"This is Burger King, how may I help you?"

"Somebody told me to kill myself today."

"Seriously? Who?"

"Jessica Kipling."

"That girl with the brown hair and green eyes? I've had some encounters with her, she's a hoe."

"Like the gardening tool?"

"Oh you poor innocent cinnamon roll. You aren't going to do it though, right?"

"Do what?"

"Kill yourself, because let's just say we don't want a real thirteen reasons why fiasco happening in our town."

"I already started."

"You what?!"

"I already started, killing myself, slowly."

"You better drop that knife! I'm coming over, what's your address again?"

"Knife? I don't have a knife in my hand."

"Then drop that razor, gun, scooter, or whatever you're trying to kill yourself with!"

"Scooter?"

"Yeah, you know those razor scooters? The part where you put your foot on swings around and hits you in the legs."

"Oh, those? That's the real killing machine. Besides, the only thing I have in my hand is a computer mouse."

"What?"

"Yeah, you know that game where people too stupid for Minecraft play?"

"Clash of Clans?"

"No, Roblox."

"Oh shit, you're on the brink of insanity now aren't you."

"This is the worst anime I've ever played."

"The fuck?"

"I tried typing 'Roblox is stupid' in the comment section and the replaced the letters of stupid with hashtags."

"That game is filled to the brim with eight-year old mass murderers, no joke."

"Oh my god! I turned into a baby."

"Are you okay?"

"I am dabbing as a baby, I'm not even kidding. Why the hell is there a fidget spinner in my inventory?"

"You can slit your wrists with that fidget spinner."

"I like how you were on the brink of saving me from suicide and now your just making jokes about it."

"I can hear your sound effects through the speakers."

"I don't even know what I'm playing anymore."

"While you're doing that, I'll just tell you who I think you are. Are you Bellalina Caravelli?"

"No, you don't see her twinning with your nearest trash can. Meanwhile, I am the nearest trash can."

"Sofia Verde?"

"No, that girl's a gardening tool. You know, the hoe."

"Okay, how about Maria Alvarez?"

"Oh my gosh, you are really bad at these guessing games."

"So you aren't her, right?"

"She blessed us with her excellent cover of  Alexander Hamilton. I only bless people when they sneeze. Plus she's a drama kid, so HAHA no."

"Can't you give me a hint?"

"Get your hands off my hips before I punch you in the lips. You stop staring at my HEY! Take a hint take a hhhiiinnnttt."

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Nah to the ah to the no no no."

"Okay then are you-"

"Pewdiepie posted a new video?! Talk to you never Park!"

"Fine, don't talk to me, I don't care."