Yay! Another story! This time, it's written with my very good friend @GorgingGeorge !

Also the following contains a poor portrayal of southern accents. It's for the funnies, not to offend. Thanks.

-Pretz

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It was a day unlike any other, at first anyways. I mean, unless this wasn't the first time you got abducted by alien Beatlemaniacs. This was a definite first for John Lennon as he was walking down the street to his recording studio.

"What's this? Weatherman said there wouldn't be a cloud in the sky."

"WE ARE ALIENS. WE HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU, JOHN LEMMON. WE ALSO ONLY SPEAK IN CAPS." Then John was suddenly lifted into the sky and was sucked up in a giant toaster.

"GREAT IDEA DISGUISING THE SHIP TO LOOK LIKE A HUMAN OBJECT." A voice from the ship said, "WAIT, IS THE MIC STILL ON?" The toaster flew away in a puff of smoke and glitter.

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"Good morning, John! I made burnt tires for breakfast!" Ringo exclaimed. He handed John a plate of some black substance that made the room smell like moldy carpet stains.

"Thank ya, Ringo. It's quat delicious. You should cook more awften." John said, he didn't actually have a taste of whatever Ringo cooked, this version of John couldn't even eat. He found himself thankful for that.

Ringo gasped, "REALLY?! THAT'S THE NICEST THING YOU'VE SAID TO ME IN 7 YEARS!!!!!!!"

"Hey, I like what you did with you hair, Johnny. Blue looks good on you." George commented, not looking up from the newspaper. He was reading an article about how Mickey Mouse is actually Michael Jordan and is secretly part of a worldwide conspiracy selling doorknobs for ridiculous prices.

"What you talkin' 'bout? My hair was always blue." John responded, combing his blue locks of hair, "anyways, what will we be doin' today?" This version of John also had a southern accent that none of the others were smart enough or even competent to catch.

"You called us over here because you had a new song idea you wanted to share with us. I mean, you called us just past midnight saying you couldn't wait until it was actually time for us to go to work. But now that we're all here, what's your little idea?"

"OH! Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......."

If you hadn't guessed by now, this John wasn't the real Beatle, but in fact a robot! And a very obvious one at that.

"Um, I wanted to show ya....not a sawng....but...a..........NEW RELIGION I'M WORKIN' ON!!!!!"

"Religion?"

"Yeah, it's called the Religion of Jawn Lemmon."

"Why not use your real name?"

"UUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH because otherwas people will find out that it's really me. No wun will be able to tayl if I change TWO letters of m'name." John stated triumphantly.

"Oh, that's genius." George mumbled, "what else is in your new religion?"

"I also got us worshipin' walrus statues and sittin' awn coneflakes for every ritual we do in Lemmonism! And of course let's not forget abaut settin' Norwegian cottages on faer unless the girls who live in them sleep wi'me." John cackled. "Oh! And free Jaffa cakes for all who join."

"Well that does sound pretty nice. How can I convert to Lemmonism?" Ringo asked, interested in his best friend's new way of life.

"You must eat a hunder coneflakes in one sittin' and say you will forevuh obay Master Lennon."

"Oh! That's easy!"

"WHAL hummin' the tune 'Buttercup' by Jack Stauber." John snickered.

"Oh! That's impossible!"

"I know, that's whah I'm the only wun that has converted to Lemmonism..."

Ringo went over to John to comfort him, John's head only reached about Ringo's nose, "John, when did you get so short?"

"UUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I got hit in the hayd with a hammuh and I lost a couple inches."

More like a foot, it seems." Paul walked in, completely oblivious to John's blue hair.

"He did a numbuh on my hayd." John state through a fake smile.

"Well I dunno.."

"It was a silvuh hammuh."

"Okay that checks out, but we better get to writing MY song now. I have an amazing idea for it!"

"Not about silver hammers I hope?"

"Pfft, nah. Where did you get that idea from George? I was thinking we could write a cute little ditty about this lovely day outside. I'll call it Good Day Sunshine."

"Wow that is such a creative sawng tatle."

"I know right?!"

"That was sarcastic." John mumbled.

"The thing is, I don't have a tune to the words. It did bring a paper with the lyrics on it though."

George fished a crumpled coffee stained piece of paper out of his pocket, "John, can you put a tune to this?"

"UHUHUHIOUHIUH..."

"Yeah Johnny, give it a shot."

"Okay, I'll try...Gooood daaaay Suuuunshiiiiine, Gooooood Daaaaay SUuuuuuunSHIIIIIIIINE!"

"OH HARE KRISHNA! PLEASE STOP SINGING!" George covered his ears.

"You sound like a bat trying to sing 'White Rabbit'." Paul physically gagged.

"It was beautiful." Ringo clapped. He had tears in his eyes clearly trying to hold back his horrible feedback on "John"'s singing.

"Ringo I can tell that you're lying." Paul grumbled.

"Well I didn't want to upset poor Johnny. Something must have happened to his music taste! We better get him to a doctor and quickly!"

This got the John imposter panicking, taking him out in public would definitely blow his cover. Even if his band mates all shared not even an eighth of a brain cell, they couldn't be that stupid.

"But wait!!" You ask. "What's going on with the real John? And the aliens that captured him?"

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

woosh time portal noises

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?" An alien asked.

"MmMmmmfmFmfm." John had a gag over his mouth.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"MMFMFMMmgmmamMMGMmgmgmgmMGMMADMGMGMmgmMmgmgFMMG,MMEIEHFEORUIGHOERHGHNHURGCHHUGWHOGEWTNHIOJGOIJNTGWJNOIGWTC4HINOGW4HINOGTWHNOIGWTHNOIWTHV."

The alien sighed and took the gag off John's mouth, "SAY THAT AGAIN?"

"I said 'yes'."

The alien went to go get John coffee, another sat completely silent right across from the Beatle.

"Listen, I know I'm hot but it's not polite to stare, ya know." John deadpanned.

"SORRY IT'S JUST YOU'RE SUCH AN IDOL TO US ALL!!!! WE EVEN CREATED A NEW RELIGION BASED ON YOU!!!" The alien responded, bowing down and kissing John's feet, "WE WORSHIP YOU, MASTER JOHNNY LEMMON!!!!"

"My name is Lennon, but I didn't expect a bunch of aliens to worship me. Why do you love me so much?"

"YOUR MUSIC IS MUSIC TO OUR EARS!!!"

"You don't say?"

"AND YOU'RE A COMPLETE LYRICAL GENIUS!!!! WE ANALYZE ALL OF YOUR SONGS TO DISCOVER THE DEEPER HIDDEN MEANING OF THEM ALL!!"

"You analyze my songs? A lot of them are just a bunch of love songs though."

"BUT ALSO THEY REVEAL THAT YOUR FRIEND POL MCCHARMLY WILL DIE IN 1966! WE SENT A JOHN LOOK-ALIKE BACK DOWN TO PROTECT HIM!"

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

"DO NOT FEAR, HE  IS COMPLETELY HARMLESS.......MOST OF THE TIME!"

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"Please don't send me to the doctor, if you do then you'll find out 'bout my......." John paused, he wasn't getting any better at lying.

"About what?" Paul squinted his eyes, something smelled fishy....and like moldy carpet stains.

"UUUUUUUUUUHHHUHIUHIUHIUHUHUHUH.......about.....my tomatah juice obsession! I bathe in it! I drink it! I snort it! I love it!" John began to weep with fake adoration for tomato juice.

"I thought you said tomatoes are the mistake of all fruit, you used to rant so much about them." George grumbled, still not looking up from his newspaper.

"I liked the juice, but nawt the actual fruit."

"That literally makes no sense, tomatoes are nothing but juice."

"LOOK, JUST DON'T TAKE ME THERE IF YA KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FER YA!!" John (We'll just call him Johnbot from now on to prevent any confusion that will happen later on.) snapped, leading the other three Beatles to cower back to their seats.

"Jeez, no need to yell at us." Paul sassed, "But what about our tour? I know it's not for another three weeks but we can't just forget about John's loss of his musical touch!"

"I think that's called tone deafness."

"Shut up George, we're trying to fix Johnny's singing voice here! Aw well, at least he can still play his guitar right?"

"Um I can't, I had the tips of my fangers surgically removed. It would cause excruciatin' payn for me to play righ' now." Johnbot explained.

"Why didn't tell us all these things earlier?"

"I didn't want to worry ya guys."

Paul raised his perfect eyebrows, "Wow, that's the nicest thing you've said in 7 years."

"Nuh uh! He complimented me on my roasted tire!" Ringo chirped.

"Hm, interesting. I'm gonna go get in a car crash now. Bye lads!" The bassist made his way to the door, Johnbot stood in front of it, "What's wrong, John?"

"Um I can't let ya do that, you'll die."

"Yeah, that's the point." Pol sassed.

"Why do ya want wanna die?"

"Well it's not technically dying, I just want to stir up a big conspiracy theory that makes everyone think I died and that you all replaced me with some mediocre guy named Billy Shears and added all kinds of supposed clues to try and trick people into believing the conspiracy!"

"But what if ya end up actually dead because of some stupid praynk? All the fans would bei devastated!!"

"You're starting to worry too much, this is so unlike you J-"

"YEW ARE NOT GOIN' OUTSIDE ON THAT MOPED AND THAT'S FANAL!!!!!!"

"Fine, then I'll just go on my helicopter." Paul jumped out the window and into a helicopter that was conveniently right next to the hotel.

"PAUL NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"Don't worry John, he'll be back in a few hours after setting off the conspiracy theory." George reasoned.

"Here," Ringo placed a ferret on Johnbot's head, "have a ferret, it helps with the emotional trauma."

"What kind of emotional trauma do you have that has you keep a ferret around, Rings?"

"Well this one time I accidentally stepped on my pet caterpillar and this other time I dropped my favorite book in a pool of mustard and this OTHER time where John totally-"

Johnbot flew out the window with his jet feet. He still had the ferret on his head hanging on for dear life. The ferret was piloting Johnbot as he flew up to Paul's helicopter moving dangerously low to the traffic below, "I'LL SAVE YA PAUL!!!!!!!!" he screamed, launching Paul out of the chopper as it crashed to the highway.

Luckily no one was hurt, but Paul was fuming, "Now look what you did!!! I WAS GOING TO BE PART OF A BIG CONSPIRACY AND NOW YOU RUINED IT!!!!!!"He was so mad he didn't notice the flying giant toaster just above him.

Johnbot handed Paul the ferret, "here, Ringo told me this will make ya feel better."

"Paul, don't take that ferret! That's not the real John!" The real John started floating down from the toaster but fell like a bag of rocks halfway down, "owie."

"John? But who is that?" Paul pointed to Johnbot who would've been blushing if he was actually human.

"He's a robot sent to make sure you live! I'm the real John."

"No, I'm the REEL John." Johnbot argued.

Both Johns stood side by side, Paul couldn't tell who was who.

"Ask us questions that only the real John would know." John grumbled.

"What was my favorite movie?" Paul asked.

"Footage of settlers buildin' lawg cabins!" Johnbot answered.

"Trick question! Airplane instruction videos from the 40s!"

"I do enjoy watching those little planes go in loops..." Paul regarded, "What do I usually put in my clear platform shoes?"

"Uhhhhh beans?" Johnbot answered.

"OH, OTHER PEOPLE'S MAIL!" John said excitedly.

"Ooooh.. Oh boy this is tough.. Well, how about this one? Who is the real John married too?"

"Yoko Ono right?" Johnbot asked.

"WRONG!! HER NAME IS CYNTHIA!! How did you get that name out of nowhere?"

"Well he'll be married t'her in the future!"

"That's it, John is the real one." Paul pointed to the one with blue hair.

"What?!" John lashed out.

Johnbot was then sucked up by the flying toaster."OUR WORK IS DONE HERE. KEEP MAKING MUSIC OR WE WILL DESTROY YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A PLANET."

Paul waved goodbye, "I guess you're the real John."

John frowned, "yeah sure, whatever. I'd rather drown in a pool of squids than be here with you."

~The End~