Private Angel Log Entry Eighteen

I hovered in the air with my sword grasped firmly in my hand, making sure to keep close to Gerard so no one could approach him without facing me.

I didn't know what to do; if I tried to run with Gerard, we would be cut down instantly, some of the demons surrounding us were carrying crossbows, and I couldn't dodge them all while flying with Gerard in my arms.

But if I stayed and fought, I would be leaving Gerard vulnerable to attack; no one was coming toward us just yet, which meant I would have to bring the fight to them, leaving Gerard exposed and weak.

I felt my stomach sink into my knees when I realized that we were well and truly fucked; even if I could fight back while protecting Gerard, there was no way I could defeat Lucifer, he was stronger than any living angel, and only his willingness to toy with us was keeping me alive right now.

There were worse ways to die though, and maybe if I kept Lucifer distracted for long enough, I could send a message to Ray, and he could help Gerard escape. It was a chance I would have to take, even though picking a fight with Lucifer would be the dumbest thing I had ever done, if it kept Gerard alive, it was worth it.

"Leave him alone Lucifer! Just take me okay? I will go willingly." Gerard's ragged voice sliced through my thoughts like a knife, and I wanted to scream in frustration at his stupid noble attempt to save me.

"Shut up Gerard," I hissed quietly, but he ignored me, like I knew he would.

"Now where would be the fun in that?" Lucifer smiled in a sickening way, and I wanted to smack the expression off his face.

"Please Frank...just let me do this for you? There is no way we are both getting out of this alive, and you know it, so this is for the best," Gerard pleaded desperately, but I couldn't live with myself if I lost Gerard now, not after we had sacrificed so much to save him.

"I'm not leaving you - just let me think! There has to be a way out of this," I growled.

"But there isn't...and that's okay Frank. You just have to let me go..."

"No! Fuck that okay? I can't do that...I'm not abandoning you just to save my own ass, because I am nothing without you. I don't want to be alive if you aren't with me, so if it kills me, I will find a way to save you," I retorted angrily.

"Lover's quarrels are always so much fun to witness," Lucifer commented haughtily. For a second there, I had almost forgotten we had an audience, I had been so caught up in changing Gerard's mind, I had blocked out everything else.

"I swear - I will come with you if you leave Frank alone...I won't try to escape, or run, or anything." Gerard tried again, but Lucifer only laughed loudly.

"But I already have you Gerard, it doesn't matter that you managed to slip my grasp for the moment. I will always find you again, so I gain nothing in this pathetic attempt at bartering." Gerard's face fell, and I could pinpoint the exact moment when he gave up completely, and it broke my heart to have to witness that.

"What the hell is your problem with us anyway? We weren't bothering you! Why couldn't you have just left us alone?" I retorted bitterly, not really expecting any answer, but the more time Lucifer spent talking to us, the longer he kept us both alive.

"You took something that belonged to me, and that alone is unforgivable. I was willingly to let that slide though, I am a very busy man after all, and I can't chase after every wayward demon that escapes, but you just had to take it a step further. When you stole my supply of Livian, you sealed your fate, and there is no escaping me now." He was right, there really was no way out, and I wasn't willing to ask my friends for help, no one could defeat Lucifer, and I didn't want anyone else to die for me today.

"Well - since pride seems to be your soft spot, hear me out for one second." I filled my voice with false bravado, praying that the slapdash plan I had just thrown together in my head would work, even though I highly doubted it.

"I'm interested..." Lucifer drawled slowly, so I took a deep breath and plunged ahead before I could change my mind.

"You and me, single combat, whoever draws first blood wins," I stammered out, trying to appear confident, even though I was the farthest thing from it.

"Why should I bother with you, I could have you killed right now without lifting a finger," Lucifer scoffed.

"You could, but that would be too easy, and I assume by the fact that we are still alive, that you want more of a challenge. Face it Lucifer, you have been holed up in Hell for quite some time, and this would be the perfect chance to prove your prowess," I fired back, hoping to rile him up enough that he wouldn't be able to refuse.

"And why do you deem yourself a worthy enough opponent for me?" Lucifer asked, but I could tell that I had caught his attention.

"I may not be an archangel, but I am the best demon slayer Heaven has right now. I have killed more of your minions than basically anyone, and I can hold my own against you," I boasted.

"Hmm...so what happens if I draw first blood?" Lucifer questioned me.

"If you win our little contest, you can kill me and gain your vengeance, and you will have Gerard back, but if I manage to strike first, you have to leave Gerard and I alone forever, no demons chasing us wherever we go - nothing." I bit my lip nervously after I issued my terms, I knew they were unfair, and Lucifer could kill me now without any petty contest, but I had to try something.

"Usually I wouldn't bother with someone like you, but you have spunk - you would have made a fine demon. I will agree to your ridiculous demands, but only because I could use some entertainment." Lucifer chuckled, and I tried to hide my audible sigh of relief. I couldn't believe he had consented to this, but I had finally gotten lucky for once.

"One last thing - no one interferes with our battle. Your demons can't touch Gerard or I, okay?" I knew Lucifer was tricky, so I had to get his promise on this point, or all was lost.

"Of course, that wouldn't be sporting of me otherwise." Lucifer looked at the circle of demons surrounding us as he spoke, and they all bowed their heads in acquiescence.

"Frank - I have Billie...where are you?" Ray voice rang out in my head, but I didn't answer him. I had to focus all of my concentration on the situation at hand.

"I will let you say goodbye to your love before we start," Lucifer waved his hand toward Gerard, who was still standing silently behind me.

I was nervous to turn my back on Lucifer, but I wasn't going to miss out on this chance to say a last few words to Gerard. Most likely - I would be dead in the next few minutes, so this might be our final moments together.

"Frank...why are you doing this?" Gerard mumbled quietly, his gaze not quite meeting mine.

"I have to try something Gerard, and I'm a fast flyer, I might be able to surprise him." I tried to comfort the both of us, because even I knew my chances of surviving this encounter were dismal.

"I don't want to watch you die..." Gerard wailed softly, and I gathered him into my arms gingerly, being careful to angle my sword away from him.

"I know baby, and I'll do my best to make sure that doesn't happen."

"I wish you never came for me..." he whispered against my chest.

"I don't, because I got to see you one last time, and even if I do die today, it will be worth it. You are everything to me...and I would give up my life one thousand times over if I got to spend just one more second with you."

"Fuck - I love you Frank..." Gerard titled his head up to meet me eyes, and underneath the tears, and the agony, and the sorrow, I saw true love shining out of his hazel eyes which I adored so much.

"I love you too baby, and I will always fight for you. Just promise me one thing - don't give up okay? Even if I fall, keep fighting, keep running. If a chance to escape comes up, take it. I can't bear the thought of Lucifer getting his hands on you again."

"I'll try Frank, if you try not to die."

"I don't plan to." And even though I was lying, it made Gerard smile, and I would tell him that the sun was green if I got to see that expression grace his face more often.

"Times up," Lucifer announced in a bored tone of voice. I pressed a quick kiss to Gerard's chapped lips before spinning around to face him once again. I wasn't ready for our short time together to end, but I knew that even if I was granted a year to say goodbye to Gerard, it would never be enough.

"Let me ask you a question before we start?" Lucifer came closer to me as the demons surrounding us backed into a protective circle, keeping the adjacent fighting away from our little bubble, not that too many people were trying to get close to the king of Hell.

"What might that be?"

"Was this really all worth it? I know quite a lot about you Frank; how you turned your back on Heaven, how you ran away from everyone you ever knew all because of a random demon, you even killed one of your own, all in the name of love. I just want to know if your whirlwind romance was compensation enough for all the despair and chaos you created."

I had to pause for a moment to think, not because I didn't believe Gerard was truly worth everything the two of us had been through together, but because to hear it put so bluntly was a shock. We really had overcome unimaginable trials just to obtain the few moments of happiness we shared, and we weren't the only ones. So many people's lives had changed, or ended, because of us.

If I hadn't met Gerard, this entire situation would never have happened, Gerard would be safe - albeit unhappy, in Hell, and I would be living my monotonous life in Heaven. Mikey wouldn't have almost died because we convinced him to run away, Pete would still be here...and Patrick...and Ryan.

There wouldn't be a rift in Heaven if I hadn't left, and even though everything wouldn't be perfect, there would be no battle, no pointless deaths, all in the name of a love that the world obviously didn't want to accept. Maybe we really weren't meant to be together, no matter how right it felt.

We had met obstacles at every turn, but Gerard and I were both too stubborn to give up on each other, and even though most people would have accepted the inevitable long ago and called it quits, we hadn't even considered it. Fuck - I couldn't even imagine life without Gerard in it any longer, so if it had to end in tragedy, then so be it.

Even though I loved Gerard, all of the suffering we had caused made our relationship seem insanely selfish, but I couldn't bring myself to feel regret for any of it. Maybe the world would have been better off if I had never met him, but I wouldn't be.

So even though I would carry the weight of my actions with me for the rest of my life - whatever time I had left that is - it was all worth it in the end, at least to me. Gerard was so special, and he made me feel emotions that I never imagined I would experience. If I had to choose between never knowing he existed, or going into this knowing all the terrible things that would happen to us, I would choose Gerard again in a heartbeat, and if that made me a selfish person, then I could live with that.

"It was worth everything and more," I responded truthfully.

"Well good for you, you can die with no regrets then," Lucifer chuckled to himself.

"Everyone has regrets, I probably have more than most, but Gerard will never be one of them. Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me," I spat back, knowing that Lucifer didn't care at all, but I felt the need to say it.

"Whatever you say. I understand you know...in a way. I was in love once, a long time ago, before I fell," Lucifer's eyes took on a faraway look as he spoke.

"Really?" I questioned curiously, not able to imagine someone like Lucifer every feeling affection for anyone.

"She was an angel, and she deserved the name more than most. She was perfect, but when God cast me out, she shunned me like all the rest. That is when I decided that love is a pointless waste of time. I pity you actually, I still remember how that undying affection for another person can cripple you."

"It can bring you down, but it can also lift you up," I argued back, but I could tell that Lucifer was done with this conversation.

"I can see that I will never change your mind, and I am bored of talking - let's get this over with." Lucifer hefted his large mace over his shoulder before gliding slightly away from me.

"I'm ready when you are." I lifted my own sword, which was puny in comparison to his weapon, ready for the fight of my life.

"Gerard - why don't you give the call to start?" Gerard visibly started when Lucifer addressed him.

"Leave him out of this -" I hissed; I could sense the terror leaking off of my love, and I knew the last thing he wanted to do was start the battle that would most likely end in my death.

"Oh come on now, we need someone to give the signal."

"It doesn't have to be him," I argued back.

"So defensive Frankie...fine, one of my men can do it. Damien, step up!" I watched as a lanky demon emerged for the circle surrounding us, but most of my attention was still drawn to Gerard, I kept my eye on him as he wandered over to the edge of the open space, looking lost and forlorn. There was no way he could escape without one of the demons noticing, but I hoped he would find an opportunity soon.

"When my arm falls, the fight begins," Damien exclaimed in a gravelly voice.

Lucifer and I both tensed up as Damien lifted his arm high in the air; it seemed like he held it there for hours, but it was probably only seconds until he slowly brought it down, smacking the palm of his hand against his thigh.

"Begin!"

I'm so sorry guys, I didn't mean to make you wait so long for an update, but I'm back now, and hopefully it will stay that way.

I'm know this is short, but I wanted to put something out tonight, and this was the best I could do.

I love you guys for putting up with me and my terrible updating schedule, but I promise I will try to finish this book off as soon as I can.

<3 starr