After returning to her rooms, Maren was too agitated to rest. Her guilt was crushing. She wasn't sure what exactly she was guilty of, but it seemed like countless things. She felt like she had betrayed Donovan and Jonathan and even Alec.

Her guilt was so crushing, she considered canceling dinner with Jonathan, but knew she'd feel even worse after that. So, she paced back and forth across her rooms and hoped that she might find some way of alleviating her guilt.

Pacing didn't help much, but it did have the positive effect of making her tired enough to take a nap. But she felt increasingly nervous as dinner drew closer.

She and Jonathan had managed conversation while he was showing her the house, but they had obvious topics to discuss. What would they talk about at dinner? Gods, should she ask him about his children and grandchildren? What he was doing for the last few decades? If he thought it was as awkward to marry someone thirty years younger than him as she did?

She decided to avoid all topics of conversation that highlighted their age difference. There were likely a lot of them. Hopefully, she'd be able to find some others.

Maren's new maid, Jenny, helped her prepare for dinner. She chose a long green evening dress with gold embroidery on the bodice and long sleeves to cover her wrists. Maren wasn't sure what she would do when she ran out of long-sleeved evening dresses. Maybe she could cover the burns from Kieran's magic with bracelets. Gods, she hoped they wouldn't scar. She'd be doomed to long sleeves forever if they did.

After Maren dressed, Jenny arranged her hair in a sleek chignon, but Maren was too nervous to pay close attention to anything about her appearance besides its acceptability.

When Jenny finished with Maren's hair, she asked, "Did you have any jewelry you wanted to wear, my lady? I think I saw ... oh yes, here, this necklace would be lovely with your dress."

Maren's heart stopped. It was the diamond sunburst necklace Donovan had given her. The one he had given to her because he loved her. Maren had carefully tucked it away after her going away party, knowing she would never wear it again, but unable to part with it. Apparently, whoever had unpacked most of her things unearthed it and Maren had not noticed.

"Not that one. Never that one," Maren snapped.

She hoped very much it did not sound like she was about to cry because the sudden and unexpected reminder of Donovan threatened to make her lose her composure altogether.

Jenny looked surprised but nodded and put the necklace away.

Maren went down to a set of glass-paned doors that opened onto the terrace Jonathan had shown her that afternoon. It was more of a courtyard, truly, with the manor wrapped around it on three sides. An enterprising gardener had coached vines to grow into a sort of rooftop that gave the whole space a very cozy yet woodsy feel.

He had already arrived and rose from the table where he had been sitting. He smiled broadly when he saw her. She hadn't seen him dressed for dinner before and thought he looked dashing.

"Maren, I'm so happy you could join me," he said as she walked towards him.

She had to resist the urge to curtsy, knowing that would not be welcome, and she returned his smile. "I'm happy I found the terrace by myself."

"An accomplishment to be sure."

He took her hand and kissed it before pulling out her chair for her. She tried very hard not to think about the very memorable breakfast when Donovan had first done that for her.

He sat down beside her and their eyes met. She hadn't noticed before, but his eyes were green, like Alec's. But Maren looked away quickly. Holding his gaze was far too intimate and it scared her.

A servant arrived with glasses of sparkling wine for them. Maren took hers and nodded her thanks.

"To the future," Jonathan said when the servant had left and tilted his glass to Maren's.

She forced a smile and made herself say, "To the future," before touching her glass to his.

They both drank, and Maren tried very hard not to down the whole glass. The concept of a future with Jonathan was terrifying. She wished for something stronger... Which made her think of having brandy with Donovan and how she would never have that again. Her hand shook, and she put her glass down, hoping that Jonathan didn't notice.

He smiled at her. "So, how was your trip?"

She laughed loudly.

He smiled. "I had intended to have this dinner after you had a leisurely trip, and then that was what I would ask you first."

She shook her head, amused. "Well, it was a...memorable trip."

"A very diplomatic answer," he said, smiling. "I can tell you've been at Court."

She smiled but looked away. She did not want to talk about being at Court.
Fortunately, the staff brought out the salad course and Jonathan did not see fit to discuss Court any further.

"How about you tell me something you like instead?"

That was easy. "I suppose you'll find this either very surprising or not surprising at all, but horses are my biggest interest."

"Ah, well, I'm not surprised you're familiar with them, considering where you're from, but I am a bit surprised you like them."

"So you're familiar with the North."

Many people in the North resented that they had to use horses instead of speeders, which were more comfortable, faster, and easier to maintain.

He shrugged. "Somewhat. One of the battalions I command is stationed near Clifton. We have a hell of a time with transportation. Have to lug our own batteries up there, and everything's always breaking on the way. But I can boast that I command the last remaining cavalry in the kingdom." He winked.

"A notable distinction, to be sure."

"So, what do you like about them?"

She had to think about that.  Her love of horses felt so ingrained it was difficult to describe.

"Well, they're very intelligent animals, but each one has a different personality. And the riding, of course, nothing else is quite like it."

He smiled. "I haven't done it in a very long time. My father was the sort who always wanted to be on the cutting edge of everything, so we switched from horses to speeders long before most people. I think I was about ten or so. I didn't really mind, but my sister was devastated."

"Oh, I didn't know you had a sister."

She couldn't recall Alec ever mentioning an aunt or uncle or cousin. She assumed that, like herself, Jonathan was an only child.

He smiled, but it was a sad smile. "She died when we were about twenty—we were twins."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." Maren knew both his previous wives had also died. A twin and two wives was quite a lot of loss for one person to bear.

"It's all right, it was a long time ago. The nice thing is that my middle sons are twins and then one of my twins has twin girls."

She could see how proud he was of his family. It was touching.

"So, that's three generations, that's lovely."

He smiled, pleased with her response. "You'll meet them, of course, or some of them, soon. Philip, my oldest, and Thomas, who has the twin girls, live nearby. We'll have them over sometime but with five children altogether it's a rather chaotic crowd. I didn't want to overwhelm you." L

She took a very large gulp of her wine.
Of course, she would be meeting his sons and their families. She just had never considered it before. Gods, and she was younger than all his sons. She knew Alec, approved of the match, but she had no idea if that extended to his brothers. Did they even know how young she was?

"Ah...are they aware—"

"That you're thirty years younger than I am? They are." He seemed amused and not offended which was a small comfort to Maren.

"It did not seem the sort of thing that should be a surprise."

He chuckled. "Don't worry. They'll like you fine."

She was less optimistic, but that was a problem for another day.

"Ah, tell me something you like," she said.

It seemed like the right thing to ask, and he appeared pleased with her question.

"Swimming," he said, surprising her. "There's a lovely lagoon not too far down the beach that's perfect for it."

"Well, I know absolutely nothing about swimming,"

She couldn't even recall being in anything larger than a bathtub.

He smiled. "I'm not surprised considering where you come from. All the water is too cold up there. But perhaps you'll decide to learn."

She wasn't sure about that. She found the ocean very intimidating.

"We'll see." She thought there were likely things in the water. Dry land seemed preferable for the foreseeable future.

"Well, the old stables are still standing. I'll get you a pair of horses as a wedding present, and perhaps you'll help me remember how to ride."

She blushed furiously. His exorbitant kindness felt embarrassing. She tried not to think about how little she deserved it.

"That would be most kind, I thank you,"

They kept talking while they ate, and he asked her about her family, and they chatted more about his.  He was ridiculously kind and charming. Maren did her best to respond as though she was not dying inside or utterly terrified about the massive upheaval in her life.

"And how did you find the King and Queen? I haven't seen them in some time."

Maren really did not want to discuss anything related to Court, but could not come up with a compelling reason not to answer.

"Ah, well, I didn't see them frequently. Maybe only once a month or so. But they were both kind and welcoming."

"And what did you think of Prince Donovan?"

Maren very nearly choked on her wine at that. She knew she turned a very dark shade of pink. She looked away from him, very unsure how to respond.

"You don't have to answer, I just thought we'd get the awkwardness out of the way," he said with a kind smile.

She gave him a questioning look.

"Well, we can pretend that you just happened to be at Court for some other reason, or we can acknowledge what you were doing and why you were there and with whom you were and then move on with our lives."

She appreciated his directness, even if it had been alarming at first. She nodded. "Yes, let's do that."

"Probably you can tell, but I don't like to tiptoe around things. The fact is, whatever was between the two of you was between the two of you and is no business of mine. And it doesn't matter, I'm just glad you're here now."

Gods, he was painfully kind. She thought it possible it was the most generous reception any former Selectee had had.

She forced herself to smile and say, "As am I."

They continued eating and chatting. Maren found that, much like Alec, Jonathan was both easy and pleasant to talk to. He very politely avoided any discussion of Kieran or the unpleasantness of the night before. She still felt very on edge, but at least the dinner was not a complete disaster.

"I know you must be tired, so I won't keep you after dinner, but I had just a small business matter I wanted to discuss with you."

She was somewhat surprised, but nodded for him to continue.

"Your father and I will sort out the marriage contract when he arrives, I expect it shall not be too difficult. But I wished you to know that it's my intention to put your dowry...ah....both dowries in trust for you as your own property. I'll also ensure you become the sole owner of your family's estate when the time comes."

Maren was very surprised at that. That sort of thing sometimes happened, but it wasn't common. Maren had assumed the Duke would take the dowries and use them as he saw fit. And as for her family's estate, she had assumed it would become absorbed into the Duke's own property and willed to one of his sons. But to hear that she would become the sole owner was a relief to a worry she hadn't known she had.

"Ah... I'm not sure what to say...that's very generous, I thank you."

"Really, it's the very least I could do. I do not want you to worry about your own maintenance should something happen to me—I, of course, expect Alec to keep me alive for as long as possible, but I do recognize I am significantly older than you. Besides, I don't need any of your property."

He took her hand in his and held it over the table. She looked at him, hoping her face did not show the alarm she felt.

"And I wanted you to know that your value to me is not monetary."

Maren blushed and murmured her thanks before looking away. How could she possibly respond to that kind of compliment?

They finished dinner with an excellent cake, and he offered to walk her back to her rooms. She agreed, she really was exhausted. 

"I do hope you find your rooms comfortable," he said before they reached them.

"Oh yes, they're very...well, they're very large."

He laughed. "The Duke who built this house several generations ago did it as a gift for his wife. They were a love match, so they shared the room. A duke or so later renovated to add a more conventional pair of suites for the Duke and Duchess, but saw fit to leave the size the same."

Maren nodded. She wanted to avoid discussing love matches and giant bedrooms or massive bathtubs built for two.

"You are, of course, free to redecorate it."

Maren smiled. "I shall take you up on that, I believe."

He laughed. "I told Leticia when she decorated that room that she'd get tired of the roses if she put them on everything. She insisted she loved it, but I think she was just being stubborn."

"Well, I shall have a swatch of it framed in her memory."

He smiled. "She would have liked that...although perhaps I should apologize, it occurs to me, you may not want to hear about my previous wives."

Maren had found it somewhat strange, but she thought that was more so because it highlighted their vast age difference and not because of jealousies.

"Not at all," Maren said. "I should be honored to hear of them. And besides, as you said, there's very little point in pretending you have not been married before."

He nodded and smiled at her, apparently pleased with her response.

He stopped walking when they reached the door to the Duchess's Suite.

"I thank you for your company this evening. It has been a pleasure," he said.

"The pleasure was mine."

He kissed her hand and said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jonathan," she said.

———

A/N: Thanks for reading! Don't forget to vote if you liked the chapter! See you Monday!