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chapter twelve: luminous
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THERE ARE SOME days on base where it's easy to forget that the galaxy is at war. The vision of fighting and bloodshed, of death and destruction, is difficult to reconcile with the peaceful atmosphere found on D'Qar; a planet filled with rolling plains, lush jungles, and flourishing forests. In the midst of a place that is so beautiful, the ugliness of war often seems impossibly far away; a forgotten phantom lingering at the furthest edge of the galaxy.

     Today is not one of those days.

"This is a sad day," General Leia Organa announces, hand resting on the lid of the empty casket that has been displayed in the hangar. Cloaked in a gown of all black, she looks worn and thin; more ragged than Indira has ever seen her look before.

The entirety of the base has gathered in the hangar, quiet and somber for the funeral of their fallen comrade. Most of the crowd is dressed in mourning colors to signify the loss of L'ulo's life. To her left, Indira can see tears rolling freely down Jessika's face in silent grief, chin quivering as Kali holds her hand reassuringly. To her right, Poe Dameron watches the general with dry, red-rimmed eyes; stiff and unyielding as he keeps his gaze focused on his general.

It's the first time Indira has seen him since he returned from his mission. A few scrapes and bruises decorate his face and his right hand is wrapped tightly in gauze, but otherwise he seems to be physically unharmed; a small mercy in the midst of such tragedy. Still, that doesn't mean that he's not hurting. Grief is much easier to hide than flesh wounds — Indira knows this well. It is an art form that she once perfected.

"We have lost one of our own: L'ulo L'ampar," General Organa continues. "A skilled, fierce warrior who spent his life fighting on the side of all that is good and right in the galaxy. As he lived, he died, and we will miss him very much." She pauses momentarily, gaze falling on the young commander standing beside Indira. "Right now, I would like L'ulo's commanding officer to say a few words. Are you ready, Poe?"

Indira hears him give a long-suffering sigh. "Not really," he mutters, making his way towards the platform the general is standing on. "Not for this."

Poe takes the steps slowly, approaching the casket with trepidation as he comes to a stop beside the general. For a few moments, there is silence as he rests his hand on the casket lid. Then, he takes a deep breath and speaks. "These days, we don't talk about the Force that much," he begins, voice soft. "Don't know if it's gone out of fashion, or if it's just harder to see around us, but I'd like to tell you a story about the Force right now." Poe pauses, glancing over at Leia for permission. "I heard it from an old friend of my family — someone who understands the Force as well as anyone alive."

Indira sees Leia's expression soften as she nods at Poe, giving him permission to continue with the story. "This friend of mine, she told me about an old Jedi that she knew; one of the very last. He was as strong and as tough as any of them, and went out fighting evil; just like L'ulo did. She was there when it happened, and she told me his body just vanished. Empty robes and a lightsaber; that was all that was left. She didn't get it — didn't understand; not until a long time later, when she was talking to her brother. He's a Jedi, too, and he told her something he'd learned from his master."

Poe pauses again, clearing his throat before resting his hand over his chest. "We're not this," he says with conviction. "We're not just flesh and bone. Not just stuff. We're more. We're luminous; that's what he told her."

He rests his hand on the casket once more. In the background, tears are running down Leia's cheeks, but she wipes them away quickly. "This coffin's empty," he says. "A lot of empty coffins in this business; that's how starfighter pilots go. One second we're there, next we're just atoms drifting through the universe. We vanish; just like that old Jedi did." In the glinting light of the room, Indira can see tears glistening in Poe's eyes. "But that doesn't mean we're gone."

A lump rises in her throat, making it difficult to swallow. Tears burn in her own eyes, but she doesn't bother hiding them as they fall down her cheeks. She hadn't known L'ulo that well; not the way Poe or Leia or Jess and the others had. But, he had been kind of enough to speak to her in the training room when he'd thought she needed company; he had been gracious enough to forgive her for thinking he was a traitor; he had been brave enough to fly against the First Order and the Galactic Empire without hesitation for over thirty years. People like L'ulo were rare. It was impossible not to miss them once they were gone.

"L'ulo was pretty much my uncle," Poe continues. "He helped raise me since I was a kid. He was cranky, kind, strong, and one of the best pilots I've ever met. If he saw a way to help someone, he'd take it, and he never turned away from a fight against the bad guys, no matter the odds. You want to talk about luminous? L'ulo L'ampar was about as luminous as they come."

In the midst of his speech, Indira is struck by just how regal Poe appears; confident, compassionate, and inspiring in a time of such great sorrow and darkness. She's never seen this side of him before. He looks like a commander today; one that people would be more than willing to fight alongside and — if necessary — die for. In some ways, it feels as if Indira is seeing him, really seeing him, for the very first time.

"The stuff might be gone, but he's not," Poe finishes, bringing his speech to a close. "I can still feel him," he says, resting his hands over his heart, "right here; shining away." He rests his hand on the casket lid once more, bowing his head and closing his eyes. "May the Force be with you, L'ulo." Lifting his head once more, he offers the room a heartbreakingly brilliant smile; one full of hope and optimism in the midst of his grief. "And with all of us, too."

The sentiment is echoed around the room as Poe steps down from the stage, allowing the general to take her place at the front once more. Indira feels Poe's shoulder brush against hers as he resumes his spot between her and Temmin. As General Organa makes some closing remarks, Indira reaches out her hand and takes Poe's in hers, squeezing briefly. He glances over at her in surprise, eyes wide, but she keeps her gaze focused forward. From the corner of her eye, she sees him look back at the general before feeling him squeeze back, lacing their fingers together momentarily before letting go.

LONG AFTER THE FUNERAL has ended, Indira finds herself back in the hangar. For once, the cavernous room is entirely empty. All the other Resistance members are busy celebrating L'ulo's life at a wake under the stars, telling stories and sharing drinks outside the base in tribute to the pilot's life. She had attended the celebration for a bit, but slipped away in the darkness when no one else had been looking.

It hadn't taken her long to notice that Poe had not been amongst the revelry and every instinct told her that she would find him here, surrounded by his two greatest comforts: BB-8 and and Black One. From the opposite end of the hangar, she can hear the sounds of someone tinkering while conversing with a droid. As she approaches, Indira sees BB-8 on the ground watching as his master works a wrench around a bolt that's been loosened on the ship's wing.

"Man, it's going to take forever to get her flying again," Poe Dameron complains loudly to BB-8 and Indira has to agree with him. Black One had taken a beating after Poe had been forced to crash-land the ship before his confrontation with the First Order's Agent Terex. Several repairs would have to be made before the vessel would be suitable for combat once more. Rocking back and forth, BB-8 replies in a short series of beeps and Poe sighs. "Good point, pal. Could have been worse."

"Need a hand?" Indira asks, alerting the two of them two her presence.

Poe nearly drops the wrench he's holding, looking down at her in surprise. BB-8 rolls over towards her, chiming out a greeting, and she touches its dome shaped head in response.

"What are you doing here?" Poe asks her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Looking for you," she admits, crossing her arms and tilting her head back to look up at him. "You weren't at the wake."

He grunts, returning his focus to the wrench he'd been working with to fix the loose bolt. "Don't really feel like celebrating."

That, at least, Indira can understand. L'ulo's loss is still a fresh thing. Undoubtedly, Poe is still trying to process what it means. Throwing himself into something as mundane as ship repairs is a good strategy for him to forget his grief, but it's not a great way for him to confront his loss. And the longer he decides to let that wound fester, the longer it will take to heal.

"You know, the last funeral I went to was four years go," Indira says without pretense, shoving her hands into her pockets as she looks up at him. "It was for my mother. Her coffin was empty, too. I had to listen to so many speeches that day. Shitty speeches from shitty people who didn't actually give a damn about her," she rambles before cutting herself off. "But, I'd like to think that she's luminous, too."

Poe sets the wrench down, wiping his grease stained hands on a dirty towel as he surveys her. "Yeah?" He asks, corners of his mouth twitching upwards as she nods.

"I liked your speech," she tells him, giving him a rueful smile. "You know, you're not half-bad at giving speeches."

He raises his eyebrows in mock surprise. "Was that an actual compliment or did the First Order son of a bitch that knocked my head around give me a concussion, too?"

"Don't get to used to it," she warns him, but there's no bite to her tone. "I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay and," she pauses for a moment to take a deep breath, "apologize once more for the way that I acted last time we spoke. I was wrong about L'ulo. He was a good man — a loyal man — and you were right to be upset with me for calling him a traitor."

Poe shakes his head. "I was being stupid, too. I shouldn't have been an ass to you."

"Yes, but I was rude," she begins before he cuts her off.

"And so was I," he says firmly, sliding off the wing of Black One and landing firmly on his feet. "You were just trying to help."

"Then I guess that makes us even," Indira decides, clasping her hands together nervously as he takes a few steps closer to bridge the gap between the two of them.

"Yeah, I guess so," he murmurs in agreement, looking down at her intently.

A sudden wave of nervousness hits her and she clears her throat. "You're doing okay, though?" She asks once more, noticing how he'd dodged her original question.

He nods, rubbing his face with his hands in a gesture that smears leftover oil from his ship across his forehead. "I'm okay," he says finally, giving her a tired smile. "Or I will be, at least."

"You will," she agrees softly, scuffing the bottom of her shoe on the concrete floor. "It just might take some ... time."

"Yeah, time," he echoes softly, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of his pants.

An awkward silence stretches between them, threatening to swallow the both of them whole. Indira swallows nervously, noticing just how close he is now. Her throat feels uncomfortably dry and her palms are sweaty and she wonders if he can hear how loudly her heart is beating. Say something, she chides herself mentally. Anything! Talk about power converters or supercomputers or deflector shields or —

"You know, you've got engine oil on your face," she blurts out before she can stop herself.

"What?" He asks self-consciously, crossing his eyes to try and see what she's talking about. "Where?" He rubs his face with his dirty sleeve, which only smears it further.

"No, it's — here, just let me," she says, grasping the sleeve of her shirt and pulling it up to cover her hand before swiping at the spot above his eyebrow. He blinks a few times, wrinkling his nose as she attempts to clean his face off. She scolds him for moving in an attempt to distract herself from the jolt of heat she felt when her skin brushed against his for the briefest of seconds. As soon as the stain is gone, she taps him on the nose gently and takes a step back to survey her handiwork.

"Clean enough now?" Poe asks wryly.

She shrugs. "It'll do."

"Oh, wow. Such high praise," he says, waggling his eyebrows. "Keep it up and I might start to think you like me or something."

She scoffs outwardly. "Don't look too far into it, flyboy."

His gaze shifts from her eyes to her lips momentarily before dropping to the end of her sleeve, which is now stained from the engine oil. "Your sleeve is dirty," he notes, taking her wrist in his hand gently and turning it upwards. She resists the urge to shiver when his thumb grazes against the skin of her inner wrist.

Swallowing thickly, she grits her teeth at the very annoying fluttering sensation inside her stomach. "Yeah, no thanks to you," she retorts and a lazy grin spreads its way across his face.

He opens his mouth to respond before someone clears their throat, causing her to immediately tear her hand from his and take a few steps back. General Organa stands a mere few feet away, watching the two of them with a knowing expression that makes Indira feel very sheepish even though nothing happened.

Self-consciously, she tucks her hair behind her ear and shoves her hands into her pockets as she tries not to wither under the older woman's scrutinizing gaze. The general is still wearing her mourning outfit, dressed in black from head to toe, but she seems less somber than she did earlier.

"You two didn't feel like joining the wake?" The older woman asks, raising an eyebrow. "Everyone was telling stories about L'ulo. I even broke out a bottle of Corellian Reserve that Han gave me a few years ago."

Indira's eyebrows lift in surprise at the mention of General Organa's estranged husband, noting that it's one of the rare times that she's heard the older woman mention the man since arriving on base. It makes her wonder where, exactly, he is now — and why he chose to leave.

"Corellian Reserve?" Poe asks, sounding mildly impressed. "Where did he get a bottle of that?"

Leia grimaces. "Better not to ask."

Poe sighs, scratching the back of his head. "I'm not sure I feel much like celebrating today, General. I'll get back in there soon. I just need a little time."

She gives him a pained look. "I'm sorry, Poe, but I'm not sure you have it. The intelligence you recovered from the N1-ZX droid brought us the final piece of information we've been searching for. We need to debrief and we need to do it now."

As if expecting that answer, Poe runs a tired hand over face. "Of course, General," he agrees warily. "What can I tell you?"

"Oddy Muva," she says. "Where is he?"

Poe shrugs. "I lost track of Oddy on Kaddak," he begins. "Didn't see or hear from him again, but Karé said they heard him on comms. He was aboard the First Order flagship and was helping Black Squadron out while I was tapped out down on the ground."

Indira frowns at this information. "He was helping?" She repeats, making sure she'd heard him correctly.

"Yeah," Poe confirms, glancing between her and the general. "I don't get it either. We found escape pods down on the ground filled with slaves after the fight was over. The slaves told us that Oddy rescued them before reconfiguring one of the other pods and taking off with another slave before we got there; an Abednedo female named Sowa Chuan according to their reports."

The general shakes her head back and forth slowly. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I," Poe frowns. "But I know for sure that Oddy was talking to Agent Terex; that's the only way Terex and his men could have found my ship ... even though Oddy helped Black Squadron in the battle against Terex ... which doesn't make sense." He pauses to rub his face tiredly. "Not that the idea of my Abednedo repair tech turning traitor makes much sense in the first place."

"We'll find him eventually," Leia vows, face grim with determination. "But, we have to settle one problem at a time. When you brought Threepio back from your mission, he was missing his memory unit. It looked like it was cut out. We've rebooted him with a backup, but if someone has that memory chip and can get past Threepio's encryption algorithms, with the things that droid knows ... it could be very, very bad for all of us; especially Lor San Tekka."

Indira frowns at that, having not heard that name before. She wracks her brain, trying to remember who it might be, but draws a blank. Who is Lor San Tekka?

"Threepio swears to me that no one can break his encryption," the general continues. "We'll just have to hope that's the case. But if it's not —"

"We'll handle it," Poe replies stoically, brushing off her concern quickly. "Just like we always do."

Leia's gaze shifts to something that's disapproving as she purses her lips at him. "Don't talk like that."

Poe bristles, straightening his back and tilting his head upward. "Like what?"

"I know you want to brush aside L'ulo's death and just shove on to the next mission," she chastises him. "Everything's easy for Poe Dameron, right? No reason to dwell, but sometimes, flyboy, you need to take a minute."

Already, Indira can see the beginnings of an argument forming on Poe's lips. His brow furrows and his jaw clenches stubbornly, but the general shuts him down before a single word of protest can leave his mouth.

"You're grounded, Poe Dameron."

Poe's eyes bulge. "What?!"

He looks at Indira, as if hoping for some sort of backup, but the technician makes sure to keep her lips sealed tight. Indira was smart enough to not go against the General Leia Organa right now — and the general had a point.

"Don't look at me for help," she replies, raising her hands in the air, to which Poe gives a frustrated humph before rounding on Leia.

"You can't ground me, General!" He protests. "There's too much to do. I have to find Oddy Muva before he can do any more damage. The First Order is still out there, too. But most of all, I have to find Lor San Tekka. Did you forget about that? He's the path to..." his voice trails off as he casts a suspicious look at Indira, "... to you know who."

General Organa watches Poe with an unamused expression, glancing over at Indira. "Oh, hell, Poe," she says, rolling her eyes. "You can say his name in front of her." The general turns towards her. "He's talking about my brother," she confides, voice impossibly soft and eyes even softer. "Luke Skywalker."

The necklace under Indira's shirt warms slightly and she resists the urge to tug at it, eyes widening. Suddenly, all of Black Squadron's top secret missions make sense. All this time, the general had been trying to find her brother, Luke Skywalker; the last Jedi known in existence. From what Indira had heard, the man vanished several years ago under mysterious circumstances. No one has seen or heard from him since.

"Now," General Organa growls, focusing her anger back on Poe. "I'm not going to forget my own brother. Everything you listed is important, but let me ask you a question." She pauses, surveying him slightly. Her brown eyes are stern and unyielding. "What's the most valuable thing you have to offer the Resistance? Don't be modest; just answer me."

Poe frowns before shrugging, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm... the best pilot we have," he says without an ounce of hesitation or humility. "I can fly anything and I can shoot down anything. You put me behind the controls and there's nothing I can't do."

"Well, I did tell you not to be modest," the general gripes, pursing her lips. "And I don't disagree. You're a once-in-a-generation flyer. But tell me this: is that all you are?"

Poe tilts his head black, furrowing his brow. "Uh. I'm not sure I follow."

"Pilots are important, but they aren't rare. Good pilots, even great pilots like you ... they're needed, but they don't win wars." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "You need something much rarer for that."

Poe pulls back slightly and puts a hand over his chest. "But General, I am just a pilot," he argues. "Point me at the bad guys and let me do my thing, you know? I don't understand what you're getting at."

Leia twists her lips into a half-smile. "I know you don't understand, Poe. That's why you're grounded."

She turns on her heel, heading back towards the hangar exit before pausing and raising a hand. "Come talk to me when you figure it out," Leia adds, tossing a glance at him over her shoulder.

With the general gone, there is nothing but silence left between the two of them. Poe scratches his head, still deep in thought from what the general had told him seconds before. "I don't get it," he mutters mostly to himself.

Indira resists the urge to roll her eyes at him. Evidently, it would take some time for Poe to realize just exactly what Leia meant — that leaders are what it takes to win wars and that, if he could get his head out of his ass, he had the potential to be a great one someday.

"I think," she says carefully while starting to walk backwards, "that I'll give you some time alone to think on that one."

"You're leaving, too?" Poe asks, brow creased in confusion.

"For now, flyboy," she replies, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "I think it's best if you figure this one out on your own."

BB-8 beeps in agreement and rolls after her once she exits the room — much to the surprise of his master. "And you, Bee?" Poe frowns as he watches the droid go.

The droid poses a question to which Poe shakes his head. "Nah, no way," he says. The pilot casts a backwards glance at his ruined ship. There was a lot of work left to do, but right now he could use the chance to drink as time to think about what the general had told him. The sooner he could be ungrounded the better — he liked being in the air a lot more than being stuck on land. "I'm gonna go to the wake. I think I could use a bit of that Corellian Reserve right now."

a/n: quick disclaimer — much of the dialogue from the funeral scene and poe's conversation with leia comes directly from the poe dameron comics. i do not take credit for it! also: when i first began writing this book, the comics were incomplete. the mission that leads to l'ulo's death is not where poe finds the map to lor san tekka, but for the sake of this story i'll be using it as such to speed the plot along & catch up to TFA! thanks for reading!

EDITED ON:
08.19.19