Nathaniel's eyes burned with anger and hurt as Nina's question pierced his heart. It was uncouth to speak ill of someone's family, especially their mother.

Lailah's mind had been a slurry of first-pass thoughts and demented emotions, which ultimately led to her impulsive, fatal leap. However, Nina's abrasiveness helped funnel her pain into a single channel.

"My mother was something else. To her, I was more of a trophy than a daughter."

Lailah's words envenomed words flowed.

"I spent my whole life doing what she told me to do. She believed that I should increase my worth in the eyes of others. I only realised it when my ex pointed it out because I've always wanted my mother's attention. My father left us when I was about 8 years old. So, I thought that if I played the part of the dancing monkey, my mother wouldn't abandon me."

"My grades, my scholarship, my acceptance to university, my career and my salary were all things she could brandish and show off to her friends."

I had to be the best.

"I'm so pathetic. Thinking about what I've done makes me want to vomit. After all, I wouldn't have gotten this far if I didn't know how to step on other people. I was only thinking of myself after all."

I had an image to maintain.

"Maybe I should have resigned instead of letting Thalia go. It might've gone better than-"

"Lailah, you know better than anyone what would have happened if you had left," Nathaniel said firmly. "Your team members would have to fend for themselves under the next person. Your replacement wouldn't think twice about downsizing the team."

She tried to laugh it out, but her tears betrayed her. Lailah gritted her teeth as if to stifle her sobs.

"I hate myself so much right now. I'm so tired of it all. Why can't I just be happy?"

"Shit just doesn't end at work. I still have to deal with another upper management back at my apartment. I can't even move away if I wanted to."

Nathaniel heaved after quickly realising what Lailah was trying to imply. He could hear all of her unpleasant thoughts regarding her mother. The lack of privacy, the constant conflicts and the complete disrespect of personal boundaries engulfed Lailah with resentment.

"I'm guessing you are talking about your religious and cultural beliefs."

"Yes."

"Certain expectations are held towards unmarried women. It's difficult to live or travel independently."

"Why am I expected to get married and have children? Despite everything that I've achieved, my worth is still tied to my womb. It's so miserable. I hate it. I wish I wasn't born a woman."

"I'm so tired."

"I'm so tired of it all."

"How can she force her beliefs of 'what a woman should be' on me?!"

Lailah fell silent as she heard Nathaniel sit down on the concrete.

"Shit," Nathaniel cussed. "I hate your reality, Lailah. I hate it so much."

He couldn't filter his words any longer.

"Listening to your problems hurts my head. I've got nothing to say that would make you feel better. It feels hopeless."

Lailah softly chuckled, "I can't believe that I managed to convince you-"

"Still"

"I will never understand why you had to kill yourself, Lailah."

"..."

"I'm going to sound insensitive and presumptuous, but please indulge me while I talk more nonsense."

Lailah's face was bitterly stiff. She gritted her teeth in preparation for hearing another empty speech from a stranger who thinks he knows better.

"You think that killing yourself will solve the problem, but what you've done only opened thousands of questions. I want to ask you several questions right now, but it doesn't matter anymore!"

"I only have a couple of months to live, but what you've done has created guilt that will outlive me. I feel guilty because I failed you as an adult!"

"If only we met earlier..."

"If only I knew the right words to say..."

"If only..."

"If only..."

Nina could only gaze at Lailah's gradually softened expression while listening to Nathaniel.

"I hate what you've done, Lailah! How can you be so...capable and yet so stupid at the same time?"

"What I don't understand is that why didn't you just abandon everything?"

"Don't you see? You were freed the moment you wanted to kill yourself. You had nothing else to lose and everything to gain."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say, Natha-"

Forget your high-flying job! Forget your parents! Just don't care about religion or whatever other people expect from you! Screw it all!"

"Nothing matters anymore! You sound depressed and suicidal, but why do you have to go out like one?"

"You should die doing something that means something to you! Not like this. Not with this pain and this fear of dying."

"Have you always wanted to travel? Just book a first-class ticket to anywhere you fancy!"

"I don't have a passport, Nathaniel. I've never dreamed-"

"Then, you should hire Thalia to settle your passport application! You told me that she's good with administrative work. She would probably agree to it in a heartbeat since YOU WILL PAY HER GENEROUSLY."

"How did you even think of that-?"

"Lailah, marriage is overrated. Find someone you are attracted to and have casual fun with them! It doesn't have to last forever, sweetheart."

"You...You..." Lailah became flustered. "You swine! You degenerate! You old pervert!"

"Lailah, if you're going to hell for killing yourself-you might as well commit to it. Just do whatever you want! Act more loosely and have fun."

"You..." Lailah was at a loss for words. "This is outrageous! How dare you speak to me in such a disrespectful way. I'm not the kind of person that-"

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU, LAILAH?!" Nathaniel screamed at the top of his lungs.

His voice echoed throughout the stillness.

"..."

"What kind of person are you, Lailah?" He repeated himself calmly the second time.

"..."

"You don't know who you are."

"You don't know because you never gave yourself a chance to."

"..."

"That's because you are such a stupid child, Lailah."

Nathaniel started to sob. He realised that he wanted to save Lailah for his own selfish reasons.

Suicide is wrong. Think of those who love you.

Others have it worse. If you saw other people's problems, you'd be thankful for yours.

Sometimes, you have to surrender everything to a higher power.

It all began to sound like rubbish to Nathaniel. The anguish of one person cannot be fully understood by someone else. After all, we don't even know how much effort it takes them to be normal.

How do you stop someone who stares at death and sees a blissful paradise?

"You're the first dancing monkey I've met that made me cry instead of entertaining me."

"So stupid," Nathaniel uttered.

Please rest. You deserve to rest. You've been strong for long enough.

"Nathaniel. You are just a rude pig."

Lailah's voice was small. Nathaniel's thoughts had betrayed him long ago, and the woman could hear what he was trying to say. She desperately tried not to listen to what his heart was saying.

"How can I even begin to think of those things?"

She choked on those words in between her quiet sobbing.

"I don't know either, Lailah. I'm sure some people could, but not you."

"Nathaniel,"

"Do you think I did the wrong thing?"

Was it wrong to kill myself? Could I have done something differently?

Yes. The words were at the tip of his tongue when-

No.

No.

"No," Nathaniel ended up uttering.

Feeling guilty now will not save you.

"I don't know what was the correct decision. After all, I don't understand what being in your shoes is like. I will never understand what it's like."

"No one will ever know. I'll always wonder about it, for sure."

Did Nathaniel just give up saving her?

Lailah couldn't feel proud despite Nathaniel's defeat. When they first met, Nathaniel wanted nothing more than to save her. He ignored the inevitable and tried to bargain for a solution.

Why was she bereft of satisfaction?

Nathaniel stood up and wiped his tears.

"Lailah, you're such a sweet child with so much love to give. You chose to love and care for the people around you."

"It was a shame you found it hard to love yourself."

"Lailah," Nina muttered. "Do you think it was wrong to kill yourself?"

"I don't know. I just wanted the pain to stop. I felt trapped and cornered."

It was then that Nathaniel realised what he needed to say to the girl he had never met before.

"It's okay, Lailah. You don't have to be in pain anymore. You don't have to listen to your worries anymore. We will carry on. Somehow."

"I see," Lailah uttered. "Thank you for your time and your thoughts, Nathaniel."

"...And I'm sorry for passing on the pain."

"Don't be sorry, Lailah. Your pain was real. It exists no matter how much we ignore it."

A nauseating wave of crunching noises quickly followed the dull thud as Lailah's body struck the concrete. The sound of her bones and joints abruptly breaking shot through Nathaniel's ears and left his thoughts and breathing in disarray. It took a split second to register the mushy squashing of her flesh that accompanied the chilling shatter.

He could see the distorted, horrified faces of people surrounding them. Their faces became blurred as his pupils struggled to focus.

Nina was kneeling beside Lailah's motionless body, scooping something from the centre of her unnaturally twisted limbs. A tiny ember emerged unstained by blood and matter. It appeared intact. 

"You have seen her through, Nathaniel," Nina reassured him. Her lips carried an eerily subtle smile from the side.

He didn't answer back. He couldn't. Nathaniel simply stared at the tiny flame in the palm of Nina's hand.