"I'm gonna get you to the spot." a stage hand updated me as we were walking. I smoothed my hands on my dress trying to get the sweat off. I was caked in makeup, poked, prodded, and primped to look like I was experiencing an existential crisis. I had to introduce Prince's performance and I was NOT happy about it.

"You look beautiful tonight ma'am."

I gave a soft smile. "Thank you honey"

"You're supposed to return back to your seats after you present."

I nodded, trying to pay attention but these award shows are seriously overwhelming if you're not emotionally in the right state of mind.

"This way, this way." he frantically looked at his clipboard. I felt bad so I picked up my pace, but in my defense these heels are ridiculous, cute as hell, but ridiculous.

"OK, I'm gonna need everyone to clear out of this area." he announced. "I need everyone out of here."

"Good luck ma'am" he smiled at me, a genuine smile. Not the forced bullshit that usually occurs at these kinds of things. It warmed my heart a little bit, almost put a smile on my face. Alas it did not.

He walked away leaving me with my thoughts and a mic. I closed my eyes trying to summon some composure and hoping I don't catch his glance while I'm back here. I know he's close and I feel like vomiting. I just wanna go home and loathe myself in peace.

"Hey"

I jolted, clutching my chest at the sight of Michael materializing out of fucking no where.

"Dude what the fuck are you even doing back here?" I whispered harshly, trying not to cause a scene.

He pushed a curl out my face and tucked it behind my ear. "Love the hair. You won't answer my calls"

"Because I don't wanna talk about it"

"Excuse me!? What do you mean-Arms up- I don't wanna talk about it."

I cut my eyes at him, holding up my arms as he adjusted my dress for me. "You're not serious"

"I'm just saying that you can't do things like that and expect me not to worry about you."

I rolled my eyes. "It's nothing to worry about Michael"

"Do you know the severity of unhappiness you have to be to want to end your life Jasmyn, for the love of God please talk to me. I know you more than anybody, probably more than yourself-"

"First of all Michael, fuck you." I scoffed. "Two, I don't wanna talk about this, I just wanna get this over with and go home."

"And do what? You know how worried I am when you're out of my sight."

I sighed. I actually did feel bad because he's just trying to be there for me but I don't want it.

I turned away from him and face the edge of the stage. "Drop it, I'm not 12. Leave me alone."

"But Jasmyn-"

"I said Drop it!"

"And to bring out the next performer, we have a lovely little lady... Ms. Jasmyn!" I forced a convincing smile on my face and walked as elegantly is my stubby little legs would allow me to the podium. Looking out into the overly pretentious crowd, I blew a few kisses and gave some innocent looks as the clapping died down.

"This next performer a man who goes by many names, some know him as his Purple Majesty, some know him as His Royal Badness, I can see you guys already know who i'm talking about because the most fabulous man alive with God given cheek structure just popped into your head am I right?"

I started to crack a smile as the crowd started to chuckle lowly. I can be such a goofy bitch when i'm dying inside. One hell of a unhealthy coping mechanism am I right? It sucks because I didn't even fully get to smile.

"Color him Peach and Black give it up for the Prince!!" I squealed as the curtain drew back and the camera panned, only to turn around immediately and drop the entire facade. I felt like throwing up. I only caught a glimpse of the stage and just knowing he's there immediately made my stomach drop.

As I was making my way back to my dressing room so I could take all this shit off and go back home and drink some wine and hopefully drown in the fucking bathtub. I couldn't even enjoy thinking about the sweet release because Michael decided to pop up. Figures.

I rolled my eyes. "Will you leave me the hell alone Michael?"

"Not until you tell me what's up!" He smiled and waved at a few celebrities passing by, sometimes he was as fake as I was, if not better. There's a game you have to play here in Hollywood and Michael's the one who taught me how to play. He's been playing since he was a small child. Nobody knows the game better.

I pushed through the door and kicked off my heels in whatever direction they decided to fly.

"Can I get everyone out of this room?" Michael commanded, whilst holding the door open.

I had nothing to hide anymore so I let all my brooding depression show as I took off my makeup. There was no more light in my eyes, there hadn't been for a while but now they're particularly dull. He closed the door behind him and just watches me.

In silence, just sits there and watches me and my movements. It could've been just a few seconds but it seemingly felt like hours.

"Jasmyn" he says, kicking off the door. "We have to talk about that"

"Actually Michael, no the fuck we don't." I aggressively started scrubbing at the red lipstick that refused to started to now stain my face.

"Fine." he hooked a chair under the door. "I got all night because all I want do is help."

"Michael, don't press me I really just wanna go home and I'm already on edge right now so like..." I started to slip out my dress and step into a plain black bodysuit. "...psh like don't even with me."

"Why are you so damn stubborn, you're acting like-"

"Myself?! You're not about to have me on suicide watch because of one little fucking incident." I felt myself starting to heat up and almost started shaking "I am a grown ass fucking women. I can handle myself. I've succeeded more than what people can ever fucking imagine at my age. So if I decided to jump off a fucking cliff right after I win a damn Grammy. I HAVE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT! because ITS MY LIFE. Not yours, mine. I never asked you to save me. I didn't even want anyone in the damn room. I wanted to be ALONE. Like I wanna be alone now! Get the fuck away from me"

He just stared at me blankly. The look in his eyes broke my heart. I started tearing up, my heart just overwhelmed.

Michael walked over and wrapped me up in his arms, silently rocking me back and forth. 

"Please let me take care of you for a while okay, I don't want sex or anything else from you, just let me take care of you for a while." he placed kisses on the top of my head, trying to silence my cries. It had been a long time coming and I just needed this moment with him.

"Come on tour with me Jasmyn, I'm leaving tonight but I want you to come be on the road with me, you can write all the music you want, and record and just take a break."

I just nodded, I didn't even care. That I would have to pack a bag and leave

"I can get your publicists and management and everyone together on the phone to release a statement, push the album back and give you a break." He pulled my face towards his, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "You've made such an impact already, you have nothing to worry about. I'll send for your bags right now. We can just go."

I had no words for him all I could do was nod. He kissed me on the forehead and held me and that was all I needed, aside from intensive therapy.

Jasmyn plans to take 'much needed time to heal' after difficult few years.

Representatives for the singer says.  "Given the events of the past couple of years, Jasmyn is going to take some much needed time to heal and mend. She will be using this period to spend time with her loved ones and work on new music without deadline. She thanks her fans for understanding."

I closed the magazine and placed it on my bath tray. I pulled my knees up to my chest, taking a deep inhale of the lavender surrounding mes Michael woke me up before he left for soundcheck because he ran me a bubble bath. He told me to relax and he'd be back after the show but I wasn't gonna miss the first show on his first solo world tour. I had slept the whole flight. I can definitely be awake tonight. Plus, it's a Michael Jackson show. Who the hell would miss a Michael Jackson show?

The phone rung, interrupting me mentally planning my outfit. I rolled my eyes and picked up my phone.

"Hello darling girl."

"Freddie!!" I squealed. "Hi Freddie!" I haven't heard from him in so long, I don't even care to know how he got this number. I just missed my fellow musical prostitute. I can't keep up with him sometimes. Freddie's known me since I was 17. I remember when I met him and he said I had one of those most beautiful voices and honestly coming from Freddie Mercury. What else could you want? He also told me he liked my outfit one night when I came to see Queen. I've even performed with him a couple times but my most crowned achievement is when he let me step in with him and the band for Bohemian Rhapsody and that's the most alive moment I've ever had on stage. I'll tell my children about that moment, when they're trying to call me old and lame one day. As if mommy dearest didn't perform with Rock N' Roll royalty.

"I just called to check on you and see how you were doing."

"I'm in the tub. I'm taking everything one day at a time." I swayed one hand in the bubbles, enjoying the warmth of the water. "I miss you Freddie it's so good to hear your voice."

"I miss you too darling. I have a marvelous voice don't I?"

I rolled my eyes, such a confident one. Ugh, I just love him. The energy I've been missing.

"We haven't had tea in so long, nobody has made fun of me for smoking "cancer sticks" anymore." We both bursted into laughter at the anecdote. "That's what you like to call them. Don't laugh at me."

"Freddie I love you oh my gosh! I would love to have tea with you but you can't make the tea, your tea is terrible."

He laughed. "I'm a performer not a tea maker, I suppose the cancer sticks have ruined my taste buds."

I was so happy to hear from him, we went on and on for hours, fashion, current music, just catching up. We talked about everything. Every time we talked, we got along so well. He's like a long distance best friend. You don't talk often or see each other often but when you do it's always love. I love him same as I love Bowie (but I never slept with him)

"Don't worry darling, I'll be stripping to Fat Bottomed Girls soon. You can have the top vocal spot."

I cackled, sometimes my laugh was so ugly. "Freddie I miss you! I have to come a see you."

"You should do it while you can darling ."

I creased my brows. "What does that mean?"
I've been slightly worried about him because of what the paper have been saying. However, I've had so many of my own problems that I've blatantly just pushed it to the back of my mind and selfishly never thought twice about it. Freddie has always taken care of Freddie. Plus I'm almost two decade younger than him, and the tabloids lie about every fucking thing. They usually use sensationalism and in Freddie's case also mass hysteria. 

"Jasmyn I'm not going to burden you when you're having a hard time. I adore you too much."

"Freddie...it's okay. I love you remember, no problem of mine is bigger than a struggle of yours."

He sighed. I heard a lot of shifting and shuffling on the phone, as if he was trying to position himself.

"I went to the doctor and had a growth removed from my shoulder and Gordon, Dr. Atkinson had arranged to get it tested."

I closed my eyes, knowing exactly what was coming.

"And I'm afraid that the tested how showed that I have AIDs."

My mouth gaped open. "Freddie... baby. No. I'm so sorry."

"Tell no one, not even Michael. This is between us. If someone asks you you say, "Freddie? AIDs? He's as fit as a fiddle."

I couldn't believe my ears. "To the grave my love."

He chuckled. "I'll be there before you do."

"I'm so sorry Freddie." I was lost for words. What could I even say to that? I had no clue how to comfort him.

"None sense. Now get some rest I've already added to your stress. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. You heal and give me another album."

I half smiled. "I will, I promise. I love you."

"I love you as well darling, ciao."

"Ciao" I smiled.

I hung up and finished up in the bathtub. I was still struck by what Freddie confessed to me. You just believe something like that could happen so close to you. You just never believe it could be anyone you know, especially someone with so much life in them. It really just makes you appreciate what you have been given. A life that I almost took, is one that I could give to Freddie. I will admit that it has given me a new appreciation for life. I need to be checking up on the people I love. I need to call Liliana, after the show girl has been stressing.

I stepped into my heels and threw on Michael's Bad Tour bomber jacket, over my fabulous little black ensemble. I needed to start over, I need newfound appreciation for my own life and myself, something that no man or woman can take from me. I'm calling up my therapist. I'm getting help, I'm about to write my soul out because music is the best medicine.

I'm gonna cherish the hell out of my life, my career, and my future.

Because I deserve it and I owe that to Freddie, I'm gonna french kiss the fuck out of life.