"Dude, what is this feeling?"

"What?"

Your cheeks grew warm.

"Ah... did I say that out loud?"

Jungkook nodded and grinned mischievously. "And now I'm curious."

You groaned. "Koooook."

"Y/NNNNNN."

You swatted his shoulder and he laughed.

"JK. Heh, that's me. I-I mean, I'm just kidding. You don't have to tell me anything."

"Thank you."

"But I'm still curious..."

You swatted him again.

Seriously, though. Saying that you were confused was a gross understatement.

Nothing had ever felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time.

All these brain chemicals were making you feel light-headed and dizzy and oddly warm, and you weren't sure whether you liked it or not.

Feeling yourself grow slightly agitated at your inability to comprehend the feels, you turned to the window to distract yourself.

Wow. Leaves. How exciting.

Then, the tunnel of trees parted, and the car was gliding on what seemed to be a road of gold.

All the nighttime roads you'd marveled at in the past suddenly didn't seem so marvelous.

Lights and colors flew by, and streetlights caused the land to take on a rich amber glow. You pressed your face to the window, watching in awe as the scenery rushed by in a brilliant blur.

"It's so bright," you whispered to nobody in particular.

"It is," Jungkook agreed behind you. You'd almost forgotten he was there.

Almost.

You couldn't really ignore the arm that was still draped across your shoulders, after all.

"This is just, like, the appetizer, though," he said, smiling a bit. "The main course is yet to come."

Your eyebrows scrunched together. "Main course?"

And then the ground disappeared.

You promised that you wouldn't drive us off a cliff, Jungkook.

"Um, Y/N?"

How was he speaking so calmly?

"Are you okay...?"

You stayed silent. The fall was taking longer than you had expected.

"Y/N!"

You dared to open your eyes the slightest bit.

"Are we dead yet?" you whispered.

"Are we... what are you talking about?"

You slowly peeked over. Jungkook was staring at you with a mixture of concern and confusion. A streetlight shone behind him and bleached the tips of his hair gold.

"Hehe. You're a blonde now, Kookie." Was delirium a side effect of death?

"What are you—how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Jungkook, I am not drunk, high, or concussed. Four."

"Then wha—"

"I'm dead."

He stared at you.

"We're going to the hospital."

You shot up in your seat. "Wait, no! Dead people don't need treatment, I can't afford it!"

He stared some more.

And then it dawned on you.

"I'm... alive?"

"Are you okay." It was more of a statement than a question now.

You didn't answer, but turned to the window again.

A bridge. Not a cliff, but a bridge, stretching over a wide river. The Han River, if you remembered correctly.

You could almost hear the smile in Jungkook's voice.

"Welcome to Hannam Bridge."

And it seemed appropriate to introduce a place like this.

Long streaks of light bled into the river's dark surface, streaming from the city on both sides of the bank and the bridge itself to create a colorful, ever-shifting painting. The painting stretched on and on until it melted into the sky, never seeming to have a clear beginning or end.

The pale yellow moon, nearly full and still waxing, hung behind a thin curtain of clouds and cast its dull light upon nighttime Seoul, which, while alight, was quieter than you'd ever known.

The gold seemed brighter here, if that was even possible.

You were vaguely aware of the driver's door opening and shutting, but the thing that pulled you back to reality was Jungkook's face popping into your line of sight.

"Join me out here, Y/N! It's not that cold!" he yelled through the window, beckoning excitedly.

The light in his features rivaled those of the bridge and city combined.

And you were weak for bright things.

When you pushed the door open, a gust of wind blew itself in your face and you immediately decided that you weren't coming out after all.

But Jungkook was faster, and he caught the door before it could slam shut.

"Come on." He smirked teasingly, looking down at you. "A bit of wind never hurt anyone."

And then you were standing on the sidewalk, your jacket thrown over your shoulders and the door closed and locked before you could even open your mouth to protest.

Sorcery, it seemed, was a favorite of his.

"Sorry 'bout that. Modern problems require modern solutions." Jungkook swung the keychain around his finger a few times before pocketing it, then turned to shoot you a shy smile.

Sklsdjfklssajks.

"Anyway!" He clapped his hands and looked away, then cleared his throat in a slightly awkward manner. "Um, anyway, let's go to the other side! The view is better over there."

Your eyes widened. "H-hey, wait!"

You grabbed the fabric of his hoodie and yanked him backward right as a car tore through where he was a heartbeat earlier.

He froze, you froze, and the temperature suddenly seemed to drop.

Neither of you spoke for a few moments.

After a while, you broke the silence with an oddly high laugh.

"Well! I almost lost my job there!"

He returned the unnatural action.

"Right, I should be more considerate!"

Both of you chuckled humorlessly, and then it was silent again.

You couldn't take it.

You reached out, took his hand, and hoped that the small gesture conveyed all the words you couldn't say. He stiffened at first, then squeezed back. Hard.

"Let's go to the other side," you said, barely louder than a whisper.

He gave you a nearly undetectable nod, and together you crossed the street, never letting go of each other's hands all the while.

From a distance, it might've seemed like you were a lovely couple going to enjoy the view together.

Upon closer inspection, however, one would find that you two were really hopelessly lost souls, desperately clinging to each other like the other was life support.

It made you a little sad, to be honest.

You tried not to think about that.

You had arrived at the other side, but Jungkook still hadn't let go of your hand. You glanced up at him and noticed that he was staring out over the river with the most tragic expression ever.

Maybe you could hold on a bit longer.

"It's strange, isn't it? All the lights?"

He had spoken.

You shook your head slightly.

He took a moment before going on. "Seoul is such a big and bustling city. It never seems to rest for a second, even at night.

"The stream of cars never ends, the lights are always on, there's always someone working at any time."

He sighed. "Why are they working so hard? What's so special about this city, about this world, that they have to sacrifice that much just to keep it going? They must be so tired."

You knew what he was really talking about.

Jungkook suddenly chuckled and shot you a sideways smile. "Sorry. Sad boy hours, you know?"

"No, you're right," you said softly. "It really is strange and kind of depressing to think about.

"But, you know, they could be working for something. If you have kids and this work will fill their stomachs, who wouldn't toil just to see their smiles? Or, if it's your damn passion and lifelong dream, you'd stay up on it, too, right?

"Yes, a part is just mindless labor, but not all. They could have a cause for their efforts, and to see it pay off would be worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tear."

You smiled slightly. "So don't worry about them, yeah? They're more capable than you'll ever know. Let them be."

He shrugged, but you could see the corner of his lips twitch. "Eh, I guess you're right. It'll all pay off in the end."

"W-well, I hope!" you said quickly. "Don't hold anything against me, now."

He laughed. "Too late! You said it, I'm holdin' onto it."

You groaned lightly. "I wish I could Obliviate you or something."

"Ha, a muggle like you has no power against me!"

The conversation was lighthearted after that. The two of you chatted quietly about everything and nothing while admiring the view, then, once the feeling in your fingertips started to fade, headed back into the car.

"Well, that was... nice. We really should go again, but when it's warmer, because my fingers feel like they're about to fall off." You shivered and rubbed your hands together.

"Really? Feels fine to me," said Jungkook as he watched you attempt to restore your circulation.

"Gosh. I'd forgotten you were one of those people, the kind who wear shorts and a tee in January," you said with a sigh.

"Mm, not really. Maybe I'm normal, and you're just irrationally heat-sensitive."

"Hey! It's windy and chilly and dark outside, what are you talking about?"

"May is supposed to be the 'nice weather' month in Seoul, what are you talking about?" He grinned cheekily.

You stopped. "It's May already?"

"Uh, yeah. The 3rd, I think. It's, like, on your lock screen."

"Wow. May," you breathed, the fact still not sinking in.

Jungkook suddenly piped up, "Hey, doesn't that mark, like, two months of you working for Big Hit? That's so cool!"

"Yeah." You couldn't believe it. That meant you were already a third of the way through your contract. It had all passed by so quickly.

"Ah... doesn't that also mean the Muster is in a month and a half?" Jungkook mused, mostly to himself.

"Oh, wow. It is," you said, raising an eyebrow. "Why isn't everybody panicking?"

"The real panic is reserved for the month before. So, soon. We're always in a state of semi-panic, though," he said, laughing lightly. "Maybe you've gotten used to it."

You laughed, but the realization of how precarious everything was lingered over your head like storm clouds heavy with rain.

Your job.

The group.

This moment.

Him.

All so, so fragile.

You were almost afraid to breathe, for fear of the balance shattering from the mere force of the stirring air.

But that wouldn't help anything, right? You would only suffocate, or eventually break and gasp for air, knocking everything over just because you tried too hard to not do just that.

You had to keep going. Keep on walking the edge of the blade and doing your best not to slip.

How would it feel to reach the end?

All blades come to a point. And you happened to know exactly where yours ended.

You wondered how it would feel to stand at the edge, peering out into the abyss beyond.

Would you be relieved? That the experience was over, and you were free to chase safer pursuits?

Or would you be sad that it ended? Maybe the thrill was the whole journey, and it was hard to let go.

You weren't completely sure.

But you had two-thirds of the blade left to make up your mind.

"Y/N, the beeping is getting on my nerves. Buckle up, pretty please."

You blinked slowly. "Sorry. Um... what was that?"

"I—ah. Here, let me get it for you."

And then he was reaching over you and his face was an inch away from yours and you remembered that you were in a cheesy fanfiction.

You bit the inside of your lip and stayed stone-still as he made all the motions to get your seatbelt on.

"There we go! Snug and secure," Jungkook said, pulling back to admire his handiwork.

You let out a breath. "Thank you for preventing me from becoming a projectile."

"No problem! Music?"

"Something upbeat, please."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. "'LaTe NiGht FeELs' not your thing?"

You shrugged. "I think I've had enough late-night feels for the time being."

He was quiet for a moment. Then, he clapped loudly. "All right! We can listen to 'Syrup,' the alternate universe version of one of our latest singles!"

"... what?"

"Just trust me on this one. You'll love it."

And you did. It was catchy, sweet, and lightened your spirits considerably. Although you didn't understand all of the English, it still brought a smile to your face.

Crazy what a little music can do, huh?

"Hey, was that sick or what?" Jungkook nearly hollered when the last notes faded.

"Pretty ill, indeed," you agreed.

He glanced sideways at you. You glanced sideways at him.

"You look tired," he said after a lot of glancing.

"I am tired," you responded.

He dramatically drew back in mock offense. "What? Was 'Syrup' that bad?"

You smiled. "No, of course not. It was fantastic."

"Then why in the world are you tired??"

You shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe because it's, like, 4 in the morning?"

"Hm. You have a point." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe we need to do something a little more exciting to wake you up."

"And... what do you have in mind?"

The windows slid down, and before you could react, the car was accelerating until the two of you were speeding down the bridge at an actually unholy speed.

You screamed as your hair blew into and around your face, but quickly composed yourself and calmly said, "OH MY GOD JEON JUNGKOOK FRICK STOP IT SLOW DOWN YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED OH MY GOD OH MY—"

Jungkook simply laughed and yelled over the wind, "Are you awake now?!"

"YES YES KOOK NOW PLEASE STOP FOR THE SAKE OF SWEET NAMJESUS CHRIST—"

"Chill, Y/N!" A horrifyingly wide grin lit up his face as he stepped harder on the pedal. "Ignore your thoughts of impending doom and enjoy the moment!"

"CHILL?! YOU'RE 40 OVER THE LIMIT AND THERE ARE OTHER CARS AND YOUR CAREER COULD BE RUINED AND HITTING WATER IS LIKE HITTING CONCRETE AND YOU WANT ME TO CHILL?!!"

"Of course!"

You gave up and covered your face, sure that any one of the 110604 disasters you'd thought of was going to happen any time now.

What you didn't expect, however, was the wind immediately dying down.

You heard Jungkook let out a long sigh and peeked through your fingers to see him leaning back in his seat and running a hand through his wind-tousled hair.

Which... was ridiculously attractive and did nothing for your pounding heart.

He caught you looking and shot you a flirtatious smirk. And a wink.

Haha, heart go boom boom.

It's just beating because of all the adrenaline from the speeding, Y/N. Nothing more, nothing less. Calm yourself.

That was a lie and you knew it.

So, to hide your blush, you kept your face hidden behind your hands and turned away from what you knew was a very dangerous situation.

Something poked your side.

"Aww. Is wittle baby Y/N-boo shy?" Jungkook teased behind you.

"Stop patronizing me," you grumbled.

"Oh, Cupcake, don't be like that." His smirk was practically audible. "Playing hard to get isn't gonna work with me."

You spun around and glared at him. "I'm not playing hard to get. You must be imagining things."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. "Really, now? Even under the yellow wash of the streetlights, I can see that your cheeks are... rosier than ever."

Inconveniently, the aforementioned cheeks flushed with a new wave of heat at this.

You took a breath. "Okay. Let's say that I am into you. What would happen? Hypothetically," you added after seeing the beginnings of another smirk.

He shrugged. "We become a couple, I guess? And do couple things, like make out and have—"

"That's not what I meant," you said quickly. "I mean, what would it cause? How would the other members react? And Big Hit dating rules? Your fanbase? Don't you see the impact that it could create?"

The car was dead silent for a few moments.

Then...

"Call me selfish, but I would still go for it."

Your eyebrows shot up. You hadn't expected that.

Jungkook half-smiled and shrugged again. "What's the point of it all if I'm being held back? This is my life. I'm doing whatever the hell I want, especially if it concerns something this important to me, and anybody who objects can buzz off."

"But... but you're Jeon Jungkook!" was all that you could come up with.

"Um, yes. That is correct."

You shook your head, still incredulous. "I don't think I understand. You'd be willing to give up all of your hard work for some shaky relationship? Your whole life has been leading up to this, Kook. Why would you throw that all away?"

Jungkook snickered. You glared at him. "I don't see what's so funny."

He smiled and pat your head like you were a small, naive child. "Aww. It's really not the end of the world, Cupcake. The only thing that's the end of the world is, y'know, the end of the world."

"But what about—"

"Hush." Jungkook stopped patting your head and his face suddenly turned serious. "I want to love, Y/N. I deserve to love. And you deserve to be loved. The people that refuse to accept that aren't even worth considering.

"I know I've worked hard to get to where I am now, and being in a public relationship might damage that a bit, but it's nothing, really. It's not like BTS will die because of this. The hyungs will understand. Big Hit will understand. ARMY will understand.

"I'll make it work. I promise."

You gazed into his eyes, which were practically shining with resolve.

And you believed him.

"Okay."

His eyes widened.

"But I'm not ready."

You knew that, if you were to rush into everything now, you would come out even worse than before. Your mindset was wrong, your heart wasn't into it, and either one of you would inevitably do something that would shatter you irreparably.

You were still too fragile.

But maybe, just maybe, that could change with time. You believed, now, that it could work out. It didn't seem like such a lost cause to you any longer.

Maybe it would be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.

But not now.

You smiled. "Let's leave this on 'To Be Continued,' shall we?"

Jungkook paused for a moment, then smiled back. His expression radiated nothing but hope.

"Okay. 'To Be Continued.'"

happy 20th chapter! 🎉

i'm so sorry this took sooo long, but know that this chapter marks a new era in the story! we're heading into something new here, folks. something better.

i hope you'll stay for the ride.

💜

https://youtu.be/98x-0YBfxfI