England 1997... 

We see a little girl crying at the deathbed of her father. 

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing (Descendant of Abraham Van Hellsing, the famous monster hunter! About to inherit the position as leader of the Hellsing Organization! Voiced by Megami33!) 

Integra: Father. I ... I don't want to say goodbye. 

Arthur: Well, that's selfish of you, Integra. I'm dying. 

???: Oh, it's truly a tragedy. I cannot believe someone would poison our afternoon brandy! What bittersweet fortune that I was somehow spared!

Richard Hellsing (Integra's uncle! A prideful and cowardly man who desires to be in charge of Hellsing! Voiced by Tim Curry!) 

Arthur: Yes, it is truly a blessing that you are well, Richard. But as I die, the authority of our sacred organization falls to my precious daughter. 

Integra: WHAT?! 

Richard: Yes, with great ho- Roll that back. 

Arthur: Integra, you must stand taller than us all now, and lead the men and women of the Hellsing organization. 

Richard: What?! That's- Great! How wonderful! 

Arthur: If you should ever find yourself in peril, know that deep in a forgotten underground dungeon, there is one man you can count on.

Integra: Walter doesn't live in the dungeon; he lives under the stairs! 

Arthur: Goodbye, my darling and- BLEGH! 

He coughed up some blood. 

Arthur: That was my favorite pillow. 

With one last gasp, Arthur dies. 

Integra: (crying) NO! FATHER! 

Richard: Walter, did you know you have paid vacation days? 

Walter: Say what? 

Days later... 

Integra is hiding in the ventilation shafts of the mansion, above a conference room. 

Guard: Sorry sir, we can't find her. 

Richard: So, did you actually search for her, or did you all go to the fucking SUNGLASSES HUT?! 

Guard 2: Uh ... both? 

Richard: TO FUCKING HELL WITH THIS! 

Guard 2: Why can't we do both? 

Richard: If you want your family murdered, I guess you do it yourself, again! 

Integra: What the hell do I do now? Walter's on vacation, I'm in a vent, and my uncle is trying to murder me. I guess my only hope is in ... the dungeon. 

Guard: By the way, would you like some extra Oakleys? 

Richard: IT'S 9 FUCKING PM! 

Integra crawled and crawled through the vents, in order to avoid being seen. 

She had several close calls, but eventually came to a giant metal door covered with blood markings on it! 

Integra: It's definitely this door, but I really wish it wasn't. 

As she reached for it, she felt a gun pressed up against her. 

It was Richard! 

Richard: There you are, my precious little niece. I was afraid you'd left before your succession ceremony. I wanted to give you your parting gifts. Including the one in the chamber. 

Integra: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! 

Richard: No, the poison killed your father. I MURDERED YOUR FATHER! 

Integra: Then I guess you belong down here! 

She opened the door, only to fall down a flight of stairs, and- 

BANG! 

Richard fired his gun, with the bullet landing straight in Integra's right shoulder! 

Integra: ARGH! Where is he? I- 

She saw what seemed to be a dead man. 

Integra: Oh God damn it! He's dead! 

Richard: Forgetting to feed one's gimp is a common mistake. Arthur was quite forgetful. Just like how he forgot I existed! 

Suddenly, the body began to move. 

Richard: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! 

It drank up the blood from Integra's wound. 

???: Hang on, let me get some sip. 

Guard: Wh- 

The being bit right into the guard's neck and sucked out all of his blood! 

Then he decapitated another one's head and drank more blood! 

???: I SAID LET ME GET SOME FUCKING SIP! 

Richard tries to attack, but notices the being kill all of his men instantly, ripping their bodies apart, with their entrails spread out all over! 

Integra quickly grabbed Richard's gun and pointed it at the man! 

Integra: I don't care if you are my father's vampire ... servant ... boyfriend thing! Stay back! 

???: Oh, so Arthur's a daddy now? 

Integra: He was. 

???: Don't tell me, Arthur died and you're his successor. And that dick over there wants to kill you. 

Integra: Yes, that's plot synopsis basically. 

???: So then, how do you want to handle this? 

Integra: You work for me now. 

???: Oh? 

Integra: I am Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing of the Hellsing Organization. If you served my father, then you serve me. 

Alucard: Alright then, but I require long walks at night. 

Integra: Will you behave? 

Alucard: More or less. And in return- 

Richard: DIE! 

Richard prepares to attack Integra, but Alucard grabs him and pins him down. 

Alucard: I will protect you with all my lives! 

Integra: Then your first order is to keep your arm steady. 

Richard: NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

England 2006... 

You and Team RWBY were unleashing everything you had onto a swarm of vampires in the area! 

Ruby: How are these vampires here? 

(Y/N): Beats me, but man, I missed killing these guys! 

Yang: Tell me about it! Though, sometimes I think these vampires can really suck! HA! 

Weiss: UGH! Yang! 

Blake: Were you saving that? 

Yang: Yes I was! 

???: Oh, that's cute. The Blondie thinks she's funny. 

Yang: HUH?! Who said that? 

???: Oh, you know. 

A vampire behind Yang was shot as a guy in a red outfit appeared. 

???: A real fucking vampire! 

Alucard (A vampire under Integra's service! He is a dickhead who loves cracking jokes! Doesn't really take anything seriously! Voiced by Takahata101!)

(Y/N): You're a vampire? 

Alucard: I'm not just a vampire, I'm THE vampire. Bet you can't tell, huh? 

Ruby: Uh ... 

Alucard: If you can't well, then you're just fucking stupid. 

Weiss: Excuse me?! 

Blake: He's just plain rude. 

???: Master! I got the last ones! 

Another vampire appeared, this time a cute girl! 

Seras Victoria (A vampire girl who is Alucard's personal servant! She was saved by him when she was attacked by a vampire! Despite being a vampire, she's a total sweetheart and a pure ray of sunshine! Voiced by Nowaking!) 

Weiss: (Y/N), is she a vampire? 

(Y/N): Yeah, but she seems sweet, and cute too. 

Seras: (blushing hard) Uh ... well ... I- 

Alucard: Oh, what's this? I see the little Police Girl has already got a crush. 

Seras: I ... I ... I ... I ... 

At that moment, Alucard got a phone call. 

Alucard: Hang on. Yello? 

???: About fucking time you picked up. 

Integra: What's your field report, Alucard? 

Alucard: The thing is- 

One explanation later... 

(Y/N): And yeah, your pet is a dick. 

Alucard: Oh, what a mouth, I like you, Kid. 

(Y/N): I'm 22. 

Alucard: I've been around much longer than all of you, you're just Kids to me. 

Integra: I see. Hmm ... with your skills, we need all the help we can get. 

(Y/N): Help? 

Integra: There have been multiple vampire attacks, and the situation has been dire as it is. 

Yang: Hey, we're your guys. 

Ruby: Yeah! We're good at taking down bad guys! 

Integra: Very well, then you'll be heading to Ireland. 

Alucard: Ooh, I've never hunted down leprechauns before. Do you think if I shoot it with my gun, Lucky Charms will explode everywhere? 

Integra: SWEET CHRIST! JUST GET OVER THERE! 

Ruby: Is it always like this? 

Seras: Pretty much, I'm sorry about him. Very much. 

(Y/N): You're so sweet! 

Seras: (blushing very, very hard) Th-Thanks ... again. 

Meawhile... 

???: So what can I do for ya, Father O'mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan... Ah-who is also Italian.

Priest: Tell me, Anderson, what is your favorite thing to do? 

Anderson: Spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world. Teaching peace and love for all.

Priest: And killing vampires? 

Anderson: Ah, just try ta fuckin' stop me.

Priest: And what about Protestants? 

Anderson: Second verse, same as the first. Now put me on a plane so I can put'em in a hearse!