I'm not sure how I wound up here.

Maybe the overwhelming budding of emotions crawling up my throat led me outside this door. Perhaps the pain coursing through my heart, unrelenting and unwavering, drew me to seek out more. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because Emery was right about me. I'm giving into my demons, and right now, they're swallowing me whole.

My suitcase is beside me as I stand and wait for someone to answer, the burning again forming in my eyes. I've already cried enough tonight, and I'm about to cry more. Just great.

The door swings open, and my Dad blinks twice when he sees me standing there, almost as if he thinks he's in some sort of dream. "Everett?" He glances behind him into the darkness of the room. "Your mother is asleep already. We left not too long after Emery."

"I know, I..." I run a hand over my hair, wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into. "I'm here to see you, actually. To talk."

"Me?"

I nod.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Of course. Come around the balcony. Some chairs overlook the water there."

Following his broad shoulders around the corner of the hut much bigger than mine, torches cast a golden glow over the gentle lapping of the waves, easing the crushing pain in my heart and all the nervous energy stirring in my chest. I sit beside him, letting the silence overwhelm us, and in that silence, everything comes racing back.

Emery was right. My insecurities—my demons got the best of me. Things between us were going too smoothly. They seemed too good to be true. And when Liam showed up, I let the insecurities that took root so many years ago when I was only a child overpower all my rationality. I've never been chosen. I've never been put first. My Dad chose football over me, and regardless of how stupid that sounds, it's how I felt, and I'm afraid Emery is doing the same thing. I was scared of being put in second place again, so I left before it could happen.

I only have myself to blame.

But sitting here in silence isn't going to change anything. Regardless of whether Emery will ever forgive me, I'm so tired of holding onto something from when I was seven. It's festered for too long. If I don't talk about this now, I'm worried about who I'll become ten years in the future.

With the wind blowing a few curls off my forehead, I inhale a deep breath of air laced with sea salt and lean back in the chair. "You missed my seventh birthday," I whisper.

He tilts his head to the side, allowing me to continue, but the regret is evident in his features. The fact that he knows exactly what I'm referring to is clear that this has weighed on him, too.

"We were supposed to go to the zoo, and you missed it. And maybe it sounds ridiculous, but it mattered to me. You promised you'd be there. To other people, maybe they would have understood that you had interviews to attend after winning a championship, but I was only seven, and I hardly saw you as it was. I..." My bottom lip trembles as I try to hold myself together. "I needed you there.

"I needed you when I failed my first math test and was distraught. I needed you when I met Emery in middle school and was conflicted about my feelings for her. I needed you to talk about my day, to share my interests, and to see you more than once a fucking month."

A muscle flickers in my father's jaw, a tear slipping down his cheek as I pour out all the rage and sadness I've pent up for so long.

"But I came here tonight for a bigger reason. I'm here to tell you that I don't regret how I felt those years growing up. I was entitled to feel however I wanted to, and I earned the right to those emotions. But I also realize it's wrong to continue holding those things against you when you've been trying desperately to make them right. I'm tired of fighting something that no longer feels like a battle. I'm here to apologize for how poorly I've treated you, thinking ghosting you like I felt you did me would make me feel better or improve the situation. It did neither of those things, and I...I'm tired of holding onto my past and being unable to move forward with my future. I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me, too." My voice cracks at the end of my sentence, and my hands tremble when my Dad rises from the chair and extends his arms out to me—arms I haven't been wrapped up in since childhood.

"Please," he asks through tears of his own.

It could be how desperate he sounded, or it could just be my inner child needing the love, but I practically launch myself into his arms, sobbing through the crushing weight of his grip around me. His hug acts as a release for all my pent-up emotions, but the fight with Emery comes back in full force, filling the newly vacated spaces of hope with another wave of misery and despair.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Nothing will change the past and my choices, but I promise you, Everett, I'm never leaving your life again. I'm done with football for good."

With a shaky inhale, I nod against his chest, finally pulling myself away to wipe away my endless tears. "If you're alright with it, I'd like to go to counseling together. I don't want to just forget what was done. I want to work through these problems. Together."

A genuine smile falls on his face. "I'd like that a lot. Let me know when you want the first appointment to be, and I'll be there."

I don't need to question or make him reiterate it because I know he's telling the truth. He's shown me for almost ten years that he isn't going anywhere. It's about time I believe him.

"Anything else you want to talk about?" He pries.

"Is it that obvious?"

He shrugs, leaning on the railing that overlooks the water. "I don't think you showed up at almost ten at night with your suitcase for this conversation."

Fuck. I forgot about my suitcase.

I join him by the railing, staring out into the dark abyss of the ocean. "I got scared," I admit. "Liam gave her a bracelet at dinner. It was their thing, and I..." I rub the area of my wrist where the one she made me once rested. Now, my skin feels bare. The bracelet's absence brings more pain shards into the never-ending depths of sadness. "I was afraid of being second place to him."

"Ah." He nods in understanding, all of the pieces clicking together. "Has she ever given you a reason to feel like second place to Liam?"

"Aside from them dating for basically eternity?"

"But you never told her how you felt," he adds. "Do you think if you had told her how you felt, even after she started dating Liam, that she'd still choose him?"

If you think for one god damned second that I'd choose anyone but you, then you're an idiot, Everett Holden because it's always been you.

Hadn't she already admitted to that? She had already chosen me over him that night on the dock. I've been so worried about being second that I didn't notice I'd already taken first place. And I just left her in a fury over the possibility of something she already told me wouldn't happen.

"Can you just tell me I'm an idiot and get it over with?"

He chuckles and leans over to clasp my shoulder. "I don't think you're an idiot, Everett. You're smarter than you think. A part of you knew that you could never fully be together until you worked out this internal battle you've been struggling with for so long. And you came here to deal with it for her—for both of you to have a successful future together. Working on yourself is often the hardest part in a relationship, and you're already doing it."

Maybe he's right. Maybe I did show up here subconsciously trying to fix things as soon as I walked out the door. Although our fight is still weighing on me, I feel a sense of relief. This conversation with my Dad has been lingering over me for years, and now that it's finally happened, now that we're taking the steps to fix our relationship...

Am I ready for her?

Fully, one-hundred percent ready?

I'd like to think I am, but Emery deserves a definite answer. She deserves someone with a clear head—not someone who just had a life-altering conversation with their father. A good night's rest will make a world of difference, and tomorrow is a big day for not just us, but for everyone—especially my sister.

Tomorrow, when we're both fully rested, we'll talk about our fight, and I'll do whatever I can to make things right.

"Can I sleep here?" I ask. "Just for tonight?"

He squeezes my shoulder, jerking his head toward the hut. "You can take the guest bed."

Author's Note:

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. 

Thoughts on the new cover?!

Next chapter will be Emery and Liam's convo!!!

Who's ready?

Want an update on Friday?

300 votes, 300 comments :)

Twitter: believeeexoxo

Instagram: deannafaison_

Tiktok: authordeannafaison