I warn anyone who reads this, that it could be triggering. Well, the beginning could be a little. And did I just update in under twelve hours :O What is happening?

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When Newt had come home that day, he couldn't take it. The pain he felt was almost unbearable and it didn't help that his mum was home and pissed off because some guy had dumped her. He couldn't handle it, and her hitting him only added onto the pain he already felt.

There was one thing he'd always do when the pain got too much, but he always told himself that it would be the last time, only to return to it when he became overwhelmed and needed a break. He didn't want to stop it on his own though, he couldn't stop on his own. Newt needed someone to notice and to help him through it. To be there for him. And maybe it was selfish of him to want to put someone else through his pain just so that he could get better, but that's how it was. However, Newt didn't have anyone who would notice. Thomas was done with him now, and no one else cared enough to do anything either.

So Newt found himself in the shower, watching as the blood ran down his arms and wrists, mixing with the water before disappearing down the drain. He couldn't feel any pain from the injuries he inflicted upon himself. The pain that he could feel was the pain that Thomas had given him. He hated that sort of pain, as it was not one that he was used to and had not learnt to deal with. Newt now needed to build another wall around him so that Thomas couldn't hurt him.

He let the scissors fall from his hands and hit the tiled floor beneath him, before sliding down the wall and sitting there as the water hit him from above. It was cold, very cold. Newt liked it like that, and he suddenly found himself crying again for the third time today. The very thing he tried to keep away from him was what he needed the most now. He needed Thomas here with him. Maybe to hold him for a little while. Or at least to tell Newt that he'd be okay, even if they both knew that he wouldn't be.

Newt could never be okay, not with Thomas barging in on his life the way he had. Everything Newt had come to believe, he suddenly questioned. Everything he was against, he found himself suddenly wanting. Because of one single person that he never even intended on meeting. He met Thomas because of a guy that hated him. It was ridiculous. It was stupid. But Newt wanted Thomas more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life. He craved the other's presence and knowing that he might suddenly never have him around again, made him shatter to pieces right where he was sitting now.

He hated the idea of relationships, love, anything like that. It scared him. But anytime he was around Thomas, he let go of that thought because he suddenly liked the idea of it. Newt wanted Thomas to love him, even if Newt would never believe it if the words left Thomas' lips. He wanted it to be true, even if it wouldn't be. And he definitely wanted to kiss Thomas. The very thought of looking into Thomas' brown eyes right before their lips met, made his heart skip a beat. And he wanted it. But it wasn't something for Newt to have.

Thomas hated him now, Newt knew that very well. Or at least he thought he did. So if Thomas hates him, then he has nothing to lose right? You can't lose something that was never yours in the first place.

So Newt dragged himself out of the shower, making sure that his cuts weren't bleeding anymore, which of course they were, so he bandaged them up before putting on a onesie. He went over to his desk before going over to his door, locking it in case his mother decided to barge in on him.

Newt unlocked his phone and went to lie back down on his bed, wrapping his blankets around him before hovering over the call button on Thomas' contact. It's three in the morning, Newt. He's not gonna answer. And maybe he wasn't gonna answer, but Newt liked to think that he would. So he pressed down on the call button as the screen switched to the caller ID, and the usual beep sounded as he waited to hear the others voice.

"Hello?" He'd been sleeping. That's the first piece of information Newt had gathered when he'd heard Thomas speak. Newt suddenly didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought this through. For one, he hadn't thought that Thomas would actually answer the phone. And second, he hadn't thought about what he would say if Thomas were to answer. So he let the first thing he thought of, slip past his chapped lips. And maybe he regretted it a second later, but maybe he was also relieved that he had managed to say it.

"I need you." He waited for an answer as the other end seemed eerily silent, hearing no sound whatsoever. For all he knew, Thomas could've left the phone on his nightstand and went back to sleep, and that thought made Newt panic a little until he heard some shuffling on the other end.

"You need me at three in the morning?" Newt sighed. Of course Thomas wasn't gonna do anything about this, this early in the morning. They had school the next day. Thomas preferred sleep anyway. He wasn't important, but he pleaded anyway.

"Please. You're the only one I have and I need you right now. I know you're mad at me and I get it. But please. Please." Newt had tears running down his cheeks by the end of it, and he knew that if Thomas ignored his plea, that he'd be completely lost and wouldn't even know where to begin.

"You upset me earlier Newt." Yea, and Newt hated himself for it.

"I know I did. And it was stupid of me. I didn't have the right to say that. But you have to understand that I'm messed up and don't know any better. The thought of someone liking me or anything related to it scares me and I always find it hard to believe. I push the thought away and I make sure it's a lie. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I am. Because I really like you Tommy."

"Are you just apologizing so that I'll come over?" Newt's heart ached when he heard that. That definitely wasn't the reason for him apologizing.

"No. I know that you don't have to come over. But I'm sorry wether you do or you don't. I don't want to lose you."

"You never completely had me." The more Thomas spoke, the more he seemed to make Newt crumble as he realized that Thomas probably wouldn't give in. He'd leave Newt alone. And Newt couldn't be alone.

"I just really need you right now."

"So that you can throw me away later?"

"No. You're not listening to me. I'm falling apart over here."

"And you don't think I'm falling apart? You can't expect me to put you back together while breaking me in the process. Do you not realize what I have to go through myself trying to make sure that you're happy? Which apparently you never are anyway. So why bother trying right? Clearly nothing can make you happy."

"You can make me happy." The line suddenly went silent, and Newt almost regretted saying that.

"Stop. Stop doing this. Stop trying to pull me back in. You know I won't be able to stay away from you, especially if you say things like that. Stop playing your damn game."

"I'm not playing any games. I hate games. I always end up losing. Look, when you walked away from me I realized that you're the closest thing to happiness that I have. And I don't wanna lose my only source of happiness. You might be mad, but I apologized. And I'm just asking you, more like begging you, to help me out here, because I need you." Newt heard a beep and he realized that Thomas had just hung up on him, and maybe any other day, it would've been alright. But Newt was broken enough and Thomas had just left like that.

Newt hadn't even opened himself up that much yet, and he was already hurt beyond repair from Thomas leaving him. Imagine if he'd opened himself up, that pain would've been unbearable.

He lay there for another hour, crying until he had no more tears left in him, and he suddenly felt numb as he stared up at his ceiling. Newt jumped when he heard a noise outside his window, and he didn't want to look up or move in case a killer was out there with a gun. It was a stupid thought, but anything was possible at this point. A little more noise and shuffling was heard outside before a knock on his window startled him. He almost screamed, but he recognized Thomas before he did. He's here.

"Tommy?" Thomas couldn't hear him, he was outside and the window was shut, so Newt walked over to open it, the other boy climbing inside as soon as he did.

Both of them stood there silently, staring at each other, waiting for one of them to open up whatever conversation they were about to have.

"You showed up?"

"Would I be standing here if I didn't?" Newt laughed silently. He felt so stupid, and he walked back to his bed and sat down, embarrassed about how much of an idiot he was being. He felt a weight beside him and saw that Thomas had sat down next to him on the bed, looking at the blonde intently. He was probably studying Newt again. At least that's what Newt concluded.

They both sort of sat there for a while, Thomas staring at Newt, back to memorizing him again whilst Newt would look anywhere but at Thomas. Okay, occasionally he'd steal a glance, but other than that, he'd look somewhere else.

Newt's breathing hitched when he felt slender fingers intertwine with his own, and he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he bit his lip and looked down at their hands.

When he looked back up at Thomas, the other was giving him a small, reassuring smile. And it was enough for Newt to feel like maybe his life wasn't so bad if Thomas stayed in it.

He lay back down on the bed, and he could hear Thomas taking off his shoes and shirt as he went to lie behind the boy, wrapping his arms around Newt from behind, whilst laying his head between Newt's shoulder blade. He trailed a few kisses right above Newt's collarbone, and Newt found himself giggling at the affection the other was giving to him. This was exactly what he needed, wether he'd admit it to himself or not, and as he closed his eyes, he moved the arm that Thomas had draped around him, further in front of him and to his stomach, once again intertwining their fingers together. Thomas moved closer to him, to the point where moving any closer wasn't possible, and Newt smiled.

Thomas draped the blanket over both of them, and Newt felt a sudden ache in his heart at every little thing Thomas did. It was a painful tug, as if his heart was telling him that he wanted Thomas, and that Thomas' affection made him feel loved. He liked to feel loved by Thomas. Newt liked everything about this. The close proximity between their bodies, the way Thomas' head was resting on his shoulder. The warmth of Thomas' arms around Newt only to have their fingers held together tightly. The way their breathing seemed to be in sync as Newt slowly dozed off. The kiss that Thomas lightly imprinted on Newt's neck right before he fell asleep. And at that point Newt knew that he'd be okay.