"Hey Noah here! So I was loosing my shit over something Julia sent to the group chat when I remembered something that happened a couple of months ago at school and I thought I'd tell y'all.

Okay so you know how at school you've always got those assholes right? Even at schools where everyone is a stuck up shithead like my school you've still got those assholes and those assholes are homophobic.

So Me, Julia, Paul and Felix were just minding our own business at a table in the cafeteria at break discussing something that totally wasn't arson plans, totally not... I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANY OF YOU REPORT ME TO THE POLICE-

ANYWAYS-  Paul and Felix head off to the cafeteria part to buy some more food because they're hungry and these motherfucking asshole dudes overhear me yelling be gay do crime (which is pretty solid life advice by the way) and immediately start out with the homophobic comments, me and Julia start arguing back at them but there's like what? Eight of them and only two of us, so we lose pretty quickly.

Now if you have no idea who the fuck we are then you may think that's where this story ends but oh no. So you see. After school we all pile round my place, the Schmidt hotel ya'know? That really formal hotel ran by my parents company, if you go to the right one you'll find a house built into the side of one of the upper floors and that's where I live. In case anyone wanted to stalk me. Well so we're all there in my room and my pet rat Marcus is just running around the room occasionally climbing on Julia's head which is honestly the funniest thing because we're trying to discuss revenge plans on those assholes and she keeps pausing to take him down from there and I swear the nicest you'll ever see Julia is when she's talking to an animal because otherwise she will always be seconds away from screaming at you.

And it's during one of these times when I get the idea. Julia's just taken Marcus off her head and has turned to ask me if I think he's hungry or something and if that's why he's so hyper. I reply with "I don't know let's find out" and grab the rat food to give to him anD THAT'S WHEN I GET MY SPIKE OF GENIUS! So this rat food is like grass nugget thingies, you can feed them to guinea pigs, rabbits, rats, mice, hampsters... Any small animal who eats grass!

Something you gotta know about these grass nugget things is that they look like shit when they've been placed into water. They also taste horrible, don't ask how I know that by the way, I lost a bet to Felix this one time and yeah...- But that's going off topic, I explained my idea to the others but just as we were about to get started Julia and Felix both managed to get calls from their parents at the same time, Julia's mum telling her to get home for something she doesn't care about and Felix's dad telling him about how he needs to come home to take one of their cats to the vet. So they both leave while me and Paul get on with our revenge preparation.

We boil some water, put a shit ton of the rat food in it and when they started expanding and going mushy we threw in some spices like chilli and vinegar and stuff that'll makes it smell (and most likely taste) disgusting, then we mix it all together. The smell was already so bad we had to put fucking pegs on our noses AND open the windows. By the end of it though we have this bowl full of something that looks like diarrhoea, you could probably call it poop soup. It's at this point when we realise we have nO IDEA how we're gonna get this into school. It's not like we're in a hotel that my family owns that literally has a huge stash of tubs with super secure clip on lids for people to take their leftover hotel dinners to their rooms in right?

After a trip to the hotel storage room and transferring the would-be poop soup into the tubs. We're all done. Paul puts the tub in the fridge and we try to get rid of the smell by baking some cookies but if you've ever seen an episode of cooking with the Glanz four you can probably guess how well that went. On the bright side however the smell of burning cookies did successfully get rid of the smell of the fake shit we made.

I'll just timeskip the story to the next day because me and Paul competing in Roblox is irrelevant to the story.

Next day at school we're all super hyped all morning, whispering to eachother all throughout the first two lessons. THEN IT'S FINALLY BREAK! We all rush to the same table we were at yesterday and whaddya know? The homophobic assholes are at the same table they were at the day before too! We all start up a loud conversation about LGBTQ+ stuff and obviously the assholes take the bait and start to be homophobic again. So I reach into my bag, pull out the tub, take the lid off and- you've probably guessed what happens next right?

I fucking threw the entire contents of the tub at them! Oh but I forgot to say something important didn't I? We put the mixture into four tubs and each of us took one in our bag, and threw it all at the asshole group at the same time. IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING! They all started screaming and saying stuff like "EWWWW THEY THREW POO AT US!!" and calling us disgusting and stuff like that. It wasn't until after they'd panicked for a whole minute they finally noticed the smell the mixture had made.

They ended up telling a teacher and everyone saw us so there was no lying to get outta it, we tried telling them about them being homophobic and the teachers said they'd "speak to them about it". We all got suspended but honestly it was so worth it. Those assholes haven't spoken to us since, heck I haven't even SEEN them since!

So yeah, rat food is a fucking amazing revenge tool. Keep that in mind for next time you're dealing with assholes!

Well I'm gonna end this here, I gotta go to some dumb formal party later and I just know my parents are gonna be yelling at me to get ready soon. Wish me luck haha, see y'all next time! Bye!"