OH MY LENNISON MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. YA'LL ARE AMAZING!

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"ROGER GET THE FRICK UP IT'S CHRIST-"

Roger Waters slammed the frying pan he slept with every night against Barrett's head.

"What the fuck! Roger why would you do that?!" David who had been passing by the doorway heard the clang and turned around to see Roger with a frying pan in his hands and Syd knocked out cold.

"Can it! It was self defense you prick!" Roger snapped as he laid his precious frying pan on his nightstand along with his katana.

David frowned at the floofy haired, pink pajamaed corpse on the floor.

"Guess you get a corpse for Chris-"

"Shut the hell up."

"What's wrong?" Nick glanced over David's shoulder and saw the scene. He didn't even have a surprised look on his face as he saw Syd knocked out on the floor, "frying pan again?"

"Yep." The bassist mumbled.

David scrunched up his nose, "well Roger it's your turn to cook Christmas breakfast."

"No it's not you git! It's your turn! Plus I can't cook, you say it all the time."

"No, I cooked last time because Rick was sick and he didn't want to get us sick."

Roger and David then mutually agreed that it was Rick's turn to cook Christmas breakfast. Rick was presented with the job and he responded in his usual way, a nod and a small smile.
By the time Rick was done cooking, Nick had been gone for most of the morning. David suggested that he probably forgot to get them presents. Roger told him to fuck off.

Of course David was right.

MeAnWHiLe

"Yes yes, I know but are you sure you don't have an industrial size bag of gummy bears?" The drummer of Pink Floyd looked desperate, he'd been pleading with the Lowe's employee for half an hour.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm not authorized to let you make such a purchase..."

"Okay, what do ya want? Cash? Sex? Booze? Tell me!"

"What? No! I want you to get the hell out of my store!"

"PLeAsE JUst gIvE mE THe bAG."

"You know what? Fine! Just fuck off!" The employee shoved the gummies in Nick's face and pushed him out of the store.

Mason looked down at the gummies and then himself....Syd was going to be so happy.

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"I'm home!"

"Forget presents again, Nicky?" Roger smirked as he appeared into the hallway.

"Haha, very funny. At least my wrapping isn't complete shit like yours is."

"As long as the present is covered then I say it's a damn good job." He sneered.

"Girls girls girls, stop fighting. It's Christmas! Where's the love?" Syd pleaded as he reached in Nick's bag for the pack of cigs he just bought.

"Up your ass, Barrett." Waters took a drag and stalked off to be his horsey/asshole self somewhere else.

"God what a horsey asshole he is." Nick mumbled.

"Tell me about it..." The guitarist then clapped his hands together and rubbed them greedily, "So what did ya get me?! A cat?! A baguette?! A baguette shaped like a cat?!"

"I can't tell you or else it won't be a surprise, you swine!"

"Such harsh words, Nicky. I'm hurt!"

"Yeah I bet you are, Sydney. Go snuggle with your cats or something while I get the presents ready."

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Syd ran off without another word, probably to go do non-gay things I guess. Who really knows anymore.

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Richard Wright took a long sip of his coffee, relishing the bitterness, the sweetness, and the....wait....RICHARD FUCKING WRIGHT DOESN'T DRINK COFFEE. HE DRINKS TEA LIKE A REAL MAN! They keyboardist let out a girly scream as he threw the coffee mug at the wall and it splattered all over a 17th century painting of Frank Zappa.

"What's wrong?!" Syd came plowing in, tripping over his cat Pink.

"The....the mug...I-it was f-filled with...."

"Spit it out! I haven't got all bloody day!"

"C0FFEE. IT WAS FILLED WITH C0FFEE!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

...

Oh wait, this is my line. Sorry about that *clears throat* Rick was shaking with anger or fear, Syd didn't know but he certainly didn't care either because he started laughing.

"It's not funny!"

"It's bloody hilarious!"

Rick wiped the tears starting to form in his eyes. Either from Syd laughing or the fact the putrid taste of coffee was still invading his taste buds, who really knows anymore.

"Oh great you made Rick cry." Roger rolled his eyes.

"I'm not crying!" Wright shouted clearly crying because he's a sensitive little snowflake.

Now Syd was crying from laughter.

And Roger was crying because he just realized how pathetic and useless the world is.

So all three men continued to sob while Nick wrapped presents and David was missing because who actually cares about David.

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"What's with all the dashed lines? Is the author really that fecking lazy in writing transitions?"

Yes I am and shut up, Roger. At least I'm writing your dumb story.

"Yeah whatever. Fuck off."

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"Sup fuckers!" David pranced in.

"Why do you have my phone?!" Roger screamed.

"Fuck you that's why!" David chucked the phone at Roger's head but ended up decapitating a marble bust of Alexander Hamilton instead.

"Rest in peace." Rick mumbled.

"Everybody in the living room! It's present time! Hurry up before I throw you into a vat of molten steel."

"That's oddly specific, Sydney." David commented as he sat down and 46 cats buried him.

After much fussing and fighting over who got to sit on the couch and who got to sit on the floor, the Pink Floyd finally sat around their pink tree (painted by Syd of course) and opened presents.
Roger was disgusted at the numerous things he received. A horse coffee mug (from Nick), a horse sticker for his car (from David), a horse alarm clock (from Rick), and a unicorn writing notebook (definitely from Syd).
Nick seemed pretty pleased about his gifts which included an empty box (from Roger), a guitar pick (from David), some random pills (from Rick), and parachute pants (definitely from Syd).
David showed no emotion whatsoever when he opened his gifts. A moldy orange (from Roger), shampoo (from Rick who thinks he really needs it), lipstick (from Nick), and a broken pocket watch (definitely from Syd).
Rick also opened his presents without emotion. A stuffed llama (from Nick), kitty pajamas (from David), some broken glass (from Roger), and a lampshade (definitely from Syd).
Syd screamed every time he found out what gift he got. A broken sombrero (from David), a plastic cup that says "Go fuck yourself" in cursive writing (from Roger), a Twilight blanket (from Rick), and last but not least the giant industrial sized bag of gummy bears from Nick.

"That's going to be a disaster to open." David mumbled but Syd had taken the ancient ritual knife from the mantelpiece and stabbed a huge hole into the bag. All the compacted gummy bears came free and soon the whole house was filled with gummy bears.

"What the FUCK!" Roger screamed.

"My poor kitties..." Wright winced.

"Hold on guys! I have an idea!"

"No Syd! Whatever plan you have do not do it! Do not engage in any plan that comes from you skull." Nick reprimanded as he waded through the vast river of red, orange, green, and yellow.

Roger proceeded to open a window and many of the bears poured out onto the lawn.

"Oh come on!"

"Author do something!"

No! The story isn't done!

">=["

Did you just tell me a frowny face?

"Yeah! End the story!"

Fine!
The Pink Floyd got incredibly fat eating all the gummy bears and then burned their house down while playing Uno. Also Rick wore his kitty pajamas the entire time.

The End