"We lost our daughter when you came out, Lily." Lapis's mother and father were at the door, with Lapis just outside of the door, holding their few bags. The few feet that separated them seemed like miles, there wasn't just space between them. There was years of love, years of confusion, years of hatred and anger. There were miles of silence between them. 

"You didn't lose your daughter. You never had one." Lapis said, "And my name is Lapis." 

That seemed to end the conversation. Lapis's parents were silent, waiting for Lapis to tell them that they were joking. The two of them thought it would be a passing phase, like a cloud that blocks out the sun. This has gone on for years. It was confusing to them. 

Lapis gave them time. After all these years, Lapis no longer thought that their parents would ever understand. This was their chance to maybe, just maybe, apologize. That wouldn't fix everything. But it would help start the healing process. It wouldn't keep Lapis in this horrible place, but it might prompt them to visit. 

None of them said a word, and Lapis slung their backpack on, and picked up their suitcase and walked away. 

~

That was nearly two years ago, and Lapis still remembered the first thing that they did after leaving their family behind. They walked to the nearest barber shop, and got a haircut with their bags still in hand. Their long hair was cut into something like a pixie cut. Now their hair was a little longer than a pixie cut, but still short. It was dyed blue, and Lapis got haircuts whenever it got down to shoulder length. 

Two years ago, Lapis remembered staring at sports bras, the only ones that they bought because that was the closest that they could get to a chest binder. Lapis could now run their fingers over their chest, feeling faint scars that helped them feel so much more at home. Lapis could remember their first chest binder, one that was grey and plain and their most valued item. 

Two years ago, Lapis remembered flinching at their deadname. Now, most people didn't even know them by that name. Now, when Lapis met new people, they were introduced as Lapis. Now, that old name was in the past like a faded scar. 

Two years ago, Lapis remembered being afraid of being caught. Maybe it was the way that they dressed, maybe it was the way they walked, or maybe the way that they talked. Maybe their parents would notice that all of their friends were lgbt youths, all of them with their significant others and chest binders and pride flags and shaved facial hair and unshaved legs. 

Now, Lapis was living in Beach City, working as a doctor, spending their free time writing and drawing, planning new ways to dress. 

Today, Lapis was spending their day at a lgbt+ youth group at the public library. There were maybe a dozen and half teens and young adults present, many of them with small pride flags. Lapis was one of the older members of this group, and many of the younger members stared at them, taking notes on their haircut and fashion. It wasn't strange, after all. Maybe younger genderqueer people often learn from older ones that have had more time to experiment and learn. 

After the leader had a few announcements, like when the next pride parade would be, a few cities away, and when the next meeting was, all the members were allowed to talk among themselves, eating snacks and exchanging ideas. 

The first people to talk to Lapis was a lovely lesbian couple, Ruby and Sapphire. They knew each other from years ago, and Lapis was unashamed to say that they dated both of them, and introduced them after dating (and breaking up) with both of them. A year and a half later, they're still dating. 

The third person to talk to Lapis was a newer, quieter member. Lars was his name. He only had a few questions. 

"Sorry if this is private and stuff, but I need to know a few good places to have a top surgery? Or maybe even bottom surgery, too." 

Lapis politely recommended Doctor Maheswaran, a coworker that their knew, and the same doctor that did Lapis's top surgery as well. 

"Is there any places that sell chest binders around here?" 

Lapis thought for a moment, and said that maybe Mrs. Nanefua Pizza, or Gunga, could maybe make one. She was the grandmother of Kiki and Jenny, who were both members of this group. 

Lars then thanked them, and quickly left the conversation. 

The fourth person to talk to Lapis was the newest member. She was pansexual, Lapis remembered, and her name was...Peridot if Lapis wasn't mistaken. 

"Hey! You're Lapis, right?" Peridot asked, a cup of fruit punch in one hand. Many of the newer members were eavesdropping, too nervous to talk to the older person, but too desperate to learn to ignore the conversation.

"Yeah. You've got the right Lapis." 

"So are you a boy or a girl?" Peridot asked. Lapis froze for a moment, as did a few other people. Peridot suddenly found many eyes glued on her, many of them disapproving. Lapis looked around, and most of the eyes turned away. Ruby and Sapphire were looking at Lapis and Peridot, with looks of anger and concern. Lapis mouthed 'it's fine' to the couple, and Sapphire nodded. Ruby continued to glare daggers at Peridot. 

"I'm neither." Lapis started, but Peridot immediately cut them off. 

"What?" 

"Don't interrupt." Lapis snapped. "I'm neither. There's male, and female, and they're a two circles. The place where the two circles are bigender, and the area outside of both male and female circles are nonbinary." Lapis thought for a moment. "And genderfluid folks go through the male, female, nonbinary, and bigender circles. 

Peridot sipped at her drink. 

"Oh." 

"So, I'm nonbinary. The empty space." Lapis waited for Peridot to say anything. The people aroung them were listening intently, eager to learn, and making mental notes to avoid what Peridot just did. 

"Oh...Sorry." 

"It's fine. It's all learning, after all." This seemed to cheer up Peridot a little, and she plucked up the courage to ask more questions. The questions and answers came in a quick succession. It seemed like Peridot was infinitely curious and Lapis was infinitely all knowing. 

"How old are you?" 

"I'm twenty." 

"I just turned eighteen." 

"So when did you realize that you were..." Peridot tried to remember the words again. 

"Nonbinary?" Lapis prompted.

"Yeah. Nonbinary." 

"I realized I wasn't cis when I was fifteen or so." 

"What does cis mean?" 

"When your sex matches your gender identity." 

"Are you straight?" 

"I don't think there's a way to be straight as nonbinary, but I am bisexual, if that helps." 

"How come you know so much about this stuff?" 

"What do you mean by 'stuff'?" 

"Like genderqueer and stuff." 

"I was an ally since I was twelve, realized I was bisexual when I was fourteen. I came out as nonbinary at eighteen, and I've been coming to these meetings for two years." 

"Oh." 

Peridot's questions paused for a moment, and Lapis took this opportunity to ask a few of their own questions. 

"When did you realize you were pansexual?" Lapis noticed that Peridot quickly took a sip of their drink, trying to stall. 

"Just a few weeks ago. I didn't even know what pansexuality was a month ago. I'm not really good at all this," Peridot gestured around the room, "all this queer and genderqueer stuff, so I join this group to try to learn a little more." 

"Hm." It seemed like a very nice story. Peridot was obviously now on edge, like Lapis might snap at her for not learning all of this before she walked into this room. 

"Well you're doing it with good motives, that's one good thing." Lapis said with a nod. "You do have to work on your wording a little." 

Peridot seemed embarrassed.

"So how did you know that you were queer?" Lapis asked. Peridot's face completely flushed red. 

"Uh. Actually." Her voice cracked. "Actually I realized...That...Like...Only a few- like a month ago." Peridot took a long sip out of her cup, which Lapis knew was empty. Peridot seemed overly embarrassed. 

"You don't have to-" 

"I saw you. And...Yeah. I realized I wasn't straight." 

Lapis raised an eyebrow. Peridot was now desperately looking around, and everyone avoided eye contact. Ruby and Sapphire have now completely given up on looking like they're not listening, and their entire bodies are turned to Lapis's conversation. 

"Do you want to get another drink? Your cup is empty. We can talk more over some fruit punch."