"Marshall Lee?" Fionna asked in confusion, glancing me up and down. "Glob, you look freezing, come inside!" Fionna pulled me inside by the arm and practically threw me inside the house. It was so warm in here, literally and figuratively. I stood by the door as Fionna darted around the living room, gathering blankets and calling for her sister. As the blonde was wrapping me in a fluffy blanket, Catherine lazily entered the room from upstairs.

"What now, girl? I'm trying to watch Grey's Anatomy-" her eyes locked on mine. "Oh. Hi, Marshall. I see your date went well," her green eyes looked me up and down condescendingly. Fionna must've told her too, not surprising. I can understand why she's pissed, she shares a common dislike of Ashley.

"Yep. Thanks for noticing, Cake," I said bitterly, looking down. I wasn't exactly in the mood to be judged right now.

"Cake, leave him alone! Can you go make him something warm, please?" Fionna chimed in. Cake rolled her eyes but marched into the kitchen. Fionna shook her head and pulled me over to sit down on the couch. "She'll get over it," she shrugged, a warm smile on her face. I smiled back, clutching the blanket closer. Fionna got me another blanket and turned on the TV, holding my hand until Cake came back with two mugs. She handed them off to Fionna and shot me a glare before marching back up the cluttered stairs. "Ooo, hot chocolate!" Fionna beamed, passing me a red mug. "Thanks, Cake!" I wasn't exactly hungry nor thirsty but the cup was warm and it felt amazing in my hands.

The curvy girl upstairs didn't respond. Her sister shrugged and sipped her drink before turning her body to face me. She was dressed in comfy clothes, just sweats and an oversized t-shirt. Her beautiful long locks were pulled up into a bun on the top oh her head and her face was completely bare of any makeup. Not that she really wore much anyway, she didn't need it. Fionna was beautiful, inside and out.

"So," she started, blowing on her beverage. "You gonna tell me about what happened or should we just skip the talk and go beat up Ashley?" Fionna laughed. I smiled a little and shook my head at her, but the smile was gone as soon as it came. Instantly regretting that and hoping she didn't notice, I took a drink from the warm mug in my hands. I felt the warmth of the hot chocolate travel down my throat, instantly sending a warmth throughout my still freezing body.

"Did you walk all the way here or something?" Fionna questions, worryingly. Clearly, I'm not in a good place right now. Granted, I should have definitely seen this coming.

"Maybe." I mumble. I don't really want to recall what happened or even think about it for that matter.

"Why did you do that?! Where is your shirt?! Are you insane?!" Fionna completely explodes into mother-like worry.

"No, but I locked myself out of my car." I mumble again. Once again; Fionna doesn't need to know the circumstances behind it. What did I do to deserve a this shit? I just want a good, clean, nice, heterosexual life. It's not like I killed a child or a kitten. I just wanted to reconnect with my ex. Okay, so, maybe Bubbs and Fionna were right. I mean, they typically are but I tend to ignore their advice. I sadly take a small sip of my hot chocolate. It's good but it doesn't make me any less dead inside.

"Good glob, Marshall. How the hell do you get yourself into these things?" Fionna sighs, almost as if she's giving up on asking questions. Thank god for that.

"I wish I knew." I roll my eyes but not at Fionna; more directed at myself. Am I really that big of an idiot? I really thought Ashley had changed. People are capable of changing for the better, right? It isn't some super impossible made up human mentalism, right? Well, if it is then I haven't seen it happen yet.

"Well, warm up I guess. We can talk about it later." She pats my back softly. It offers little comfort but I can tell she's trying. I just want to know why. Why I couldn't get hard, why I thought about Barnaby, why I even initiated the sex in the first place, why she reacted as harshly as she did, why I thought she changed? Just why? If there is a god then what did I do to deserve this? I just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask?

"I-" Should I be mad? Maybe all this self pity is the reason I'm so fucking miserable. I mean, I got called a creep and pathetic by someone I loved. I know it was a bad idea in the first place but I was hopeful. In the end; I just got my feelings hurt yet again. I'm so sick of this shit! I just want to be normal and happy! Why do I just let people walk all over me?! I can feel hot rage bubbling up in my stomach. I have every right to be mad! What I did may have been an act of desperation but at least I wasn't a heartless bitch! Maybe I was pathetic in her eyes, but in my eyes; I was hopeful!

"I'm fucking sick of feeling this way, Fionna!" The very second I see things from a different light, I snap. Did it really take all this bullshit for me see things they way they are?! How blind was I?! "All I wanted was her love and attention! She called me a creep! Can you believe that?! I let her push me around and beat the fuck out of me! I'm sick of being so weak! Why am I so stupid?!" All the frustration and anger I felt earlier erupt from my lips. I barely even register what I'm saying before it comes out of my mouth. I grip to my cup until my finger tips turn white. I don't want to be this way anymore.

"Woah, Marsh." Fionna looks to me with wide blue eyes. They seem to sparkle but I couldn't tell you why. A wide grin quickly covers her face. "So, you wanna change?" Her hand rubs my back in soft circular motions. "And I'm not talking clothes here." She looks proud in a way. I don't know why. I mean, all I did was say I'm tired of being this shitty person. "Well, maybe we should get you a shirt," she chuckles softly. Why is she acting so nonchalant? I just completely unloaded all my feelings onto her with no warning.

"Wha-" I shake my head, dismissing the blonde's behavior. "You know what, yes. I do want to change," I said with assertiveness, standing up from the couch with the blankets still around me. "That's what this is all about, right? Change? Finding myself again?"

"I mean, if that's what you want. It's your self-discovery journey, dude." Fionna took a long sip from her mug. I thought about what she said and nodded. Yes, exactly. It's my re-self-discovery. Changing myself and finding out who I really am.

"If that stupid bitch won't change for the better, than I will! Things will be different, Fi," I said with determination.

Fionna smiles behind her mug before raising a concerned eyebrow. "Wait, you're not talking about changing and then going back to Ashley, right?"

I shake my head. "Glob, of course not! You think I'm that stupid? Im officially done with that whore, for real this time. I will never, ever, trust her again." I stood with a hand on my hip. "Learned my lesson the hard way," I mumbled into the hot chocolate, taking a drink.

"Phew! I was worried for a sec." She downs the rest of her drink before setting the mug on the cluttered coffee table. "Then, who are you changing for?" The way she asks that almost sounds like it's supposed to be a trick question. Immediately, the first person that comes to mind is Barnaby and I frown. No matter how hard to avoid him, everything just seems to come back to him somehow.

I know what it means, but I'm just not ready to admit that to myself yet. Gay or not; dating him or not, I can't keep relying on him anymore. Do I need to change for him? Probably, I could definitely be a better friend to him. But at the end of the day, it's only me to take care myself. I need to prove that I can get better on my own; that I don't need his shoulder to lean on. Enough of this "you are my other half", and "you complete me" romantic bullshit! When that other half leaves, you're nothing; you're just a half. We all need to be wholes looking for other wholes.

I can't go through my other half leaving me again. If I end up being heartbroken, I have to be confident that I can rely on myself and that I'll be okay. So to answer the question, who am I changing for?... "Myself."

Fionna grinned. "Good!" She stood from her spot and hugged me tightly. "I have faith in you Marshall Lee." I hug her back, wrapping the blanket around her in the process. This girl is an absolute blessing. Fionna pinches my bare side and pulls away. "How bout we get you some clothes finally," she says with a wink. I smile and nod.

The blonde put our empty mugs in the sink before tugging me upstairs. How two girls are able to clutter up a whole staircase is beyond me...

"I'm sure Mono left some clothes somewhere around here..." Fionna glanced around the house on the way to her bedroom. She lowered her voice into a whisper, "I bet they're all in Cake's room, but I'm not gonna ask her for any, she's in a mood." Without a pause she pulled me in her room and shut the door. I sat on her unmade bed while she rummaged through her closet, trying to find a warm comfy clothes for me.

I really appreciate all of this. Fionna is hands down one of the most selfless and caring people I have ever met. She would help anyone in need no matter what time of day. The world needs more people like her. Until these recent events, I was never super close with Fi. We typically just joked around and fake-flirted but this is different. She knows about the darker side of me and is trying her best to support me through it.

"Oh my glob!" Fionna beams, spinning around excitedly. "I just had the best idea that will definitely cheer you up!" She was already doing a pretty good job at making me feel better already.

"What is it?" I smiled, interested.

The blonde ripped a bunch of clothes from their hangers and threw them on the already messy floor. "A fashion show!" She started ripping out more clothes. "I have a whole bunch of clothes Cake gave me that I'll never wear because, let's get real, I'm not here to impress anyone at school. But why not put 'em to good use now!" I laughed.

"I'm down. Seems like fun. Dress me up like a Barbie!" I flung the blanket off my shoulders dramatically and approached the pile. "Where do we start?" This could be a fun, good distraction for a while. Maybe I could blame Marcy and Bonnie, but I always had so much fun when they would play dress up with me as a kid. Feminine fashion is so cute and wished I could look socially acceptable with it on in public.

Fionna stood with her hands on her hips, her lips pouted in thought. "Hmm..." She sifted through some of the clothes before pulling out an article. "Ooo! Try this on!" She held up a little sparkly dress with fringe all over it.

"Is this like a flapper dress or something?" I laughed at the piece, taking it from her. "Cake really expected you to wear this?" I asked, holding it up to my body by its skinny straps. There's no way Cake would think her sister would wear a skimpy little dress like this. Then again, most of this stuff are just clothes she wanted to get rid of. Fionna shrugged and I slipped the gold dress over my head, taking my jeans off once my crotch area was covered. "Well," I said, posing ridiculously, "How do I look?"

Fionna whistled, glancing me up and down. "Stunning! Work of art! Masterpiece! Iconic!" She listed off, pretending to take pictures like paparazzi with her fingers. I laughed, shaking so the fringe on the dress would fly up. "Look in the mirror! You look hot!" I did as I was told and moved in front of her long, skinny mirror that was covered in stickers. To my surprise I actually looked really good. I thought Fionna was just kidding, and I didn't expect the dress to look flattering at but damn. I did look hot. I mean, my dark body hair clashed with the beauty of the dress but whatever. Still looked good. It made me wonder if I would look good in normal, everyday feminine attire too. "Lemme put you on my snapchat!" Fionna shouted, already pulling her phone out. I tried looking as sexy as a sad man in a dress could while she recorded me.

"What else is there?" I bent over the pile once she was done taking the video. Now I was really interested to see what else I could pull off.

"Little word of advice," Fionna said with a little snicker. I looked up to see her covering her eyes. "Maybe don't bend over in front of a mirror with a short dress on."

"Oh," I laughed, standing up straight and looking behind me at the mirror. Damn, my ass looked good. "My bad." I sat on the floor instead, picking out clothes I thought looked cute.

Fionna shook her head, removing her hand just to look down at me and cover them again. "Marshall!" What did I do now? "You can't sit with your legs wide open either!" I glanced down at myself, becoming aware that my goods are exposed to the whole world, covered, obviously, but it still apparent what was there.

"Oops." I moved so that my legs were straight out. This was uncomfortable. "I'm just supposed to sit like this then? This is so inconvenient." The blonde uncovered her eyes again and smiled.

"No," She sat on the floor, her knees bent and to the side. "Sit like this." I copied her position, probably flashing her again in the process, and made a face.

"This is stupid. You know what, dresses have too many rules, I want to try something else." I sat on my knees and picked out two more garments. A black sports bra and some gray athletic shorts. Perfect. "Alright, this dress can be my evening look, but I need something to work out in. Gotta keep this waist snatched." I stuck my tongue out, running my hands down my curves that didn't really exist. Fionna laughed at that and spun around on her butt so that I could change in privacy. I didn't really care whether she saw or not but whatever.

I quickly shimmied out of the sparkly dress (after one more glance in the mirror) and tugged on the bra and shorts. Feeling up my flat chest, I got an idea. While trying not to laugh, I shoved a bunch of shirts in the bra to make it look like I had boobs, and once they were big enough I faced away and told Fionna she could turn around.

"Okay, I see you! Booty lookin' fine!"

"Oh you like that? How about these babies!" With that I whipped around, revealing my large, fake boobs to her. Instantly, the blonde fell over, dying of laughter. I laughed with her. It felt good to laugh like this, I haven't really done it in a long time. I've been so down lately so this was a great change. Fionna was rolling on the floor by now while I kept making weird poses, flaunting my boobs.

"I was not expecting that!" She cried in between laughs. "Oh my glob," she giggled, wiping her eyes and standing up. I made my way to her seductively and grabbed up her hands, placing them on my fake boobs and moving them around. Fionna cackled, going along with it for a bit before reaching in the bra and pulling out all the shirts.

"No!" I cried, grabbing my chest. "My baby feeders!" The blonde continued to laugh her heart out and I joined her.

Cake bursted into the room, a weary look on her face. "What the hell is going on in her- oh no." The short girl slowly face palmed once she looked in my direction. "For fucks sake. I leave you two alone for five minutes and this is what happens," she complained. Fi and I just giggled. "Anyway, Mom and Dad called." Fionna perked up at that. After seeing her sister's happy expression, Cake's face turned into a sort of guilty one. "They said they're gonna be gone for another two days, but that they're sorry and they miss us." The blonde's smile fell, but she shrugged it off.

"Did you tell Dad to make sure he brings me a new pocket knife?"

Catherine let out a short laugh. "Yeah, I did."

"Sick," she smiled. Fionna turned to me to explain. "Whenever Mom and Dad go on their trips, he always brings back a souvenir. And lately he's been helping me expand my cool knife collection," she said with a proud face. I nodded, finding that sweet of him but also kind of concerning. Of all things, why did it have to be knives she collected?

"Well that's all I had to share. Have fun, you freaks!" With that, Cake left the room and closed the door behind her. Fionna sat up from the floor, criss-crossing her legs and looking kind of solemn. Her adopted parents were always away on different trips, being the environmental researchers they were, and were rarely home for long. Cake pretty much has been raising Fionna since middle school, since she didn't trust babysitters and thought they were dumb. Unlike me, Fionna and Cake's parents actually cared about them while they were gone and made sure to check up on them.

I felt bad for the girls because I knew what they were going through. My mom was always away on business trips or busy doing work and never had time for me. When she did though, she was usually yelling at me for something. Most nights Marceline and Bonnie would make dinner, and on the nights when none of them did, I just went hungry. At least their parents provide money to make sure they're safe and fed.

"Hey Fi, I know how you feel. It sucks not having your parents home. But at least you have a good sister and friends and stuff so. You're not as alone as you may feel." That probably wasn't the best reassurance but Fionna seemed to appreciate it.

"Thanks, Marsh," she said, a cute smile on her face. It was beyond me how she was able to bounce back to being happy so quickly. I wish I was able to do that. "Hey! Try on that red shirt." Fionna pointed to the pile. I picked it out and lifted the garment up, noticing it was really short. It looked like it was shrunk.

"Where's the rest of it?" I joked. It was a nice shirt, soft and fitted with the shoulders cut out of it. I pulled it on over the sports bra, not caring enough to take it off.

"It's a crop top," she explained. "Notice how it's... cropped."

I looked at her with a flat face. "No shit." I stood in front of the mirror, studying my appearance. I wasn't sure if I liked this or not. The color was great, but the fit was different from anything I've ever worn. It was like, small, but also the perfect size? Confusing. I kept wanting to pull it down over the rest of my stomach.

"That looks nice on you!" Fionna commented. I made a face, looking at myself from different angles. It looked great, yeah, but it just felt weird on. "What, you don't like it?" I made another face.

"I don't know yet." I turned and looked in the mirror over my shoulder. "Feels weird."

Fionna crawled over to the pile and sifted through it, picking out a jean skirt. "Try this with it."

I stuck my tongue out, not a fan. "Absolutely not. Skirts have the same rules as dresses and that's too much responsibility." Fionna rolled her eyes at that, continuing to look.

"Hmm," she hummed. The blonde pulled out another pair of shorts that were black denim with a high waist. "How about these?" I took them from her, putting them up to my hips. They were cool looking and went with the shirt so I guess I should give them a try.

"Lemme put 'em on," I said and Fionna turned around. After I removed the athletic ones, I squeezed myself into the black shorts. They didn't feel the most comfortable where my crotch was but, at least they looked cute on. After one look in the mirror my thoughts on the tiny red shirt changed. Not only did the shorts make the top look better, but since they came up to my belly button it didn't feel as weird not having a normal sized shirt. I hummed to myself, satisfied with how I looked.

Fionna took this as a cue to turn around. "Wow!" she exclaimed. "That looks great on you! Do you like the shirt better now?" I made eye contact with her through the mirror.

"I think so," I mumbled, running my hands over the clothes. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but really like how I looked in these clothes. Honestly I really don't know how to feel about that.

I noticed Fionna stand and walk behind me, standing on her tippy toes to wrap her arms around my shoulders. "Well I think you look fantastic," she said with a smile. We made eye contact through the mirror. "You should start dressing like this all the time!"

I instantly made a face. "Eh... Don't get me wrong this is fun and all, but I don't think the stupid kids you go to school with will be as nice as you are." Fionna let go of me and moved to stand next to me instead. "Plus don't you think this outfit goes against my job's dress code? Crop tops and booty shorts aren't exactly business casual."

The short blonde crossed her arms. "Neither are sweatpants and hoodies but that's all you've been wearing for the past two weeks," say commented with sass.

"...Touché." Wearing sweats aren't something teachers are supposed to wear but oh well. I ran out of all my good clothes and haven't been bothered to wash them. Doing easy, everyday tasks is just so exhausting! Wearing comfy clothes makes things just a little more bearable. Plus Simone hasn't said anything about it yet so I see no issue. I mean, I teach (not even) one class at the very end of the day, who cares.

Fionna rolls her blue eyes at me before walking over to her unmade bed, flopping backwards on it. "I thought you didn't care what people thought of you. Obviously you like the clothes so who cares if someone else doesn't? Why does their opinion matter?"

I sighed, not sure how to reply. "I mean, how can you not care sometimes?" I looked down toward the clothes-cluttered floor. In school I was always interested in how people perceived me. No matter how 'cool' and 'badass' I made myself seem in school, I was still an insecure loser underneath it all. And I was worried about people finding out about the 'real me'. This is different, though. All my friends know about the 'real me'.

Whoever that is, honestly.

"I care about what some people think about me. Like you, Simone, Ashley even... and Bubba..." Especially him. "Like, Ash thinks I'm a freak now. And I know Bubba hates me. He probably thinks I'm a freak too. I care about that." Fionna didn't say anything so I continued. "Obviously opinions about my outfits are completely different from what people actually think of me, but what I mean is - I care about what you guys think. And since crossdressing isn't exactly a socially normal thing to do, you guys will probably think I'm weird. Get what I'm saying?" I made gestures with my hands.

Fionna shrugged, sitting up. "I guess I get it. But still. Also wait, you think Gumball hates you?"

My hand found the back of my neck. "After what I did there's no way he doesn't."

Blue eyes squinted in confusion. "Dude," she said, "he'd never hate you. Gumball cares about you so much. He calls me like, everyday and asks about you." That made me perk up. He asks about me?

I was interested now. "What kind of stuff does he ask?" My voice sounded more eager than I'd hoped. Fionna watched me for a solid 15 seconds before smiling. At what, I didn't know.

"Just like, I don't know. If you're okay and stuff. Seriously though, he does not hate you whatsoever."

I didn't know how to respond. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I picked at my fingers. "That's good to know I guess." I really didn't know what to think about that. I also really didn't need to be thinking about that either. How many times do I need to tell myself to stop thinking about him before I actually do it!

Fionna patted the spot next to her on the bed, so I sat down. "Can you be real with me for a second?" The blonde asked, her eyes serious. Honestly it made me a little worried. I nodded nonetheless. "You still like him don't you?"

I sighed, looking away. "Of course I do," I admitted. "I never said I didn't. I'm just- I'm trying to get over him and figure this shit out but I can't! Everything I do makes me think of him and glob, I'm just so confused about everything..." I covered my face with my hands, my elbows resting on my knees. All of a sudden the clothes I was wearing felt uncomfortable. "What the hell am I doing anymore... I'm supposed to be 'figuring myself out' and here I am, wearing girls clothes and freaking out over a boy!" My fingers found my hair and ran through it in a stressed manner.

Fionna hummed, not saying anything for a bit. "Maybe that's a sign?" she said finally. Our eyes met. "I think you're expecting the wrong things out of this. If you really want answers, you should stop asking the wrong questions." What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"I'm not following."

Fionna sighed and glanced around her messy room. "You know," she waved a hand, "You seem to be waiting for a specific moment to happen that will answer everything. Which would be fine if you were waiting for the right thing. But judging by your situation here, I'm not sure that's going to happen. Don't take offense to this, but can I just point out the fact that you can't get over Gumball? Who's a boy?..." I let my eyes fall to my lap. "Do you see where I'm getting at here?"

I let my head fall in my hands, nodding. I know what she's saying but I don't want to accept it.

"If you're going into this with a fixed mindset, the answers you find won't be the ones you're looking for."

I groaned to myself. She was right, and I hated it. How she was able to get straight to the point without actually saying it was beyond me. What Fionna meant was that she thinks I'm trying to find proof on why I'm straight, when in reality I should be trying to find out the opposite. And whenever I do find that proof, I just block it out anyway. She's saying I need to be open about this, and not blow off the truth. But I'm just not ready to accept the truth, and don't know how to start.

"Glob, Fi. I'm a mess," I sighed, laying back on her bed. Fionna laughed a little, laying down too.

"Yeah, at least you're right about that." I rolled my eyes at that, smiling.

"I know what you're saying. I just don't know how to feel about it." I turned my head to face her. "I'm not ready..." I whispered, hoping she knew what I meant by that. I was no where near ready do admit the truth to myself. The truth that I'm... I can't even say it. She seemed to understand though, and grabbed my hand.

Fionna nodded. "You don't have to be ready, and that's fine," she said softly with a smile. "But when you are, we'll all be here for you." I smiled back and squeezed her hand. I appreciated this. Fionna was good at comforting people. Bubba was better at that though. I tensed at the thought of him, but instead of trying to block it out, I welcomed it. She was right, I have to be willing to accept these things.

"By the way, are you ever going to tell me about what went down with Ashley today?"

"Ugh!" I flailed my arms up. "Don't get me started!" I shouted, making Fionna laugh. If I was going to explain all of this, I'd at least make it fun. I then went on to tell the story of today and all that happened, using weird voices and faces, dramatic hand gestures, and a lot of 'she was like... and then I was like...' Fionna seemed to be interested, laughing along at the funny parts. Well, parts that I made sound funny.

"...And then we were in the car and she was like "becky lemme smash" and I was like "oof my dick fell off-" Fionna bursted out laughing at my meme references and I laughed with her. "Then she got pissed and yeeted out of there. Then I got pissed and accidentally locked myself out of my car. And yeah, here we are now!"

Fionna was wiping tears out of her eyes. "Jeez," she laughed. "That sucks dude. What a B-word."

"She's a big B-word. The biggest B-word I've ever met." Fionna snickered. "I'm still mad I wasn't able to get it up. I mean, it was probably for the best but still. Wonder why..." I though aloud. "Stress maybe? Anxiety? I don't know," I hummed. The girl next to me was quiet so I looked over at her. She was staring at me with this all-knowing look on her face. "What?" I asked but it sounded more like statement.

She just raised her eyebrow. "You wonder, huh? Wonder why you couldn't get hard with a girl... one of Earth's greatest mysteries," she said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes jokingly until it hit me.

"Oh shit," I said softly, staring up at the ceiling. "Aw, goddamnit!" My palm hit my forehead repeatedly. I'm so stupid! Have I really been this in denial that I didn't even consider the real reason why I couldn't get hard? "Whatever. I'm still not ready to admit it though."

"That's fine," Fionna said, grabbing my hand again. "Just think about it, okay? Remember be open about new things. They're not as scary as you think they are."

I sighed, rubbing her hand with my thumb. "Yeah, you're right. I'll try."

                               >>>>><<<<<
Part 1 is done!
Yikeeees guys I'm sorry it's been so long
There's no excuse I'm just lazy af. My mind has been so dry lately
Anyway, I hope everyone has had a good holiday whether you're religious or not!

I want to thank my love gaybutt for writing a portion of this chapter at the beginning. I literally can't thank you enough, there's no way I would've been able to write this all with out you ❤️ thanks for saving my ass dude

That's all I have guys, thank you to everyone who continues to read this!

I'll see you in part two 😉❤️