3-27-18
Strings on strings, that's what we're like. And I think I influence more than I attract, where as, I used to believe we all magnetically found each other. It's not a matter of universal pulls, it's more about the chalk of my existence rubbing off, leaving marks across you. Eraser spaces beneath graphite. I take take take, it's hard to keep giving.
I learned to trust your animal instincts, always beneath my nose, sniffing the danger for me first- white, clean, pure. It was a murky water you left me to wade in, for I realize now where the danger is, watching from below the surface, surface like glass, surface like Amazon. Trees hang like planets from my fingers, I believe in the spirits that keep me here, the spirits that swing off my edges and whisper truths, pull me in with mystery (make sense where I get it?), and I never intended to request your acceptance, far from a requirement, so I ask of you, your reasoning in flaunting disappointment. You became a substance, running wild, the way I always have, and my love, I set fire to the branches that keep me from the suns scorch, because comfortability is the worst thing I could swim in.
Fear of the slaughterhouse before I reach the depths of your knowledges. Such a human trait to wish for anything but oblivion.
My tongue has been dripping blood, while I ignore its references to our ending. Collateral damage is pretty, rose petals and knives, I've learned the aesthetics of what lies here. I've taught you the professions of the lies here.
I cut you off, my resources have been limited, and I'll admit it's taken all I have to relocate my mind. Garage concrete- 'where is my mind', I watch the rain hit the river, the sand melt. Traveling through myself left me, as a skill itself, while I, a useless carpenter of my own avenues. The ways of an empty, drained system, I lose touch. Reality slips, puddles of times past. Shut my eyes, eyes that have been sharpened like blades. Take me home, it is no longer a reason why, that you've moved on, it is no longer a reason why, that you've never wanted an animal from both sides of the light and dark. I send myself off, for what can one not do, after being left alone with the concept of relocation, of sanity, of self, of mind, of surroundings. If I could find my way back, the worlds weight could make me strong. I think I'm there.
⁃ (m.m)