Alucard: Let me see if I get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerrys thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my #LifeHack, and at least one of you could kill me. So, when the "very fine people" of the Nazi military, those KKK-lookin' sons of bitches, and Alexander MOTHERFUCKING Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought you...YOU were the guy. But quick question, Jolly Wally: How many people lived in London? Or rather... died? Let's take a census!

Alucard begins to rip out all the blood from all the deceased in London as massive waves rushed to him!

Alucard: LET ME GET SOME SIP!

At the same time...

You and Integra burst into the Major's control room.

(Y/N): THERE YOU ARE!

Major: "Ah, willkommen!", said the spider to the fly. Although I'd say you're more of a hornet—

Integra shoots at the Major, but he was protected by a glass barrier!

Major: Hahahahahaha! And unlike its modest brother, the bee, the hornet does not die after it has stu—

She shoots more and more.

Major: It guards its nest with the ferocity and the tenacity of a–

She keeps shooting, to the point she runs out of bullets.

Major: OF A MOTHER WHO IS PROTECTING HER CHILD!

(Y/N): COWARD! COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!

Major: Ah, we all have our shields~ Some of us have tempered glass, others have the King of Vampires... Speaking of whom...

He pressed a button on his remote to show Alucard sucking up all the blood.

Integra: OH JESUS!

(Y/N): Is that Alucard?!

Major: And it seems like our dear Alucard is looking to get white-girl-wasted. Let's hope that nobody spiked his drink, ja?

Outside...

Schrodinger stands on top of one of the buildings and slits his throat, allowing his corpse to drop into the waves of blood!

Alucard: Look at me, Walter! I'm sucking everyone but you! So in celebration of your wasted attempts, I'm going to give you the little death you deserve.

Walter: I gave up everything to kill you! So just lie back AND THINK OF HELL!

Walter sliced open Alucard's face!

Alucard: (girly voice) Ah, yameru, Walter! You're splitting me in two! Now do it another 3 million times, why don'cha!?

Back in the SS Schutzstaffel ...

Major: Ah, poor Walter... Each second ticks his life down, all to grasp a victory that never belonged to him. A piece of our puzzle... three million, seven hundred und eight thousand, nine hundred und seventeen pieces large. Und now... it falls to Millennium... to finish it.

Integra: What is going on?

Major: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Tell me something you two, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?

(Y/N): I killed Schrödinger's cat!

Major: Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, one of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet, to consume a thing is to know a thing. Alucard is now partaking of Warrant Officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence, und as our dear cat-boy stares into the abyss that is within Alucard... that abyss. Stares. Back. The wave function collapses... uncertainty becomes certainty... the proverbial coin flips... und-...

Alucard looks into himself, including his past and then-

Alucard: Am I a bad person?

With that, he poofed out of existence.

(Y/N): WHAT THE FUCK?!

Integra: ALCUARD! WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Major: I CALLED HEADS!!!

The televisions in the room begin to shatter into a million glass pieces as fire erupts throughout the control room.

(Y/N): You're going to pay for this! No matter what, you won't make it out alive!

Major: Then my last meal... shall be victory!

From the flames came Seras and Team RWBY!

Integra: Status report?

Seras: Killed a Nazi werewolf.

(Y/N): THERE WAS AN ACTUAL-

Yang: Yep.

Ruby: Killed him with a silver tooth!

Integra: Where did you find a Nazi werewolf?

Major: Where did you find Dracula?

Integra: In a basement.

Integra: How poetic; we found our werewolf in an attic. I mean, we find lots of things in attics. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ruby: OH MY GOSH!

Major: I meant antiques! The Juden was our Führer's obsession, not mine. Anne Frankly, I'm insulted by the insinuation.

(Y/N): KILL HIM!

Blake: WIth pleasure!

All five girls were blasting away to destroy the glass barrier!

Major: Entschuldigen Sie, meine Lieben, but you're a few dozen millimeter too thin.

Seras then pulled from the ground a massive cannon from the airship!

Yang: YEAH! FUCK HIM UP!

Major: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! COME ON, BITCH!! SHOW ME WHAT YOU LOOOOVE!!

At the Doctor's Lab...

The Doctor: All these years of progress ruined! After figuring out I could use the bones of Dracula's ex-wife to make vampires... now I have to start again! (packing up) I can't stay in England OR Germany! I know! I'll go to Russia! They let you get away with anything there! As long as it's not too gay.

At that moment, he heard something.

Doctor: What was that? Ah, probably no-

KABOOM ...

The airship begins to blow up as the shot Seras fired rang a bell outside.

Walter stands over a grave.

Walter: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Though Walter's laugh begins to turn into sobbing.

Walter: Y-You were right... you were the only thing... I cared about. I needed you back... so badly, I let Richard chase Integra right into your arms. But by then... I was past my prime. So I betrayed them all... my master, my country; I tossed them to the wind... for one last chance at you. Now I have nothing... but this hole in my—!

At that moment, he's shot in the abdomen as Heinkel grabs him by the head.

Heinkel: When fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge... it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist, you're doing His will!

Yumi then held her sword to Walter's throat.

Walter: Shot in the gut, nothing left to lose, and executed by a German Catholic blint quoting Kill Bill. Yes, a traitor's death.

Heinkel: Yumi, do the thing.

Yumi: Jigoku de kusare.

The ground was covered with Walter's blood, and his corpse was dropped onto a puddle of it.

Back in the SS Schutzstaffel...

The entire control room was in smoke and wreckage.

Integra: The gates of hell will have to swing wide for your fat Nazi carcass.

Major: Ah, Fraulein, if I'm so fat, how did you miss?

The smoke cleared to reveal the Major had half of his body mechanical, and oil leaking out of it.

Major: Hah! Nevermind, crackshot damen!

Weiss: HE'S A CYBORG?!

Blake: Well that explains a lot.

Integra: No it doesn't! Why are you a cyborg?!

Major: I am no less a man than someone with a hearing aid or a pacemaker ... for what is the marker of a man, but his indeterminable-

(Y/N): No! Don't start with that! You're literally a cyborg!

Yang: Yeah, do you have a hamster on a wheel in there?

Major: His name is Hamburg.

Ruby: Was ... that a joke?

(Y/N): Of course it was.

Major: Und you finally get it. I see the line. The factory steel on society. A world mired in complacency. Slaves to their instincts, und fueled by anger und hatred! A rocket propellant as volatile as it is potent, and frighteningly ... self-sustaining.

Integra: Is there a rest stop between now and the fucking point?

Major: The point, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, is that we are nothing, but scared, spiteful children, playing at adulthood; a fictitious lie of comfort und even more repugnant, complacence! So what is a man to do, but wage a war so calamitous und glorious, that it would snap humanity out of its foolish, worthless character. Und who better an opponent than Hellsing?

(Y/N): That still doesn't explain the cyborg part.

Major: Ah, you're still on that? Okay, it's simple, you see-

He pulled out a gun; but Ruby was faster and shot him in the head!

Major: Ah ... hervorragend. (Singing) So long ... farewell ... auf wiedersehen, goodbye. I leave ... und heaven.... A sigh und say goodbye.

With that last breath, the Major finally dies.

Yang had recorded it all.

Yang: For the Old Hag Queen.

Integra: You know, he wasn't entirely wrong. (Sigh).

Seras: What?

Integra: He just ruined Sound of Music for me.

Blake: Where's Alucard?

(Y/N): Who knows. All I can say, he's still alive.

Ruby: Really?

(Y/N): Yeah, wherever he is.

Meanwhile...

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