It's not that I am angry at him.  I was also confused with his behavior, we were ok with eachother but there's something that's always bothering him.  Like he is trying to overcome that feeling yet gets trapped in it. I called my uncle to find out about Amogh's father. It has always been touchy topic for him.  As far as I know, he's been one of the greatest doctors we have ever seen in his generation. A trait which Amogh inherited but not comfortable with.

"Life has taught him lessons top early for his age Anu. He was a boy as bright as his father but sometimes you need to understand not everyone needs vigorous scrutiny to shine. A boy like him shines on his own without much effort. His dad never understood this. Whatever he did for Amogh was for good but it turned in a bad way for that boy."

My uncle spoke in a puzzles. I did not dare to ask him much as I want Amogh to open up.  For that to happen, I need to show him how much I love, how much he means to me. All these years, I fought with him even though he tried to compensate for his decisions. There's something called casual intimacy, I have read somewhere that it's the first step to be comfortable around the people you love and it's something you experience when you are in love. If I think about it,  he always showed casual intimacy with me. A gentle hand holding, making sure I am OK at college, running after me when i got hurt,  praying for my betterment without comparing himself to me, making sure I am healthy, safe, still interested in him.  There are many things which I knew he does but never acknowledged them openly infront of him.  Maybe my lack of understanding, made Amogh feel as if he deserves this treatment due to the decisions he taken for us.

As I calmly listened to him talk, there was a moment where we both went silent. It is not new for us to be present in these kind of comforting silences, something which we both enjoy being in.  But in this moment, I have decided to shift the dynamic between us. He looked after me,  I hope I do the same for him.

"I love you Amogh." I confessed more like whispered into the phone before disconnecting it. I am sure he got shocked. He deserves to be held close, loved and most importantly show that he is capable to receive everything i do for him.

"Done?" My mom came in with tray of food and juice. I nodded my head looking lost. What exactly did his father do to make him behave with low confidence? Why does he need affirmation that whatever he's doing is not hurting me or making me sad.

"Mom,  what do you know about Amogh's dad?" I questioned. She stiffened for a moment but composed herself. Amogh's mom and mine are best friends. They never met regularly but when they did we saw how their bonding strengthened.

"He was a good doctor but tough on him. " she answered.

"How exactly?" I asked.

"He pushed Amogh too much when everyone knew that his kid is born to excel in everything he does. Sometimes being a bright student is torturous." She explained making me realise what kind of life he might have had trying to impress his father, reach his expectations, live within the rules he created for him.  Suddenly, my anger towards parents didn't seem serious to me. They were always like that comparing me with every top student. Something every person of my age faced during their academic years.

"Amogh is really nice person. When his mom came to us for your proposal, I did not think much. For I knew, he isn't like his dad. It took us 2 years to make you agree but in the end he complied to get married. But tragedy stuck and we lost his father. I don't know how he overcame the loss. Amogh was alway nice and understanding towards you. " Mom spoke making me eat food which prepared.

I nodded my head like a small child. My heart wanted to comfort him but my mind asked me to be calm. He needs to open up,  talk with me regarding his past. If Amogh feels it's not worth our time, I will not force him to share details.

"Time for you to walk a bit Anagha." My mom said as I nodded my head. I can't initiate but if I do will he talk with me?

As time passed , I had nothing to do except lie down and watch TV shows. My new obsession with K-dramas has caused sleepless nights.  Amogh complained twice but after that he understood I can't be disciplined. When I was deeply involved in of the drama after dinner, I didn't care what was happening around me.

"I miss my wife. Give her back to me." I heard someone whispered and I jolted in my place causing pain in the surgery area. Amogh immediately scooped me up and placed me on his lap. He checked for any rupture and scolded me for being careless. Just then tab on in hand slipped falling on bed beside us and my earphone got disconnected. Sounds which should not be heard by anyone were heard. He looked at me shocked and took tab in his hands. There my friends were lead couple making out roughly.

"What exactly are you watching?." He eyed me. I shrugged my shoulders not looking at him.

"K drama?." He questioned I nodded my head as yes.
" Or porn by k- people? I mean I heard humans have weird obsessions." He joked..

"Well, I am always left alone even after 4 years of marriage, so I need something to keep me updated and in mood. Does it matter if I watch blue flims or K- drama.?" I asked to which he threw our tab. Gently holding me in his arms, I felt him kiss me carefully. We did not change positions and I felt too hot at one point.

" I.. I feel very hot. " I said moving my face away. He latched his mouth to my neck and kept on sucking it until I released a moan.

"You are always hot for me." He commented making me moan again. If a kiss can make me so flustered, I don't know how I will be after do the deed.

"Anagha." He called as I closed my eyes and slept on him.

"I love you too." He confessed again making me smile.

"I will wait for 3 months for your wound to heal." He said as I looked at him with confusion.

"Why 3 months?" I asked slowly getting up from his lap.

"I will fuck you everyday so hard that you will forget watching these unknown men fuck women. My pleasure will make you think only about me." He whispered pecking my nose. I blushed hard not meeting his eyes. It's first time he has spoken so boldly with me.

"Then I will watch for 3 months and practice?." I asked making him angry again. He got up from our bed to change into something comfortable. I smiled at his gesture. Amogh had dinner silently in our room with mom serving him forcefully. As we prepared ourselves to sleep. He turned towards me and kissed my lips in an eager manner.

"I can't believe you love me." He whispered smiling into our kiss. I tilted my head towards him.

"Why do you think I don't love you? Will I offer myself for physical intimacy if am not interested in you or love you? Why will kiss you if I don't have feelings?." I questioned. He looked at him seriously not saying a word. Pulling him by his arm I made Amogh move close to my body.

"I thought I forced my feelings on you,  this relationship on you. I didn't want to be intimate as I thought you are with me for the sake of our family. I never wanted to be the person to push you. I-" He was talking when I started kissing him again.

"If you want I can show you how much I love you Amogh. Since the moment we got married and declared to be my dog who will follow me wherever I go. " I confessed smiling at him.  He just kissed my head and closed his eyes.

I couldn't sleep. The trauma he went through with his father has effected every decision of his directly. He was playing safe with me all these as Amogh thought he might be forcing himself on me like his dad pushed him into his decisions. This is not baggage Amogh which you can't share. I am here to make you understand yourself.

Loving you was my choice but healing you is what am destined for.

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