, the lights to be checked or the camera's to be set up because each passing moment brings me to the inevitable.

"You can play any song you want, this could be an amazing opportunity for you," whispers Alex.

"You're an amazing singer, be confident," says Porsha.

Their comments have been said with good faith, but it did nothing to settle the nerves formulating in my stomach.

Eventually the lights go dims, the whispers in the crowd fade and the stage lights up. The host walks onto the stage and begins a long introduction and welcomes everyone to the event of the year. I bite down on my lip until I see a camera zooming past. I quickly throw on a smile and pretend to look happy. Alex squeezes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

We go through the different categories, I don't notice until Alex is poking my side and Porsha is screaming loudly. I've been nominated for best music video. I hold both Porsha's and Alex's hand and focus on this moment. My name is called, I've won the award. I get out of my chair and try my best not to fumble to the stage. I walk up the steps and into the centre to collect my trophy.

"I just, I want to say a big thank you to all of my amazing and wonderful friends who have supported me throughout the course of my career and especially this latest album. Touring and meeting all of these wonderful people was inspiring, especially hearing their unique stories which was something I took into consideration when deciding on the direction of this music video. So thank you." I hold the trophy above my head before making my way off the stage and sitting down.

When Alex wins a couple of awards with his band, I go crazy screaming along with Porsha to show my support. The camera's focus in on us, but I don't care. He gets up on stage and gives a stunning speech with the other members before returning to the seat next to me.

"Are you ready?" he whispers.

"When am I?" I throw back.

The next award I win is best song of the year. Just like I'd done for Alex, they both scream wildly and clap their hands. I return to the centre of the stage as my song plays in the background. When I accept the award and thank the host and my fans before returning to my seat.

I give my awards to Alex and then sneakily slip through the side door that leads to the back of the stage. The crew is running around in a frenzy trying to keep the show running smoothly.

"Did you organise everything?" I ask as I catch Ava running towards my direction.

"Almost." She smiles back.

"What's wrong did you pick?" I ask.

"You need to pick a song, but just wait until you see the dress."

"I'm might play that new song I showed you," I say. "It'll be on my phone, just look through the playlists."

"Sure, anything you like." Ava takes my hand and leads me to a change room. Instead of coming inside, she pushes me in and promises to be back soon. I stand in the room staring at the door with shock before I turn around and face Adrian Volkov.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Ava called me, said you needed a dress." Adrian takes a step to the side of the room and picks up a black garment bag. He unzips the front and pulls out a stunning dress.

"I've been working on this piece for a couple of months now." He eyes the dress fondly, "I thought this would be perfect for your performance." I step towards the dress and run my fingers over the material.

"It's perfect," I answer back.

He removes the dress from the bag and hands it to me. I walk around the changing curtain and step out of my dress and into this new one. The material sticks to my body like a second skin. The reveal factor is high, but I like the risk and flair it provides.

The dress is backless v shape and the front cut is similar, but not too revealing. The material clings to my upper body until it gets to the thigh section where the dress drapes around with a small train at the back. The material is see through, like a netting, but Adrian as hand crafted intricate designs create a pattern.

As I step out of the change room, Adrian smiles proudly and lays a pair of nude coloured shoes for me on the ground. I delicately lift the front of the dress and step into the shoes.

"I need to fix your hair and make-up," he murmurs.

I sit in the chair and he quickly gets to work restyling and applying make-up. Instead of leaving my hair flowing around my shoulders, he styles it into an up do with a few matching clips to the pattern of the dress. Adrian completely re-does my make up in the favour of black smoky eyes and a shimmer of blue to tie it all in. I choose a nude colour lipstick to keep the focus on my eyes. I feel free until the moment he pins the mask back to my face again.

"You're beautiful," he comments.

"All thanks to you." I chuckle

"I'm talking about your confidence, it shines through you now."

Ava turns up at the door before I can question him. I stand up and walk towards Ava with a small smile on my lips.

"Your parents are going to kill me, but you look fab!" She takes my hand and whisks me towards the stage. I don't get the chance to thank him, but considering my blossoming friendship between Roza and I, I don't think this will be the last time I see him.

"Did you find the track?"

"Yes. Are you sure you can sing the song?" she asks.

"I can."

The stage hand gives me a microphone and then counts down from three before nudging me onto the stage. I try to avoid looking like a deer caught in the head light and slip into the confident singer I know I can be.

I find my place in the centre of the stage where there's a microphone stand is. I slot my mike in and wait for the lights and music. The soft music starts to play before the lights changed and a spot light it cast on me.

The bright light makes it hard to see the audience, which is a good thing. I keep in time with the beat and pace myself. This is a new song, so it needs to sound perfect when I deliver it otherwise I fear the worst for the album that's yet to make any kind of debut.

"Pull me under the ocean, sink me to the depths. Like a rolling wave, I lose my way. Out in the distance a boat floats to me. Will you let me sink or will you let me float?" I sing. "The wave's crash, I can't seem to breathe. How am I supposed to swim when the only thing I had is sailing away, it's sailing away."

I rip the microphone out of the stand and let it fall to the ground dramatically. While the beat rolls on, I take a couple of steps forwards and prepare myself to start singing again.

"I fell into the ocean and embraced the fear. Dark arms surrounded me, pulling me further down, I looked up to the light, but you weren't there. I scratched the water, dug my way, but the light faded away."

My heartbeat thumps away. At sporadic thumping that feels like it might explode out of my chest. I reach up to my face and pull the mask away and throw it to the ground. The crowd starts screaming madly, but I don't allow their reaction to draw me away from my performance.

"I say this, I say this, I'll do it for myself. I can breathe without you, I'll find my own way. I have the light within me. I only need myself. You don't need to save me, I'll do it myself." I bring my arm up and reach for the sky. "I don't need to be saved. I just need to find my wat. And if that's by myself, I don't need to be afraid. I will float and the fear will sink."

I grip onto the microphone tightly until my knuckles are white, "A boat floats on the ocean. Wil you sink or will you float?"

Standing on the stage, I smile crazily. I drink in the sound of their screaming and the buzzing of people around me. Their loud clapping and cheering makes me so happy that I refuse to feel all weird about what I've just done. It felt right and it still does. I felt bare, raw and breakable, but at the same time I felt like it wasn't bad to feel like that.

Instead of walking off stage I stay and wait for the hype to die down.

"It felt right, that moment in the song was empowering and I realised I had the strength to do this – remove that mask. I'd spent so long hiding behind a mask which materialised. I focused on being perfect that I lost myself. And it wasn't until that happened that I realised I wasn't last at all." I look over my shoulder to see people waiting on the stage wings curiously.

"I've learnt a few things over the years, and that one lesson being – don't live up to everyone's expectations, just make yourself happy. By allowing everyone to change me, I became putty in their hands to shape for their desire. I've taken that putty and moulded myself. I didn't become someone new, I accepted myself, I accepted Riley." I take another deep breath and keep focused with my speech. The loud cheering gives me a few seconds to regroup my thoughts.

"And the truth is," I say, "I'd set myself up to fail because failing seemed like the only option. Succeeding was hard and sometimes I didn't know how to work for it." I brush my hand down my dress and force another smile, "I'm thankful for everyone here, especially my amazing support unit who always push me to succeed and do my best. They made me realise I could be so much more than what I first thought. So thank you, thank you so much for helping me become the person I need to be." When I give a small wave to the crowd, the lights quickly dim and I walk backstage.

"You killed it." I crash into Ava's arms and hug her tightly, my body still shaking from the hype of it all.

"I need to sit down and drink some water."

"Okay." Ava immediately snaps out of it and chases off in the direction to get some water. I walk back to the change room and settle down on the chair. I lean my forehead against the table and just; breathe. The door opens and I look up to find Adrian walking back inside.

"You put on a stunning performance," he congratulates.

"Really?" I ask, "I feel like I just tore my heart out and left it on the stage."

"Anything you love doing in life always results in you ripping your heart out for the mercy of other people," he replies.

"That doesn't make me feel better," I say.

"Just stating the truth." He stands by my side and rests his hand on my shoulder. I quickly stand up and run my hands down the dress to smooth it out.

"Do you want it back?" I ask.

"Keep it, I have a feeling you'll find more use for it tonight than I ever will," he softly replies.

"Thank you." I smile, "Don't you need a picture of it?" I ask.

"I'm sure I can get one of you during the performance." He shrugs.

"Don't be silly, we can have a photo together, it's the least I could do."

Ava walks into the room and hands me a bottle of water, before she can comment, I ask her to take a photo of us together so that Adrian has a picture for his portfolio. She nods her head in agreement and Adrian gives her his phone. We stand towards a blank wall and Adrian lightly places his arm around my waist so that his body is just brushing against mine. Ava snaps a couple of pictures and hands his phone back.

"They're just about to wrap the awards up, did you want to go back out or just waiting to leave with your family?" she asks.

"I need a few moments to calm down, I'll meet my family in the foyer, and can you stand with them?" I ask.

"Sure."

Ava leaves the room and I settle myself in the chair and drink the water. My nerves calm down and I stop shaking completely.

"I don't know how I'm going to face the after party now, I've probably stolen someone's thunder." I frown worriedly.

"I'm sure things will be perfectly fine," he insists.

"You should come to the after party, you deserve it after all. You've made two beautiful dresses that I've used." I don't think I'd be deny of bring an extra few people consider the stunt I just pilled.

"If you insists, I'd love to attend with you."

"Sounds like fun!" I say, "I need to settle my mother down before she has a heart attack in the foyer – or worse, kills me." I get up from my seat and smile in his direction before leaving the change room in search of my family.

First dress made by Lucy. 

Second dress by Adrian