Gerard sighed in contentment as the hot water from the shower head rained down around his body, breathing in the steam that filled the air gratefully, because even though Gerard wasn't the cleanliest person in the world, he still enjoyed the feeling of washing the grime of the day off of him, and he had been neglecting simple tasks like this in favor of watching over Frank.

Frank had been insistent that Gerard take some time for himself though, complaining that he smelled, which - whatever, maybe he did, but spending time with Frank was much more important than showering, and Gerard would have been fine waiting until Frank fell asleep later tonight to clean himself, but he could tell that Frank wanted him to take care of himself as well, and even though Gerard didn't want to leave his side, he knew it would make Frank happy if he did, so Gerard had reluctantly agreed.

Reaching for the bottle of apple scented shampoo, Gerard squeezed a decent amount into the palm of his hand, massaging it into his long locks absentmindedly. His hair was almost past his shoulders now, and it was due a trim, but that was just another thing that Gerard was going to put off for now, because there was no way he was going to drag Frank out of the house just so he could get a haircut.

Gerard began considering doing it himself, it couldn't be too hard, but the thought of possibly fucking it up held him back, because even though Gerard wasn't vain, he really liked his hair, and he didn't want to walk around with uneven ends, even if he was the only one who would probably notice.

But all thoughts of do-it-yourself haircuts flew out of Gerard's head when a soft sound reached his ears over the falling water, and even though Gerard wasn't sure he had heard correctly, it sounded like Frank - it sounded like Frank calling for him, and even the possibility of that had Gerard hurriedly rinsing the last of the shampoo out of his hair, his hand shaking slightly as he turned the water off quickly, wrapping a towel around himself haphazardly before darting downstairs as rapidly as possible.

"Frank?" Gerard called out, slowing his pace once he reached the bottom step, because he didn't want Frank to know that he had literally sprinted down here to check up on him. Frank wouldn't take kindly to that, especially if he hadn't actually been calling out for Gerard's help.

A quick glance around the room showed it empty though, which was not what Gerard had been expecting. He had left Frank downstairs on the couch, and Frank shouldn't have been able to move very far - it wasn't impossible to think he had relocated, but it would have been difficult for Frank, which would explain the sound that had caused Gerard to end his shower prematurely.

Maybe Frank had tried to head into the bathroom, and Gerard had heard him knocking into something, maybe that was where he was now, and he would walk out any moment with a proud smile on his face because he had accomplished the task all by himself.

"Frankie...you okay?" Gerard asked one more time, straining his ears for any answer from his boyfriend, but when the house stayed silent, almost suspiciously so, Gerard felt his heart beat sped up in his chest and his palms began to grow damp with a nervous sweat.

And when Gerard took another step forward, revealing the entire living room to his searching gaze, Gerard found what he was looking for, but in the worst way possible, because there was Frank, lying on the hardwood floor in an awkward heap, his limbs sprawled around him at uncomfortable angles, his left cheek pressed against the ground, his eyes shut tightly, and his face lined with pain.

Gerard's vision flickered slightly, and for one moment, Gerard was back in the past, his mind transported to almost two months ago when he had first found Frank on the floor of his old room, in his old house, with plans of running away fresh in his mind, but his position was the same, unconscious on the floor, his breathing shallow and his face unnaturally pale.

"Sugar..." Gerard whimpered, his feet carrying him to Frank side without any conscious thought, his hand grabbing Frank's wrist lightly in hope of finding a pulse, which was there, if faintly, but Frank's heart was still beating, and now it was up to Gerard to make sure it stayed that way. "Please wake up love...please," Gerard cried, shaking Frank softly before gathering him into his arms, doing his best to muffle the sobs that were gathering in his throat.

Gerard was so fucking scared right now, because Frank hadn't truly passed out in ages; he had fallen, and been in immense pain, but it hadn't been bad enough lately for him to lose conscious, and Gerard was well aware of the fact that there was a very definite chance that Frank might not ever wake up.

This seemed different than Frank's past episodes, and even though Gerard wasn't sure why he was so convinced of that, because this wasn't the first time Gerard had found Frank in this position, and in some ways, he hoped it wasn't the last, something just seemed off, and even though it was probably only the fact that Gerard had no idea exactly what had happened, he couldn't shake the worry that was threatening to overwhelm him.

And even more potent than the terror that was currently flooding Gerard's veins was the fury burning inside of him, the pointless anger at himself for leaving Frank alone, because even though his presence would have done nothing to prevent Frank's state, Gerard had still abandoned him, and now Frank was hurt, and possibly dying, and Gerard had no idea how long he had been lying on the floor, all because of his stupid shower.

And even though Gerard knew he was being completely irrational, he couldn't help but feel like this was his fault, even though it wasn't, but still, Frank had been in pain, Frank had been alone, and now something was very wrong with him, and Gerard hadn't been there for him, and there was nothing he could do to stop the sudden rush of guilt from overwhelming him.

But feeling sorry for himself wasn't going to help anything, not Gerard, and not Frank, and Gerard had to act fast, especially because he was clueless about how much time had passed since Frank had collapsed, and every second counted in the race for his life.

So Gerard quickly picked Frank up off the floor, lying him on the couch gently before bolting back upstairs to throw on some clothes, because no matter how dire the emergency, Gerard doubted the hospital would be willing to help him if he showed up in nothing but a towel, and in less than a minute, Gerard was fully dressed, and even if his shirt was on inside out, it didn't matter, because he needed to get Frank to a doctor now, and at least he had something covering him.

When Gerard returned back downstairs, Frank hadn't moved at all, and even though Gerard had been hoping that he would be doing better after a few minutes, if anything, Frank looked worse; his breath was rattling in his chest, and beads of sweat stood out on his pale forehead, an occasional soft shudder wracking his body every now and again.

Not wanting to waste another second, Gerard scooped Frank up into his arms, rushing out the front door and into the car without bothering to lock the house up behind him, trying to ignore how light Frank felt, not to mention the fact that there was something terribly wrong with him.

The route to the hospital was becoming entirely too familiar to Gerard, and he was almost certain that he could make the trip with his eyes closed, and even though Gerard hated it, he had come to accept that he was going to spend a large majority of his time there as long as Frank was a part of his life, and Gerard was more than willing to stay in that dreaded place forever as long as it meant Frank was still with him.

"I love you baby, you are so strong, just hang on for a little bit longer," Gerard mumbled softly, because even though Frank couldn't hear him, Gerard didn't seem to be able to stop talking to him, and even Gerard wasn't sure if it was in the hopes that Frank would somehow absorb his words in his unconscious state, or simply to make Gerard feel better, but whatever the case, Gerard couldn't shut up.

Barely any time seemed to have passed before the hospital came into view, but at the same time, it had taken too long as well, and the fact that Frank still hadn't stirred had Gerard parking illegally near the front of the building, uncaring of the possibility of a ticket, because the only thing that mattered was getting Frank inside as quickly as he was able.

Carrying Frank in his arms, Gerard hurried through the automatic doors, where he was met once again by a frazzled looking nurse who took Frank from his hold, lying him down onto a plain stretcher before wheeling him off god knows where, and even though Gerard usually hung back in the waiting room, this time, Gerard felt compelled to follow her, only stopping when the nurse politely asked him to wait behind a door that led to a room which Gerard thought the MRI's were conducted behind.

No one came out to speak to Gerard for ages, and even though it felt like hours to Gerard, it could have only been ten minutes, he really had no idea. Time seemed oddly warped today, as if the concrete concept was crumbling around Gerard's head as Frank's condition deteriorated, because even though Gerard didn't know anything for sure, he had a gut feeling that something was horribly wrong this time around.

But even though Gerard ached to find out what was happening, and quite a few doctors passed within hearing range of his stationary position outside of the room which Frank had disappeared into, Gerard kept his mouth shut, because deep down, Gerard was convinced that the news wasn't good, and he didn't want to hear the fears that were crowding his mind voiced out loud, not yet anyway.

Finally, a familiar face appeared, and the doctor who had taken over Frank's care approached Gerard with a grim expression on his face. Gerard barely understood the words that were coming out of his mouth, they seemed to be in some sort of a foreign language or some shit, but Gerard managed to gather himself together enough to follow the aging doctor when he motioned for him to do so, letting the man lead him to another room, where Frank was once again ensconced within the white sheets of a hospital bed, needles connecting his arms to sinister looking machines that still gave Gerard the creeps.

"Mr. Way?" the doctor asked, and it was only then that Gerard realized that he was being addressed, all of his attention has been on Frank's still body until the doctor had interrupted him.

"Hmm?" Gerard grunted noncommittally, his body drifting to Frank's side like a magnet, his hand instantly reaching down to clasp Frank's with his own, and he almost gasped aloud at the clammy feeling of Frank's skin.

"Were you listening to what I said Mr. Way?" the doctor asked in a weary voice, and Gerard simply shook his head no, because even though he was pretty sure he understood the meaning behind the doctor's words, he hadn't absorbed any of them, and honestly, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Gerard sighed when the doctor stayed silent, his face carrying an expression of pity that Gerard absolutely detested.

"I - I was explaining that Frank's tumor has eroded away a blood vessel in his brain," the doctor began nervously, one of his wrinkled hands pushing his salt and pepper hair back from his face. "Frank is dying...he most likely will not regain consciousness before the end, but it will be painless and quick...I'm sorry."

Gerard had no response to that, none that he could utter without bursting into tears that is, because he had known this was coming, somehow he sensed that this time was different, and Frank wasn't going to pull through for once, but even though Gerard had been expecting this, that didn't mean it hurt any less, if anything, it hurt more, because Gerard hadn't been there, he hadn't stayed by Frank's side in his final conscious moments, he hadn't gotten to hear what might have been his last words, he hadn't been given the chance to see Frank's sparkling eyes one more time, and fuck - Gerard wasn't ready for this.

"Do you want some time alone with him?" the doctor spoke up timidly, and for some absurd reason, Gerard realized that he had never learned the man's name who had done so much for Frank, so he glanced up with tear clouded eyes, reading the plate which rested on his white jacket, identifying him as Dr. Jones.

"Yes...please," Gerard managed to choke out, his voice wobbling embarrassingly in the process, but Gerard didn't really give a shit right now, because Frank was dying, and if there was any time to cry, this was most definitely it.

Gerard assumed that Dr. Jones left, even though he didn't hear his response, or the door closing, Gerard wasn't really aware of anything that was happening in the world around him right now, because Frank was his entire world, and he was dying, fading away into nothing before Gerard's very eyes, and Gerard felt like he was disappearing along with him, everything that was occurring around him getting lost in the void that was life without Frank in it.

Gerard felt the need to say something, to give Frank one final goodbye before death took him away forever, but Gerard couldn't find any words to do Frank justice - fuck - he could barely even comprehend that any of this was happening, even though he had been preparing for this exact event for the past six weeks, but still, now that it was here, Gerard found himself in a state of shock. Everything felt so surreal, as if it was happening to someone else, some other person that just so happened to be inhabiting Gerard's body.

Still, this was the last time Gerard might ever get to speak with Frank, and maybe he could hear him wherever he was, in this suspended state between the living and the dead, so Gerard cleared his dry throat, taking a deep breath before attempting to form a coherent sentence.

"Frankie...I'm so sorry, and I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's all I can think of to say, because I am. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I'm sorry for all the pain you have been put through, I'm sorry for not always been there for you. You deserved so much better than me, but I'm so fucking glad you chose me. I still can't believe you actually love me sometimes, but you do, and I love you too, so fucking much, and just - fuck...I can't do this Frank, I'm not ready to be alone, but I know you can't stay with me forever, especially not like this. I don't like seeing you suffer, and even though this hurts like hell, I'm happy that you are going to a better place, and maybe one day, I'll meet you there, and everything will be perfect again...and -"

An ugly sob cut off Gerard's train of thought, the painful cry tearing its way out of his throat without his consent, and before he could stop himself, Gerard dissolved into a bout of tears, lying his head against Frank's barely moving chest gently as he shook with the force of his sorrow, his hand still clamped tightly in Frank's still one.

And even though Gerard knew he needed to pull himself together, and he should be calling Mikey, and Frank's mother, and letting them know that the end was near so they could come say their own goodbyes, Gerard just couldn't do it, he couldn't fucking move, hell - he could barely breathe, so talking on the phone was sort of out of the question at the moment.

And Frank took that option away from him in the next minute when a quivering gasp left his mouth, and for one second, Gerard thought that he was waking up, and Dr. Jones had been wrong somehow, but when Frank's eyes didn't open, and his body began trembling instead, Gerard realized that the exact opposite of what he was praying for was most likely happening.

And Gerard's fears were proven correct when Frank stilled suddenly, his muscles relaxing all at once as a soft breath escaped his lungs, and even though Gerard waited for ages for him to pull in more oxygen, he didn't, his chest no longer rose and fell, and it was only when the unbroken tone of Frank's heart monitor began assaulting Gerard's ears that he realized what had happened - Frank had died.

Well it happened, Frankie is gone. I actually wrote all of this when I was pretty drunk last night, but then Wattpad went down for a little bit, and I almost forgot about it until just now.

I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, I just couldn't seem to convey the emotions I wanted Gerard to feel quite right, but hopefully it came across okay to you guys.

This chapter is dedicated to HomeInTheClouds for not killing me, and also for reading and commenting on this story.

((((feelsy vibes))))

<3 starr